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April 14, 2008


The photo below appears with an article (thanks to Siouxie and sjhaller) about a farmer in Devon, England, who performs tai chi in front of his cows to increase milk production. We invite you to suggest a caption for the photo. The winner will be selected by this blog and the Federal Reserve Board, and will receive a valuable cheesy item that judi will find lying around the office.

Prize Update (List of valuable prizes we were unable to unload last time from which the winner may choose):

1) A geniune Fiesta Bowl "yard o' beer" (beer not included) once worn by Bob the Bear

2) Two packs of "24" JOLT gum which has not been chewed by anyone

3) A DVD of Barry Manilow's "Music and Passion" PBS special

4) A Mr. Snail Foam Fish Hat perched jauntily atop a "Dave Barry fan" (next to Bob the Bear in the photo above)

5) A book by Dave (we have no idea which one it is) in what is possibly German or some other language

6) Dave's World hat (model not included)


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"STOP! In the name of love..."

And the French Judge - a Madame Creme Fresche - gives him a score of 8.5.

Betsy Cow to Mildred Cow: "I sure wish he'd give us some of that funny grass!"

"Up, up and away!"

Connie Cow to Franny Cow: "Eeesh. Is it Milk-Like-An-Egyptian Day again???"

"Strike a pose!"

You put your right hoof in ...

"No, no, no! It's kick, kick, kick, then Jazz hands! Watch me again, girls!"

"I bet Marcel Marceau never looked this stupid"

Betsy to Connie: "Oh no. Is the Earth's axis shifting again??"

"AH-ah-ah-ah...stayin' alivvvvvvvvvvvvve."

"Damn cowpies are just everywhere!"

"Do these boots make my butt look big?"

After years of placating, the herd utterly refused the Farmer's charades.

Everybody was Cow-Fu fighting!

Steven Segal stars in Under Siege 3: Dairy of Doom!

Surfin' Moo-S-A!

Aaaannnddd ..... Yes!! He sticks the landing!!! This is cow feed balance beam history in the making, folks.....

"Dear Dairy - today he cudn't stop mooving. He went on for heifer. Betsy was one mad cow."

Cow-a-bunga, baby!

Because of a strange geophysical anomaly, when Farmer Bob walked to school, it really WAS uphill and into-the-wind both ways.

I'm, too sexy for my boots, too sexy for my boots, so sexy it moooooved!

After a lackluster movie career, Micheal Beck reinvents his role as Sonny Malone in the Broadway production of Xanadude Ranch.

"I can kick this high or , this high!"

"Come tiptoe, through the cowflops, with me...."

"If I had known I'd be featured on DaveBlog, I'd have worn my stilletto Wellies."

"Hurry up and take the damn picture, Gladys!"

Gives a whole new meaning to lactose intolerance.

". . . and this side was only that high, prior to me playing Barry Manilow while they slept."

I'm not only the President of the Bovine Dance Studio for Men, I'm also a client.

Hollywood scouts visted Dover yesterday to audition hold casting auditions for Brokeback Mountain II: Whole Lotta Herefords.

*removes audition*

"...You put your right hand in, shake it all about..."

The Dance Craze That's Sweeping the Nation: The Ca-Ca-Rana!

Got milk?

...How 'bout now?

Alexey Pajitnov, owner a proprietor of the Tetris Dairy Farm.

OK, to properly inseminate a cow, you first grab a post firmly with your left hand and push gently with your right hand...

Evel Knievel's less famous brother George Knievel warms up in preparation for his attempt at setting a new world record for cow tipping.

"Milk it, baby, milk it."

*adds 'i' to "visited. switches to decaf*

"To infinity and beyond!!"

You should see what the cows do to increase his production.

One day after a visit from a group of U.S. senators from cattle-ranching states, led by Idaho's Larry Craig, Devon farmer Rob Taverner practices his 'wide stance.'

Bring in the Dancing Queen! Old and Bald, only seventy-threeeeeee!

He's so good, he increased milk production in steers.

Re: Prize Update - the book (prize option no. 5) title is indeed German, and literally translates to "Dave Barry Explains What a Real Guy Is", which, I guess, means it's an adapatation of the "Guide To Guys".

[Based on the previous thread, I'm thinking Judi's Guide To Guys would be a much funnier prize.]

And Farmer Hoggett makes a guest appearance on this week's "Hoofin' with the Heifers!"

SHHHH!...do you smell that?

In the privacy of dawn, frustrated farmer Rob Taverner still dreams of winning the NBA championship with a last-second drive down the lane past three defenders....

Tryouts for the farm system for Blue Man Group performers are rigorous, requiring at least ten minutes of pre-performance stretching.

Here we see Farmer Rob as he poses for the annual cowpie sculpting contest.

Avoiding the glare of the media, new Knicks coach Rob Taverner demonstrates part of his playbook at an undisclosed location.

