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September 13, 2007


We know it's illegal to sell heroin. We did not know, however, that it's also illegal to sell fake heroin, which is pretty much by definition not heroin.

(Thanks to DavCat14)


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What's the big deal about FIRST? Who gives a rat's butt?

I don't know anything about catfish bait...what does it have in common with heroin (white powder, maybe?). And, what's the vinegar for?

It's pretty standard in criminal law, Your Blogness. Here in Canada, it's illegal to sell narcotics, or any other substance held out to be the aforesaid narcotic. Carries the same penalty, too...

time to fish or cut bait heroin...

The Fridge sure has fallen on hard times.

Happy - you don't sound very...happy to me. Hmm. Sounds like sour grapes to me. Want some cheese with that vinegar whine? ;-)

it is not my intention to support the sale of heroin or faux heroin. but the Romans said or wrote or are reputed to have held as a point of law "caveat emptor" which is Latin for, "if you buy fake smack you have no one to blame but your own dumb butt" thus, ergot um er ah ergo and to twit screw you, you dumb junkies.

Yeah, Chi - last week he was governor, this week...well. Dang. He's a big guy. He falls hard.

Afkat: But why? Is the law concerned that would-be heroin buyers are being cheated?

Reminds me of a great scene from the early part of "A Few Good Men" talking about a guy who had been caught with a suspicious package.

Kaffee: It was oregano, Dave, it was a dime bag of oregano.
Lieutenant Dave Spradling: Yeah, well, your client thought it was marijuana.
Kaffee: My client's a moron, that's not against the law.
Lieutenant Dave Spradling: I got people to answer to just like you do. I'm gonna charge him.
Kaffee: With what, possession of a condiment?

yeah..we wouldn't want to cheat the drug users.

*eyes roll out of sockets*

LOL Vol.

*picks up eyes, dusts them off, hands them back to Siouxie*

So, if you sell someone heroin and tell them it's catfish bait, is that a crime???

Dave, I'm not really sure how it originated. I know that over the years I arrested traffickers who actually believed that what they were selling was heroin when it turned out to be something else, so obviously their intent was what mattered. In the case of "fraudulent" sales done deliberately, I'm not sure what the motive of the legislators may have been. But it's a common element of the law in North America and Europe.

Words and music by Hoyt Axton (John Kay)

You know I've smoked a lot of (oregano)grass
O' Lord, I've popped a lot of (lemon cake mix) pills
But I never touched nothin'
That my spirit could kill
You know, I've seen a lot of (fishermen) people walkin' 'round
With (catfish and vinegar) in their eyes
But the pusher don't care
Ah, if (you bake or your fry) you die

But.... OK, never mind.

hello, hello, hello, how low...

"Lebanon is about 25 miles north of Cincinnati."

Holy crap! That's on the same exit as the suburb my sister lives in. It's pretty close to King's Island.

*snork* @ Vol

Yeah, Dave. It's like that.

I'm with you, Dave. Arrests/convictions based on "intent" are a little too much like "thought crime" for my taste. Death to Big Brother!

*gives Dave the secret libertarian handshake*

Ooh, WD! Another libertarian? Cool!

Dave, it's the same here in CA. Selling oregano as marijuana or rock salt as meth.

Stiff penalties. (heh heh, I said stiff)

But wait...it gets more weird... Back in the 1970s, most of the "mescaline" sold was really LSD. Most of the street level types selling it truly believed it was mescaline, which carried much less severe penalties. After it tested as LSD they were charged with...trafficking in LSD.

Same law...180 degree results.

OK now even I'm getting confused.


Just goes to show why I've stayed on the straight and narrow all my life.

Well, sure. It's the whole "truth in advertising" thing.

It's ok because the undercover policemen paid for it with counterfeit money. So it all works out.

Afkat: Good thing for them that the mescaline wasn't actually fish bait, or they'd have been charged with trafficking in heroin.
I'm going to stick with humor-writing, where we have clearly defined rules.

DD, in reply to your 5:02 post: More than you probably know. (Scroll down to State Representative District 36.)

Now, I'm confused.

Maybe I should get Capitol One.

