Background to the letter below: Some years ago, I very stupidly wrote a column making fun of North Dakota. The residents of Grand Forks, North Dakota, got their revenge by inviting me up there in January and dedicating a sewage-lifting station in my honor. It's still there, though I still don't know why they lift the sewage. But I am certainly not going to make any more fun of them.

Dear Dave --

I am a new rabbi, and as part of our training, we get sent to middle-of-nowhere towns to act as student rabbis for small congregations that can't afford a full-time rabbi. So, believe it or not, once every three weeks for all of last year, I would fly to Grand Forks, North Dakota to serve the huge Jewish population of the Grand Cities. I think I am still recovering from the thirty-minute graveside funeral service I did in January (in which I did my shortest-ever service because I was worried my mouth would permanently freeze shut).

Now, as someone who has been a fan of your writing for almost 15 years, when I realized that the Dave Barry Lift Station No. 16 was located at my student pulpit, I had to take some photos of me in my rabbinic garb in front of the sewage station in February. So I've attached them for you. The first photo is after three minutes outside in North Dakota. The second is after four minutes, and the third is after five minutes. After that, I believe I stayed inside my hotel for the next twenty-four hours until I flew home, keeping the thermostat at a comfortable 130 degrees...

So thank you for giving me an even better reason to visit Grand Forks than I would have otherwise, and while I'm happy I have a picture in front of the Dave Barry Lift Station No. 16, I'm glad I didn't take the tour!

Kol tuv, all good things,

Rabbi Geoff Mitelman

(After four minutes)

Comments

[DeskDiva]

What happened to the other two photos, Dave? Are they obscene or something?

[DeskDiva]

OK - truthfully this is cool. How many people have rabbis as dedicated fans? :)

[CJrun]

Ah, that gave me a lift! (p.s., periodically, sewage has to be 'lifted,' so that it can then flow down hill towards the treatment plant)

[DeskDiva]

Hat trick comment which MUST be said (it's a moral imperative): Silly rabbi! Tricks are for kids!

[Val]

"...so that it can then flow down hill towards the treatment plant"

Or onto my desk, whichever comes first.

[DeskDiva]

Oh, POOP, CJ! You got in the middle of my Saturday morning hat trick! Well, it was nice running into you anyway. :)

[lilrascal]

Considering the condition of the dedication sign (Plaque), your symptoms of acute, sudden loss of vision are confirmed.

[Siouxie]

Ladies and Gents...give it up for "The Frozen Rabbis"!!

[oneblankspace]

If you think the cold is bad you should visit during Mosquito season.

[DeskDiva]

OT// Does anyone else HATE/LOATHE those banner ads at the top of the threads that miraculously open down right over what you want to click when you're trying to move between pages? I do. //OT rant.

[Siouxie]

Rabbi "the middleman" Mitelman looks way too happy to be that cold. I'd be snarlin' at the camera and yelling..."It's been 4 friggin' minutes! hurry up and take the damn picture!!!"

But that's why he's a man of God...and I'm not.

[Eleanor]

He is adorable!

Dave, do you know if he's single and where he is now so I can stalk write to him? In Hebrew, of course. ;)

[CJrun]

OK... enough *snork*ing, time for snorkeling! CYa later blogits.

[DeskDiva]

4 minutes in the cold is nothing. Those folks can deal with 40 years wandering in a DESERT.

[Siouxie]

They were looking for a quarter.

*pa dum pum*

Thank you! I won't be here all night. I'll be hiding from El and her rod.

*help*

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Well, we need to get some high Catholic representation there next time...we need a Popesicle...

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Wow...lots of simuls on a Saturday...that means...it MUST be...SIMULSATURDAY!

[DeskDiva]

Quick, Sioux! In here!

*holds open the door to the newly installed blog bomb shelter*

[Annie Where-but-here]

Siouxie - that's not a smile -his face froze that way. If you listen closely you can hear his teeth chattering.

And yes, what a nice guy, although knowing that a rabbi reads this blog....*cough* ....I may have to rethink my material.

At least he didn't give Grand Forks the cold shoulder.

*secretly has religious leader envy*

[Annie Where-but-here]

*snork* @ Siouxie's quarter joke. Bad girl!

Wouldn't a bit of Manishevitz warm our rabbit up?

