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December 30, 2007


Now they want to take away a man's fundamental human right to keep a decomposing dolphin carcass on his roof.

(Thanks to Don Koury)


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That's disgusting. (And the Miami football player carcass, too.)

First! Not to be confused with the Dolphin(s). Or Da Bears.

I do the same thing with road kill. My roof is covered with squirrel, opossum, racoons, turtles, deer, snakes and grandma. I thought everyone who encountered dead critters put them on the roof.
I don't understand the controversy.

It's been dead for two years and no one noticed?!?
Oh, it's in New Jersey.
Never mind.

Dave! You missed the King Mango Strut! It was great! I'm only a lil' bit drunked up, too (didn't drive).

I'm sweaty, quite possibly smelly, and I think I might have made a date with a gay guy named Glenn.

Congrats on the new column, Annie. Off to shower now!

Somehow I just lost interest in supper.

Suzy, at least one of you is likely to be disappointed.

1. How long does it take to get the stink out of a Dolphin skeleton?

2. You find a dead dolphin at the beach, your presumably drunk, so why pitch it up on the roof if your going to bring it home? Why not show it off as if you had to beat it to death because it tried to attack you or something?

3. I'm that guy's neighbor. I never notice the foul smell or see the rotting carcass on his roof for over 2 years?

The answers to all of the above is easy. What Annie said about New Jersey. No wonder the mob likes to hang out there.

Uh, on the roof for 2 years and it still smells?

Delayed Olfactorization!

gjd: Ya never know.

*grin @ Suzy Q*

Dude, it's like, an offering to the Gods. I thought the roof was, like, a creative alternative to burning it in the yard.

Suzy Q,
Coconut Grove has not changed much since I went to The Ransom School in the mid '60's. The Hub of the Grove, as I recall it, was a five-point intersection that was just a short walk from the school down Main Hwy, anchored by a drug store.

so that's where my dead dolphin went!

An important part of the story is missing; that being, "alcohol was involved."

Or, given the circumstances, is that redundant?

uh, crossgirl... that will be one unique folk art adornment. and did you fill your quota of bottlecaps?


Dayam, I am no better at being sly as a geezer than I was as a teenager. Doy!

People's noses usually quit working during an election year. Is it possible the public olfactories are waking up for this upcoming one?

I'm sure he didn't do it on porpoise.


Did someone just call me a geezer?

They must have made that dolphin an offer it couldn't refuse, and then it refused it.

Yeah, I called you a geezer.... what'cha gonna do about it? Bring on your walker! ;-)

It took two years before somebody complained about the smell? There's something fishy about that...


...And I also have to wonder if that guy isn't related to one of my neighbors here in Independence, MO. While lugging a basket of clothes down to the laundry room at my apartment complex today, I noticed that one of my fellow apartment dwellers has about a third of a deer carcass - skin, hooves, and ribcage/spine with some meat attached - sitting in the back of his F-150. There's got to be a Jeff Foxworthy joke in there someplace as well...

I'm not sure whether the remains are the result of a successful hunting trip or merely roadkill - knowing the fellow in question, I'd bet on roadkill - but since the weather is supposed to be warming up next week I hope the guy hurries up and disposes of the rest of his "catch."

Wes - that's disgusting. A Ford 150?!?

Well..everyone knows the Dolphins are dead. So..what's the big deal?? we've been smelling the carcasses here in Miami for months.

Yes, Annie, a Ford F-150. Which is decomposing only somewhat slower than its cargo...

And, like Siouxie, I was tempted to make jokes about decomposing Dolphins...but the way my Chiefs have been stinking up the joint lately, I really didn't want to go there.

Jeez, they couldn't even beat the freakin' Jets.

At least Miami will get the first draft pick in '08. KC will have to settle for number four or number five...

Seems like the appropriate time for this. :)

Annie, I know..my ex drives a Ford 150. Figures.

Speaking of driving...I am LOVING my new car!! I hate the fact that I HAD to get it cuz my old one crapped out. Butt...it's all good.

Simul with Siouxie! Great end to a great day!

I was going to add, in regard to my post above, that I guess one got left behind. :(

Wes...I guess I can do that cuz I am and always have been a Fins fan. Fair weathered or bandwagon...whatever..that's been MY team. So, yes..I was disappointed that their "undefeated" record for the season was tied. I remember that 72 season and celebrating out on the streets along with the rest of Miami. I also remember getting my guitar and strumming the "Miami Dolphins" song. I do congratulate the Pats fans.

El, we've had several simuls today. I'm gonna be sleeping well tonight, amiga!

Igloo: Apparently, you haven't visited the Grove in quite awhile. A whole LOT has changed since the '60s. It's no longer the artists' enclave it used to be. Even the ghetto on Grand Avenue is being yuppified, much to my surprise.

That 5-point intersection is still there but the grocery store, open-air market, Chinese store, drug store, original Grove Cinema (upstairs in that office building; remember?) and so much more are missing. Maya Hatcha is still there, though, on Grand.

