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May 27, 2008

AND IT'S SORT OF TRUE! ALMOST.

Shark attacks boy in his bedroom

(Thanks to sjhaller and Siouxie and DavCat)

SCORPION ADVISORY

If you're buying watermelon at Wal-Mart, watch out.

This has been your Scorpion Advisory

(Thanks to insomniac)

WE DON'T KNOW IF WE WANT TO GO ON LIVING...

...in a world where a man can't brandish his sword in Macy's.

(Thanks to Siouxie and sjhaller)

Update (thanks to Jeff Meyerson): The New York Post is all over this important story.

Update (thanks to Justin Barber): Here's another story. This blog had no idea that kickball was such a rowdy sport.

Key Quote: We at Los Piratas Mechanicos (The Mechanical Pirates) ARRR like a family.We bring props, dress up like pirates, wear eyepatches and say ARRR all the time. We fly flags and throw water balloons. This is what we do.

May 26, 2008

REMEMBER

Have a good Memorial Day. But also take a few minutes to explain to your kids why we call it that.

You might also take a few minutes yourself and read this story. (Thanks to Josh)

PARENTS OF THE WEEK SO FAR

(Thanks to many people)

NO NEED TO SEND A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE

He already has one, dude.

(Thanks to Annette Gaudreau)

THIS JUST IN

Noisy Swazi cockerels face chop

(Thanks to Siouxie)

MAKES SENSE TO THIS BLOG

Grown men have been leaping over rows of babies in the north Spanish village of Castrillo de Murcia in an annual rite meant to ward off the Devil.

(Thanks to DavCat)

GUYS LOVE CARS

A few days ago we had this. And now, this.

(Thanks to DavCat)

May 25, 2008

OK, BUT BE PREPARED FOR SOME REALLY QUICK MEALS

British twit celebrity chef Jamie Oliver says women should refuse to have sex with their men if they won't cook.

(Thanks to Annette Gaudreau)

THE POLICE ARE STUMPED

Mystery deepens as 4th severed foot found

(Thanks to sjhaller)

LOOKS LIKE IT'S BACK TO DISNEY WORLD THIS SUMMER

Nudist German flights scrapped

(Thanks to sjhaller)

ONE BY ONE, WE ARE LOSING ALL OF OUR BASIC CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS

Frontier Airlines is going to charge more for antlers.

(Thanks to Matt Filar)

May 24, 2008

A FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSE...?

(Thanks to SandyEggo, RussellMc, and Matt Filar)

May 23, 2008

THE WILD WEST

Montezuma deputies chase slow driver.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

RAFFLE YOUR DONUT

The other night on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, Craig read an email, which appeared to be from me, asking about the meaning of the Scottish expression "Away and raffle your donut." Craig gave a funny answer, mentioning me several times. But in fact the email was from judi, who wants to have babies with is a big fan of Craig. Anyway, now that I've explained the background, here's the segment from the show.

judi will of course be fired.

THIS WOULD NEVER WORK IN FLORIDA

The drivers here already have guns.

(Thanks to CJrun and Corey Smith)

FUN READ

Cadaver Dog Handbook

(Thanks to Claire Martin, who says credit goes to Jennifer Martin)

REST EASY, WOMEN OF CLAYTON COUNTY

The alleged Wal-Mart butt-biter has been apprehended.

(Thanks to Danny)

MOST-DISTURBING SAUSAGE COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK SO FAR

(Thanks to Shari Poteet)

CSI: WILKES-BARRE

Man reports tree attacked him

You may laugh, but if you have ever attempted to put up a Christmas tree, you know how vicious these things can be,

(Thanks to Amanda Austin)

IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME

Somebody has invented eyeglasses that hold your chopsticks.

(Thanks to sarah j)

PEOPLE OF GOSPORT, HAMPSHIRE:

Beware The Tortoise of Doom.

(Thanks to sjhaller and Jeff Meyerson)

(Yes, "Tortoise of Doom" would be a good name for a rock band.)