I once milked a teat THIS big.

Really, I swear, this is how Richard Simmons got his start.

A manure-covered barn floor makes for less than ideal conditions but this Devon dairy farmer's re-enactment of Evgeni Plushenko's Men's Single's performance at the 2006 Turin Winter Games is a hit with the livestock.

You should see his Chicken Dance.

I don't want to, but YOU should.

The newly elected Minister of Silly Walks, Rob Taverner, presents his first State of the Union Address to the House of Lords.

How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm, after they've done tai chi?

Detemined to overcome a barrage of bad publicity, the new head of American Airlines demonstrates a new customer relations approach to attract a wider customer base.

A Cow Tipping Mime

"The Germans suddenly stood up, gestured like this, and France surrendered!"

The Dolphins announced yesterday that they had signed 44-year-old free-agent wide receiver Rob Taverner, of Dover, England, to a three-year contract. GM Bill Parcells expressed confidence that the veteran Taverner would start the season at the top of the team's depth chart.

One, two, three ...RED LIGHT!

"'Tai Chi?' I thought you said 'High Cheese'."

Miss Chevious

Now whiter than ever, Michael Jackson today released his most bizarre music video yet.

♫ "I feel pretty, oh so pretty..." ♪


You are correct about the German--however I can assure you the translation of the book would be much funnier than judi's guide to guys. It's the prize I'd pick if I won. :)

He's waving at Hammie, saying "Have a gouda day!"

Once better known as "Nibs", this Devon farmer practices his old moves for the upcoming reunion of Peter Pan's Lost Boys.

"At the Copa, Copa-cabannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnna..."

Farmer Rob shows us the latest in cow-mating rituals.

The secret behind "Laughing Cow Cheese".

Tai Chi: It's Not Only Heavenly, It's Bovine.

"I like to moooove it moooove it...."

*changes Dover to Devon*

Okay girls, it goes like this...
Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She would merengue and do the cha-cha
And while she tried to be a star, Tony always tended bar
Across a crowded floor, they worked from 8 till 4
They were young and they had each other
Who could ask for more?

At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana (Copacabana)
The hottest spot north of Havana (here)
At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana
Music and passion were always the fashion
At the Copa....they fell in love

(Copa Copacabana)

Performing his famous "Bovine Lake" solo, Rob Taverner glides gracefully across the stage.

Buzz Aldrin reenacts how he faked zero-gravity movements on a sound stage in Arizona.

Bob reconsiders his move to combine The Bus Stop with Tai Chi JUST as the photographer snaps the picture.

In what television critics praise as a "bold programming move," executives at the CW introduce the centerpiece of their ambitious Fall 2008 TV schedule: "Dancing with the Cows."

Twenty boobs and one complete idiot.

Gunther demonstrates his technique of how to simultaneously perform a colonoscopy on one cow, and cover the eyes of the next cow due for the procedure.

"It's a little something I picked up from Philippe Petit," explains this Devon dairy farmer who demonstrates how to maintain balance whilst walking on a slippery barn floor.

As visiting U.S. vice president Dick Cheney took time off from his busy schedule to go hunt cow-hunting in Devonshire yesterday, farmer Rob Taverner deftly evaded gunfire.


Tai cheese moovement herd here

"Now, this is how he was posed for the cover shot of "Band on the Run", explains renowned Paul McCartney impersonator Devon Farmer.

and now coming down the catwalk, in the bright blue coveralls, is farmer rob, showing us HOW great a fit these are for everyday use. a strand of pearls, and they can be worn at night!

i've herd enuf! [these are all great!]

Former barnstorming crop duster pilot Rob Taverner relives his glory days.

"Moo can dance if you want to..." (from Men Without Udders)

Emile was trying to describe a paralellogram to his cattle when he noticed his brother holding a cellphone . . .

"Ground control, this is Farmer Rob. Am I clear to land on runway 3?"
"Farmer Rob, there is no 3. Continue your holding pattern."
"Very well, then. I'll just continue my holstein pattern and milk this thread for heifer."

In an effort to intimidate his bovine foes, Arthur assumes the Kung Pao position.

Exclusive to the Sun!!!! Agri-Boffins Say Devonshire Teat-Wanker's Goofy Chinese Dancing Routine REALLY WORKS!!!!

Farmer Rob practices his runway moves for the new line of Jumpsuits in Bleu.

It's not a disease, the cow's are just mad because of the dinner theater they're subjected to.

Before they perfected the intimidating uniform and the goosestep, the German army tried a number of unsuccessful combinations.

"I'm working on some Tai Cheese."

After all these years, Bob is still upset that John Travolta took his idea and left out the cows in Saturday Night Fever.

"Look, Ma! No hands!"

"Pictured here is Larry the Local Mime who tragically got stuck in his imaginary box and required help from the local Fire Dept."

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