It's a very different vibe in the Grove now. Whereas it used to be creativity, it's now money. Although, the weirdos some interesting people still do congregate from time to time, like today.

Suz, I remember the Grove Cinema and standing in line to see Rocky Horror!! A LOT has changed, you're right.

btw..I'm watching "Sound of Music" and thought of Annie and El...my shopping buddies.

Macys clothes sales racks
And Jimmy Choo Sandals
Chocolate Ice Cream
And Dave blogger scandals
Driving my new car and
Shiny new rings
These are a few of my favorite things...

Sioux, remember when it moved to next to the post office? I saw my very first X-rated movie there, some weird Japanese film, back in probably 1979, "In the Realm of the Senses." I'll never forget being so embarrassed to be caught in line when a friend came up to us (me and boyfriend). But then I realized, she's here, too! Freaky movie, too.

I also attended Rocky Horror, more than once, and one time even with a gay guy friend dressed up as Frankenfurter. What a scream! When we were waiting for the movie to start, a hush came over the crowd and then cheering because Bob Kunst had walked in. What a trip.


Suz, I remember that. Never did see any p0rn there though. We used to take all kinds of crap to use durin the movie...cards...newspaper...water guns...tp...

Good times!

There's a liiiiiiight......

Over at the Frankenstein place...there's a liiiiiight...burning in the fireplace...

Oh yeah..we had lighters too!

We're sorry, your comment has not been published because TypePad's antispam filter has flagged it as potential comment spam. It has been held for review by the blog's author.

Oh of course. How about Viagra. Act nOw! Cheap Shoes!

Ladies and gentlemen. I rest my case.

S: And toast! Did you bring toast?

Suzy Q,
I can only imagine how much has changed in Miami since the '60's. My guess is that Burdines no longer exists; Wolfies restaurant on Miami Beach is probably just a memory; Miracle Mile in the Gables is just a strip shopping center.

Wes, there was a time when I might have been your neighbor. I have dead animals everywhere... sometimes I lose track. Thank goodness, I'm not your neighbor. Thank goodness, I started dating crossgirl and she loves a perfectly good skeleton. [Weirdo]. I am in Yeehaw Junction and yes, there is a place named Yeehaw Junction. It's actually very close to civilization, but also near the most rural place I have ever been, in my life, and I was born in the Andes. Honestly, I am stunned by this area and the people.

A snake just crawled up the wrought iron support for the roof, outside my door, roughly 3 feet from my toes. He seems nice enough.

CJ, Yeehaw Junction is the historic northern end of the Florida Turnpike. Light a candle in its honor. You might even scare the snake off!

Achshually, SQ, it's the southern end. The Turnpike was extended down to the north side of Monroe County, the beginning of the Keys, in the later days, but it begins way up in Leesburg/Wildwood. You are such a Miami person! You know what is at the north end? Coleman. You need to go see Coleman. I think I have a snake in my right pants leg... please excuse me.

Trouser snake, CJ??

crossgirl...you lucky girl you!

Well. That was a very close thing. I made a decision that that snake was in search of warmth and would keep crawling up my leg until it met its larger cousin, just north of the knee. So this worked: I just held a finger across the top of my knee until it gave up and turned around. It wasn't a very large snake, maybe only a foot long, but it freaked me out. I think I need to go pee.

Cj's been gone a long time. He must've really needed to go.

Either that or the snake got him.

*throws snakebite kit on the blogbar*
Is diverdowndoc around? We may need to send her to CJ's house....

Night, all.

Honest truth, the new owner of the Desert Inn stopped by and, since I smoke cigarettes, I had the door open and my feet hanging out on the sidewalk. Soooo, I told him about the snake crawling up my leg, pretending to complain, then laughed and he and I took a tour around his property. I showed him where his problems were and then took him on a separate tour and showed him where his groundwater monitor wells were. I'm not officially working, so I'm doing this place for free, but now he will be in a better position to negotiate his final purchase price. I have invited Kristen/crossgirl down here for a bluegrass festival at the end of next month, 'cause she loves this place and has always wanted to stop here, but I hope to also have a report ready for Mike, the future owner. This place is contaminated as crap, but I think it can be fixed. It all depends on some data I can't get to until Wednesday; roughly speaking, a $900,000 swing. I love helping small business people out, if I can, when I'm off the clock. This guy can't afford it, if the data comes back unfavorable, but it won't. The Jags were playing an unimportant game today, so I wandered all over his property. He must have carcinogenic cholrinated solvents under his land, in addition to snakes that crawl up his guest's legs. But I don't think they're coming from his property... I suspect they are coming from his neighbor. If I was smarter, I could figure out how to pull up the data for his land off of the State database, but they don't make that easy for just anybody to do. I know how to do this if I spend $135 to run a search, but I don't know how to do this for free. So that's my weekend, chasing cats and wandering down asphalt trying to find the limits of chlorinated contamination until my new friends Don and Kathleen almost ran me over. I am such a nerd, it scares me, sometimes. Not making that up, Don and Kathleen almost ran my butt over because I got so into tracking wells put in by other people, years ago, that are so deep that they must have been chasing a plume of chlorinated solvents. That's just my gut instinct. Those wells aren't for tracking petroleum, or other additives, they must be for teratogenic cholinated solvents. I really need professional help; no normal person does this on a day off!


