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September 24, 2007


In last week's episode, Jack, Chloe, Bill and Morris ended up in The Office. Incredibly, they did not kill Dwight. Speaking of being dead: Edgar still is. We give you now The™ Amazing™ Steve™.


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24 – Two Days Later – Hour 18

The following takes place between 12 noon and 1 pm.

12:00 noon – Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill stand on a sidewalk on a busy street, near a residential neighborhood. There are quite a few vintage cars driving past, and the kids in the cars are celebrating a high school football win. They’re yelling as they drive past. People on the sidewalk are looking nervously at the cars and at Jack and company.

Jack is very frustrated, “I’m beginning to think we’re never going to get these guys. I had him pinned to the ground! I almost had an answer out of him!”

12:01 pm - Bill looks around, and points to the house they’re standing in front of. “Where to next? In there?”

A lady who is walking past at that moment can’t help herself, and tells Bill. “Excuse me, but I don’t think you want to go in there. There’s something wrong with that family. They associate with hoodlums!”

Morris says, “Hoodlums? Who uses the word ‘hoodlums’ anymore?”

Bill says, “I like it. It’s a fun word. Hoodlum. Hoodlum – hoodlum. Hoodlum, hoodlum, hoodlum…”.

Chloe says, “Stop it, Mr. Excitement. Let the lady finish… Go ahead ma’am.”

The lady continues, “I think they’re over protective of their children too… Not that it’s bad to do that in this day and age, but those children been in that high school forever!” She lowers her voice, “and then there’s the matter of the older son that disappeared… No one knows what happened to him!” She shutters.

Jack says, “Um… Ok, ma’am. Thanks!” The lady leaves. Jack whispers, “Let’s go up to the house anyway”, as they watch her turn the corner down the street.

12:05 pm - They walk up to the door and ring the doorbell. A man answers the door and says, “Wow! You people are quick! They told me on the phone it might take a couple of hours! My name is Howard Cunningham, this is my wife Marion, and this is my son Richie.”

Marion says, “Oh, hello! We’re so worried! Richard’s friend is in such trouble! Howard, you tell them!”

Howard says, “Richie got a phone call from Potsie down at Arnold’s. Richie said Fonzie is down there trying to organize people to go get his friend Shirley. He said the she was kidnapped! “

Marion says, “I’m so worried about Richard and Arthur! They’re going to do something rash! I just know it!”

Jack says, “Wait, wait, wait… Let me get this straight, Arthur went to Arnold’s house to help Richie, ‘Potsie’, and ‘Fonzie’ find Shirley? What’s a Potsie and a Fonzie? They sound like hamster names…”

Marion says, “Oh, don’t say that. Arthur wouldn’t like that. ‘Fonzie’ is Arthur Fonzarelli’s nickname. All the kids down at the high school call him that.”

Chloe looks at Richie, “Wait… You’re in high school? You’re kidding right? You must be at least 25 years old!”

Richie ignores this and answer’s Jack’s question, “’Arnold’s’ isn’t’ someone’s house, it’s a drive-in.”

12:08 pm - Jack tells Howard and Marion, “OK, listen: I want you two to stay here. If this is who I think it is, we’ve been after these people for a long time now. Your son will be safe with us. We’re going over to Arnold’s to check on this.”

Bill interrupts, “I have a question. This ‘Arnold’ you’re talking about… This wouldn’t happen to be a pig, would it?”


12:13 pm - It’s very crowded at Arnold’s drive-in, and there’s a lot of celebrating about the football game. A young man with black hair talks on the phone. “I’m telling you, I checked! There’s no one here with that name!” He hangs up, and goes into the men’s room.

Richie arrives at Arnold’s with Chloe, Jack, Morris, and Bill. He says, “Fonzie is probably in his office.” He points at the men’s bathroom. Chloe tells them that she’s going to go take a look around outside.

Bill says, “An office in a bathroom? Is this ‘Fonzie’ some kind of janitor?”

Everyone in the restaurant stops, and gasps. Richie says, “Don’t let him hear you say that!” He walks to the bathroom door and knocks.

A voice from inside the bathroom says, “Enter-a-mundo!”

