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July 31, 2008

LADIES' FASHION UPDATE

Here's an ugly refreshingly irreverent accessory.

(Thanks to Annie Where-but-hair)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE SPICE GIRLS

INCREDIBLY, ALCOHOL MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED

Iowa man accused of biting off another man's nose

(Thanks to queensbee)

YUM!

Try the hexangular germ fries the cowboy bone.

(Thanks to B. Kizer and Dan)

PRINCESS CHUNK UPDATE

Princess Chunk is a boy.

(Thanks to Chuck)

WOOF!

The Wearable Dog Toilet

Do not miss the video.

(Thanks to Whitney Hanson)

POT, MEET KETTLE

"The man himself was far, far away from what we might call male perfection, making the situation somewhat ironic."

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

HE WANTS AN APOLOGY?

Stinky gambler fuming over NJ casino ejection

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and sjhaller)

SUPPORTIVE SPOUSE OF THE DAY SO FAR

Key Supportive Quote: ‘I don’t want to see a skinned rabbit or skinned pigeon coming out of your ninny and then get excited and hold it.'

(Thanks to DavCat)

WE HAVE NEVER BEEN PROUDER TO BE HUMAN

According to researchers at the University of Wolverhampton, the world's oldest recorded joke is -- get ready -- a Sumerian fart joke.

(Sent in by everyone)

OF COURSE, YOU'LL HAVE TO GET PAST THE PERIMETER

Kiefer's place is for sale.

(Thanks to emkay)

LOL FINE IDEA

StupidFilter

(Thanks to Steve "The Other Steve" Lancaster)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

First this. Now this.

(Thanks to emkay)

WE'RE NOT GOING TO HAND IT TO HIM

But this motorist certainly qualifies for a Florida driver's license.

(Thanks to DavCat)

OLYMPIC SAILING UPDATE

“It’s not the same if your boat just has a number, is it?”

(Thanks to DavCat)

WE CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT SECOND CLASS IS LIKE

An Italian woman is suing a ferry company after waking up in a first-class cabin "covered in ticks from head to toe", newspapers reported Tuesday.

(Thanks to DavCat)

THE FRIENDLY SKIES

Toilet Turmoil

THE WORLDWIDE TOILET-SNAKE EPIDEMIC

It continues to burgeon.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Baron vonKlyff)

In Other Snake News: We have this.

(Thanks to sjhaller)

July 30, 2008

JESUS SIGHTINGS UPDATE

Now: cat fur.

(Thanks to Bryce Donovan)

Update That Is Actually Old But Still Urgent: Also, spumoni.

(Thanks to Doug)

ASTROLOGICAL UPDATE

Watch as CosmosGAL accurately forecasts the earthquake while it is happening!

(Thanks to Eamus Catuli)

Update: It's even more amazing than we thought! She's broadcasting from August 5, 2008, which is in the future!

GOOD THING HE'D MISSED SOME

A former pest exterminator lost in the Australian Outback survived by eating insects.

(Thanks to The Perts and Mahatma Kane Jeeves)

ARE YOU GOING TO FINISH THOSE FRIES?

Princess Chunky

Image_7352992

(Thanks to Andrew Hoenig, who says "I think I saw someone name Princess Chunky" at a strip club once.")

JESUS UPDATE

Now he has appeared in the form of a Cheeto.

Photo_servlet

Key Quote: The pastor  of Kirkwood Methodist Church does not see anything theologically  special about the Cheeto.

(Thanks to sjhaller)

BE THERE, OR BE ABSENT

The 39th Annual Wausau Funday & Possum Festival

There will be entertainment, but as far as we have been able to determine it will not include Don Rickles.

Rickles

(Thanks to Justin Barber)

MANLINESS SURVEY YIELDS SHOCKING DISCOVERY

Duh.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

'WHAT 40-FOOT STREET LIGHT, OFFICER? OH, THAT 40-FOOT STREET LIGHT.'

