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February 20, 2008


Drop whatever you are doing and come up with a caption for this photo:


(The photo comes from this site. Yes! The Flowbee lives!)

The person who submits the winning caption, as determined by our panel of distinguished judges, will receive a valuable prize that judi will think of once she realizes what I have done here.

Update: judi has come up with some really lame excellent prize candidates, which she will describe here when she gets around to it. We will announce the winner tomorrow, and he or she can pick the prize.

Prize Update (Winner will be forced to accept choose one of the following):

1) A geniune Fiesta Bowl "yard o' beer" (beer not included) once worn by Bob the Bear

2) Two packs of "24" JOLT gum which has not been chewed by anyone

3) A DVD of Barry Manilow's "Music and Passion" PBS special

4) A small stuffed weinermobile

5) The Big Book o' Beer


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"See I told you it wasn't a toupee." *SUCK*

"You too can be a '70s porn star in just five minutes a day!"

Instruction Manual For Self-administered Brain Surgery

Kids, don't try this at home.

"Once I've gotten the egg beater fully inserted, it's ready to scramble your scalp!"

and, in small print at the bottom:

Don't try this at home -- always go to a professional!

See you in hyperspace!

Approval from the FDA has finally been granted for the long awaited self-lobotomy device that will leave you pithed for a lifetime.

Sucks the stress right out of you.

Whenever I have too much on my mind, I use the Ronco brain extractor. It also prepares me for a job in public service!

Hold my beer while I try this thing out.

"Hey at least my hair still looks more stylish than some people's."

Hey. Where are you going? How long do I have to stand here like this? Anybody? Hello?

Now I'm ready to believe your campaign promises.

What doesn't everyone clean their hair once in a while?

Oooh, Elon. Not going to get on the judge's good side with that one, no sir.

Jeff Foxworthy, right before the terrible accident.

Oooo, Snap!

Now all I need is the "suck 'stache" attachment.

Just press the yellow button for your Man-on-Tap.

Look at what these celebrities had to say:

Garth Algar: "It's sucking my will to live!"

Wayne Campbell: "It certainly does suck!"

Wait until you see me trim my mustache!

"Now that everyone is looking at my hair, no one will notice those brown stains on my shirt."

"Hard on! Apply directly to the forehead."

Try our newest Flowbie for the hormonally challenged. It blows a current of air through your hair and out your nose, leaving you with a lovely mustache."

Horton hears a Hoover.

"Yes I lost a bet. And my pride."

What Not to Wear

"Well this sucks"

"As you can tell by my face, it works on genitals too."


"The Ronco 'Hair Integrated Lengthening and Restoration (In One Use!) System 3000' works as well on Men as it does on Women! Just set the suction to 'FULL' and work the HILARIOUS 3000 nozzle fully around the head. Please note that loss of leg hair is a natural effect, and saves on the cost of painful waxing!"

* Facial Hair attachment available at extra cost.

(I hope the prize is a Flowby!)

Beam myself up!

No, my name is NOT Ted Habte-Gabr. Why do you ask?

Will it Blend?

Spray on! Apply directly to your bald spot!

When you care enough NOT to use the hot wax.

Rats. Have to pick up the kittens from school. Carry on, blogits!

"Removes incredibly startled lice at the same time it's cutting your hair!"

"A little dab will do 'ya still with an Oreck."

To truly get rid of dandruff

The Do your Own Brain Surgery Kit!

I was told to vacuum the mothballs

Soon I can truly aspire to be a Skinhead

Glad its my head!

Check out the Cougar to my left!

I wanted to look like a Gregorian Monk

I have to what now?

Vacuum and cut your hair, psychological analysis not included.

At least I'm Not Britanny Speares

Toupee or Not Toupee, That is the question

I like to move it move it

The very next shot shows my bloody revenge

My Wife made me do this!

It's a game of Balette Jackass.

Chewbaca's After shot!

Man I'm drunk.... What Am I doing?

I don't know about you, but I think Judi is awesome!!

Just cut and Buff!

I will never have to worry about my barber slitting my throat again!

Slowly the signs of Madness become ME!