12:16 pm - They walk into the bathroom where they see three young men. Richie speaks to one wearing a leather jacket. “Fonzie! Jack, this is Fonzie, Ralph and Potsie. These people are from the FBI! They’re here to help get Shirley back!”

Jack speaks up, “We’re not from the FBI, we’re from CTU. I’m Jack Bauer. We believe that the people holding your friend are people we’ve been after for quite some time. I think we should handle this.”

Fonzie steps forward, “CTU? Never heard of it. Did Officer Kirk put you up to this?”

Jack looks astonished. “Kirk? There’s no way you could know anything about a star ship….”

Fonzie looks at the others young men with him, “You see? It’s just like Kirk to come in here and throw his weight around.” He comes over to Jack, and pokes him in the chest. “You nerds tell Kirk to sit on it! We’ll handle this ourselves, at least until the real FBI shows up.”

Jack says, “Now listen, you…” and pokes Fonzie in HIS chest.

Fonzie’s reaction is immediate; he steps back and says, “Aaaaaye! No one touches The Fonz’s jacket!”

Richie says, “Fonz! He didn’t know! Ralph! Potsie! Tell him!”

Ralph says, “He’s right, nobody touches The Fonz’s jacket. “

Potsie agrees, “Yeah, nobody!”

Richie says, “Fonz, we have to concentrate on finding Shirley.”

Fonzie looks at Jack, and then back at Richie. “You’re right. I’ll let it slide…THIS time. We still have to get that phone call, and then we can go get Shirley. We need to find out if anyone’s seen anything.”

Bill asks Ralph, “So, what’s with ‘Potsie’? What kind of name is that?”

12:20 pm - They walk out into the restaurant area, and a woman with a large L on her sweater runs up to Fonzie, very upset about her friend Shirley. Fonzie tells her, “Laverne, we’ll get Shirley back. Don’t worry.”

The phone outside the bathroom rings, and Potsie answers it. “No! For the hundredth time! You have the wrong number!”

12:22 pm - The noise in the restaurant is very loud as people continue to celebrate the football game victory. Richie says, “How are we going to get them to quiet down?” Fonzie snaps his fingers. Everyone immediately goes quiet, and the only thing playing is the juke box. Fonzie steps up to the jukebox, blows on his fist, and hits it. It turns off.

Fonzie says, “Listen up! This Jack Bauer! He’s here to help me find Shirley Feeney! Tell us if anyone has heard anything about what happened to Shirley.”

No one moves.

12:23 pm - Jack says, “This is very important. We believe that the people who took your friend are dangerous criminals. If you’ve seen anything suspicious, you have to tell us.”

Two greasers walk into the room, one short and one tall. The short one says a very nasally, “Hello!”

Laverne says, “Lenny and Squiggy! Get out of here!”

Lenny says, “Shirley said you would say that.”

Laverne quickly says, “Shirl? Where is she? Is she OK?”

Squiggy says, “She’s fine. She said she wants to meet us at the abandoned…”

Morris says, “Warehouse?”

Lenny says, “No, Mister Smarty-Pants! It’s the abandoned brewery. She said that Fonzie, Laverne, Squiggy and I are the only people that should come. She said that if they see anyone not matching our descriptions, they’re going to hurt her!”

Fonzie says, “We’ll have to get going. I’m getting my bike.” He starts to head out the door, but turns to the juke box.

Jack says, “Allow me.” He walks up to the jukebox, leans over and snarls. It turns back on. They head out to the parking lot.

12:26 pm - Out in the parking lot, Fonzie sees Chloe sitting on his motorcycle. He tells Jack, “Chicks dig my bike.” He walks over to Chloe and says, “I see you like my bike.”

Chloe looks at him, and says, “Yeah! It’s a classic! I wish I had one of these.” Fonzie snaps his fingers, but nothing happens. Chloe stares at him, unimpressed. He snaps them again, and looks at Chloe. She gets an incredulous look on her face and snaps her fingers back at him. Potsie and Ralph run to Chloe’s side. Jack turns to Chloe, and asks her to get off the motorcycle, which she does.

Fonzie gets on this motorcycle, and Ralph and Richie drive everyone to the abandoned brewery in their cars. Jack tells Richie to stop the car about a block away and tells everyone, “This is going to be really dangerous, but I have a plan. Ralph, Richie… You two set up a perimeter. Everyone else into the alley.”


