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September 21, 2007


I'm in Washington, DC, this morning, doing a satellite TV tour, which is when you sit in a room with a little thing in your ear and talk to TV stations all around the country for five minutes each, saying the same things over and over and over and overandoverandover until you want to shoot yourself in the head, and so does the camera guy.

So anyway, in the next studio there is another satellite TV tour going on, featuring the Treasurer of the United States, Anna Escobedo Cabral, who is introducing the new five-dollar bill. The new bill has many security features, including a tiny camera that sees what you are doing and transmits an image to the FBI.

Just kidding! I think. But the bill does look different, especially the side opposite the side with Lincoln on it (known, technically, as "the side opposite the side with Lincoln on it") which has three normal-looking "5"s and then, in the lower-right-hand corner, a giant purple "5." So your immediate reaction to this bill is, "THAT'S not a real bill!" But it is, according to Treasurer Cabral, a very nice lady who can be seen modeling it this exclusive CrapCam photo:



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of course that's not a bill, silly, that's an abe.

Dave - we can always count on you to enlighten us.

Did you know that it is illegal to xerox paper cash. Technically, that is counterfeiting. Even if you don't use the *copy* to buy anything.

Uh-oh...*lookin' over my shoulder*....ummm, hey, nobody report those dimes I scanned to make a spiffy March of Dimes scrapbook layout, okay?

The way the $ is sliding I hope they made it softer and more absorbent. At least then it will have some practical value.

Bring back souveniers for the blog, Dave!!!

(I take an XX-$10,000)

Fivver --
It looks like the caterers are serving Loon in the background. Only appropriate with the Canadian dollar at parity after increasing its value for .62 4 years ago...

Wow, more Money Secrets!

daisymae - I occasionally work at an Ops store and one day I had a woman come in and try to get us to color copy cash for a school project for her daughter. She got all bent out of shape when I told her no.

Jeez, you think the new money looks odd? You should go to a foreign country. All their money has bizaar colors and pictures of people you have never heard of.

Even if it isn't softer and more absorbent, you still ought to be able to use it as kindling for your cook-fire.

giant purple 5...

Is Barny now in charge of currency design?


I can't come see you today, Dave!


But you better believe I'll be at the Arlington Drafthouse when you're there!!! :)

You're not fooling anyone, Leets.

I'm not sure about this new bill. I think they should give some to us for free so we can test them out first.

Meanie, unless somebody shows up with my head today (HINT!), I won't be at Border's Books.

I knew I shouldn't have gone back to WERK.

Newer xerox machines will not copy currency. The machine just doesn't work if you put bills on the glass. (I know this because in my old job, I had to make copies of checks and one time I accidentally included a $20 on the copier.)

But really, PURPLE?

SGL- Maybe they had Michael Kors do the design, hence the ugly colors.

Guin is right...they either won't copy or they come out bright yellow. Even Photoshop has some special thingy (code?) inside that detects scanned US currency. The copying and printing industry has been hijacked by the Secret Service.

Years ago Mad Magazine got into trouble. They printed a phony two dollar bill (in black and white) with Alfred E. Neuman's face on it. Unfortunately it worked in dollar bill changers.

fivver - we had to stop people from faxing (same as zeroxing) in copies of cash to show us they had the cash from a sale. (Oops!)

Looks like this lady was giving Dave $5 to go away. Or fetch her a latte. Nice story, though.

I wasn't thinking of Borders, Leetie.

Good obs, annie. Agreed.
So your immediate reaction to this bill is, "THAT'S not a real bill!"
That's why, on the back, it says, "Yes - of the United States!!!"

Well, think of the satelite feed tour as an opportunity to make many, many new weird looking fives.

It kinda looks like Lincoln is saying, "what the heck is this big purple eagle-shaped splotch sitting on my left shoulder?!"

Then she held out some coins to show all the perky newsmumblers and said, "See -- something shiny!!"

Sorry to doubt you, Dave. I'm a little grumpy, up early to await our 'Storm 'o the Century.' Apparently it's snot.

Then she held out some coins to show all the perky newsmumblers and said, "See -- something shiny!!"

I don't get it.

Will she be joining you on the book tour?

Good one, Meanie.

And Dave, stop hitting on the help the Treasurer!

Looks like we got your weather, Annie (sunny and 82) and you got Florida's.

