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February 08, 2008


Step 1: Call a meeting with people you don't know.

Step 2: Shake hands with each of them in a firm but friendly fashion as you introduce yourself.

Step 3: Sit down, and announce that you are leaving the door open because you "have this terrible cold" and you need the air to circulate.

Additional Steps (recommended):

Blow your nose frequently throughout the meeting.

Be sure there are no breaks or pauses in the flow of the meeting, so as not to give anyone the opportunity to a) visit the bathroom to wash their hands or b) dig out the germ-killing hand stuff in their purse.

When they tell you a week later they are unable to attend the follow-up meeting because they have a cold, give them advice about which treatments have worked the best for you because, coincidentally, you are just getting over a cold.


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Were you the giver or the receiver, Judi???

*faxes Judi some Zicam™*

I'd comment, but I have a cold. *AAAAAACCCCHHOOOOO*

Did Dave do that?? sheesh.

Step 4: Run out of Kleenex an hour before the meeting, and therefore transfer little globules of snot from your hands onto each of the printed handouts you're passing out to attendees.

*blows snot at Danny*

Frazz had a great strip a few weeks ago about how a kid's dad was complaining that his workers were calling in sick with the flu. He didn't let a little thing like the flu keep him from working...

Step 5: Give somebody else at the table the important job of using your laptop computer to advance the Powerpoint slides. Shrug shoulders when said person asks why the keyboard is so sticky.

I assume this stems from personal experience...
so I say, "Feel better, judi!"

Well now, since The Blog is sharing helpful hints today, allow me to share:


If you are sitting next to someone who irritates you, follow these instructions:

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Start the machine.
4. Make sure the guy who is annoying you can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky, and move your lips as though you are praying.
6. Then hit this link

and of course one should do all this from a time warp...

Akfat, I would think that might get you unceremonously invited off the plane. They have no sense of humor about things like that these days.

judi - Siouxie gave me a cold, too! I'm having kung pao chicken right now to exorcise it from my bod.

Thanks Akfat! I just spent couple of minutes nearly choking to death from eating a Funyun right as I clicked on your link. It was worth the near death experience for the laugh though.

Ugh, judi I both feel your pain and laugh at your post. And even worse are the ****ers who hug you and THEN mention that they are "really sick", not even giving you the chance to opt out of their mucousy hug.

And shame on Dave for doing that.

LOL good one, Afkat!

Annie, I love kung pao chicken. Bite one of those red peppers and you'll be good as new ;-P

Annie, if you need to exorcise a cold I'd suggest you try this. It would have cured Linda Blair quick.

Doc, you're evil.

I even "hovered" before I clicked...

*grabs brain bleach*

Gee, thanks, Rick. My fever's gone.

As is my will to live.

Sorry Kristie, you were just collateral damage. Condolences to your family for the scars I may have just caused you. *heh*

*SMACKS* Rick!

What was that link?? ;-)

Annie, I think your will to live will be fine simply because I know your plotting your revenge on me right now. ;)

'Sok. I gave casey the flu via phone last month.

Lizzy - I hate those people. I always announce it first.

Afkat - that's hysterical! And likely to get you tossed off the plane. Thank God I wasn't eating a Funyun!

Amen to the revenge point, Doc! What was the purpose in THAT?!

*gouges out her eyeballs with rusty nails*

*lobs Lysol hand grenades*

Having been slugged, slapped, macheted, and most scarring of all, hot waxed my ability to make sound judgments in the blog is kinda shot. My apologies.

The fact I have the Book of Irish Curses out on my desk is strictly a coincidence.

MARK IT ON THE CALENDAR!! Doc Rick apologized!! ;-P

It happens once a millennium Diva so I'm set for another 992 years.

Annie, I happen to have my Santeria voodoo guide and a live chicken. Didn't even have to use the machete or nuthin'.

*wonders if Doc knows how to do the Santeria Chicken Dance*

I dance for no one. Not even the Mrs. EVER!!!!!

*starts looking up Santeria voodoo cures on Google*

*sits back to watch Doc dance*

Not even beer can help you with this one, Bud.

I bet you flop your elbows like a trottin' Southerner.

For our Stealth Blogerette.

Wow, and she won't even post this for about an hour and a half. Can I be negative first? prob'ly not.

Annie, for the last time I don't dance.

*with thanks to the step-daughter and her undying love for Craig Biggio...and "High School Musical 2"*

I'm not clicking on anyone's links today. There's too much hostility in the air here.

I have a cold and an eye infection that MY CG gave me 3 days ago. So I made him come over today and give me his antibiotic eye drops.

Annie, have you noticed we're having a warm day? I had a long sleeved T on and the heat on until CG walked in and asked if I knew it was 72F outside.

Obviously I did not. Duh!

it wasn't dave! :)

actually it was a lawyer. i was giving an affidavit for a friend...

Uh! But of course! Lawyers are just naturally slimey.

Well Judi, that explains it. I always knew they were nothing more than walking, talking viruses. * with apologies to any lawyers who may be lurking :) *

Whoa. El 'zips in' and the slimy lawyer jokes start?!?

And I thought I knew you people.

I'm gonna sue.

This lurking lawyer is going to get Siouxie's machete, for Doc and Wench!

Lurking Lawyers WBA...

Also, friends don't let friends give afadavits.

