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March 29, 2008


Man Caught Having Sex with a Picnic Table

(Thanks to DavCat)


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The Price is wrong. 3 dvd's worth of wrong.

I can't decide what's more disgusting. The guy having sex with tables or the person recording not 1 but 3 DVDs worth of his exploits before turning them into the police.

I hope he at least took the table out to dinner first. WTFBBQ?

*sniff* He told me they were just friends. How could he dump me for that skinny cold bee-yotch?

Two Words:



A canticle and the romance.

When the sunshine
returns in the
light of a gentle
delight, remember
the sound of a
rosy notepaper,
discover the wisdom
in the care of a
beautiful darkness
and so, in the sky,
that delicate dream
will touch your

Francesco Sinibaldi

He wasn't in the UK?!?

That's surprising.

Sarah - he was Sandusky-adjacent. Ohio's making another run for the Weirdness Magnet Tiara.

Of course, with this story from Florida listed at the bottom of the page, Ohio still has a ways to go.

Waiter, table for one please.

You should've seen the tablecloth it had on; it was so asking for it.

I hope he at least used a condiment.

The sad part is the fate of the nation's leadership is determined my Ohio and Florida of late. I'll be over at the blog bar drinking all of the vodka in stock.

*safe snork* @ AWBH.

♫ She's got legs .... ♪

Sex with a picnic table?

... um ... which ... um ... where's the ... um ... orifice?

Next to the potato salad? oh ... nevermind ...

Near the buns, silly.

so for protection does he use rustoleum?

Nosy neighbor's wife: What are you watching the neighbor do?
Nosy neighbor: He's nailing his picnic table.
Nosy neighbor's wife: I wish you were more handy around the house.


*zaps in*

*SNORKS to all!!*

Meanie took my "nice legs" comment...pffffft! I'll sing too:

♪ "Under my umbrella ella ella" ♫

Off to dinner/movies! Have a nice evening all!

*zaps out*

So I guess we should be concerned when Doc Rick said he 'made a birdfeeder' the other day.

Preacher: Do you, Arthur, take this picnic table, er ...
Arthur: Bernice
Preacher: .... this picnic table, Bernice, to be your lawful wedded, um, er .... spouse?
Arthur: I do.
Preacher: And do you, er, Bernice, take this man, Arthur, to be your lawful wedded husband?
Preacher: You are now man and ... uh, ... wife. You may now, um ..... um, ......
[Arthur embraces Bernice in a long, passionate kiss]
[Guests applaud]
Various wedding guests: She looks so happy! They're so perfect together. Whatever happened to that love seat he was seeing? ....

Sounds like he was screwing in his support bolt.

*snork* at Meanie's wedding vows!

*snork* @ Meanie!
Anondized aluminum...what a tramp.

*snork* at Blue.

I don't want to be crude, because that would certainly not be in keeping with the tenor of this blog, so I'll try to say this in a tactful manner.

Where was the hole?

"Sex...with a metal round table on his deck."
Eleanor, I think it is one of those tables that have a hole in the center for an umbrella.
As they say..."Any port in a storm."

I wonder if he scored with the table in the back seat of his car.

You're probably right, igloo.

A table that can multi-task: how clever!

Legal question.
What law, outside the universal law of stupidity, did this person break? It seems that all of the alledged acts occured on his property. Involving nothing more than an inanimate object[patio furniture].
I am only asking as a matter of furthering my education, not because I happen to have a similar piece of patio furniture.

Igloo, I'm almost certain that the table was not consenting.

The table may not have consented, however, under the "M'Naughten rule", I don't think there was criminal intent by the owner of the table.

The table may not have consented, however, under the "Mc'Naughten rule", I don't think there was criminal intent by the owner of the table.

Interesting double post. "M'Naughten" in first post and "Mc'Naughten" in the second post.
Go figure!

I believe the legal doctrine of "tabula rapa" might apply here.

I love to see non lawyersdiscussing various "legal theories". It's soooo cute!

I'll go back and read the article again and then get back to you.

OK. My recollection is refreshed, as we say. This is about the guy who got his rocks off taping these incidents.

Well, if his *ahem* dare I say, penis was exposed and someone could see it, that would be a crime.

And the table of course would have a civil action for money damages, unlawful touching, a tort.

As you are aware, Counsellor, these are known as amicus cutie briefs.

