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November 21, 2008


The blog mailbox got filled up, so if you sent anything in recently, we didn't get it. Judi will of course be fired. So we have nothing to post at the moment. We do, however, have this:

NEW-DOG TRAINING TIP: We have been trying to teach Lucy to stay away from the kitchen table while we're gone. All our dog-expert friends told us that the surefire method for doing this is to put pennies in a Coke can, then shake it when Lucy gets near the table, because dogs hate that sound. We did this, and Lucy definitely seemed very alarmed by the can. So we left the can on the table and went out, confident that we had found the secret to dog obedience.

When we got home, Lucy had destroyed the Coke can. Thanks, experts!

On the other hand, Lucy told us she is very sorry.


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You have to teach her to set the kitchen table while you're out!
Short of that, you may want to go the traditional crate training route.

And just look at those eyes. I'm sure Lucy could never destroy an innocent coke can.
It must have been a terrorist squirrel frame-up!

That's what you get when you have a black lab. A dog that chews up everything

What a great face! And she looks really sorry to me.

I just checked - the mail is still coming back.

Judi, you're fired!

I agree, Jeff. Lucy is hereby absolved from all past, present and future crimes...and that includes anything involving your "good carpet", Dave.

Nobody knows the trouble I've seen;
Nobody knows my sorrow.
Nobody knows the trouble I've seen;
Glory, Hallelujah!

Sometimes I'm on the table, sometimes I'm down;
Oh, yes, Lord.
Sometimes I'm almost to the groun',
Oh, yes, Lord.

Nobody knows the trouble I've seen;
Nobody knows my sorrow.
Nobody knows the trouble I've seen;
Glory, Hallelujah!

I wish that I could find a way;
Oh, yes, Lord,
To lie on that table just one long, rainy day;
Oh, yes, Lord.

Nobody knows the trouble I've seen;
Nobody knows my sorrow.
Nobody knows the trouble I've seen;
Glory, Hallelujah!

Hey Dave and Judi,

You should add a "Lucy" category tag. And she's SO cute -- I'm sure the Coke can provoked her.

Yup...Got the message:

This is an automatically generated Delivery Status Notification.

Delivery to the following recipients failed.


To clarify: I agree with your 9:17 post, Jeff, not the one where Judi gets fired again. (Besides, only Dave can fire Judi, although I think it's secretly the other way around.)

She looks very intelligent. Very guilty, but very intelligent.

Jeff, now I'm confused. You say your mail came back, so I'm guessing that's because the mailbox is full. But none of the posts I sent in around 8 this morning came back to me, so wouldn't that mean they got through? So there must be something there ... ??

Clearly I have no clue about how the Gods of the Herald Mailbox work their wondrous ways...

Dog mentality: If nobody is there to stop me, it must be OK.

How to break this: scare the crap out of the dog when she gets next to the table, but do it in a way that she can't associate YOU with the scare. Pay no attention as you're washing the dishes and the dog gets close to the table. Carefully locate a plastic cup or unbreakable plate, and toss it to crash on the floor next to the dog. Don't say a word, and don't let her know you threw it! Two or three times, and that's all it takes.

Oh, and leave a plate with a layer of Dave's Insanity Sauce on the table...works pretty well, too.


Your so-called "dog expert" "friends" forgot to tell you that after you shake the penny can (shake shake, shake shake shake that) and put it on the table, you then need to staple your dog to the carpet.

Before everybody gets all up in a tizzy, yes, I know that this could possibly cause the stapler to jam.

Awwwwwwwwwwww! I think Lucy's showing you who's going to be boss. I'd be afraid of what she just bought with all those pennies. Dogs speak English, I just know it.

Lucy didn't do it. It goes further than that, way further - the squirrels did it. This story has all the paw marks of squirrel mischief.

As I've said before, there is no problem that high explosives patience will not solve.

Clearly I have no clue about how the Gods of the Herald Mailbox work their wondrous ways...

Posted by: Steve Haller | 09:29 AM on November 21, 2008

Clearly you broke it, Steve

(btw, is anyone else having problems signing IN to TypePoop??)

oh yeah...

awwwwwwwwww Lucy is clearly innocent! Look at those puppy eyes.

(I too, have a black lab mix and he still likes to chew stuff). Good luck.


I emailed you $25 billion, figuring that if anyone knew how to fix the auto industry, they would also know how to hack into your inbox for the money.

I hope that didn't contribute to your email problems, and also that you didn't spend all of it on beer already.

sorry to tell you this dave but you're going to have to get a crate. that's what i had to do with the big stinky dog. here's how the training works: whenever you leave the house or when lucy is otherwise unsupervised you must always, this is very important, you must be consistant, always put anything you don't want lucy to get into or onto in the crate and lock it. i hope your table breaksdown easily. good luck!

