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April 14, 2008


Here are the results:



"No, no, no! It's kick, kick, kick, then Jazz hands! Watch me again, girls!"
Posted by: Hammond Rye

HONORABLE MENTION (in chronological order):

"STOP! In the name of love..."
Posted by: judi

"I sure wish he'd give us some of that funny grass!"
Posted by: Punkin

I once milked a teat THIS big.
Posted by: Lou Bricant

Now whiter than ever, Michael Jackson today released his most bizarre music video yet.
Posted by: Meanie the Blue

In what television critics praise as a "bold programming move," executives at the CW introduce the centerpiece of their ambitious Fall 2008 TV schedule: "Dancing with the Cows."
Posted by: SteveB

Gunther demonstrates his technique of how to simultaneously perform a colonoscopy on one cow, and cover the eyes of the next cow due for the procedure.
Posted by: Steve (The 24 Guy)

Emile was trying to describe a parallelogram to his cattle when he noticed his brother holding a cell phone.
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves

Despite his years of experience, dairy farmer Rob Taverner was unaware that cow pies hardened so quickly.
Posted by: Meanie the Blue

There were many other fine entries, including of course yours, which would have won, except that judi hates you. Thanks to everybody who participated.


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Congrats to the winners!

YAY to Hammie!! and congrats to all the runner-uppers!

See, Meanie? I'm sure the Runners Up get a fine bottle of Ass (TM) Cola!

hammie, e-me and tell me what you want.

Congrats folks

judi, just send him the BM DVD. That's what he wants. HE TOLD US! hehe... *EG*

Congrats to all the winners -- funny, funny, funny!

i guess dave didn't see my entry.

nor mine *pout*

In the spirit of rabid loathing good fellowship, I heartily congratulate the rat our good friend, Hammond.

Put her there, big guy.

Congrats to all and Warning: crowds in Toronto will be unavoidable during the month of June! BM is to perfo...be on stage on a Saturday of this month! You have been warned.

Now that the judging is over, my two personal favorites were:

"How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm, after they've done tai chi?

Posted by: Lairbo | 01:01 PM on April 14, 2008"


"Watching the farmer do his ridiculous Tai Chi, the cows laughed so hard that milk came out their noses.

Posted by: Punkin | 01:47 PM on April 14, 2008"

Congrats to Lairbo and Punkin, you can pick anything off the shelf where I put stuff I can't find another place for!

Very funny...some of the captions were funnier than the picture.

judi, I'm sorry you didn't win any of the crap laying around your office.

Somebody check Meanie for steroids; I think he's showing signs of 'roid rage (assume anything you want about what letters precede "roid" in this case).

Hmm...Meanie the Green????

There were many other fine entries, including of course yours, which would have won, except that judi hates you.
A-ha! I knew it! I'll take this all the way to the Supr... Oh, wait, I didn't submit an entry. Never mind.

and why would judi WANT any of the crap laying around the office. I'm guessing - that BM album is opened and has been played, yeah. I liked Lairbo's entry too. but Stop! in the name of love was perfect. not kidding.

Lairbo, are you suggesting I've got a case of Polaroids? HUH??

Congrats, Hammie - nice jazz hands, btw. *eyeroll*

Sorry, Meanie the Green. ;)

Now git along, little dorkie.

Meanie, don't fret, I have a feeling the Manilow DVD will still be available next time Dave decides to take the day off has a caption contest. Here, why don't you practice on this one in the meantime?

judi, was it something I said?

"Watching the farmer do his ridiculous Tai Chi, the cows laughed so hard that milk came out their noses.

Posted by: Punkin | 01:47 PM on April 14, 2008"

That made me laugh out loud for the first time in a long time. Thanks...


I think the commenter there has it locked, Steve. But thanks for thinking of me. I'm not really sore about it. I'll just have to figure out the right bribe for Judi redouble my efforts for next time.

Vlad - Punkin's comment hit me funny as well !
I have to be careful about laughing tho, because then I have to explain it to my co-workers and they are just not as snarky as the rest of us !
Congrats to Hammie, and the twice-mentioned Meanie, and all the rest of youse humorists !

And congrats to Punkin, who made me laugh with the one NOT picked !!!

Meanie, I'd suggest one of these ...

I thought Meanie's was best.

But I thought of this guy

Meanie gets not 1 but 2 honorable mentions and doesn't win the prize. Kinda like Dallas Mavericks fans every decade or so.

Judy is real? I thought she was you rifling off hate the email replys?

lilrascal, judi is indeed real. And she is spectacular.

pogo, Meanie didn't think his was the best; he whined earlier about having been cut-off from posting his best effort. It was very pathetic.

