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August 31, 2007


Whatever you do, under no circumstances should you attempt to travel by air today.


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what's happened, sir? you stuck?

Umm Dave, it is one of the busiest travel weekends of the year after Thansgiving and Christmas....

I say don't even leave the house if you don't have to. Crazy people are out in droves today.

*secretly thinks Dave travels just for the sake of gathering new material*

Oh frikken no! It's a holiday weekend! D'oh!

We'll get there eventually, I hope. We've been sitting around the gate listening to them periodically announce that the flight will be departing later than whatever time they said in the last announcement. At one point the pilot came out to explain that basically every plane in the US of A is currently either in the air or waiting to take off, so the airways are jammed. Fortunately there is beer here at the airport. But I don't know how long it will hold out.

Also if need be we can eat our toothpaste, of which we have 3 ounces or less.

Have joy, Dave. And Cheetos. If it makes you feel any better, I'm still at work. With no beer. But lots of accountants.

If need be, you can eat the accountants.

I'm gonna take that in the best possible way I can. :)

Where the hell is our waitress?

are the accountants, at least, cute?

Toothpaste and beer, hmmm. I may have to consume many beers first, until my tastebuds were a bit drunk. Perhaps one could pass the time looking for chocolate?

judi - um, no. Not even. No.

*wipes tear from eye*

Or, perhaps stray peanuts on the floor, that fell off of previously stranded hostag---I mean passengers.

Dave, since you have a few beers a moment, This may be a good time to thank you in advance for the use of the White House for our wedding reception. And the lawn, too, for the cows. There will be cows. There always are.

Good luck, Dave! We had the same thing happen when we were flying from Austin to Phoenix for the girlduckling's graduation in May. Our 7:10 flight finally left at 9:30. We were eating dinner in Phoenix at what would have been 11:30 pm Austin time. There weren't many places to eat that were open when we arrived, so we ended up at an IHOP near campus. The four twenty-somethings sitting behind us were carrying on a rather loud conversation, part of which I recall as: "And THEN, after she broke up with her boyfriend, Ruth decided she didn't want to be a girl anymore, so Mom started calling her Rufus."

Good luck, Dave. And judi, have a wonderful trip!

*raises my glass of diet Cuba libre*

Here's to your quick departure, Dave!

um...from the gate, that is.

Annie, we have cute accountants...ok ONE.

as long as there's beer it can't be all bad.

diet Cuba libre? Como? Methinks I need that. And shoes.

"If need be, you can eat the accountants."

Was gonna wait for annie's "been there, done that" until judi beat me to the idea.

sw - judi beat you? Well, awright!

THE Tuesday.

Forget about Ginger.

"sw - judi beat you? Well, awright!"

That's what I say! I'm all for women's rights, and lefts too, within reason. It's good to get worked up now and then.

Dave, why don't you go wait in the bookstore by your books and hold an impromptu booksigning? If they don't have your book, just stand by the checkout and offer to sign anyone's book. Or magazine. Or gum.

"We've been sitting around the gate listening to them periodically announce that the flight will be departing later than whatever time they said in the last announcement."

When that was happening to me a few months back, trying to get out of O'Hare, I noticed they were always adding on 45 minutes to the estimate. The result of some marketing research, no doubt, that told them if they said an hour we'd get too pissed. After about 5 delays, the departure actually got moved UP about 25 minutes from the last estimate, and we stupidly felt happy and thankful.

I guess it's a good thing we haven't heard back from Dave in a while. Perhaps they've gotten off the ground!

I hope he's not whiling away the time in the men's room, tapping his foot to some tune running through his head...

Oh, and btw, annie,

"...Is that a dime bag for a bull elephant in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

It's real. And it's spectacular.

"If need be, you can eat the accountants."

well, there's no accountants for taste...

Once when I was working at an accounting firm, I got my finger stuck in the pencil sharpener. And we both got fired.

Pah-dump bump.

SW - I'll mention your dime bag to the accountants. You're welcome.

Bethie - he's off the ground all right, but not how you think.

Dave, if you see Larry Craig's chauffeur in the restroom, take a wide stance and tell him SW says, 'hey.'

Personally, I like accountants....at least they realized that they lacked the charisma to be funeral home directors...

Afkat - I find that I often frighten them. Which is fun.

