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September 23, 2008


Tomorrow, The Blog will do an honest day's work for the first time in his life be bagging groceries for a good cause. We would love to witness this, but we have to work. So we'll pay good money offer bumper stickers and/or other cheesy junk from the office prizes for photos of The Blog bagging your groceries.  

Wednesday, September 24th, 2008, Whole Foods Market Coral Gables (6701 Red Road) will donate 5% of the day’s sales to America SCORES Miami, a youth development organization whose mission is to empower students in urban communities using soccer, writing, creative expression and service learning. With teamwork as the unifying value, they inspire youth to lead healthy lifestyles, be engaged students and become agents of change in their communities. Syndicated columnist and America SCORES Miami supporter Dave Barry and North Miami Mayor Kevin Burns will kick off the event at 2 p.m.

Disclaimer: We are not responsible for any broken or mashed food products.


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"Agents of change in their communities" ?

Is that anything like "community organizers" ??

Just remember Dave: Paper or plastic?

That's pretty much all you gotta know....

Good on ya, Dave. Remember, bread on the bottom.

What have you got to put my ice cream in so that it will not melt on the way home? Plastic wont cut it. Will 18 - 20 layers of paper be enough insulation?

dont put detergent in with veggies.
and dont make the bags too heavy. lil ole peoples cant lift that...

dont put detergent in with veggies.

But insecticides and rat poison are okay.

Hmmm..judi?? let's talk! I happen to work VERY close to that establishment and have been there a few times. How long will they be there? I may just have to do some shopping... buahahahaha!!

If you put the bread on the bottom, then the eggs, you should be able to shove 16-20 cans into each bag. Don't be shy about forcing them in there.

And never EVER "double-bag". Save some trees.

"...empower students in urban communities using soccer, writing, creative expression and service learning."

I find that a somewhat odd combination of tools. I don't know if I would ever have put soccer in with writing, creative expression, and service learning. And speaking of which, what exactly is service learning?

And I think it is worth mentioning that Agents of Change wbagnfarb.

Can those of us outisde of the Miami area hire Judi or a Miami area bloggette to buy groceries on our behalf? It's a long way to drive from Canada for a quart of milk.

Dave, people love to find little presents from the store in their grocery bags. Snakes, spiders, boogers, squirrels, squids, frogs, hogs, etc are always appreciated!

cats too...

judi, will the Blog be carrying out the groceries to our car and if so, do we have to tip him??

America scores Miami kinda sounds naughty.

*starts grocery list*

Box-0-Wine for ME
sourMilk for Al
MrsBacon for Hammie
Ice cream soup for Chris
Rat poison for fivver
Extra clean veggies for queenie
Squished bread for Layzee

Anyone else??

I sense a new column arising from this. And yes, I will have to photoshop Dave into my photo op.

Dave, people love it when, to get a grip on those slippy plastic bags, you lick your fingers first, then handle their groceries.

Maybe it'll rain and they'll put him on cart duty in the parking lot.

Siouxie, please add batteries to your list.

i don't think whole foods even HAS those plastic bags, annie. though i could of course be wrong. afaik, they have great strong paper ones, with handles, and lots of green bags to purchase.

I will take some Lambrusco and Haagen Daz!

judi, I've only gone there to buy salads after working out and they have these cardboard containers for all their food products. I don't remember seeing plastic.

Annie, no such luck. That place has a HUGE indoor parking lot just for them. AND an elevator/escalator to get there and back. He ain't gonna be sweatin' iykwim.

*adds Marg's goodies to list*

Siouxie, please add smashed pre-scrambled eggs to the list.

Here's Coast Guard video of my brother's friend and her dog being rescued from Ike. The round thing is/was an above ground pool.
end ot/

As a former convenience store clerk, I don't suggest that you try to bag the eggs separately at a distance using your fellow clerk as backboard.

At least not while your fellow clerk is looking.

Flour bags have many underappreciated uses.

Wowsa, fivver. She's damn lucky to be alive. YAY to the CG!

Does anyone have a trebuchet that Dave can borrow to help deliver the gallon jugs of milk to customer's cars in the parking lot?

I can't get mine down there in time.

*adds inner tube for fivver's brother's friend to Siouxie's grocery list*

um, probably add teepee. the good kind.
and i only like rat poison on my green leafies... the other veggies, notso much.

I don't think B&J's Phish Food™ would end up as soup. Probably more like stew if the bag boy can't package it to survive the trip.

(Hey Ben, are you kidding?!!? Servings per container = product>1, not 4!)

If anyone wants to take pictures of me scoring, I can offer better prizes premium eye bleach.

*stoopid mangled HTML tags...*

Servings per container = 1

Does Whole Foods carry non-fat rat poison?

Sioux, I need a 50 pound bag of BabyChow®, Cletus is growing fast.