I propose a new game, attacking Hammie's winning post. I'll start:

Flossie, Flossie, Flossie, Flossie, Jazzzz hands, Jazzzz hands...Agador, get me a Pirin, I think I have Polaroids.

Dave, eplained it well. Judy hates me for my caption entry. And I suspect, the fact that I am breathing. Judy faild to consider, my caption entry was stupid, but it came from a well intentioned bright guy with an underprivlidged person nearby. No presuppositions are allowd when considering my contest entrys in the future. And I will supply a nice gift should I win a contest in the future. Bribe? 'Ya.

Judy is Dave's personal assistant. I have an imaginary friend. What is that called in a literary sense?

Poor spelling.

Congrats to Hammond Rye. Organ bread.

Congrats to Hammond! That caption was great!

You'll have to tell us what prize you picked...

Oh!! JUST popped back on and I want to remind everyone that should the top two winners fail to complete their reigns, the girls and I are ready to fill the position!

Congrats, Hammie - you had me at Jazz hands!!!!

VGB - you're welcome. I'm glad to make you smile.

'Run, sorry to hear that. I think Judy is changing my "e's" to "a's".

All right, that does it. I have to get a different job where I can read the blog during the day. I missed BOTH the Caption Contest AND the discussion about losers men who can't remember names. I'm gonna quit tomorrow.

Congrats to the winner and the runner ups.

I do feel that I should have had an Honorable Mention for Audience Participation. ;)

Nothing wrong with having an imaginary friend, Rascal...

*slides a bottle of Ass (TM) Cola down the BlogBar to El*

Great work y'all!

Sheesh. First I suffer the indignity and humiliation of abject failure, and then I have to explain that my little boo-hoo, I couldn't get my best caption in act is a joke. I guess my talents as an actor outweigh my talents as a captionist.

I appreciate those who enjoyed my captions, and I am proud to have made honorable mention, and there were loads of really funny other captions, and Hammie earned his prize by any measure.

I, er, hope that was clear.
C'mon, already.....

*Flaps in, applauds Hammie, runners-up, and all the other participants*

Y'all are just too funny for herds.

Some days are just like that, huh Meanie?

My imaginery friend is Fess Parker, King of the Wild frontier.

Late to the party, but...

They're home. Stop dancing.

Ah, Guin - I feel your pain !
*clinks glasses and sends a cold glass of chardonnay to Guin*

Meanie: Yeah, pola-roids; that's the ticket...

Or, as Karnac (the Magnificent) might have put it:

[opens envelope]
"What do penguins get after sitting on ice all winter."


Thanks CJ & qnsb. It's an honor just to be nominated. If that's how it works.

Oh! OK, Meanie isn't pathetic, anymore; please resume your regular blogging snarkiness.

Man that guy was a great actor.

Rascal - I've been to your imaginary friend's winery and have the glasses to prove it. They even have itty bitty little coonskin caps to dress up your bottle of wine !

They're home. Stop dancing.

Posted by: Mike Marsh | 07:43 PM on April 14, 2008


Oh, Guin? If you quit, can I have your job? Unless it's cleaning a house while nekkid. I don't have the necessary qualifications for that one.

Oh, wait. Then I won't be able to read the blog during the day.

Dilemma, dilemma...

Maybe we can job-share and switch off days.

Tlcmdrpt: Does Fess still own/run the Red Lion Inn in/near Santa Barbara, too?

El wins top Blog Cheerleader Award.
Yay - we're smiling for you!

Snork @ Mike Marsh.

ps: snork @ everybody.

there is nothing shameful about 127th place.

annie, you still up?

Humphrey Bogart's imaginery friend

You have the coonskin cap? awwww. I had an uncle that trapped and occasionally got a white mink. That was before the sun was born, so relax all right. The coonskin cap?! Brings back memories. Maybe I should take some pills.

Lairbo - He has a small hotel in Los Olivos, in the Santa Ynez Valley. I don't know about another hotel in Santa Barbara. Sorry ! :(
That's my very favorite weekend getaway place to go - the Santa Ynez Valley. It's got about 70 or so wineries up there, and the Firestone brewery. Beautiful country.
Gotta go - boss needs to go mail his taxes personally !

pack - no.

apparently ukrainian hookers aren't the only thing that go down in this hotel.

i lost my wireless internet signal, forcing me to abandon my soft, cozy sofa.

however, i am diligently searching for a glass of wine another means of internet connection that will allow me to send emails.

apparently, hotel servers in dubai don't like americans sending emails unless they are wireless.


btw, that photo i sent you of me nekkid wearing only a fireman's helmet was actually supposed to go to ingrid, a swedish bartender i met this afternoon.

please disregard.


and congratulations to all the winners!