12:33 pm - Richie and Ralph wait next to their cars which are parked next to an alley. Fonzie’s voice comes out of the alley, “I’m only letting you borrow that because you’re helping get Shirley back.”

Squiggy says, “Yeah, me too!”

Jack, Morris and Bill all walk out of the alley together. Morris says, “I feel ridiculous.” He’s wearing Squiggy’s clothes and Bill is wearing Lenny’s clothes! Jack is wearing Fonzie’s leather jacket, and his hair is slicked back.

Jack turns back to the alley and says, “Just stay low. We’ll be back in no time.”

12:35 pm - Chloe walks out of another alley, a little further down the street. She’s wearing Laverne’s “L” sweater. She walks up to Jack and says, “I feel like an idiot.”

Squiggy yells from the alley, “Hello! Did someone just call me?”

Chloe walks up to Richie and looks at him carefully. She finally realizes what’s been bothering her. “You’re that kid! From Mayberry!”

Richie looks very startled to hear her say that. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Chloe says, “Sure! You’re that kid! Opus, or something like that!”

12:37 pm - Jack tells everyone to quiet down. They head down the block to the abandoned brewery, which has a large “Abandoned Brewery” sign on it.

Morris says, “Always the same.”

12:38 pm - They enter the brewery, and it’s very dark. The move further into the building, and someone knocks a bottle over. Lights turn on in part of building, and we can clearly see a young woman being held by one of the terrorists up on a walkway. Jack and the others are somewhat visible, but are still in a dark area, so you can see their clothes, but not their faces.

Shirley screams, “Fonzie! Help!”

The man tightens his grasp on her and tells her to shut up. He yells, “Arthur Fonzarelli, did you bring the others?”

Jack hesitates and whispers, “What was his nickname again?”

Bill whispers back, “Fonzie!”

Jack tries to disguise his voice, “Um… Yo!” He coughs, “I mean Aaaaaaye! This is The Fonzie!”

Jack mutters to the others, “Say something!”

Bill changes his voice and says, “Hi there!”

Morris doesn’t even attempt to change is voice, “Greetings.” Chloe punches him in the stomach with her elbow. This time he changes his voice, “Uh …. Hello…. ?”

Chloe says, “Er, Yo, Shirley Feeney!”

Jack quickly tries to cover up these awkward greetings by saying, “The Fonzie is listening.”

12:42 pm - The man squints for a moment, as if trying to process all this, and then says, “One of the four of you is going to be to be contacted by a man named Jack. I want you to make up some excuse to bring him here. Once I get him and bring him to my boss, you can have the girl.”

Jack coughs and says, “Aaaaaye! The Fonzie wants to know, why do you want this Jack Bauer so much?”

The man says, “That’s none of your…. Wait a minute! I didn’t say anything about his last name…”

12:45 pm - Jack realizes his mistake and grabs a nearby beer bottle. He throws it at the man. Shirley ducks in time, and the bottle hits the man in the head. He loses his grip, and falls backwards into an empty beer vat. Shirley makes a run for it out of the building, yelling “Laverne! Let’s get out of here!”

Jack runs up the stairs to the walkway, and looks down. The man has disappeared!


12:51 pm - Back at Arnold’s, everyone celebrates because Shirley is safe and sound. Fonzie snaps his fingers, and two girls run to him. He puts both his thumbs up, and walks out with them. Bill looks around and snaps his fingers, but nothing happens. He continues to try and do that.

Chloe, Morris, and Jack sit at a table, drinking milk shakes. Jack pounds the table.

Chloe says, “Jack, I know you’re frustrated.”

Jack says, “I am, but it’s not that…. Ice cream headache!” He holds his forehead. “One lousy beer bottle! That’s all it took to get that guy! I haven’t interrogated or nearly killed anyone in hours now! I’m going to get rusty!” Chloe pats him on the back trying to reassure him.

Morris says, “Every time we get close enough to these terrorists, they slip through our fingers. We’ve never spent more than an hour in any of these places, and,” he looks at his watch, “that hour is about over. What do we do? How are we supposed to get these terrorists?”