[Siouxie]

lol Andy!

Annie, as long as there aren't any priests reading this blog...I'm not going to hell safe.

Do they??

[Alfred]

I would guess that the reason he is smiling is that his lips are frozen in that position. Not that I would know.
It's always nice to see someones name up in Granite.
Never underestimate the Chutzpah of a Rabbi in training.
"Rabbi is there a blessing for the Sewage Lifter?"
"Yes, but it involves a lot of swears."
El- With a Rabbi over your head you will never go cold. Guess the movie reference.
I guess the lighting of the menora is much easier when the flames are frozen.

Ok, I'm done.

[Jazzzz]

CJ....in that case, my boss' office must have a lift station in it, as it often flows down to me.
Also CJ....thanx for Jag / Matt update. That's one long hammy to pull. Thanks for being my "go to guy"

[Annie Where-but-here]

Siouxie - if priests read this, we're both doomed. I may have cinched that already when I wished them a Happy Father's Day.

[martinn]

DeskDiva - try using Firefox with the adblock plugin instead of Internet Explorer (tm thingy). I never, ever, see an online advert - unless I actually decide that I want to. And it's free.

[Lairbo]

Winter, Nature's Botox.

[DeskDiva]

martinn - I use FFX, but never realized they had an adblocker. I'll try it. Thanks!

[Ellen Goodman]

This guy is quite impressive (from his temple's website):
CLERGY : Rabbi Geoffrey A. Mitelman

Rabbi Mitelman is the new Assistant Rabbi of Temple Beth El of Northern Westchester.
Ordained by HUC-JIR in Cincinnati in 2007, Rabbi Mitelman received The Cora Kahn Prize from the Cincinnati faculty for the most outstanding sermon delivery and oratory. While at HUC-JIR, he was the student rabbi at B’nai Israel Synagogue in Grand Forks, North Dakota and Temple Oheb Shalom in Sandusky, Ohio. Over the summers, he interned at the Union for Reform Judaism in the Department of Jewish Family Concerns, co-editing a book on congregational inclusion; gained pastoral experience at Westchester County Medical Center; and worked with teenagers at Kutz and Eisner Camps.

In addition to his practical experience, Rabbi Mitelman is also an enthusiastic scholar. His interest in the intersection of Judaism and psychology led him to his rabbinic thesis, “Rabbinic Thought Through the Lens of Emotional Intelligence.” Additionally, he was selected to represent HUC-JIR at an international interfaith study conference in Krakow, Poland entitled “Building Towards the Future: Jewish-Christian Relations in Cultural Context.”

A native of Westchester County, New York, Rabbi Mitelman grew up in Briarcliff Manor, belonged to Woodlands Community Temple in White Plains, and graduated from Hackley School in Tarrytown. A Religion and Jewish Studies major at Princeton University, he graduated in 2000 with multiple prizes for scholarship in Judaic and Biblical Studies. He is a voracious reader (especially books on science, psychology, history, and politics), and ever since he went to his first game at age seven, he has been an ardent Yankees fan.

[Ellen Goodman]

This guy is quite impressive (from his temple's website):
CLERGY : Rabbi Geoffrey A. Mitelman

Rabbi Mitelman is the new Assistant Rabbi of Temple Beth El of Northern Westchester.
Ordained by HUC-JIR in Cincinnati in 2007, Rabbi Mitelman received The Cora Kahn Prize from the Cincinnati faculty for the most outstanding sermon delivery and oratory. While at HUC-JIR, he was the student rabbi at B’nai Israel Synagogue in Grand Forks, North Dakota and Temple Oheb Shalom in Sandusky, Ohio. Over the summers, he interned at the Union for Reform Judaism in the Department of Jewish Family Concerns, co-editing a book on congregational inclusion; gained pastoral experience at Westchester County Medical Center; and worked with teenagers at Kutz and Eisner Camps.

In addition to his practical experience, Rabbi Mitelman is also an enthusiastic scholar. His interest in the intersection of Judaism and psychology led him to his rabbinic thesis, “Rabbinic Thought Through the Lens of Emotional Intelligence.” Additionally, he was selected to represent HUC-JIR at an international interfaith study conference in Krakow, Poland entitled “Building Towards the Future: Jewish-Christian Relations in Cultural Context.”