You know I've always had a little Hollywood in me, it's in my blood. I got it from my father. My father was friendly (got in her pants) with actress Audrey Totter when He was in Japan recooperating from a wound that earned him the Purple Heat in Korea.

Actress Audrey Totter

My imaginery mom

Anyone ever seen that video (commercial, for beer, I think), of a guy walking with a Davy Crockett type cap...tells how he told his friends he was sent to some "unknown name" country, and all his friends told him - "Wear The Fox Hat?" Maybe you gotta see it. It was probably the funniest video I have ever seen.

Lairbo - I LOVE the Red Lion Inn...right at the beach. There's a better hotel north of there, but I can't remember the name.....

Ok, this is my REAL imaginery mom

I have a couple of Purple hearts here, and I experience purple heat every so often. I thought it was prickly heat, but my forst impression was the more likely. Gotta go, I think the escort service at the door (where's Davy?).

Fess Parker did own the Red Lion, not sure if he still does. Now I have to find the name of that other hotel, because it's heaven...

Bacara - just gorgeous. A tad pricey. Dave, come on out, and we'll go. We can charge it to packsaddle's account in Dubai.

That does look like a pretty nifty place Annie.

Right on the beach...very Southwest and wonderful. Kinda isolated, too. It also has a 1,000 acre ranch.

just don't look at the prices.


Thank you so much for the appreciation of my role as audience. I hope I can live up to this next time an audience is necessary.

*takes a bow*

I'm going to a ranch. Not as posh (or pricey), but the view is better and the company superb. Oh yeah, no traffic either. ;-P

We have faith in you Eleanor.

Have they already awarded the prizes? Dave cut-off the entries before I could post mine.
Farmer Rob practices for the hand signal portion of the Florida Drivers License exam.

AWBH: Let me know when you remember the name. I'm planning a central coast trip with the gal pal soon. She's never been and I'll go for any or no reason.

Plus: loved your entry, too, Punkin.

having power of attorney for judi, let it hereby be concluded that the poster known as "igloo" is habeas corpus prima facie and forthwith awarded top prize, hereinafter known as "last week's leftovers", whereas the poster known as "hammondrye" is heretofore and whereby officially stripped of his/her former title of "winner".

I put a link to it at 8:19. But thinking about it, there's also Ojai Valley Inn, which is incredible. I've stayed overnight there and at the Red Lion. Just visited Bacara. I love southwest architecture, especially when it has room service. ;)

packsaddle, nice to see you back here. wondered if you fell off the earth.

btw, for those of you who were waiting:

M/M Writer Dude.

Writer an' Wyo

Grandpa Wyo

Mrs. Wyocowgrammaperson

forget california.

yall come over here to dubai we'll all go here.

of course, we will need to sneak in from the ocean side because they don't allow riff raff within 500 meters of this place.

not that yall are riff raff or anything.

*zaps in*

WYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Those are great!! That little cowdudepersonJason is just the cutest little one!

Nice to "see" Mr.& Mrs. WD and Sexygrammy!

*back to Dancing with the Stars AND the RedSox*

*zaps out*


hey wyo!

no, didn't fall off the earth.

just went halfway around it.

you need anything from over here?

barrel of oil or something?

please tell me you don't drive a dodge like some other person who posts here but for the sake of anonymity will remain unnamed right a.e.?

Those are great pics Wyo. Thanks for sharing

Annie: whaddaya know/think about the Blue Iguana or it's partner the Green some-reptile-or-other?

packsaddle: a friend of mine was just in Abu Dubai [ck sp], he made it sound amazing in a mondo bizarro Vegas-gone-wild sort of way.

it's "Abu Dhabi" and it is nothing compared to the zoo they call "Dubai".

1.5 million people from 140 different countries and a speed limit of 120 miles per hour (which appears to be merely a suggestion to most motorists here).

21 traffic fatalities within the last 72 hours.

but, hey, no taxes.

and no wireless internet.

(at the moment)

packsaddle, pleasedtameetcha!

Wyo, those pics are great.

Congrats Hammie!!!

Although I really wanted that German book (sigh). Pick the Barry DVD. You know you want it! :)

Great pix, Wyo - too fun!
My Internet connection is acting up...must be the flaming message I left my non-provider today...
Lairbo - are those SB clubs - Blue Iguana & Green reptilish something?
packsaddle - that's gorgeous, but way too far for a drink.

And yes, Wyo drives a beautiful Dodge truck.

packsaddle: what time is it, anyway? It's tomorrow, there, right? I'll have to doublecheck with my pal where he was, exactly. Mighta been your turf.

SB clubs? They are inns/spas in/near Ojai. Last I heard, anyway.

YESSSSSSSSSSSS! BoSox...just two more runs!

um...sorry...don't mind me.

*SMACKS* the Riff Raff

don't copy me!

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