My favorite kind, Blue. *smooch*

Where's the picture of the table in question so we can decide if she was asking for it judge for ourselves?

Oh wait, I forgot, they don't show the (ahem) face of the victims.

A new low (or high) for X-Rated TV "Birdie Bangs the Bistro table."

El, thanks for asking what we were all wondering!

...gives new in-depth meaning to the phrase "picnic table."

In court, I'll bet the judge says "approach the bench.....but not that close". ha

Daisy, I'm not sure the question is necessarily relevant. Remember the Brits who managed to do it with a) a bicycle, and b) the pavement?

Where, one might ask, is the, er, point of interest in those cases?

(Yes, I know - England. But I digress...)

Hey, I sent this in too. I know cuz the linkie was purple not blue, meaning I'd already seen it.

Anyhoo, I've banged my shin on a picnic table bench before, but...

Yeah, I know. Nice shins, big boy *wink*

Y'know, when you and your picnic table start out, it's got a cute little slender bench, but after a few years all of a sudden you're married to an eight-seater, yaknowwhatImean? Just sayin'....

I'm recallin' a story (posted on this blog, two or three years ago, I think) about a guy in Sioux Falls who wuz arrested for havin' S3X with a department store mannequin ...

I wuz werkin' in Sioux Falls later on that year, and I asked a couple of locals about it ... yeah ... their reaction wuz about whut one would expect ... sorta like:

"Oh ... yes ... you saw that story, too? ... Gee ... thanks for mentioning it ... "

Oh, Francesco, how I've missed you!! *smoooch*

Remember the sound of a rosy notepaper?! WTF?

I did not have sexual relations with that table.

It helps to understand if you see a pic of the table.

What ever happened to the peeping-tom law? Just curious (blue)

*disturbedsnork* @ Stevie!!*

Ty, dd. I mean, can you blame a guy for wanting to get his adirondacks off?

*snork* @ everything here so far.

I wonder if the guy woke up the next morning with ants. Maybe next time, he'll use a blanket and hire a professional.

Table: But, will you still talk to me in the morning? I'm not interested in a one night stand.

Price: Baby, we'll eat breakfast together... sort of... well, on top of you actually.

Table: Ya know, the umbrella shaft lasted a lot longer.

My guess is that he was actually ---ing off while leaning against the table.

Writer, I'm sure this guy would be interested in a nightstand, though.


*sets blog table (no holes) with assorted muffins, cinnannimon buns, eggs, hash browns, sausage and lots of crispy bacon*

*starts coffee maker and goes off to walk the dogs*

*pours coffee, helps self to lots of crispy bacon*

mmmmm...thanks Sio!

Me too, Siouxie.

It's 29 degrees here. I wish I was back in So. Florida.

*Grabs coffee and strips*

*braces self*

*grabs buns, puts sausage on plate, butters muffin*

Breakfast is really satisfying today.

You're not eating breakfast out on the deck are you, Meanie?

I know where you're going with that, Lairbo, and the answer is no.

Too chilly for that. But I'll give you a hint on where I am dining: Two ball in the corner pocket.

Blue, is the table is wearing a short tablecloth this morning? Or a long paisley one?

Here's an idea. A fitted tablecloth. Very slimming. :)

El, is that clothing or "protection"?

Good thinking, Scott. ;)

Dual purpose tablecloth! Who said picnic tables were dumb?

Yeah, and I thought "dumb as a table" was in insult!

Maybe now the blondes will get a break.

Dave's column about the guy who used the guest towels to dry himself off reminds me of a story. A woman was expecting guests, so she put a sign on her guest towels saying "Keep your f---ing hands off." This was so her family would not use them. After her company had gone, she discovered that the sign was still there.

Yeowch, M! Talk about embarrassed!

*Slinks in®*

Good morning, Blogits! Any strips left?

Major SNORKS at Writer's Cramp and SW's table pic.

Coffee, coffee, coffee...

I arrive, and the Blog awakes. New post, guys.

See you there!

(You're welcome.)

Just for you, Cat. :)

*zips over*

It's judi, actually, who has lifted us out of our furniture follies this lovely Sunday morning. Thank you, judi.

*Slinks over there®*

I always thought Wednesdays were "hump days".

The only reason this guy's in trouble is because the table is less than 16 year old.

It's illegal to have sex with inanimate objects? Like dildos? In your own backyard?

One is the loneliest lumber that you'll ever do...

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