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August 26, 2008


Magnetic Cows

(Thanks to Guin, Baron vonKlyff, and Jeff Meyerson, who points out this WBAGNFARB)


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Cows have more inbred talent than the typical Obama supporter. Instinctively speaking.

To demonstrate conclusively that cattle have a magnetic sense, some kind of experimental manipulation will eventually be needed.


if you ever get lost and need to find north, locate a cow because they reportedly align themselves with Earth's north-south magnetic fields when grazing or resting.

I can just see some drunk wandering in a field trying to remember which end of the cow is north.

I think that The North Pointing Cows opened for Udder Stupidity last month.

I must have read right over the point in this story.

Have they discovered a flaw that makes the compass obsolete??

which side of the cow does the moss grow on?

if anyone needs me, i'll be installing a cow on the dashboard of cj's truck.

Excellent! I love a good experimental manipulation. Let's get with creating the Zombie Cows of Doom.

And of course, Elon, "Zombie Cows of Doom" wbagnfarb!

"....say researchers who studied satellite photos of thousands of cows around the world."

I have a problem with that phrase.... I don't know why :)

In my experience, when the weather is cold, cows usually face downwind. So, you can use your cow as a weather vane. If you already know which way the wind is blowing, you can figure out which way is north by looking at the cow.

"Don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows." You need a cow.

Fetchez la vache magnétique!

*From the Updated Boy Scout Manual (2008)*

How to make a compass:

1: Get a bowl of water
2: Gently place a cow in the water so that it floats. Piercing a small piece of cork with it is helpful.

After a few minutes, the cow should align itself with Magnetic north.

So if I align my grill correctly, the steaks will turn themselves?

I for one welcome our new bovine overlords.

Cows also have an instinct to protect the herd. When they lay down, most of the herd faces in one direction, but there's always one or two which face the opposite way. That is the sum of my bovine knowledge.

Just gimme a damn steak and forget this compass nonsense.

I wonder how man billions did it take to figure this helpful bit of news??

The one bit of advise would be NOT to stand downwind from the cows. (IYKWIM)

*hands Siouxie medium rare porterhouse*

*fills out grant application to investigate if, when dropped, will cows land on their feet hooves*

That makes sense. Every time I wear my suede jacket, I have an urge to head north.

yumm! thanks, fivver! I'll make sure it faces north on my plate.

The poor beasts need to know North and South because in the Southern hemisphere they fart to the North and in the Northern hemisphere they fart to the South. Also, when you herd them they'll run in a clockwise direction north of the Equator and counter-clockwise in the south.

*WAVES @ Mot!!*

LTNS! how's it going??

"....say researchers who studied satellite photos of thousands of cows around the world."
So they studied Moogle Earth?

I bet they also fart in your general southerly direction.

i don't mind
scientists taking shots of my herd
that's fine
though the results seem to be absurd
and i know though it fits
it's still total b*llsh*t
they can't still seem to find
why the cows are aligned!

So, we now have feng shui cattle.

Poor cows, they just don't get enough respect these days...

"Awwwrignt! It's time for the Invasion of Earth!"


"OK, let's go over it one more time! How do we find our landing areas?"

"Crop circles, SIR!"

"And if that doesn't work?"

"Cow alignment, SIR!"

"OK, then! Go out there and bring back Earth Women!"


Uh, Sir, how do we tell the earth women from the cows, again?

Does it work for pigs(kin), too? Because in football they yell "Run north and south, dummy!"

Oldmanatee, we've already had tai chi cattle if you'll recall...

*WAVES @ Hammie!!!*

Earth women have two, cows have four.

Legs, Stupid.

They have to face/mooove the same direction so they don't bump into each other while they're grazing. Sheesh. Sometimes earth people are soooo ignant.

*Waves @ Siouxie!!!*

*snork* @ bali...*Waves @ Hammie*

They would find the same effect when studing herds of political convention attendees. I betcha.

LOL bali!


Eeew, Siouxie, stop that!
*cow paddy wagon @ Siouxie*

MOrnin, Annie and Siouxie! Nice waves!

annie , although i know nothing about cows beyond their general tastiness, could it also be that they're not aligned east/west 'cause they don't want the sun in their eyes?

i volunteer to send a herd of cattle to the north magnetic pole, if they form a circle shortly before freezing to death and confusing the hell out of the inuit, we'll have confirmation!

My wallet always seems to go south.

whoops, meant to wave my cow paddy wagon @ Siouxie. I blame the bot.