A native of Westchester County, New York, Rabbi Mitelman grew up in Briarcliff Manor, belonged to Woodlands Community Temple in White Plains, and graduated from Hackley School in Tarrytown. A Religion and Jewish Studies major at Princeton University, he graduated in 2000 with multiple prizes for scholarship in Judaic and Biblical Studies. He is a voracious reader (especially books on science, psychology, history, and politics), and ever since he went to his first game at age seven, he has been an ardent Yankees fan.

[DeskDiva]

***disbelievingsnork*** @ the Sandusky connection!!!!!

[martinn]

DeskDiva:

I'd recommend you get the Filterset.G updater to go with adblock. It downloads an update every few days to make sure that the list of ads to block is always up-to-date.

TTFN

[Annie Where-but-here]

El - he's a Yankees fan!!! Who knew?!

Dave - he's from White Plains, which is Armonk-adjacent.

[Meanie the Blue]

*Reminds all rabbis never to perform a bris in Grand Forks, ND.*

[Bethie]

It's approaching 100 degrees here in Texas. That looks mighty refreshing.

[Punkin Poo]

Poor cold guy.

Remind me to invite him to my next pig roast.

[fivver]

God's chosen frozen people.

[OtheU(manity)]

YAY, NODAK!!!

Good to note the recognition by others ... a lot of my friends/relatives/professional colleagues were around for the festivities when Dave wuz in GF ... (altho I see the Rabbi has been indoctrinated into the "Grand Cities" usage ... which is a bunch of crapola -- yes, puns intended, always -- as far as the rest of us Nodaks are thinkin' ...)

Besides which already, the temperatures in Nodak the last few days have been in the 90-95 range ... the secret is knowin' WHEN to visit ... usually that's about the 23rd of March or the 26th of September ... merely sayin' ...

[Annie ... I've long known about the efficacy of cookin' food - in your citation of 12:12 p.m. - tho I think a good Burgundy or even Sherry might be preferable when cookin' rabbits, instead of Manischevitz ... merely suggestin' an alternative, frum a chef's POV ...]

[CJrun]

*pokes head above water, reads Punkin's comment, swims away towards sharks where it's safer*

[Eleanor]

What is wrong with you heathens people? I got out of my sick bed to see if Dave had given me his phone number and what do I find: wise@ss remarks! It's a good thing that Jews don't believe in hell because Siouxie, you and Punkin would be on the first train there! ;) And Annie would be in purgatory for *snorking*!

Alfred, I'm too drugged up on vicodin not sure where that quote is from.

[OtheU(manity)]

... and ... if the Rabbi isn't careful about his potentially perceived as "derogatory" comments as to "middle-of-nowhere" towns ... he might end up with a Sewer Lift Station with his name on it ...

That's sorta how Dave ended up in Nodak in the winter ...

[Alfred]

El- Duck Soup. Groucho Marx remarking to the rich lady that appears in all the Marx Brothers movies.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Hey, I offered him some kosher wine, I did NOT roast a piggie.
Besides, the poor guy was in NoDork in the winter...he can certainly handle our comments.

[OtheU(manity)]

Yeah, I'd agree with that premise, Annie ... merely havin' lived here all my life, the winter weather doesn't really seem to be a Big Deal ... but bein' used to it is a major factor in bein' able to cope ...

NoDork? Yeah, we're smarter than the average bear ... 40 below helps keep out the Riff-Raff ... (Actual state slogan, tho not by legislation ...)

[OtheU(manity)]

... and ... yeah ... I know of at least two of the Priestly persuasion who read Dave's stuff ... tho I'm not sure if they know about this site ...

Be careful ... be very careful ...

[Siouxie]

Aww El!! you know I love you and all my Jewish brethren and sisteren. I'm actually looking for a nice Jewish (or Cubish) guy. I'll even cut down on the Christmas Eve piggy. I think I'll make an awesome CAP (Cuban-American Princess).

(NMTU - I had good friend who was Jewish and he used to call me his "Spicsa" ;-) )

[Meditrina]

((((El))) Feel better.

[ubetcha]

*Snork* at all.

"He is a voracious reader (especially books on science, psychology, history, and politics), and ever since he went to his first game at age seven, he has been an ardent Yankees fan."