Dave, I hope you realize there is now officially another possible killer storm that could very well be heading your way. Or did you know already and you are trying to flee for your life?

Does this mean Dave and judi have left us alone at the blog for the entire weekend??


*starts texting everyone!*

ouch, Cheryl, quit - that tickles.

I was stuck in Newark for thirteen and a half hours past my scheduled flight, once. I wanted to kill myself, but then I overheard another couple on the way to Ireland who had been there for two entire days, waiting for their flight. When they announced we could board,e veryne stood up and clapped.

I wish I was kidding.

There was chaos at the PGA Tour golf tournament today, as players who normally shot in the high sixties or low seventies saw their scores balloon. Seems overnight they all had drastically narrowed their stances . . .

"No accountants for taste" was OUTSTANDING.

*waves hi or bye to Dave*

I'm having thunder here in su.so.ca. and my midwest friends told me you shouldn't talk on the phone during thunderstorms, which is usually what I do, so now I can't do that.

Anyone have a gumball?

El.. They're not joshing you. My neighbors phone was just blown off her wall by lightening. Much safer here at the computer I think (but then I have a wireless keyboard).

Annie, I think your phaser is still set on vibrate.

I'm not hearing any lightning, El. Got rained on this morning on the walk back from the gym, though.

Uh, I should say thunder when talking about hearing, I guess. Oh, and by "rain" I'm talking su.so.ca rain not Texas rain.

So, Annie, do you mean to say that you're marrying Dave when he wins the election? What does Mrs. Blog say about that?

Stevie, I'm not feeling that THE Tuesday but, umm, I'd consider it.

El, if you're indoors, that only applies to phones that are plugged into walls. Battery phones and computers are fine. Trust me, I live in the official lightning capital of the US. Stuff attached to the house? Bad! Let me tell you, never sit on the skirt of a stainless kitchen sink, during a storm!

Oops, Cheryl, you're right - it WAS on vibrate. You say that like it's a bad thing.

Scott - I had asked Dave on his presidential Q&A site if he would let me borrow the White House for a wedding reception. Of course he graciously said please don't hurt me yes. So I was just thanking him. It's what I do. 'Cause I'm a lady. And no, silly, I'm not marrying Dave. Duh.

El - lightning can hit the phone line outside and travel into the house, down the wire, and zap! Owie. Happened to my aunt, may she rest in peace.

Psst, El - CJ also sleeps in his sneakers on a rubber mattress, but lightning isn't the reason why.

I've heard that most suspected terrorists wear blue shirts, and carry sophisticated cell phone cameras. I'm glad no one here fits that description!

They also tend to have lustrous hair. NTTAWWT.

Pirateboy, shhhh, you'll give me away. And Annie, lustrous hair? thats just tmi.

ex-Matt - have you seen Dave's hair? Phil Spector would kill to have hair like that.

I meant TMI for the feds.

ex-matt - don't worry - Mrs. Blog can form a perimeter with just her stare.

So... Annie, does that mean the position of "groom" is still open? Are you still accepting applications? Inquiring minds...

Which will be great. When dave gets to her. What's everyone drinking anyway?

Oh, and what, exactly, are the qualifications?

Annie's munching on accountants? Can I watch?

I think scott want to become a CPA...

*double snork* at Annie for Phil Spector


And what is, pray tell, wrong with accountants???

Do you like accountants, Siouxie? Ex-Matt's named me one. *he said hopefully*

Nothing. Some of the best scumbag auditors dudes I know are accountants. Scott was just wondering in Annie was munching on them....

Never mind. Its too much effort to explain with this much scotch in my system. Pour me another?

Exactly. TY Scott.

Scott, I happen to LOVE accountants and CPAs...

ExMatt, we're not all scumbags, ya know??

*jumps behind the blog bar and pours ex-Matt another scotch otr*

OTR??? Oh! On the rocks. Got it.

I know. My cousin retired from the IRS

ah yeah...the Infernal Revenue Service. We love 'em...they bring the clients to us ;-)

My dad retired from the IRA. Kinda. He still has his blasting license.
Scott - technically, the position of groom is still open, however, I don't think you'd survive the interview.

And on that note..I will say my goodnights to all...