I hope they paid with make-pretend money . . .

I saw a cop show where they did a drug sting and caught a guy who was supposedly selling crack rocks - but they weren't really crack rocks, they were macadamia nuts!

That wasn't very funny, Dave.

...was it?

WD: you leave Tancredo out of this.

I would've liked to have seen the results when one of them pieces of crap addicts shot up catfish bait.

The Phantom poster is starting to get on my nerves.

I said scroll down to District 36. Not my fault we were in the same election. And please get a name.

blank (for El)

This is your mind on heroin. This is your mind on catfish bait. Any questions?

Actually, under Ohio law the "seller" could be guilty of two separate crimes.

1. Offering to sell heroin, which itself is a crime. For instance, let's say I don't have any heroin but tell someone I do and offer to sell it that person. I've offered to sell heroin.

2. Selling counterfeit drugs. This is crime because the seller has entered the drug trade, even though he's trying to rip someone off.

Cool, WD!!!! :) *two thumbs waaaay up!*

Ok, so, if a creep at work touches a woman's FAKE breasts, is he guilty of sexual harrassment? Or just playing with silicone?

Make sure you scroll all the way down to the Elvis fishing reel . . .

Snork @ Punkin

LOL, Meanie!

Love the "everlast" on her chest - right next to Elvis's TINY face in that last photo. ROFL!

So, basically, it's illegal to sell heroin, but it's also illegal to sell not heroin?

In some ways, this sort of reminds me of the whole "I Forgot" legal defense that Steve Martin came up with a while back.

Shakespeare: "To be, or not to be..."

Ye Cop: "Did you intend to be?"

Shakespear: "Well, yes."

Ye Cop: "Then you're under arrest."

Shakespeare: "Oh, sh!tith!"

tosses up an "e" to old Willie

TY for the thumbs, DD. If only more than 600-odd voters had felt the same... ;-)

That whole "Pulp Fiction" speech about "What do they call a Big Mac in France?" is playing in my mind...
(With slight topical modifications...)

JULES Well, bait is legal there, right?

VINCENT Yeah, it's legal, but is ain't a hundred percent legal. I mean you can't walk into a restaurant, open a bait bucket, and start puffin' away. You're only supposed to smoke bait in your home or certain designated places, like public piers.

JULES Those are bait bars?

VINCENT Yeah, it breaks down like this: it's legal to buy it, it's legal to own it and, if you're the proprietor of a bait bar, it's legal to sell it. It's legal to carry it, which doesn't really
matter 'cause -- get a load of this -- if the cops stop you, it's illegal for this to search you. They can't touch your fishing pole, either. Touching your pole is a right that the cops in Amsterdam don't have....

JULES That did it, man -- I'm $#$#'n goin', that's all there is to it.

Vincent You'll dig it the most, man. Ain't nothin' like getting your (fishing) pole touched by an undercover cop. Just ask Senator Craig!

If that's my choice, Meanie, I'll take the heroin.

I love how her last name is Wead.. kinda like "weed."

In keeping with Blog policy, I will make no comment related to the fact that the one that got 6-months is named Wead.

"We have gotten no reports of anyone else getting them, but quite frankly the people who may have gotten them aren't likely to report it," prosecutor Rachel Hutzel said Wednesday.

Well, I guess we know who hasn't been reading the 'criminal mastermind' stories in this blog.

Would you like to buy from my full-o'-bunk balloon?

SW *snork*!

Shhh Kat... were not s'posed to comment on that!

Well, of course drug dealers would use catfish bait.
That's how they get you hooked.


A little OT/

I've been trying to figure out the acronym "WTFBBQ"?

I got the first three letters. (Unfortunately, I use that one a LOT!) but I don't understand how Bar-Be-Que relates...and I haven't been able to figure it out by context either.

Am I totally off? (I do know the answer to that question, but I mean as relates to this acronym, thanks.)

It's not mentioned on the Acronym page, either, just a footnote that says there are several acronyms on the blog.

(Sadly, this probably proves that I would not be on one of the first three teams finishing the Herald Hunt.)

Oh, and Happy Birthday Blurk!

