IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME

Flatulence expert defines 'normal' output rate

(Thanks to Afkat)

Comments

[Cheryl Howard]

Ppppfffffhhhhhthtttttt!

[AuntieM]

*sniff*
Cheryl! You need some "Subtle Butt"! Mine arrived in the mail today!

[Just Ducky]

Colonic Calliope and Fusillade of Flatulence would each BAGNFARB. Especially a Boomer band.

[Eleanor]

This is waaaay, waaaay TMI.

Excuse me, I have to leave the room now to conduct some - um - er - business, yes that's what I leaving to do.

[Annie Where-but-here]

El has the vapors just like Scarlett!

[DeskDiva]

So THAT's what it meant to have "the vapors!"

[CJrun]

*pretends to look Annie in the eye, lifts left butt cheek*

[Annie Where-but-here]

CJ, you so much as reach for my butt cheek and I'll break more than wind.

[nonanonymous]

Levitt concurs: "When I go to various parties, etc., I've never had a male complain about the gas passage of his female partner. But I've had so many complaints from the opposite direction it's ridiculous.''
Gee, maybe that's because women don't purposefully fart in the company of a male, and burst into raucous laughter. I learned this from my brothers. And women do not know how to fart on command.

[Wyo Cowboy]

hence the term, "the weaker sex."

[Annie Where-but-here]

nonanon - oh yeah, we can fart on command. We're just passive aggressive about it.

[Siouxie]

I just fart commando. Very hush hush...covert sorta thing. Weapons of ASS destruction.

[Annie Where-but-here]

*snork/fnork* @ Siouxie. (that's snorking @ both ends at the same time. I can do that because I'm an opposing gender of the opposing sex and can multitask.)

[CJrun]

Honestly, I'm cracking up. I have nothing left. I quit my job today and I'm going to huddle in that corner, over there.

Today was Mom's 78th birthday and the end of my career. Next week, I will begin to explode as a non-restrained science writer. I hope all of the pseudo-science writers have their ducks out of the bath tub, because the gloves come off, Tuesday.

See you, then.

[AuntieM]

Good luck to you, CJ! I'm sure the scientific community has no idea what it's in for. Knock 'em dead. Not with your flatulence, though, please!

[Boo Augustus]

I had Afgan food this evening and then went to see Charlie Wilson's War (detect a theme). I provided a little extra sound effects for the anti-tank/anti-aircraft weaponry in the movie.

and I can't believe I read the whole article about farting. What a productive Friday evening this has been.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Q:What happens when a non-restrained science writer mixes metaphors?
A:The rubber duck gloves come off in the bathtub.

[Suzy Q]

*pushes the tray of gumballs over to CJ, then scurries out of range*

[BobC]

I'm glad there's at least one blog that discusses important topics like this one.

[CJrun]

The difference is, I can handle it.

AnnieWednesday don't scare me, because I have dived into blackness and could lift a tree.

If I want scary, I'm chasing a panther come Wednesday, that attacked a 3 year old. I believe the story is true and the wounds on this child are from a panther; the State says his Mom attacked him and the State has taken custody of the child, from her.

I'm going after this panther and I don't believe his Mom attacked him. The medical evidence photographs, are 'disappearing'. Uh, uh. I am free now, and I am going up against the State that has taken this child away from his parents. Most stuff I do requires me to be nice to the State. I have studied this case, and I'm going up against the State. This little boy may have been attacked by a panther and he needs somebody that believes him. From what I have seen his wounds ares froma big cat. It's career suicide, to go agianst the agencies, but I hope I have enough mojo with the agencies. I have worked so hard for so long, I hope I can stop what is is happening. For me to go up against the government and get these people back their broken child, well that is tough. I know I am very good at what I do. Somehow, I have to find a way to do this, because I believe the family.

Today, I became free of my corporate obligations, but I know there is a family over in Fort Drum that lost a boy, that's a fact. I know there are State Biologists that are trying to protect the panther that have said, "I don't care about the kids."

But I know. I would never go up against the state biologists, ordinarily, but this one doesn't feel right. I would like to think I am one of the best biologists in the country, I really am very good. Me going out and fighting on this means something to me, and I have no upside. This is going to make me very unpopular. I am going to pursue this because I don't think this kid was killed by his Mom. I smell a rat and I don't beliseve for one moment that his Mom stripped that child and inflicted puncture wounds and long scraping wounds.

I don't believe this happened. I don't believe that the Mom inflicted deep puncture wounds, then scraping wounds across her 3.5 yo boy, then asked grandaddy to watch him, then all of a sudden he became naked and bloody. I suspect he was hit by a cougar.

The State of Florida has destroyed or hidden all evidence and the Mom is now in jail. But I can, and will, come find the evidence. There is nobody else in the state that is not such a weenie, that won't swim with gators. Honestly, they are all weenies. Gators don't scare me and God help the person that has accused this fanily, if they are mistaken. I don't believe it.

[DeskDiva]

CJ - CONGRATULATIONS on your "retirement," and kudos to you for standing up for what you believe in, even if it's completely unpopular and even if others will come after you for it. You are a man of your convictions and I am proud to know you - even if it's only in cyberspace.

[Siouxie]

*smooooch* CJ! GO GET 'EM!

[Annie Where-but-here]

Yeah, CJ - just say, "Hellooo, Kitty!"

[Mot the Hoople]

CJ, there're way too few of your kind around. More power to your elbow now that you're (not your) a free agent.

[queensbee]

this is the major story of our time. i dont understand why cspan is NOT having a callin show about it, just wasting their time on the iowa thing... sheesh.
good luck CJ.

[CJrun]

*tears up invitations to 'various parties'*

[CJrun]

P.S. I just read that 'long-winded' post from last night; there's a reason I don't drink wine, usually. To clarify, the boy was not killed, although the Mom now stands accused of trying to kill him. Initially, the Fish & Wildlife said the attack was from a dog, now they say the Mom did it and they have taken away her parental rights while he recovers in the hospital. Not the cops, the Fish & Wildlife. The family has no money, to speak of, and they are out-gunned. Something stinks and it ain't flatus. Most of the F&W folks are great people, but the ones involved in trying to save the Florida Panther are almost religious about it and one of them was actually quoted as saying, "I don't care about the kids (FL panthers aren't very large and are not a serious threat to most adults)." F&W says the panthers are all in or around the Everglades and most of the adults have tracking collars. If one is as far north as Ft. Drum, they probably knew about it in advance. Otherwise, it may be a big cat that someone released into the wild. Either way, the injuries to the boy were not inflicted by a dog or a human, based upon the verbal descriptions. The photographs of the injuries taken when he was admitted have been removed from his records by the F&W, so there won't be any visible evidence until his bandages are removed and now, the State has taken custody of the child so no one else is allowed to examine him. I'm going to take the other route; I'm going into the woods south of Ft. Drum and try to track down the cat.

Booger!!

[Kristina L.]

Good for you, CJrun. Good luck. I like panthers, but I don't want them attacking children.

From what I know about big cats, they might be very interested in hunting children because young kids are small enough to seem like a good target, and they also move and run a lot, which attracts cats.

Maybe they should just fence off the swamp part. OK, that would probably be way too expensive.