I've always been in favor of the "lecture technique" of dog training. It goes something like this: After said dog has committed said transgression, you immediately (immediately is very important) sit down next to said dog and thoroughly discuss said trangression. Use your finger to point at said damage from said trangression, speak in firm but calm tones. After about five minutes this, said dog will suddenly scream, "YES, I GET IT. JUST STOP ALREADY." Repeat said proceedure until said problem ceases to reoccur.

cg, does that also work when you don't want the dog to get to the children?

And of course when someone tells a dog story, you are required by law to try to top it.

My two Border collies are smart enough to a) be devious, and b) work as a team.

We kept finding trash (tasty trash of course) torn up on the floor in the morning, usually stashed in an out of the way corner. The trash can is a tall one, that is kept inside a cabinet under the sink, and it was always right where it should be in the morning.

One night my wife caught them - they had nosed the cabinet open and one was holding the can tipped at an angle while the other was selecting the interesting items and placing them on the floor.

By the look on in her eyes, I can clearly tell that Lucy has jammed the Herald mailbox.

Train Lucy to handle the incoming blog mail. She'll be too busy to get into the stuff on the counter, and the mailbox won't constantly be full.

The Dave's Insanity Sauce strike me as a good idea too, although I prefer Endorphin Rush...

Oops, the table. I meant the table. It's my Golden Retrievers that get into the stuff on the kitchen counter.

why yes it does, siouxie. that would be the only reason why i'd crate the children. couldn't possibly have anything to do with keeping the little vermin darlings out of stuff. works for boyfriends too. you know, like when you don't want the dog bothering them.

*doublesnork* @ C'bol

Dave, I'm not entirely sure that Lucy's expression says, "I'm sorry." I'm seeing something more along the lines of: "Just you wait til I'm bigger, at which point I will eat you and your table and Walter and all your Coke cans are belong to me."

*staples C'bol to the blog (not The Blog)*

ahh...thought so, cg. Although with CJ, you're gonna need a bigger crate.

Following Pogo's First Law of Dog Story Escalation, I am obliged at this point to turn myself in to the authorities, as I have never owned a dog, unless you count my one-time ownership of a print of the dogs playing poker masterpiece.

With luck, I will receive a lighter sentence than Michael Vick.

Reminds me of a line from the movie the Jerk, "[She] hates these cans! Stay away from the cans!"

if people would stop sending in movies (7MB) and photos (2MB each!) the world would be a better place. come on, folks, it's 2008. learn to use a photo-compression program. NOBODY wants your multi-megabyte photos, trust me on this, unless you just had a baby, and you're sending the photos to the father in prison. HE might want them that size. nobody else.

rut roh


Lucy did it.


sorry, i had to say it!

well, i didn't HAVE to, but i'm in a bad mood, so i did. i'm fired anyway, so ha.

is very thankful that she does not know how to send movies or photos no matter what size.


Since you're fired, take the rest of the day off and enjoy our gorgeous South Florida fall weather.

We all know Jeff did it how hard you work to keep the blog email flowing smoothly.


You know how much we love you, right?

yep, it was definitely Jeff it could have been anybody

was it this coke can?

*sends judi a 12MB hug*

jeffy plugged up the terlet blog AGAIN?!? Someone get that man some fiber!

We're gonna need a bigger plunger.

What is this photo compression program you speak of?

Steve - you know how when you go in the pool, and it shrinks?
Like that.

We've found that the best training aid for both my german shepherd and our cats is one of those motion-activated sprinklers, placed strategically near the area you do not want them in. However, all of our pets live outside, so I don't know how well that would work for you in the kitchen.

Dave, I don't think you're supposed to use a Coke can. You're supposed to use Sprite.

Is this good, judi?

Dave, the theory is sound...you merely need a way to put it into practice when you are not in the house...when we needed to train our dogs to stay away from the kitchen counters, we used "snappy trainers." basically they look like big mouse-traps with a paddle on the end, so when the dog jumps on the counter and triggers it, it jumps back, startling the dog and discouraging her from jumping up on whatever surface. you can see it in action here: http://www.snappytrainer.com/

good luck!

memo: when sending photos to judi, leave one leg off the spider ! (you save bytes that way)

Lucy's collar is fab! I want one for my Tribble.

Lucy definitely seemed very alarmed by the can.

How does she feel about Mentos*?

On the other hand, Lucy told us she is very sorry.

Thanksgiving approaches. Dave, will Lucy be getting an emergency backup Zippy for assistance in feeling guilty?

*Excessive consumption of Mentos Sugarfree products may cause laxative effect.

Oh, and Turkey Orifice!

Yes, Guin, a collar. That's the trouble with Tribbles.

I personally have not broken the blog since October 18th. I'm still feeling guilty about that.

As for training Lucy, too late.

Ha, ha, just kidding. She can still be trained. Maybe. The Coke can is correct, except it is not supposed to be shaken. That just makes it a loud, odd rattle to her, and you simply look crazy from her point of view.