"Yankees fan" zeros out any religious vocation. Thou shalt not have another idol (or something like that)... or waste one's time on the the Yankees. Can I hear an AMEN, brothers and sistas? Punkin, Stephen King, and possibly the Blog? It's all about the Red Sox, dontcha know? And possibly Tiger Woods this weekend. *slips away to watch golf*

[ubetcha]

/i> sweep God help me.

[Siouxie]

*sweep*

[ubetcha]

Damn - I broke it again.

[ubetcha]

Whew.

[Siouxie]

dangit

*vacuum*

[ubetcha]

Thanks Suzy - I owe you one!

[Siouxie]

carry on, ub!

I'm not angering El no mo! She's all drugged up and in pain so I am NOT saying a thing about the Spankees or her rod.

Nope.

Never.

[ubetcha]

Smart move. Never separate a woman from her rod.

[ubetcha]

Or take away her batteries. And with that, I'm gong back into the pool while the sun's still on it.

Carry on.

[Siouxie]

ayep! thanks for the mojito!

I'm off to do something constructive...as soon as I nap. ;-)

[Annie Where-but-here]

get used to being swept, ubetcha....bwahaha!

[Annie Where-but-here]

*snork* @ Siouxie's 'Spicsa.' Stop me (ha!) if you've heard this before. My cousin married a Jewban, who converted to Catholicism to marry him. At the wedding, all her relatives and friends were unsure when to kneel, stand, and/or sit. Being good Irish Roman Catholics, we helped them out by starting to stand, then sitting, or kneeling for a second, then standing, etc. to fake them out. (My dad started it.) At the reception, we nearly had a Jets vs. Sharks incident when my Nana started belting out 'Danny Boy' during the bride's family photo session. Ah, good times.

As for me, I've been mistaken for being Hispanic, Jewish, and someone who gives a rat's patootie.

[Eleanor]

ubetcha, the italics incident was *someone* ^ punishing you for dissing the Yankees.

Siouxie, I think you'd be a terrific CAP!

I've taken yet another vicodin......
I'm watching Tiger. I wish I could fall asleep.

[Alfred]

Watching golf and not falling asleep? What are you, my great grandmother?

[Annie Where-but-here]

Alfred - she and Jazzzz can actually watch without snoozing. Jazzz is an anesthesiologist, so I think he uses golf tv on his patients.

[WriterDude]

Hmm, what's the the better soporific choice for El -- Tiger with a four stroke lead or the Pirates with a ten run lead? Here's hoping the SD Fox affiliate has a better baseball game on than ours does...

[ubetcha]

Go Tiger, GO! Can't wait for tomorrow. Who really watched golf before he came along (besides me)? Although even I would probably fall asleep if I had a vicodin. Hope you're feelin' better, E.

And I will diss the Yankees until I die.

[ubetcha]

OT/
*beamoaning the fact that it's nearly full dark at 8:09 - sigh*

[DeskDiva]

ubetcha - my dad watched Nicklaus like he was the second coming. But as a Cubs fan, I'm totally with you on the Wankers Yankees.

[ScottMGS]

Ahhh... I can just feel the luv!

[DeskDiva]

Hi, Scott!!!

You know, if you go looking for Wender's material, it's gone, but there's an Elvis Dingeldein who's posting now and I suspect a connection there....

[SandyEgo]

Wait - go back to the picture - what is that frozen thing in his left hand? It looks like a bow - damn, that must have been cold, when things you're holding have frost. My greatest respect to you, Rabbi Geoff, and I envy you at the site of a tribute to Dave,(soon to be president), which is not unlike the mountain carvings - wonders of the world!

[Wavey]

Dave, I remember seeing a video of you telling the story of the dedication ceremony for the lift station. The thing that really got me was, "...I heard Wump-wump-wump-wump...which is the sound of people applauding in mittens..." Hahahaha! What a mental image!

[ScottMGS]

Thanks, Diva. Similar tone, different subject. Ah, well. Maybe his wife objected.

[DeskDiva]

I know. Ah, well. I wish he'd go back to being Wender, but I'll take what I can get! :)

[Annie Where-but-here]

Sure, Scott. Blame the poor, suffering wife. ;p

Maybe he pulled his stuff because he got a book deal and he's gonna sell it.