I wouldn't have had a full day if I didn't tick off every blogette Eleanor. Ya know I love y'all! ;)

psychic simul with my FCDA

Uh-oh. Attorney for the worse....

Hey, Doc - I even caught your lookalike ballplayer in that video. :) That is SO you.

Some guys just ain't worth the ammo....

Fact is, there are NO lawyer jokes...they're all true stories...

Canucks are not even worth the rocks.

And now it descends into international mud slinging. Gonna be a fun night. *hehe*

It's all your fault, Doc. Don't you have dance class to go to soon?

So I'm guessing you could adapt this basic protocol to other situations where extreme measures are called for; such as, if you have to meet with your husband and his lawyers to go over the terms of the divorce, or if you have a difference of opinion with some other brat's mom on the soccer field -- why, the possibilities are endless...!

(uncloaking), sorry, that's me -- I keep forgetting to change the name from the last post...

Thank you Annie. Your post wasn't there when I made mine. And now I see that Akfat is piling on.

I really don't think that's necessary. I don't know what Akfat does, but i'M sure if i knew I could find something nasty to say - and so could Annie.

I just got a magazine (don't subscribe to magazines) out of the mailbox and it had an ad that included , this on the back.

[of course this image host can be balky]

Actually El, I'm a retired RCMP Inspector and now own a PI firm. And have many good friends who are lawyers. I was just teasing...I like lawyers...they're sooo good for business, even though they pay at a glacial pace.

Annie...if I apologize on behalf of all of us for the burning of the White House during the War of 1812, would you put down the rock??

CJ - are you making a fat joke? Cuz if yo iz, I'm gonna sit on you and crush you like a potato bug.


I like lawyers. Some of my best friends are lawyerish.
*puts down rock. Picks up Siouxie's machete.*

OK Annie, now you're starting to make me nervous...

*crosses legs*

*both fears Eleanor and wants her to be my lawyer*

I'm just thinking Roger Clemens hired the wrong lawyer to represent him.



there, done. :)

Now you know the secret to my confidence.

Bad-@ss friends. :)

errr...igloo? I'm thinking that you are either:

1. Two hours and 50 minutes late.

2. You have been over-indulging in the gumballs.

3. There is no number three


*Agrees with Wench Lizzy*

*Agrees with Afkat* What are you smoking, Igloo? And why aren't you sharing?

Who's talking bad about my BLFF (best lawyer friend forever)????

*grabs machete*

Don't worry, Afkat. It's not sharpened yet. It does take a little longer to slice through um...skin.

*sneaks up behind Siouxie and takes the machete*

Uhh... it needs to be sharpened.

*sneaks off to hide*

*grabs beer on the way to hiding place*

*grabs his own beer on the way to hide out with Prof*

Somehow judi was able to warp space and time and blog two hours prior to our blogging. I was only trying to reset the Lorentzian Manifold. Some day in the future, which is now, you will thank me.

Well siou...if it takes longer, that means I have more time to convince you of my love of puppies, world peace, stylish shoes and the fact that I'm a kind, sensitive millennium-type man...

Sounds positive to me...

*edges toward the blog-door*

Aw, Jeez...who spilled wimps all over the BlogBar floor?

*hands machete to CJ*

Here ya go tough guy, all yours :)

Akfat, I like PIs, so I'm thinkin we could be friends. :) And Wench, that is exactly the right attitude that CDAs want potential clients to have - yay you!

Did Doc go to his room?

*waves at Rayne* I LOVE YOU TOO. *smooch*

Annie, Siouxie, let's have a cocktail and plan what to do next, OK?

Igloo, I suspect she borrowed this to post this thread. *I promise on my son's head this isn't an evil link*

"Aw, Jeez...who spilled wimps all over the BlogBar floor?"

*SNORK* at CJ..

Yeah, my comment may have been a little over the top, especially considering my background...

But hey...dealing with fiery Cuban woman with sharp objects can be a delicate process that affects one's judgment...

It's ok I still have THIS.

You're safe for now, Afkat ;-)

*will deal with Prof and Rick later*


What exactly do you mean by "deal with Prof"?

Cuz, I'm just curious *G*

Prof - that's on a need-to-know basis. Sorry - you don't have proper clearance. However, when Siouxie's done with you, your clearance will be much higher. Your 'brush' clearance, that is. ;)

judi, I would've taken out my hand sanitizer in the middle of the meeting anyway. Yuck.

Oh. In other words it won't be fun right?

Perhaps not for you, Prof. But think of your youtube video star potential!

I heard, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, cocktail, blah, blah, video. Blah."

CJ - don't make me come down there and flagellate your crustacean.

You'd think we were hanging out in a bar in the Gaza Strip. *grabs another beer, goes back into hiding*

Might be time to call in Achmed

*back from getting wine*

Prof, it won't be fun...for you ;-)

*SMACKS CJ with an elongated barnacle*

Wow. Looks like I am missing the masochism party!

In other words Med, you're not going to help me either huh?

*SNORK* @ Prof! I love Achmed!!

*jumps behind the blog bar*

What's every one drinking tonight??

Hey Med! Join the party!

What do you have that's good for a cold, Siouxie?

*pours El a double shot of whiskey*

I think that should help, El ;-)

*pokes full belly, passes El the bong (after sanitizing)*

Here's some honey and lemon for the whisky. Grandma swore by it.

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