Is anyone else worried that Dave might really like his apron and that amazing salad bar, and... and... what if he decides that grocery bagging in Coral Gables is the perfect retirement job?

What will become of our judi? She'll have to fire herself!

Hm. Whole Foods doesn't carry Cheez-Its™. We might be safe.


*is already jealous of all who will get to go home and say: "Dave Barry bagged my groceries!"*

A potato gun could come in handy for quickly delivering groceries to the car. No need to roll down the windows.

*adding to the list as requested*

Anyone need tampons??? I'd LOVE to see Dave's face trying to bag those.


Wife: Honey, guess what! Dave Barry bagged my groceries today!

Husband: S!ut.

I'd love to hear Dave's color-commentary on what people buy - "Whooooa, look at the fat content on this. It should come with a coupon for an angioplasty."

I'd have him sign my box of Cheezits. Or roll of 3-ply.

Wow, fivver, it took them all of three minutes and twenty seven seconds to rescue her and the dog and haul the rescuer into the helicopter too!

Sio, I recommend you get 14 turkeys, 4 leaky packs of chicken, and a dsiplay of patio furniture.

Could we hack the store's music system and put on an endless loop of "Mandy"?

Wow, fiv; great idea and great video.

Meanwhile after watching that video and many others, I would interject some advice if you're ever in a situation like that. This is 20 year old advice, so the problem may have been fixed in the newest, best helicopters, butt we were always trained to allow the cable/basket/rescue diver to touch the "ground" first, before touching them. There's apparently a huge static electrical build-up during the lowering of the cable; enough to seriously zap!

Probably still good advice CJ. I know whenever an aircraft is refueled, the first thing they do is attach a wire between the plane and the fuel truck to ground them together. Electrical sparks and fuel vapors can ruin your whole day.

Clean up on Aisle 7! Oh, Daaave!

judi is soooo fired.

Gentlemen of the blog: You may want to revisit the naked rollerblader thread. You're welcome.

fivver -- CG video -- wow.

Can't I jsut steal someone else's groceries for Dave to bag?

Get bagged by Dave Barry or judi gets sacked.

in case anyone cares, i just put up a few new columns of Dave's on the Miscellaneous columns page. They're about Alaska. www.davebarry.com/misccol/misccol.htm i think. maybe there's an l on the end.

If you tip Dave...you gotta help him back up. Dave tipping, cow tipping, coincidence?

My List:

~Margarita mix
~Batteries - 9 volt & D.
~Rubber Gloves
~Canola Oil

I'll have what Punkin's having. Can we order online and have Dave deliver?

Siouxie, after Dave bags these, stop, remove it from the bag, act all indignant and say, "Excuuuuuse me?!? Do you think you're funnny, young man? I did NOT purchase this! Cashier, please call the manager. This is outrageous!"

Ya know, just to break up his day.

I'll take those, Cat! Prefereably along with a guy who'll fit 'em.

Siouxie, you totally have to get a jumbo sized bag of super-absorbent feminine protection products, mess with the bar code so it won't scan properly, and then Dave will have to toddle through the aisles with this polyglot of maxi-pads under his arm while they get on the intercom-- "DAVE! YOU GOT THE PRICE CHECK ON THOSE TAMPONS YET! ! !"

I'd just buy beer all day...Dave could touch it, but he couldn't drink it...bwahaha...

Martini, that is brilliant; my hat is off to you!

Preferably, the PA breaks into "Mandy".

Too bad they don't have blow up dolls or BOBs at Whole Foods *EG*

Sharkie, I already thought of that one ....HAH!

Siouxie, we have Jewel/Osco here in Chicagoland -- the Anderson family of stores.

There's a big sign next to every checker's register: "B.O.B.", with a checkmark next to it.

It means "check bottom of basket".

Ever since I started frequenting this blog, my warped mind makes me laugh when I see the B.O.B. sign.

Oh, and since it's Whole Foods, I guess you'll have to switch the brand I posted above to this instead.

Well, I normally can't afford to shop at "Whole Paycheck Foods," but as this is a good cause, if I was were lived in the neighborhood, I would have on this occasion.

LOL Cat. Wonder why ;-P

Organic condoms...hmmm?? heh...isn't that sorta redundant?

Why is it that the vanilla flavored condoms are half the size of the black licorice condoms?

Sharkie...you know what they say...once you to licorice...you never go back. Annie told me.

*SNORKS* Siouxie!!! (Of course, I ALWAYS SNORK Siouxie, 'ya know, 'cause of that machete thing... BUT REALLY SIO, I AM SNORKING...!!!)

And speaking of which, what exactly is service learning?

It's the latest education-speak term for "Community Service." There are many good reasons for why "Community Service" is offensive and/or discriminatory and/or inadequate....So there!

Whoa, outta control italics!!

Thanks, frodo. I won't hurt you. for now. ;-P

and...# 69

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