[ScottMGS]

Oh, man!. Then I'd have to buy it. I'd rather mooch it free!

[Annie Where-but-here]

*puts ubetcha on her 'gets late early' list for dissin' the Yankees*

ot- One of my admirers just sent me a huge gift tub 'o goodies from rednecksnackbaskets.com. Beef jerky, cheez-whiz, moon pies, grape soda, all in a galvanized tub. Too cute. The dogs are really liking the Hilshire Yard 'o Beef summer sausage - all 3 pounds of it.

[ScottMGS]

Oh, man, Annie! That ain't dog food. Them's good eatin'!

[Annie Where-but-here]

So I've heard. Just not that appealing to me. Wish you were here, Scott. Oh, well. ;p

[ScottMGS]

Dang! 100 (or so) miles separates me from meaty goodness!

[ScottMGS]

... and Annie. Dang!

[DeskDiva]

At least your priorities are in order, Scott! ;-)

[CJrun]

What? No RC Cola for the Moon Pies?

[Eleanor]

RC Cola! Boy, those were the good ol' days! I loved RC! Do they still make it, I wonder....

Yankees 11, Cleveland 2. *snicker*

Everyone said golf was boring today because Tiger was so far ahead of the pack. Nothing boring about that to me!

The vicodin have made me feel high as a kite much better, tyvm.

*staggers out*

[The Police]

Dave, you posted a letter from a rabbi on the Sabbath! That's a little insensitive, don't you think?

[ScottMGS]

Eleanor, yes, they do. Within the last few years there was a RC Cola/7-Up bottling place up this way. Cadbury/Schweppes owns it, now. I loved RC Cola when I was a kid.

[SandyEgo]

DeskDiva - how on earth did you find that!?! I LOVED his writings, and have missed them. What tools do you have that I'm unaware of, that you used to come up with this!!!

[ScottMGS]

Eleanor, yes, they do. Within the last few years there was a RC Cola/7-Up bottling place up this way. Cadbury/Schweppes owns it, now. I loved RC Cola when I was a kid.

[ScottMGS]

Sandy, if you're talking about the Wender/Elvis connection (hmmm...) I think Elvis posted a couple days ago about the demise of Wender's site.

[DeskDiva]

I'm a Mensa-grade genius of the first order, Sandy. ;-)

(Actually, he's posted here a couple of times in the last week or so and his stuff put me in mind of Wender. Taking a hint from wiredog, I checked out his other writings. It's not a perfect match, rant-wise, but considering that Wender's blog has evaporated at about the same time Elvis' was born, I jumped to a conclusion. I'll probably be proven wrong in a week. :o)

[DeskDiva]

Dangit, Scott! Missed a simul by this (---) much!!

[ScottMGS]

Woopsy!

[Annie Where-but-here]

CJ, Scott - RC Cola, Welch's grape soda, Orange Crush, and Dang!That's Good Root Beer were all included. Also tons of chips, beef jerky, and a 70th anniversary can o' Spam.

No diet soda, tofu or veggies, so I'm bummin. ;(

[Annie Where-but-here]

aaaaaw - simul with Scott. And Hilshire Farms is calling his name.

[DeskDiva]

Dang, Annie - you have all the luck.

[ubetcha]

Anybody remember Pal orange soda? Except it wasn't really, because it had no fizz which was why I loved it. I grew up on Zarex and never acquired the taste for fizzy stuff, beer included (Guinness excepted).

Annie, age that Spam another 20 years and you'll prolly get a lot for it on eBay.

[Annie Where-but-here]

ubetcha - I still remember my first Tab, does that count? Ok, maybe not. The Spam can is vintage cute. At least it doesn't take itself seriously. The Hilshire Farms Yard 'o Beef is a 48 sausage-weapon. Dang.

[Annie Where-but-here]

'Yard 'o Beef is a 48 OUNCE sausage-weapon' ....sorry.

[ScottMGS]

I'm jonesing for some RC and Welches Grape Soda, too, now, Annie! I can almost taste the grapey wonderfulness.

[ScottMGS]

Nah, Annie, you could easily get 48 normal sized sausages outta that.

[Annie Where-but-here]

If it were chocolate, I'd be all over it. Sigh.