I can't believe they're even bothering to print paper money anymore. I've watched people use a debit card to buy a d@mn 75 cent candy bar. Drives me nuts.

And Dave, stop hitting on the Treasurer!
Lol, Jeff. I understand Dave was overheard complaining thatCondi Rice is out of the country.

pssst - EG - newsmumblers are typically bald.

Mmmmmm.....Ruth Bader Ginsburg

So SW, you want to take the law into your own hands?

Purple and Green?

Lol, fivver. It all started with Susan Dey...

...then Ally McBeal....

...then Gloria Steinem....

Just don't ask Janet Reno "What's shakin' baby?"


blurk: ain't you a little young to be that crotchety? all you need is a "consarn it" at the end there.

...then Gloria Allred....

mud, you don't know the half of it. I actually switched cell phone companies because the previous one (rhymes with Smalltell) was gonna charge me 3 bucks because I had the nerve to stop in the actual store with actual paper money to pay the bill. I'd been payin' my bill in that store for years.

If I were Dubya, I'd have her going thru my pockets for spare change...while my pants were still on.


Shouldn't they be a little more concerned with securing twenties and fifies first? And maybe hundreds too?

...then Nancy Pelosi....

Glorias Allred and Steinem are enough to make a guy wanna go thru the procedure in that other post. Except Steinem was kinda hot; I was conflicted about her.

You're pushin' it, Annie.

...then Barbara Bush (the Elder)...

And why are the U.S. Treasurers always women?

...then Barney Frank...

I'm still left-handed but think I'll go back to my abbreviated name.

...then Chiquita Banana....

(yes, Mud - blurkie is that old and cranky, consarn it.)

Blurk...I've been known to use a debit card for a $1.79 cup of coffee because the Dunkin Donuts is before my bank, in my commuting routine.
I'm looking forward to when we can use those scanner thingies that you just wave in front of a pad, like at the gas station.

And why are the U.S. Treasurers always women?
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | 10:38 AM on September 21, 2007

What an ignorant question. Go ask your wife.


I refuse to use my debit card to by a $.79 candy bar. I force myself to buy 3 for $2.37. I blame Blurk.

*Sulks because I can't go see Dave in DC due to work conflicts. Slave drivers!*

hasn't blurk seen that commercial where they try to make the guy with actual money feel guilty for holding up the line?!?

*zips in*™

blurk, I know what you mean. Yesterday I was on the phone with some company (CRS) and they told me if I paid my bill in person there would be a $4.95 charge for doing that!

MOTTO: We Don't Need No Stinkin' People In Our Store!

*wonders if anyone would ask why the Secretary of Defense is always a man*

I don't think so.

Blurk-ing Saddles?

Darn it, Meanie...firewall got me.

And I know what you mean, El..."just give us your money, we don't actually wanna see your face."

I'm a 5!...I'm a 5!

that guy on the video was kinda funny....but yeah when I go to the US - mixing up bills of different denominations has always been a concern so I'm down with the whole idea of purple 5's

Pelosi's lookin' pretty good these days too. How much do you think she's spent on all that work she's had done? But Hillary has never been one to be outdone.

*wonders if anyone would ask why the Secretary of Defense is always a man*

Exactly. Thank you.

Stevie: hahahahaha

I guess sexism is the theme here for the day.

Does she know about your plan to make Rob Secretary of the Treasury? Is why she's that weird greenish yellow shade?

This is way more exciting than any previous CrapCam adventure, by the way. Yay Treasurer Cabral!

I hear it costs more than one cent for the Gummint to make a penny. Wonder how much these'll cost?

Defense Secretaries are always men 'cause we like to break things and blow sh!t up.

The bot thinks I'm a $pammer. This is a test.

El - check this legit one out. Now I can see what Bill saw in her.

Lol, blurk.

I think some of you were missing the point. The Treasurer is an empty, meaningless job. Yeah, your name is on the currency but that's it, while no one could call Secretary of Defense a meaningless job.

Let's have real equality for women!

Good one, Stevie.

Okay, Geezers...

My daughter is working at the Ogunquit Playhouse™ in Maine and was telling me about this actress she's working with who is really funny and really nice. This lady is older, but likes to joke around with the young crowd and my daughter really likes her. I said, "Oh great! What's her name?" And she says, "Sally Struthers."

So I said "Oh wow! She's famous! She was on All in the Family!"

And my daughter says "What was that?"