Crime in South Florida

(Thanks to DavCat)

WHY WE WOULD NEVER GET ON ANY MACHINE CALLED THE 'ABDUCTOR'

A "very large lady" at the New York Sports Club was "sling-shot" off equipment known as the "abductor" - and had to be hauled from the gym in a rescue basket by firefighters, authorities said.

(Thanks to DavCat)

CSI: KEELER TOWNSHIP, MICH

Man throws beer can, rock, pregnant dog at girlfriend

It was a chihuahua. But still.

(Thanks to DavCat)

July 29, 2008

WE DON'T UNDERSTAND

What's the problem?

(Thanks to Dave, but another one)

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

Key Quote:

"I had nothing to do with the cat," she said. "I don't have a cat. I never had a cat. I don't know their cat. I don't know what a cat looks like.

"I mean, I know what a cat looks like, but I don't know what their cat looks like," she said.

(Thanks to SandyEggo)

WE DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS REAL

We don't much care.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

TIP FOR JAIL DESIGNERS

There shouldn't be holes.

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

DUH

(Thanks to Heather)

ON THE ONE HAND, IT IS WRONG TO ASSAULT PEOPLE.

On the other hand...

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

AND DO THEY CALL THEIR EX-GIRLFRIENDS?

Do animals like to get drunk?

(Thanks to CJrun)

Update: A big Yes! from the shrew community.

(Thanks to sjhaller)

HE HAS OUR VOTE

(Thanks to Jason)

NOOOOOOOOOO

"Guy-liner" and "Manscara"

(Thanks to DavCat)

ADVISORY TO REGULAR READERS OF THIS BLOG

It's time you knew.

(Thanks to DavCat)

WHY THIS BLOG SUPPORTS MANDATORY REGISTRATION OF CARGO SHORTS

Man takes off pants to use as weapon

(Thanks to DavCat)

CSI: THREE RIVERS, MICH.

Capta3b842e7294844579da5f34ac136dad

(Thanks to sjhaller)

ATTENTION ALL FARNBROUGH, HAMPSHIRE UNITS

Be on the lookout.

Key Quote Apparently Intended To Reassure UK Shark Owners:
"We believe this may have been a targeted burglary of a shark that is extremely rare in the UK."

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Update: Here's another story about a tragedy involving pet sharks belonging to British people. What the hell is going on over there?

(Thanks to DavCat)

WASN'T THIS AN EPISODE OF RENO 911?

Chihuahuas provoke attack on nude beach

(Thanks to B. Kizer)

THE KEY FEATURE WILL BE A GIANT COMMUNITY AIR FRESHENER

Finalists fight to design cow-powered village

July 28, 2008

THERE IS NO REASON TO GO ON LIVING

(Thanks to RussellMc)

THE WIDE STANCE BIG TENT PARTY

Barack Obama and... Larry Craig?

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

SHOW US YOUR NIGHTSTICKS!

German party guests mistake policemen for strippers

(Thanks to Baron vonKlyff)

IT'S CREEPING FASCISM, DUDE

It's getting so you can't even grow a hedge.

(Thanks to Martini Shark)

WHEN YOU'RE FEELING DOWN, REMEMBER THIS:

At least you're not a California horn snail.

As far as we know.

COLOR THIS BLOG STUNNED

Scientists have established that men are indiscriminately lustful.

Key Quote: After 300 seconds alone in the same room as a woman they had never met before, and in some cases did not find particularly attractive, the men's testosterone levels of the hormone had shot up by an average of around eight per cent.

Of course, they'd get the same results if they put the men in a room with a high-definition TV set.

(Thanks to W. von Papineau)

TODAY'S ART UPDATE

Key quote: "Oh, my God," said gallery owner Bill Schramm, his glasses falling off in the scuffle. "This is the city's response to a penis. That's fabulous."

Bonus Key quote: Police said they found a man in his underwear inside the bathroom but nothing illegal.

(Thanks to queensbee, who adds, unnecessarily, "Florida IS a weird magnet.")

 
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