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September 01, 2008

SURGING JUGGERNAUT OF BEER HOPE AND CHANGE UPDATE

I figured that, while nobody was paying attention, I would sneak out onto the convention floor and nominate myself.

Nominate

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You got Baltar's vote first!

Mr. Chairman, the great state of Florida, land of hanging chads, alligators in the streets, and blue light specials on driver's licenses for the whole family, is proud to place into nomination for the office of President -- yes, of the United States -- is the honorable Dave Barry...

As a citizen fo the Great and Weird State of Florida, I second the nomination!

Dave in a sportcoat? OMGWTFBBQ. They must have banned anything blue from the state of Minnisnowsalot.

Dave's on the convention floor again. Quick, somebody prop him up and hand him another beer.

Rumor has it the convention hall will be used as emergency housing for anyone working at a McCain household in the path of Gustav. However they're not sure if they'll all fit. Still tabulating the mansion-count. Guess they gotta take off their Gucci loafers to do that.

Yes I'm amped. Switching to decaf now.

Is the Florida delegation so dangerous that they must surround them with Caution Tape?

And, as PROOF it's the Florida delegation area, there's yellow caution tape all around the chairs. How very appropriate!

Can I third the nomination??

YAY! Dave's taking over!

Yes, JEC.

black german greed canada all yahoo are australia german

Dave is speaking. Is there anybody listening?? Does it matter?

JEC, we can't confirm or deny any death threats to other candidates at this time. I'd stay away from that tape JUST in case.

Annie?? Good news! I believe there are no McMansions in Gustav's path.

The California delegation votes for Dave.

OT

THIS JUST IN! GERALDO RIVERA HAS BEEN SWEPT TO SEA AFTER STANDING ON TOP OF THE 9TH WARD LEVEE. MIRACULOUSLY, HE IS STILL REPORTING.

/OT

Please resume political breaking news as it breaks.

Well thank goodness for that, Siouxie.

Hyper-snork at AWBH with a quick to follow second to Steve.

siouxie, i just saw that. WHAT A MORON.

and dubya isnt going to new orleans so he can stay 'out of the way' of 'recovery efforts'.... yeah. he's in the safety of Austin, and will head for his 'ranch'. has anyone ever wondered what he produces at his ranch??? when dave is president, this sort of nonsense will not be tolerated. at least not without lots of beer.

Usually, somebody else rises to nominate the candidate.

/Maybe you could get Walter to do it.

Siouxie, Geraldo wasn't kite-flying, was he?

LOL I figured someone else would have seen that, judi. Sheesh. He's telling his poor cameraman to get CLOSER to the levee as you see the tons of water flapping over. I was waiting for a ZAAAAAAP!!!

Nah, Steve. Some other moron already did that. He needs to be unique in his stupidity. And I LIKE Geraldo for the most part but geez. STOOOPID!

Oh, please, please, is there a video link to Geraldo? I MUST see it!

If you stand next to Geraldo and listen carefully, you can hear the ocean in his ear. Just like a seashell.

You can always count on good old Gerry Rivers. What a maroon! What an embezzle!

Gerry Rivers, indeed. My good friend was in the same class at law school with Gerry, who did NOT want it known that he was in fact, Geraldo.

Every time I watch GR, I feel like someone's dangling his paycheck out in front of him, just offcamera, like a carrot.

Dave, if you're not officially on the Arizona Ballot by the time we get to vote, I'm writing you in! I'm convinced that you're the only one who can turn this country around and give us change.

Guin, I'm thinkin' that was a smart move on his part...

Let's start with changing that carpet. It's burning my retinas AND my screen. I believe that freshening one's drink is also considered change.

Best idea yet, Annie, can I pour you one?

Dave, have caution! Dangerous chair alert to your left!

Interesting that the Floridians sit in a peninsular seating arrangement. Although now that I have another drink look at it again, it resembles more of a dangling chad.

I note that the cardboard sign says "Please Do," so carry on....

I also note that the carpet is the same color as Hillary's pantsuit.

You're right, CJ. McCain's pantsuits are a tad more ochre.

Dave, I need that 57 Maytag manual. Grab one for me. That is the model I was conceived on and I still have it but it needs a tuneup. You know who this is. My name is an anagram for Mush Capstan.

Ule,

" Your name is Spat Cushman?" NTTAWWT...

Dave must be up to something. The secret service guy behind him is calling it in.

Sorry Dave, you don't have enough experience.

:D

Dave, is that a shadow, or did you wet yourself in the excitement of nominating yourself?

I guess it Depends...

Mr. Chairman, the great state of Texas, land where the retarded are executed, where republicans run wild and spread disease, home of indicted Tom Delay, home of soon to be indicted, the unbelievably bad president George W. Bush, is proud to place into nomination for the office of President, the honorable Dave Barry. Wooooooooooo !!!!!

Had I known that the Rules Committee was relaxing the, um, rules, I would have joined Dave on the floor for some speechifying.

Congratulations, Mr. Nominee. I'm sure you'll do a fine job.

P.S. The Friars Club called -- they want their blazer back.

AWESOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME

Barry for prez! Finally, a candidate who isn't a total dweeb!

I'm voting for Dave! Who's the running mate?

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