12:53 pm - Jack says, “We have to get the jump on them. Trap them somehow. They want to get me out of the way. They didn’t know we were going to be here to screw up their plans, and they’re reacting accordingly.”

Bill agrees, “One of them said earlier that they were going to get rid of you. How did they expect to do that?”

Chloe says, “Well, let’s look at the facts. They’ve been going after various items in all these places. It’s hard to tell if they’ve been successful, because we’ve thwarted some of their plans. It really bothers me that they were going after those nuclear power plant plans.”

Morris says, “I agree, but what were they going to do with that giant robotic squirrel? And that last place we were in… Why did they need those boxes of paper? Surely they could have gotten other boxes?”

Shirley turns around and says, “What? Did someone just call me?”

12:55 pm - The phone rings, and Potsie goes to answer it.

Jack says, “Yes, I believe they could have gotten other boxes, but there’s something about that particular paper they wanted.”

12:56 pm - From across the room, Potsie yells into the phone, “For the last time, you have the wrong number! There’s no one named Chloe here!”

Jack jumps up, “Wait! That phone call was for us!”

He runs to the phone, and Chloe, Bill and Morris follow him, trying to listen in. He says, “This is Jack Bauer! Who is this?”

The voice on the other end of the phone says, “Jack! It’s Fenster! I’ve been trying to reach you for hours!”

Jack says, “When are the reinforcements going to arrive?”

Fensters pauses, “Uh… Reinforcements? I’ve been trying to get this phone working for the last couple of hours. I’ll get in touch with them. Jack, I’ve been able to watch what you’ve been doing on a computer monitor here. It’s like watching TV!”

Jack says, “Fenster, listen carefully you have to…”

12:59 pm - There’s a flash of light.

Jack, Chloe, Morris and Bill are standing on a very tall scaffold, next to what looks like the tip of a rocket.

1:00 pm - Time’s up!

First! Well, after Steve, that is. Now going back to read.

Did Chloe, Jack, Bill & Morris NEVER watch TV when they were growing up? Sheesh.

LOVE the references to Green Acres and Star Trek, too!! Excellent showdown between The Fonz and Jack and the snarl at the jukebox. And Chloe ain't NOBODY's b!tch. Ya done it again!!!


ok...haven't read it yet, but HAD to do that.

*Snorks* at...well...everything.

'Scuse me while I go mop the snorked cola out of my keyboard...

Amazing, Steve. I am also scarred for life after seeing that Elvis impersonater's ballgina.


OMG, Lizzy!!!! ROFLMAO @ "ballgina." There's a new word in my lexicon tonight!!!


*snaps fingers, combs hair, winks at the Amazing Steve*

I rather liked the head shot with the beer bottle.

Why do they always go to shows that existed before I was born? You make me feel left out.

*smacks* Edgar!! born?? I thought you were still dead??

Siouxie! Ahhh! I can't make it tomorrow night. I have jury duty (ugh - throw the book at 'em, the scurvy scum!) and also my sister is leaving for Europe for three weeks and I have to coordinate her entire freaking life while she's out of town. Waaah!

Have a great time and thanks for saving a ticket for me. Mebbe you can scalp it at the Temple. Those Jews are always lookin' for a bargain, yes? ;)

Awww dang, Suzy!! I'm hoping you'll make it to the next one! Are you going to the Hunt??? I'm gonna email ya and let you know our plans. I'll have a buncha blogettes here and I'm sure they would love to meet you as well.

I plan to be at the Hunt! I know you've gotten a log of the blogpeoples together for it. I would have volunteered my abode to house some of them, but a 1-bedroom doesn't stretch very far, not like Casa de Siouxie!

Suzy, cye! "Casa de Siouxie" is not HUGE, but I've got 3 bedrooms and my girls won't be home. And CJ will be sleeping out on my deck cuz of his snoring. ;-) Or with my doggies.

But, we plan on doing stuff together and you're more than welcomed to join us!

Siouxie, do you know quantum physics. Because if you do, maybe you could help me with something.

Hey wait come back!

Do quarks and gluons pooh-pooh the basic rules of punctuation, EG?

Edgar, does it matter??