*stops the geezer bus for Punkin*

Hop on/

Holy crap, p-poo, that is TOO funny.

Do you realize that if you even recited the lyrics to that show's theme song today, you'd probably get shouted down on some college campuses?

Hey Punkin - Is Sally trying to sell your daughter a course on becoming a gunsmith, TV repairman, real estate appraiser or some such trade?

Save me a seat on that bus there, Punkin. Does Sally still do those Save the Children commercials? They were pretty graphic and used to freak me out during Saturday morning cartoons when I was about 8.

Hold the bus, Jeff...

Al, guin - I dunno, but my daughter is 5'9" and weighs 118lbs....I heard Sally was either trying to force feed her cookies, or trying to steal them from her....I'll let you know more as the story unfolds. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming:

"Boy the way Glenn Miller played,
Songs that made the Hit Parade,
Guys like us we had it made,
Those were the days....

And you knew who you were then,
Girls were girls and men were men,
Mister we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again.

Didn't need no welfare state,
Everybody pulled his weight,
Gee, our old Lasalle ran great.

Hey Mr. Barry, and I call you that because I'm in awe of you... for now.

I am actually on my way to see you at Border's Books & Music in DC today... hopefully you won't be so popular that I won't be able to see you before my lunch hour is up.

If I do get to see you... BE NICE!

I've loved you... your column, for a very long time now, and when I was a journalism major at UF, I wanted to grow up to be just like you (the female version of you with a little more melanin).

I googled you and found your blog... now I'm going to stalk you forever (just jokes. my attention span isn't nearly long enough to take on such an endeavor.)

In all honesty, I love your columns, and I am looking forward to meeting you today... just minutes from now.

Thanks for making the world a funnier place.

Guin - I used to think how many kids she could save if she'd just share her own food.

*smacks sw & jeff for having control issues*
Are youse cash belongs to us. Get over it.

It's always about women. Even when you look at leading men's magazines, what do they have? Pictures of women!!!

Welcome, Kelly! We specialize in crazy madness and we like it that way. :)

Great pic, Stevie. I've seen other college pics of her. And.....cye. :)

Nice try at a save, Jeff. Doesn't work for me. I think having one's signature on currency would be pretty cool, but maybe that's just me.

blurk, some chicks like to blow stuff up too, ya know??? ;)

I've met those girls, Eleanor. They usually know all about the treasury, too! (At least, their own treasuries.)

Yebbut, with us mens there's always usually beer involved.

I think it's the Coors, blurk, providing that extra explosiveness...

*snork* @ Annie

Punkin, I was already singin' it by the time I got to your post. Thanks for the mammemories!

Punkin, I remember when I got my first gray hair: It was when my niece asked me if Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings.

As I recall, I believe it is also illegal to take PHOTOGRAPHS of US currency (or specie) ... unless one has the written permission of either the Treasurer of the USA or the Secret Service ... merely ... wonderin' if we'll soon be sendin' our comments to Dave at the 66048 Zip Code ...

do they have blue shirts there, OtheU? or will he be forced to start wearing day-glo orange?

Oh you Americans and your Monopoly money!

There! I've wanted to say that since 1976, the last time the Canadian dollar was at par.

All those jokes about our Canadian money hurt our feelings, you know.

I will admit I have admired Canada ever since they saw fit to put an image of Queen Elizabeth on one side and an image of a loon on the other side of a dollar coin.

This weekend, I was shopping at a store which rhymes with "Fall Smart", and I attempted to pay for my purchase using several Susan B's that I had just received from the Post Office. The clerk didn't know what to do with them! Then she was puzzled, because she didn't have a spot in her register's till to store this 'mystery money'.

By the way, ever have a checker rub a eraser-like pen over your $20? Go to Snopes and check it out. Urban legend. Turns out that many years ago, there was a series of counterfeit $20 mills with high amounts of starch. The "pen" is a litmus test for that. But that group of criminals was arrested years ago. Their legacy lives on?

YAY for the woman treasurer and for women controlling the MONEY!!

*smacks Jeff and Stevie*

I can't believe they're even bothering to print paper money anymore. I've watched people use a debit card to buy a d@mn 75 cent candy bar. Drives me nuts.

I haven't gotten to see it myself yet, but supposedly, there's a vending machine at my college that takes credit cards.

But the people who annoy me are the ones who get a $1.75 drip coffee at Starbucks...and pay with a check. I always seem to be stuck behind these people.

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