FUN COUPLE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

(Thanks to Cathy Connolly)

TROUBLE AT THE CONE

Key Quote: Wednesday afternoon, around 3:30, there was some kind of malfunction that caused the toilet to burst into flames.

CULINARY UPDATE FROM ZIMBABWE

Yuck.

This has been your Culinary Update from Zimbabwe.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, who correctly notes that we are not making fun of the name "Piccard Mudzingwa.")

WOMEN

Do not mess with them.

(Thanks to sjhaller)

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER

...should you click here.

Really.

(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)

p.s. Really.

SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE

The Crime-Fighting Boars of Germany

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and DavCat and Amanda Austin)

May 22, 2008

BLIND DATE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Advisory: Do not click on this link if you are offended by bad language or grossness in general.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

YES, HE'S A GUY; YES, ALCOHOL WAS INVOLVED

But that's no excuse.

(Thanks to Siouxie)

THIS JUST IN

Mr. Ridley Pearson reports that he just heard a St. Louis radio ad for a band called "The Well Hungarian."

Update: Here's their website.

(Thanks to -- and we are not surprised -- Siouxie)

WE ASSUME THE BATTERS WILL TAKE A WIDE STANCE

In honor of Sen. Larry Craig, the St. Paul Saints minor-league baseball team is giving away this miniature bathroom stall:
1bobble
(Thanks to Danny)

ATTENTION, TIM RUSSERT

WHOOPS, II

A firearms instructor in southern Massachusetts has been assigned to other duties after his gun accidentally went off while he was teaching a class on weapons safety.

(Thanks to Siouxie)

OH, RIGHT THAT WILL STOP THEM

Woman strips after wolf whistles

(Thanks to sjhaller and sjrun)

RIP, HOWARD DILL

He was known for his massive gourds.

(Thanks to The Perts)

WHOOPS

Road death warnings now a hazard

(Thanks to DavCat)

'I WANT IT. BUT I CAN ONLY TAKE A HAUNCH.'

You can sell pretty much anything on Craigslist.

(Thanks to DavCat)

A PAIR OF FLORIDA DRIVER'S LICENSES ARE ON THEIR WAY

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN

(Thanks to John Regan)

UPDATE ON BLACKY, THE IMPRISONED (AND INCORRECTLY SPELLED) MEXICAN DONKEY

Blacky is free.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

HE JUST WANTED TO GET HIS ANTLERS TINTED

Pennsylvania Man Wrestles Deer In Hair Salon

(Thanks to DavCat and Jeff Meyerson)

BACKYARD-FOX UPDATE

The foxes living in our backyard are making themselves right at home. At least the babies are. They now come sniffing around the back door and trying to look inside.
Img_0982_2
Mom is always nearby. She does not trust us one bit. She thinks the young foxes are crazy, with their door-sniffing and their hip-hop music.
Img_0974

MAJOR BREAKING CONTROVERSY

Did Tim Russert, or did he not, flatulate on television?

(Thanks to Mr. Alan Zweibel and Mr. Gene Weingarten)

May 21, 2008

IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET DAD THE PULSEJET

Get him this

HIS PARENTS MUST BE SO PROUD

Meet HealthPartners' new mascot, Petey P. Cup, the walking urinal vial! If you go to the HealthPartners' site and click on "Our Mascot, Petey P. Cup," you can see a video of Petey getting dressed.

(Thanks to Dave Roe)

WHAT DAD REALLY WANTS FOR FATHER'S DAY

Dad wants this.

(Thanks to RussellMc)

WHOA

Here's some amazing video of an insane ardent weather photographer chasing a tornado in western Kansas a couple of weeks ago. It gets more amazing as it goes along.

(Thanks to Mr. Ridley Pearson)

WE ARE ALSO LOOKI JOB POSTING OF THE YEAR

(Thanks to Sergio Baptista)

 
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