TODAY'S TIP FOR EMPLOYERS
(Thanks to sjhaller)
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August 31, 2008
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-MiamiHerald.com
Links
- DaveBarry.com
- Columns
- You Can Date Boys When You're Forty
- Insane City
- Lunatics
- I'll Mature When I'm Dead
- The Shepherd, The Angel, and Walter the Christmas Miracle Dog
- Peter and the Starcatchers
- G2G (Guide to Guys: The Movie)
- Old Blog
- Remainders Tour
- Gene W.'s columns
- I'm With Stupid
- Acronyms
Dave Barry's Books
Music
Categories
- 24
- Books
- Caption Contest
- Current Affairs
- Dave Barry for President
- Do Not Click This Link
- Herald Hunt
- Jokes
- Past Columns
- Productivity Enhancers
- Starcatcher Play
- Unfit for the Office Unless You Work for the Osbournes
- videos
- Vintage Columns
- Walter
- WARNING: DO NOT OPEN AT WORK, OIYDWYMTTY(NY)G
- YELLOW FOR CAUTION
- Yes, it's old. But it's important.
Your Blogging Staff
Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.
first to wonder if she's employed for this reason?
Posted by: azred | August 31, 2008 at 12:10 PM
"I'm not paying you any more money,the receptionist has given you a raise 3 times today already!"
Posted by: MartiniShark | August 31, 2008 at 12:11 PM
Huh, I guess nobody spends time blogging while at work.
Posted by: Layzeeboy | August 31, 2008 at 12:18 PM
Dave, avert your eyes from judi.
Posted by: Margaritaville | August 31, 2008 at 12:27 PM
Or else put on a kilt.
Posted by: Steve Haller | August 31, 2008 at 12:31 PM
No wonder I can't get a job.
Posted by: gjd | August 31, 2008 at 01:16 PM
Hide the unattractive.
Posted by: daisymae | August 31, 2008 at 01:18 PM
Dang, now I'm gonna have to fire myself.
*hair flip*
Posted by: Siouxie | August 31, 2008 at 01:42 PM
*quietly wonders what happens at family-operated businesses*
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | August 31, 2008 at 02:41 PM
*quietly wonders what happens at family-operated businesses*
Surely you know the term "kissin' cousins".
Posted by: pogo | August 31, 2008 at 02:48 PM
2 out of 5???? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG???
Posted by: frodolives | August 31, 2008 at 02:55 PM
Obviously, this is where I went wrong - too much working, while everyone else was screwing around!!!
Posted by: estrogen centrale | August 31, 2008 at 02:56 PM
Hey Siouxie, can I work with you?
Posted by: frodolives | August 31, 2008 at 02:56 PM
How much time did they spend putting this research together when they coulda been doing real work?
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | August 31, 2008 at 02:56 PM
Heeey, this is discrimination against the beautiful people. I'm sueing! Right after my manicure appointment.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | August 31, 2008 at 03:00 PM
I know this is off topic but it may interest some:
http://shopping.aol.com/bargains-discounts?ncid=AOLCOMMshopDYNLprim0001
Evidently, September is a good month for purchasing wine.
Posted by: Biggin | August 31, 2008 at 03:36 PM
pogo, are you talking about this?
Posted by: frodolives | August 31, 2008 at 03:54 PM
"And two out of five employees end up in bed with their workmate."
Don't forget though that the average has been skewed by the Village People.
Posted by: SW | August 31, 2008 at 04:05 PM
I'm really glad it's not 3 outta 5, 'cause that's just wrong.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | August 31, 2008 at 04:10 PM
I understand the waitresses at Hooters get some pretty big tips.
Posted by: SW | August 31, 2008 at 04:25 PM
I wonder what the self employed do?
Posted by: Margaritaville | August 31, 2008 at 04:35 PM
Hire BOB, Marg.
Posted by: Siouxie | August 31, 2008 at 04:37 PM
*snork* @ Siouxie. Or work with this guy.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | August 31, 2008 at 04:45 PM
This is why I'm not allowed to work.
*sigh*
It's a curse, really.
*borrows Siouxie's hair flip, injures neck, goes to lie down*
Posted by: Punkin | August 31, 2008 at 05:18 PM
600 hours? 600 hours?! In a career? I can get that in during a commited week.
Posted by: CJrun | August 31, 2008 at 05:26 PM
- key word committed.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | August 31, 2008 at 05:44 PM
Annie, you got something against threesomes? Cuz, you being from free-lovin' California, I would've thought otherwise. Or is that era over?
Posted by: Suzy Q | August 31, 2008 at 06:26 PM
My workplace is filled with geeks and nerds (i.e. unattractive people). I'm thinking maybe 1 out of 5 coworkers has EVER had sex, let alone had it with another coworker.
Posted by: A Geek | August 31, 2008 at 06:44 PM
hey, "A Geek," I know sumbuddy, if yur needin... (can you squeal like a pig? jus' askin'?)
Posted by: mountainman | August 31, 2008 at 07:20 PM
Is sex with a coworker anything like sex with a cowpoke?
Posted by: SW | August 31, 2008 at 07:29 PM
SuzyQ, let's be real. Have you ever known a guy who can really multi-task? Most can't even talk and dial a phone at the same time, never mind handle a three-way.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | August 31, 2008 at 07:39 PM
SW, or a poke with a cowpoke?
Posted by: frodolives | August 31, 2008 at 07:41 PM
snork @ sw's cow-orker
Posted by: daisymae | August 31, 2008 at 08:03 PM
Point taken, Annie. Guess you need to find some new mens.
Posted by: Suzy Q | August 31, 2008 at 08:09 PM
Point taken, Suzyq.
Posted by: daisymae | August 31, 2008 at 09:21 PM
No mas mens for me. I'm done. :)
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | August 31, 2008 at 09:29 PM
Where do I send my resume?
Posted by: oldmanatee | August 31, 2008 at 10:09 PM
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight....
Posted by: SW | August 31, 2008 at 10:12 PM
Annie, send the leftovers over
Posted by: Siouxie | August 31, 2008 at 10:12 PM
uh..Stevie?? you don't say HELLO anymore?? sheesh!
Posted by: Siouxie | August 31, 2008 at 10:25 PM
*thought I was special*
*snif*
Posted by: Siouxie | August 31, 2008 at 10:25 PM
This is only applicable to the other people at my place of employment. One is on the phone 4 out of the 5 hours she actually is literally at work; one is constantly glued to her computer - work-related, I'm sure; one ogles patrons and meanderrs around trying to see what he can do; one checks her e-mail between writing a book and planning her work projects; one is in and out a lot for logically non-work-related stuff (but manages to do 3 of the above people's work and not get paid as well as they do); one talks about how much she sees on tv when she isn't at work and most of the rest of us read during the parts where we aren't swarming with patrons... Of course, we live in NJ ,where corruption by our politicians gives us something to look up to... Speaking of Joiseyians, where's Meanie the Blue?
Posted by: Kathybear | August 31, 2008 at 10:40 PM
Hi, sxi! Long time no e. And hi to everyone else too.
Posted by: SW | August 31, 2008 at 10:45 PM
If you can be be happy with an unattractive slob
Just don't give a prety woman the job
So for my personal point of view
Pick a butterface to work for you
Posted by: SW | August 31, 2008 at 11:29 PM
Hi back, Stevie. I'll forgive you...this time. Only cuz we've meant so much to each other...
heh!
Posted by: Siouxie | August 31, 2008 at 11:54 PM
I'm gonna kill whoever's getting my share
Posted by: Mot the Hoople | September 01, 2008 at 05:53 AM