Blurk is off gallivanting at the moment, but if he were here, I'm sure he'd say 'thanks.'
Kristie - the 'bbq' was added to keep the 'wtf' from being so obvious. It doesn't mean so much, but takes the edge off the first 3 letters. Sometimes we get young folk on the blog, so we try to cool it a bit....

Although I would really like a DBFP,YOTUS BBQ apron.

CJ - you didn't like the one I sent you?

Thanks, AWH!

Here in Seattle a few years ago, a morning radio station would use the terms "Fred" "Wilma" and "Bedrock" for the genitalia and associated activities in case their listeners had kids in the car. I guess this is the same idea...

I'm a big fan of the Blog and Bloglits, but do not get to post as often as I would like. :(

What were you sayin' 'bout coolin' it, Annie? Bwahahahaha!!!!!

Med - whut? You mean that pic of Willie and his Wooly? That's his pet.

Sorry, Annie. My bad. Yeah, that's it. ;-)

Love your pets, just dont "LOVE" your pets...

Please don't pet Willie's Woolly.

is it ok to pet your pets?

(hey, Med, how's it goin?)

Annie, I need to find something that will stand out in Miami Beach; down there, that's practically cammo.

For Cj and Wyo.

Maybe they said they were selling "heron bait and LCDs" and it's all a mistake. Or maybe there's a lot of radon leaking out of the ground in Ohio. Based on an ex-girlfriend from Ohio, I'm going with the second theory.

Annie, to quote from 'The Birdcage,' this is SoBe we're talking about..."don't add."

Second that, Grifter -- I dated a woman from Ohio. Twice was more than enough. The only reason there was a second date was that I couldn't believe that she could have been that odd full-time; she must've been having an off night, right? Wrong.

Related to WTFBBQ:

My Dad tells the story of how his father would come home from work and complain about his boss, Mr Fashi. He grumbled about him for over 15 years. He never said a kind word about him.

About twenty years later, his mother saw an obituary in the paper. "Oh look, your father's old boss died."

My Dad leaned over to read but could only find the obit for Mr. Williams.

"Where's Mr Fashi?"

"Oh, his real name was Williams. Your father just called him Fashi. It stood for F@cking A$$hole Sh!t Head Idiot."

Happy birthday, blurk. Hope it's a good one!

Have fun.

Punk, it may be subtle, butt my buddy once looked over at me, leaned in over is glasses and said, "My bank changed it's name to Wachovia. Perfect."

Punkin, so that's where you get your wonderful wit! Would your Dad mind if I occasionally apply his moniker, as called for? I will send the royalty checks to you, of course. ;-)

And Hey Wyo! Sorry, I zipped off for a few minutes. Had to run to the tarjay for more cleaning supplies.

Son got suspended from school for 4 days this week, and he is on a work release program. Ran me out of trash bags, windex, bowl cleaner, et al. And he has three more days of manual labor to go!

I wish I were in Montana and you could work him on the ranch 'til his muscles seize.

Med, I hope you didn't get the Mr. Clean. Lileks had a fun little rant about that on today's Bleat.

CJ: W!ndex, Aj@x, and Clorox Kleenup.... Poor dude. He has already cleaned the basement, a whole day of yard work, detailed my car, vacuum, dust, bathrooms, laundry, and a double shift at the restaurant (another one tomorrow) which he enjoyed too much.

Doesn't seem like punishment to cook with a James Be@rd chef....... but I decided that work doesn't have to be miserable, and judging how quickly he crashed last night...... he worked his a$$ off.

We also had a discussion about how much money the kitchen staff makes for their work and how ecstatic they are to be employed.... eye opening/popping out for a 13 year old.

I thought Lilek's had to stop doing the Bleat and just become a regular reporter and he was really upset about that, and so was Dave.
what's up?

Welcome Kristie. I've always thought that BBQ just rounded out the OMGWTF, IYKWIM. ;)

Happy Rosh Has, hosh, sh!t. Happy New Year, El!

Lileks can't link or refer to the Bleat from Buzz.mn; he des the opposite and links to Buzz from the Bleat. It's actually interesting, as Buzz is local news, but they get comments from all over now. Imagine how that worked during the I-35 collapse.