Grass follows the sun, growing east to west. Cows graze facing north in order to cut the shaft of the grass more efficiently. You know how when you cut meat, it's easier to cut along the grain? Like that.

Or I could just be making all this up.

Wow, Annie, you had me thinking "Damn, that's smart!"all the way to the end. And I still kinda think it is. Kinda.

bali - I have no idea, except that I'm applying for a Federal grant to stare at cows. Or maybe enter politics. Or both.

*smooch* Annie & bali!

Annie, you is sooooo esmart.

insom, at least the meat won't spoil by the time the BBQ's fired up.

Annie, maybe we can get a joint grant to study the effects of cow tipping?

heheheh...Siouxie said 'joint'!

Siouxie, cow tipping is a felony. We might get arrested by these guys.

How now, brown bovine ?

I think some preliminary data may beef up your grant

...and lo, the Prophet spoke in Bull to the assmbled Cows..."The Moosiah will come! Ye shall SEE! Ye shall BELIEVE! He will come wearing no Bell... no Tag shall be upon his ear... and he will come from the North to free us ALL!

Annie, darn. I may even have to let them strip search me.

*smooochies* jazzzzie!

The polarity inference of the bovine magnetical tendencies has a very practical application in the field of hydrodynamics: The directional alignment at the time of lactative extraction determines which way you have to stir your chocolate milk.

how UDDERLY depressing to see the first post be a stupid political slam that has nothing whatsoever to do with the topic. thanks, the rest of y'all, for turning the tide to funny ;)

judi, no one really pays much attention to rascal anyways. He's from anudder galaxy ;-)

Sharkie, nice load of bull ;-P

I do know how to fling it...

anudder galaxy?

So your saying my Dad had it wrong all those years when he called me the south end of a horse facing north?!?

Bovine distribution, cattle start to bawl
Bovine distribution, udders ‘bout to fall
Thirteen months of study, scientists with brass
Cows facing north & south - who gives a big rat’s @ss

When you believe in things that you don’t understand
Then you suffer
Bovine distribution ain’t the way

This is a mystery?

In Wisconsin we train the cows to face north so they're always mooning Illinois.

Good one, padraig. Same reason the Statue of Liberty faces away from Jersey.
-to moon lil' rascal.

*snorks* @ pad & Annie!

Speaking of showing your ass...I hope to catch a glimpse of Shrillary tonight and the guy who is not my president on thursday. Pinch me. After switching the channel when teddy slobbered all over the place, oh I can hardly wait. Mucho ass expected. Forgot about Bill "I did not have sexual relations' Clinton pumping up his...err, the crowd. Didn't Teddy do a wonderful job with Massecheuttes and for that matter our country. Arizona is a much more likeable place. IMHO.

I feel bad. If Teddy Kennedy had done a better job for, as lil rascal so eloquently pointed out, Massecheuttes and our country, perhaps my esteemed co-blogger would've learned how to spell.

I am with Teddy when he states what He thinks about about spelling errors or accompolishing one solitary damn thing for this country as a senator for 40+ years...bluuuuurrrrppp...

I wish I could find common ground with our rascally friend, but from what the newspaper accounts said of Teddy's appearance last night, I think his courage in the face of what must be a daunting round of chemo at any age surely inspired the conventioneers far more than anything Hillary is likely to say...

Steve Haller, in the future I asking you to please not address me personally on the forumn. I hate Ted Kennedy and your liberal friends as much as you hate the Bush's. Only more. So, please refrain from addressing me personally about my political views Thank you.

Steve Haller. If you support people like Obama and his friends this, you are not welcome in my home. Leave now please. Got it.

Steve - I'm with you. I can't stand political blather of any sort, but that speech Teddy made was as motivating as it gets. Ain't nobody topping that. Not even Hillary.

oh, geez, siouxie, i didn't realize someone whose name i recognize was actually just a troll. i'm sorry. i had no idea.

He's lower than the first splat of a cowpie.

was it something I said?

No backs!


ignore ignore ignore


Rascal, geez. There's no reason to get hateful, no matter what political view. I can disagree with a lot of my friends and still respect them and their right to their own opinions. As far as "this forum" goes, keep it light, huh??

My, the tone of this forum has taken a downturn. It is surprising to see members of this blog turning on each other like this!

I blame the Green Party for this.

*crosses Martinishark off invite list*

That's a relief, now I won't have to respectably decline. Those parties start off with a list of things that are off limits, and it's printed on recycled grocery bags.

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