BUT IT'S WORTH IT, BECAUSE IT MAKES A PERSON SO ATTRACTIVE
(Also thanks to hrunting)
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September 30, 2007
UH-OH
(Thanks to hrunting)
SHE WAS ASKING FOR IT
(Thanks to DavCat14)
FORGET THE BASEBALL PLAYOFFS
We have a new World Grits-Eating Champion.
Key Organization Name: Major League Eating
(Thanks to Peter Metrinko and Jeff Meyerson)
NO QUESTION, IT'S BIGFOOT
Key Quote: A local technician who transferred the video to a DVD said the figure "could be a horse."
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
PSSST
(Thanks to Phil Snyder)
September 29, 2007
THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS
Maybe the homeowner should consider this.
September 28, 2007
THERE IS NOTHING LOWER
(Thanks to RussellMc)
MAKES SENSE TO US
Tom is the first one they'd come for.
(Thanks to BillyJoeJimBob)
In Other Tom Cruise News: We have this breaking development.
(Thanks to Rayne)
This has been your Tom Cruise News Roundup.
WHO SAYS POLITICIANS NEVER ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING?
(Thanks to Jon Harris)
AND SHE'LL PROBABLY BE BILLED FOR THE EXTRA TIME
(Thanks to Bryce Donovan)
WORST REASON EVER TO BAN SMOKING
It's good for accordions.
(Thanks to DavCat14)
SHILPA SHETTY UPDATE
The moral of this story is: Never kiss Richard Gere.
(Thanks to Siouxie)
REMINDS US OF COLLEGE
(Also thanks to DavCat14)
TENNIS MATCH OF THE WEEK SO FAR
(Thanks to DavCat14)
THEY'RE ATTRACTIVE AND TASTY
(Thanks to RussellMc)
SIGNS-OF-THE-APOCALYPSE UPDATE
Clearly these sheep have been eating two-headed turtles.
(Also thanks to Siouxie)
YET ANOTHER GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
Cleaning Brush and the Orphaned Hedgehogs
(Thanks to Jon Harris)
YET ANOTHER SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE
(Thanks to Siouxie)
The two-headed turtle reminds this blog of an old joke:
The meanest animal on earth is the croc-igator. On one end it has the head of a crocodile, and on the other end it has the head of an alligator.
Q. But how does it poop?
A. That's why it's so mean.
GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
Give it up for Wet Dog Dung Stench.
(Thanks to Baron vonKlyff)
ATTENTION ALL FOND DU LAC UNITS
Be on the lookout.
Related Story: The winner of the Plumber Superhero competition will get... a toilet!
September 27, 2007
IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN A CLEAR ONE-QUART RESEALABLE PLASTIC BAG
(Thanks to Guin)
LOCAL TV NEWS REPORT OF THE WEEK SO FAR
(Thanks to DavCat14)
THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS
Now they're using flaming manholes, which would be a good name for a rock band.
(Thanks to DavCat14)
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS WOMAN?
(Thanks to mollenkamp)
THE HARRISON PUBLIC LIBRARY
(Thanks to DavCat14 and Jeff Meyerson and sjhaller)
THE OKLAHOMA BITING CRAZE
It has spread to Indiana.
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
WHY WE LOVE TWINKIES
Key Quote: "I was surprised that so many not only came from petroleum, but at least five came from rocks."
(Thanks to Jim Gilboy)
WHAT IS IT WITH OKLAHOMA GUYS AND BITING?
LAWSUIT OF THE DAY SO FAR
Hey, at least the guy got a human bone. It could have been worse.
(Thanks to Andrew Hoenig)
STRUMPDATE
I was strumpeting for my book last night in Plantation, Florida, and Andy the TropicHunt.com guy showed up to (a) remind me that the Herald Hunt is Oct. 21, and (b) strike a manly pose with me.
Don't we look fabulous? We look as though at any moment we're going to sit down in adjacent stalls and begin tapping our feet. Not that there would be anything wrong with that!
Speaking of wrong: Also at the signing I received, via judi, a batch of Killer Death Cookies of Doom baked by Annie Where-but-here and sent all the way from California. I am pleased to report that I was able to restrain myself, so there were still approximately 1.5 cookies left when I got home. Thanks, Annie W-b-h.
BE GRATEFUL YOU'RE NOT CHANGING THE DIAPERS
(Thanks to Ken in Jax)
THIS MANEUVER ALSO WORKS IN HOCKEY
Hockey Coach Stops Stampede by Biting Horse's Ear
(Thanks to Nookee)
September 26, 2007
MOST GUYS HAVE ENOUGH TROUBLE LIFTING JUST ONE
(Thanks to Barb Goldstein)
THOSE TERRORIST BASTARDS
Now they're using fart spray.
(Thanks to Dad-O-Lot)
MEN: SCUM? OR WHAT?
We report; you decide.
(Thanks to ubetcha)
Update, with Shocking Revelation: "....alcohol played a large factor in the groom ending up with someone other than his new wife."
PARENTS OF THE YEAR SO FAR
(Thanks to wickedwitch)
SOME PEOPLE SAY THE YANKEES ARE LOSERS BECAUSE THEY'VE BEEN UNABLE TO WIN A WORLD SERIES IN THIS ENTIRE MILLENNIUM (SO FAR)
But this blog says: So what? They have other talents.
(Thanks to Susannah Nation)
HEY, GIRLS...
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
I, FOR ONE, WELCOME OUR NEW SALMONELLA OVERLORDS
(Thanks to sjhaller)
ANOTHER VICTORY FOR THE DARK SIDE
This blog considered Gene Weingarten a friend. Until yesterday. Yesterday, on his Washington Post chat, he posted this photo:
This is a cute li'l baby squirrel Gene found on his neighbor's walkway. Gene of course rescued it and gave it a cute li'l baby-squirrel name, Cholmondeley (pronounced 'Chumley," says Gene). (I will pause here while you vomit.) Gene gave the squirrel to Animal Rescue. It's a touching story, except that of course THE WHOLE THING WAS A SETUP BY THE SQUIRRELS. Is Gene such a moron that he believes this is all a coincidence? Does he think there just happened to be a cute li'l baby squirrel on the walkway next to the house of a Washington Post columnist desperate for material? Does Gene does not realize that he has played right into the paws of the little furred bastards, who, while he gives them cute li'l names, are working to destroy our way of life, not to mention attacking our law-enforcement officers and our children?
Thanks, Gene. Thanks a lot. This blog can't wait to see what you "happen" to find on your neighbor's walkway tomorrow.
(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)
BARBECUE, ANYONE?
(Thanks to Susannah Nation and Meanie the Blue)
THEY HAVE THIS BLOG'S FULL SUPPORT
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
CREEPING FASCISM
Now they want to take away our most fundamental right.
(Also thanks to DavCat14)
COUPLE OF THE WEEK SO FAR
(Thanks to DavCat14)
CHUCK E. CHEESE
(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and James)
STRUMPDATE
Siouxie acknowledges her political affiliation at the Books and Books event last night.
¹This does not refer to Siouxie.
September 25, 2007
WHEN YOU'RE TALKING SWITZERLAND
Key Quote Summarizing Rap: "They chose rap because it is spoken and not sung, because clearly they are not singers."
Key Lyric To Help People Remember the Emergency Number: 118, in case you freak out/118, write it in your undies.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
WELCOME TO NEW YORK!
(Thanks to jon harris)