What do I care. I connect to the internet with my....

This is the best at a college dorm prank.

"Now with egg beater attachment for extra volume!"

Alfred, ENOUGH with the Jolt Cola, Babe.

Just Add 70s worked for Me!

"Sux to be me!"

Good one, Cat R!

"Ha ha, watch me do my cat next"

"Endorsed by perky newsteams everywhere."

So I put this on my head and I get, uh, bigger, right? And chicks dig this, right?

"Unsightly fish eyes, bothersome dandruff, schizophrenia...you get two with this limited TV offer if you call right now."

And there would probably be a space between "news" and "teams".

La, la, la - can't hear you - Flowbee's running.

"You know the drill."

*snork* @ Cat R., for the "Man-on-Tap" !!!

No more, "Lather, rinse, repeat," for me!

"HELP! The aliens are sucking my brain!"

"Ye God, that is painful."

Mullet be gone!

"And thanks to the patented suction, you will never have to worry about dust mites in your hair again."


It's Flowbee-rrrrific!

Disclaimer: May eat parts of your brain, cause severe skull fractures and/or complete hair extermination, or turn you into Tom Cruise. Do not use in bath.

"This Time Machine doesn't seem to be working as well as I thought..."

Now, give us that "come hither I have a flowbee" look! Work it!

"I knew I shouldn't have picked Dare."

When he suffered an injury early in his career, Randy Johnson was told by the trainer to just "suck it up".

The Flowbee - giving good head since the 1980s

Just two more squirts and I'll be completely full of sh!t.

"And once I finish vacuuming my hair, yours is next. MUH HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Flowbee home haircutting system: $40

Demonstration of newfangled Flowbee for daughter's elementary school class: free

Cost to daughter's emotional growth: priceless

My Flowbee in one hand, my towel in the other - I'm ready to GO !

Geraldo called - he'd like two

"The Flowbee remains powerful enough to suck a mans' mustache right through the top of his head."

"And since the other hand is free, you can keep your beer."

Flowbee...It sucks when it cuts...

With my Flowbee and Aqua Velva, what more does a man need?

The Flowbee - giving good head since the 1980s

Posted by: Keilwerth LA | 05:18 PM on February 20, 2008

Kudos, Keil! I was trying to work that in somehow.

The Flowbee - giving good head since the 1980s

Posted by: Keilwerth LA | 05:18 PM on February 20, 2008

Kudos, Keil! I was trying to work that in somehow.

Flowbee - suckage without spittage.


"You don't want to know what is connected to the other end of the Flowbee."

"Marlins mathematically eliminated in record time."

Oops, sorry. I was channelling other headlines.

Look, Ma! No brains!

It's liposuction for fatty brain tissue."

Super Big Gulp Diet Coke *snork* @ Siouxie !!

"Flowbee, it only sounds like Incontinence Medication, but it does so much more."

HEADLINE...apply directly to the ....uh......line?

So that's what happened to Cheney.

Sucks so hard, it's guaranteed to make you smile

Batteries not included. Works with 240 or less electrical socket. Charger sold separately. Do not use in shower or bath or with solid blue shirt.

"Yes ladies, the canvas shoulder patch does match the thong"

Go, 'fro. Yo, Flowbee.

New, from the makers of Futurama - the Mini Transport Tube* for use in your own home! Go from the kitchen to the bathroom to the bedroom in record time with your very own Mini Transport Tube!

*Batteries and vortex manipulator not included.

"Randy Johnson, All Star Pitcher & Flowbee user demonstrates how he gets ready for the big game."

"Taking bad hair days to a whole new level."

From the makers of HeadOn!

Head Vac, apply directly to the head!
Head Vac, apply directly to the head!
Head Vac, apply directly to the head!

I'm not wearing any pants

"Hey, what you lookin' at?!"

"Make your hair a perfect combination of Mark Spitz and Harry Reems."

"This Flowbee may not make me look rugged, but my left hand is in the mouth of an alligator."

(Back and snorking at everyone)

"Baby, It cuts other hair too, if you get my drift"

♪♫ I'm a little teapot....♪♫

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