*leaves blog bar open for the left coasters*


Some accountants are great to work with. Especially if you need someone to translate from "accountese". :)

I've worked with some really smart accountants.

On that note, I'll try and find somewhere to hide the video camera.

Matt, I'm not conducting the interview. Blurkie is.

Scott, I'll say something nice for your funeral.

A moment of silence, please for Michael Jackson. No, not that one. The Beer Hunter. Then, 3 cheers for his life well-lived.

Tropical Depression Felix, Tropical Storm Henriette.... Are the tropical storm names getting a tad limp-wristed this year or is it me?

Bleh! Hair is over rated. I never see the top of my head because mirrors are installed by vertically challenged people.

As are shower heads.

I worked my way through school and still do construction, but tall people are left out. My thinking is that unkempt hair above mirror height is a Mulligan.

Thanks, Ex-Matt. *takes deep breath* So, Annie, where do I apply?

What do you mean vertically challenged? HUH? Just cause you're an overgrown sasquatch doesn't mean the rest of us are challenged.

I know what you mean, CJ, and I'm only 6' even. Counters, too.

Matt, did you put this dang medicine cabinet in?

depends, is it the appropriate height for a normal sized person of 5'9 or so?

Sioux, you should dust the top of the fridge before the hunt. CJ can see up there. just sayin.


Some self-important, insecure, OJ wanna be, pretentious Ahole from CA threatened my tip tonight, then protested when I handed the "gentleman" at the table the bill. The A$$wipe with diarhea of the mouth then proceeded to threaten to throw his steak knife at me, in front of the "gentleman's" very well-behaved, impeccably mannered teen-age daughter.

I never cease to be amazed at people. And he's lucky I didn't call the police and have him charged for harassing and threatening me.

Oh, and after an exhausting flight into KC from the left coast, I hope he is enjoying the "decaf" cappucino he ordered. Hope the focker is awake all night, contemplating his innapropriate behavior.

/End rant

Did Sioux leave any box wine or gumballs? Please keep the machete hidden.

Not sure if Siouxie left any, but I keep a supply. No box wine, Jack and ginger work?

Thanks, Matt. How the heck are you? Haven't seen ya round these parts in awhile.

Overgrown sasquatch WBAGNFA stripper. Or not. *EG*

Oh, and I can sympathize. I HATED the scum that treated me like some sort of mooch for working in a job where tips were the main source of pay.

Been crazy busy. Working nights off and on for a new product launch. And work blocks me from posting, but not reading.

Easy, Med. Stream WMNF. I had a terrible week, but everything passes. The guy is gone.

I bent cg's and Jazzzz's ears as I fought through the week, but I'm my sunny self again. Some things last. Most don't.

About dusting the top of the fridge, I figure that you might consider this motto: the tall people who can see the top of the fridge should be the ones who clean it. :)

So, besides the usual jerks, hows the new job?

I've had my tip threatened before, but OJ Jr. knocked it out of the park when he threatened me with physical violence. Utterly amazing. And he was sitting a foot away from Carl Peterson, the Chiefs GM. Wonder if Peterson heard the comment...... astonishing, really.

Dave is SOOOOOO right. That man is not a nice person. But he's lucky I am, because I didn't rip him a new one in front of his friends or the young lady. What a pathetic excuse for a MAN.


The people with him have probably figured out by now that this guy is not someone they should hang around with. At least, if they have any brains whatsoever.

Matt, the new restaurant is incredible. I have never been so happy. I waited on the CEO's of Sprint and Hallmark this week, both lovely gentlemen.

It is a good sign when people make the sounds one usually associates with orga$m whilest eating. And tonight, the chef's special topped everything I have tasted thus far, and that, in itself is a tremendous feat.

Shortrib and chanterelle stuffed ravioli, in a foie gras butter sauce, garnished with shrimp and more chanterelles. OMFG. Amazing. Almost indescribable.

And Kristina, you are absolutely correct. Amazing what one can discern about others by breaking bread.

Hey, Med. Sorry to hear you had a bad one. I think that if I were in your position (and had the balls to do it) I'd turn to the young woman and say, "I'm sorry."

Kristina - well put.

ex-Matt - you can read the blog during the day but not post? No wonder you drink.

"It is a good sign when people make the sounds one usually associates with orga$m whilest eating."

But yet belching during sex is verboten. Go figure.

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