*hair flip*

Salvage 1 Steve? Keeps up with the Mayberry motif I guess. A beer if you can name the co-stars without googling.

By the way, excellent episode as always.

Ok..done reading!! Ayeeeeeeee! excellent, Steve!!!

Amazing Steve, this is indeed amazing!

Only one I can think of is Andy Griffith. (It's not that show, btw).

What is it with that type of show anyway? Wasn't Quark out around then, and had just about the same premise? Did they really think space garbage collectors was a good idea?

...and, thanks everyone! :-)

Dangit! Thought I had ya Steve. I remember Salvage 1 because my best friend and I vowed to build a space ship out of my dad's cement mixer when he died. Needless to say we never got around to it. And I had almost forgotten Quark. Good to be in the company of true TV genius. All Hail Steve!

Let's see....I Dream of Jeannie?

Steve, you amazing 24 guy, this was one of my favorite episodes!

Diva, that was my first thought, too. What does that mean?

Hm. Maybe that we're right! :-)

I'd love to see a Charlie's Angels episode, too. Woohoo!

It's about time, it's about space,
About two men in the strangest place.
It's about time, it's about flight -
Traveling faster than the speed of light.
This is the tale of the brave crew
As through the barrier of time they flew.
Past a fighting minuteman,
Past an armored knight,
Past a Roman warrior,
To this ancient site.

*crosses fingers* *hopes*

Me, too, Diva. That would be so much fun!

Hi, Scott! That's a real blast from the past!

Ron Howard: The Andy Griffith Show, Happy Days
Andy Griffith: The Andy Griffith Show, Salvage 1
Joel Higgins: Salvage 1, Silver Spoons
Rick Schroeder: Silver Spoons, 24

Just Sayin'! *even though Steve says it isn't the link. PHHHTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!*

Howdy, Doc Rick. And verrry interesting connections you made. But where's Kevin Bacon? ;-)

Ron Howard: Director of Apollo 13
Kevin Bacon: Starred in Apollo 13

Connection made. WOOOOHOOOOOO! 8 Degrees of Kevin Bacon/Amazing Steve. Ok, I need a nap. Nite all.

Good job, Rick! Nighty-night! Time for me to flap off to bed, too.

NICE work, Doc!!!!

I'll add my vote to "I dream of Jeannie". Or..."Lost in Space".

Good mornin!!

*sets out the coffee, assorted muffins & fruit platter*

*hides the bacon for herself*

Yeah, I'll go for Lost In Space myself, just to see what Jack and/or Chloe do to Dr. Smith.

Excellent work again, Steve. You gave me my cognitive dissonance thought for the week by having Jack tell Richie and Ralph to set up a perimeter.

Lastly, SNORK™ at™ Dave™!

Hi Sooz and any other late risers over there. We drove down to Port Elizabeth to visit my 90 year old Mother as my son will be returning to the USA in October and he wanted to spend some time with his Granny as he doesn't know when he'll see her again. It's 700 miles each way and it's a hell of a way to go for a long weekend but it was the only time we were all be able to get away. Anyway we got back safe and sound late yesterday afternoon.

Great episode, Steve! I was surprised they didn't jump a shark, but none of your episodes have.
Snork at "ballgina"!

Mmm! Muffins and fruit! Thanks Siouxie! But I don't wanna know where you "hid the bacon".

Just- enjoy.

Safe trip, Mot!

Excellent-a-mundo, Steve!

Re: the Ending: It's gotta be "I Dream of Jeannie" coming up next week!!!!

It'll take a while to get the image of Camel Toe-Elvis out of my head, but Steve's helping.

ps: Didn't the Six Million Dollar Man credits begin with a rocket launch?

"Lost in Space" it is, most assuredly. Can you imagine what Dr Smith might do with that giant robotic squirrel ??

Hm, Lairbo. I'm gonna have to think on that....


Could you do a CSI: Miami episode? Here's why:

Josh (Graem's son in season 6) -- the actor -- was on CSI Miami last night. And he played Horatio's son. Pretty much the same role he had in 24 except he was more annoying.

I'd love to see fast-action jack team up with slo-mo Caine.


MORE annoying? Oh, Fred. It's not possible.

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