Far be it frum me, CJ' ... to accuse y'all of bein' ... "normal" ...

Sadly, the name of the man was ...

Vital Abalone
I.e., Naval Bloat
Not Available

In other news ...

Devin Hester ~ Veer. TD. Shine.

I'm sure he didn't do it on porpoise.

Posted by: JEC666 | 08:15 PM on December 30, 2007

A HUGE belated *ChiantiSNORK* @ JEC666


Thanks for the stories, CJ. Have you read Skinny Dip, a story with lots of plot twists involving the Everglades, snakes, pollution, and other fun things you haven't (yet) mentioned like murder, by Carl Hiaasen a Florida-based writer who is not as funny as, but does remind me of, Dave Barry in some respects.

And you're not abnormal. Me, I'm sitting around rearranging letters to make silly phrases instead of going to sleep. I'll be doing that now.

Carl Hiaasen ~ I "hear" canals.

CJ- It's my Month off, I am programming, making levels, and all sorts of other things for videogames.

CJ, your a good person doing a good thing. This should be normal bud.

Good mornin!!

CJ, you are a nerd and you are nuts, but we love ya anyways. (btw..it's KristIn, KristEn is my daughter).

dances, Carl Hiaasen is one of CJ's favs too. He (CJ)got me hooked. He bought me Hiaasen's first novel (Tourist Season) and I had Carl sign that and his last one that I also bought. I have "Stormy Weather" yet to read. He's very funny and yes, he does remind me a bit of Dave. Dave did the introduction at Carl's book signing. Oh and he's kinda cute. Annie told me.

I did? That was you? About him?

Morning all!!! Only 14 1/2 hours to go!!!!!!!

*does New Year Happy Dance*

*pulls important muscle*

*goes to lie down*

Morning late risers, it's 7.5 hours to 2008 here and focken hot. Enjoy the muffins and coffee as the last blog breakfast for 2007. May 2008 bring everything you wish for yourselves. Love you all.

Annie, in your defense...you were drinking crap Coors.


*crawls back to computer*

BTW - I LOVE Carl's books - very fun!

Speaking of fun books - I just got SPOOK, by Mary Roach. It's about the history of the scientific search for proof of the afterlife. And it's a SCREAM! She is hysterical! The subject matter is not for everyone, but her interjections are priceless. (Picture Dave being sent to cover a story about quantum physics)

Anyway, I highly recommend it.

*slithers back to couch, stops for coffee along the way*

I was? I did?

Good Morning. If I don't get a chance to say it later, have a Happy and Blessed New Year, one and all. And free advice. Don't get married tonight. I tried that NYE marriage thing 3 years ago. Not so good. The marriage, that is. The wedding was a blast.

*cracks open an eye*

Did someone say donuts?

*wanders into blog from vacation*
WayneHere, I got married on June 21st. The longest....day....of....the....year.

geez, i hateI it when cj confuses me with siouxies daughter.

the man IS straight out of a hiassen book. how could i resist? besides, he's got this snake in his pants....

Very cool on the June 21 wedding. I always tried to make that a camping day to take advantage of all the daylight.

Don't do the Valentines Day wedding either. Ever try to get a reservation for your anniversary? Never mind reservations ABOUT your marriage. *eyeroll*

Good Morning! cg, has CJ and his trouser snake got you walking talking a little sideways this morning?!

Annie, so sorry I missed your call. I was drinking Sioux's box wine had my ringer turned off. Bad habit. I turn it off at work, then forget. hehehe. I love the accent, btw. NY much, dahling?

Sioux, love ya, sistah!

I'll call you both later. Gotta go move the entire contents of my basement. Ick.

Morning and happy new year's eve day!

For all of you videogame buffs. I've never played any game but solitaire all these years. Until now - I discovered mah jong. Now I spend all my time playing mah jong. Heeeelp!

*WAVES @ Hammie and tosses over a glazed donut!!!*

med, smooooooooooch!

*waves @ Hammie*
*trips over Med's basement boxes*
*scarfs down last jelly donut*

*Waves @ Siouxie!!!!*

*Waves @ Annie!!!!*

Med, may I suggest a nice, cleansing fire in your basement...

Has no one yet noticed that Decomposing Dolphin Carcasses WBAGNFARB?

*zips in*™

Siouxie, exactly how many authors are you on a *ahem* first name basis with? (If that's what you're calling it.)

Siouxie: So I had Carl sign it .....


I figured I couldn't ruffle too many fins by mentioning a potential rival's novel since Dave has given Carl musical advice and they've collaborated on manatee-related themes.

El, let's see..there's Dave and Ridley and Carl and Stephen and Annie ;-P

El, Siouxie is on a 2 first names basis with me. ;-)

yeah! M & M!

Punkin, if you like "Spook," then you should get her book "Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers." Hilarious AND informative!

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