Like Olo said above, the Coke can of pennies is supposed to appear out of nowhere and immediately and sharply hit the floor right next to her when she touches something she's not supposed to. You're not throwing it in her direction, God is. (You have to develop a good Catholic conscience in her, Dave.)

This, of course, requires you to be wearing either 1: the Harry Potter Invisibility Cloak, or 2: a Sternabite brand iPhone. (Almost done reading Science Fair. Yes, I bought it at the October 15th Naperville Strumpfest, but I read slowly.)

Has anyone looked closely at her collar?

A 'Canes tag will push any critter over the edge. Someone should call the SPCA.

DwV - my Tribble is a Corgi. ;)

I tried that pennies-in-a-Coke®-can method on my dog, whose favorite target was the kitchen trash can (one of those tall jobs with a foot pedal-operated lid). I cleverly set the Coke® can on top of the trash can and went out. When I returned, I saw that Roscoe had destroyed the trash can. I'll never know where he learned to use an acetylene torch.

Forget the experts, ask Roy Blount, Jr. He once advised that the best way to dissuade a dog from begging at your dinner table was to toss it a raw oyster for it to catch mid-air. The dog would swallow it before realizing it tasted weird and felt even weirder.

Oh, and awwwwwwww.

Water gun. Plus it's fun. Every morning, one of my dogs did a 'Good-Morrrrning-I'm-so-happy-you're-up-feed-me-dammit' barkathon.
Water gun.

Roy Blount Jr. had similar advice regarding getting rid of a wife.


Annie - works great on children also.

Dave - 'Canes???
Do you really hate your alma mater that much that you can't get Lucy a fuzzy friend to keep her out of trouble?

Picture yourself in a house near Miami,
With jangling Coke cans they know you despise.
Somebody calls you, you hang your head lowly,
A lab with sad “forgive me” eyes.

Hello? Dave glowers and bellows and screams
Showering scorn on your head.
Look for the can with the pennies inside,
And it's gone.

Lucy’s gonna cry ‘til Dave bends,
Lucy’s gonna cry ‘til Dave bends,
Lucy’s gonna cry ‘til Dave bends,
Ah... Ah...


My two cents worth.

First. ACK! Say this loudly every time she approaches the table. Be consistent. Praise her when she listens. Dogs hate the word ACK! I think it has something to do with Bill the Cat.

Second. Lab (/Great Dane mixes--ha!) love to please their owners. Except when said owners are say not immediately present. Then they are like "hey--there is that nasty noisy coke can that was bothering me earlier. I should kill it." Intro the Skat Mat. A small battery charged mat that works wonders. I little static shock reminds them that paws do not belong on the counter, table, or depending on how much Lucy continues to grow, the top of the refrigerator. And I'm in total agreement with the snappy trainer. I had one in the top of our trash in the can for awhile to train one dog--until I forgot about it and accidentally threw it away.

Third. There is no third.

Fourth. A book. Secrets to a well behaved dog. It's worth $20 bucks to learn what doggie language your dog is speaking. If all else fails, you can beat the dog with it. (kidding!)

And I agree, Lucy needs her own header. I think we are going to have lots of fun stories about her in the coming years.

Also, this time around I am not responsible for breaking the blog. That is all.

um, can you lock her out of the kitchen? how about a nice crate for when you arent home?? letting a lab roam loose in the house --- oooh, they love to eat remotes.

And ficus trees... just sayin'.

I'm pretty sure its a penis in a Coke can.

Dave, you're just gonna have to take Lucy with you everywhere you go.

easy solution - never EVER go out again. lucy stays off the table, and there is no problem.

# 69

That. is. all.

You're supposed to say " Redrum, redrum ! " in a very low voice while you shake the can.

Siouxie Creamcheese, oh baby now, what's got into ya?

Sorry, I screwed my link up there. NTTAWWT. But, again I ask, How does she feel about Mentos?

Gwin: my Tribble is a Corgi. ;)

That's too bad. Err, great!. Ummm ... confused now.

My Tribble is a Corgi. =
My blob is geriatric.
My Corbie is Batgirl.
My cribbage is Tirol.
My biblioteca is Grr!
My bat is corrigible.
My logic is rabbit-er.
My gobbler is iatric.
My gribble is aortic.
My lobbier is tragic.
Mi logica es inegable, "I try BRB!"

Ackkk! Sorry, I've been posting whilst asleep!

Gwin Gwin Gwin Guin!

dwv - I'm surprised that you haven't weighed in at the dances-with-scientists thread (actually titled Soon To Be A Major Motion Picture), above. Right up your alley (as it were), I would have thought.

Meanie, thanks for the notice. I haven't gotten that far yet, but I'll have to check it out.

Walter did it.

I don't think that's a "sorry" look. I think that's a mob hitman look. "I'm not sorry I did it, I'll do it again. And there's nuttin' youse candoaboutit."

What an adorable puppy!
Of COURSE she ate the coke can...
Coke is addicting, as everyone now knows.

I suggest sending her into rehab...

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