Med, that's the best with boys. I have no idea how to deal with gal chilluns, but I get boy chilluns on jobsites all the time. My "Wachovia" buddy was indulging one of cg's boys while we talked business and he kept adding ideas that changed the core principles. He did the look-over-the-glasses thing and layed the numbers out for the boy: "If I chip in $250K and CJ kicks in 250, what are you investing that pays for your part plus entitles you to 10%" (boy's suggested cut). Boy got all flustered and said, "I'm just a kid!" Exactly. Works well on boys that think they're old enough to be dads, as well.

Playoff time - in 15 minutes. Wish me luck! At least we look good in our spiffy new jerseys. I got the smallest size I could and I could still wear it as a dress.

Kick some A$$, Annie! Go get 'em, tiger.

BTW, when JL was all bothered I sent him an email. He email off and on, because I'm fascinated by old commercial buildings and I sometimes send him updated photos of motels. I wrote to remind him of something I had once heard him say. He was being asked what he thought needed to be done to revitalize print media. He answered (paraphrasing), "I would take my best 4 reporters, dedicate all of their efforts towards local stories, and make the content all available on line." His point, at the time, was that every large newspaper was chasing the same stories, trying to win the scoop, and no one was intensively covering the local issues and events.

He was very down/nervous for a time, so I thought it would help for him to remember that he once thought this was the ideal solution for his employer and a compliment to him, as they had maybe decided he was one of the best reporters they had; perhaps the best, as they have him running Buzz.

I do enjoy the Bleat, just as a piece of Americana. Buzz is something every town should have, a Country Store wood stove for local issues, that drives traffic to the inside pages of the Strib.


CJ - I am good with the mini-me chick, but dealin' with testosterone is creatively challenging for a DSMILF.

That said, My Heart Aches For Him. He told a kid on the bus, "shut up or i'll kill ya." Every human being over 10 has said the same thing. When the principal called and told me it was automatic, federal law 5 day suspension, my words were, "I'm gonna kill him." So, I guess I am a criminal, about to take out an uzi and go Columbine psycho.

It's crazy, stupid, PC BS, over reacting, over cautionary, retarded, illogical, irrational, absurd, brainless, ludicrous, incoherant, aberrant, extreme absurdity.

The good kids always bear the brunt of the long arm of the law, while the bad apples who fermented the petri dish are long gone. Thanks for the airport cavity search..... I definitely look like a Fracking terrorist boarding the flight with my genetic dna progeny in tow. Right. Completely logical. The Blonde, blue eyes, and red-headed three of us are going to have 6900 virgins in heaven. WTFBBQ!

My son got hugs from me when he got home from in-school suspension. He is hard enough on himself, had the fear of God @ what Mom was going to do, not to mention the entire incident is completely FUBAR. However, one must learn to navigate within the system, however Fracked UP it IS, or pay the consequences. Hence, the kid is a manual laborer/slave, partly because he completed 5 days of homework in one day at school..... and I got nothing else. Maybe Twain. Tolkien. Barry. hmmm......


I'm right there with you. My almost-17-year-old was attacked on his way to school one morning a couple of years ago by a felon in training. Just because my kid managed to defend himself (breaking the punk's nose in the process), he was charged with felony battery, which we eventually pleaded down to a misdemeanor. The little sh!t that started the whole thing got nothing--except a court-ordered written apology from my son.

You might add Terry Pratchett and/or Spider Robinson to your list of penances.

Wyo, are you still accepting submissions for your Barry's Bloggers page? I haven't been around for a while--I've actually had to work, would you believe that?--but I'm slowly coming out from under my rock, and I'd like to join the party more fully. I have been lurking fairly regularly, but I miss playing with everyone.

Response OT rant\

Med, that all works now, when he's smaller. When he grows up and becomes more physically intimidating will also be when testosterone is peaking. Boys need more structure before they get bigger than the DSMILFs. They need to learn they are becoming loaded cannons and be given an opportunity to adjust to that. cg's boy is getting to be pretty well-behaved around me and home (from what I hear) and I'm proud of him. But sometimes I just had to grab him and hold him until he realized somebody was bigger, lashing out was fruitless, and started to calm down; fighting was useless.

I remember a family member that didn't learn that until his late teens and his dad had to take him on when he lost it. 300 pounds of fit Dad against 250 of raging adolescent. They literally busted through walls of the house until the boy got under control. They became a loving family, again, but I remembered and knew I was likely to become crazy too, when I was 15-17. It can be headed off when they are younger, if they learn self-discipline earlier.

In my case, the kids were significantly larger than the parents. By the time I was 16, I could have easily have picked up my Mom and Dad at the same time, but already knew they were the bosses.

Don't give him (IMHO) any excuses such as feeling treated unfairly at an airport. No excuses. Turn it around the other way and ask him, "doesn't it suck to be subjected to people on a power trip?" Physicality is so important to boys. Self-discipline does not magically arrive through genetics. They need to be prepped for it.

End OT\

Med, the scary thing is, the girlduckling had a very similar thing happen to her--in GRADUATE SCHOOL. She was upset with someone and made a comment to a "friend" about wanting to shoot said someone. She was just running her mouth off, and talking about shooting someone is run-of-the-mill here in the heart of Texas. Apparently, the "friend" told the other person what the duckling had said, and the person filed a complaint with the university. The girlduckling had to go before the Head of Student Affairs, with her professor in tow, to explain the situation, and let them know she was not a psycho killer. Even so, it was in her records for the remainder of her time at that school until she graduated. If there had been any further trouble, she could have been booted out of school. If that incident had occurred after the Va. Tech shootings, she probably would have been. In the post-Columbine, post-9/11, post-insert your massacre here-world, everything gets taken very seriously, especially by schools.

Myself--never done heroin...

Catfish bait and vinegar?? How could you even think that was a good idea?!?

"makes a note to call Dad and thank him for stink bait"...And to stick with bass.

Thanks, guys. CJ, I will take that very seriously under advisement. I look forward to talking to you and cg more in-depth in Miyami.... I have concerns about the San Francisco treat, testosteroni.

He weighs 80 lbs, and we were "play" wrestling the other night. Uh, he is almost as strong as I am, not that I would admit it to him. If I hadn't been more knowledgeable, gotten him in a headlock and used the shemale claws, he woulda kicked my ass!

And, I can relate to the anger cg's son was expressing. Seen it, scares me, OMFG.

Back to the topic though..... this sh!t is outta control using the excuse of "safety." It is truly infringing constitutional rights of the masses to censor and judge citizens based upon the statistically rare and mathematically minute, so finite it is almost a non-factor..... however tragic. But to completely alter society's mores and norms due to the flukes is caving to media hysteria, their fear campaign, and a dangerous assault upon our civil liberties.

There have always been tragedies. Society has never been so knee-jerk, over cautious and reactionary, imho. This week, I have heard so many other stories, kids getting suspended due to drawings, poems, writing, and simple verbal venting. It is truly frightening, Orson Welles, 1984.

Only those individuals who can express themselves without offending others are acceptable. No anger, pain, or defiance allowed. We will judge your words, art, and censor your anger, according to recent hyper critical, tragedy-applied, worst-case scenarios.

And when young men and womenb can't verbally communicate and vent..... THAT'S WHEN YOU ARE AGAINST THE ROPES, IN THE CORNER, AND ABSOLUTELY EFFING DANGEROUS.

Did I wake up this year in effing Russia?

I take back Russia. Insert China.

And that's why you west-coasters win. I just saw Boyz-2-Men on the Tonight Show and that's something most of us never get to see live. Gorgeous R&B. One person's opinion, the best male R&B voices I've heard since Stevie.

Med, don't eat the chocolate! ;-)

I agree with you--society has become uber-sensitive. A 6-yr.-old boy kissing a girl at recess becomes sexual harrassment. It's crazy. Thank God we have Dave (and each other) to keep us from running screaming into traffic.

Time for bed. Nighty-night! Sweet dreams!

I don't know Med, I think Russia still applies. Especially since a former KGB agent is running the place now. Ask the Chechens how fun it is to play with the Ruskies.

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