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July 05, 2007


A talking toilet.

Key Quote: The seat comes with a voice chip that reminds users to flush the toilet and the company suggests the chip can also hold up to three minutes of recorded advertisements.

In other alarming toilet news, we have: this.

And: this.


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Other phrases the toilet utters:
"Maybe you shouldn't eat so much corn."
"Don't take this the wrong way, but your ass is getting fatter."
"Hey, you missed a spot."
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, ok, you'll find more toilet paper under the sink."
(Splash) Nine point five!

And with apologies to Steve Miller Band...

Some people call me the space toilet, yeah
Some call me the intersteller potty
Some people call me Jesus (Haaaaay Suse)
Cause I turn urine into watee.

I talk to people baby
Tell em what they're doing wrong, doin wrong
Well don't you worry baby
Don't worry
Cause I won't make fun, make fun, make fun of your thong.

Cause Im a crapper
Im a flusher
Im a talker
And you're a splasher
I'll start my spiel when you sit down

Im multilingual
Im always clean
Im made in Holland
I handle number two or number one.

I have 3 comments;

1. A talking toilet falls into the same irritation category as allowing cellphone conversations on planes.

2. Gives the phrase "getting pissed" a whole new meaning

3. This is taking organic recycling too far.

I want it to do the Wicked Witch (from the movie, not our WW) "Ahhh! I'm melting! I'm melting!" if you whizz on the microchip with the intent that it will short out.

"'Every user is entitled to an absolutely clean, dry, sanitary, paper lined seat,' the company said on its Web site, which also has a video clip of the device in action."


It must have been the dream of every "parts" model in Holland to win the audition for the action film segment. (But you can bet Dave wouldn't take it sitting down.)

"I'm made in Holland
I handle number two or number one."


Which is why its price is $1,211?

Does the advertising you get depend on your performance? If you make too big an impact, for example, you get a Roto Rooter (™) ad. And what would prompt a chorus of "Is That All There Is?"

In the other news, Derelict Toilet WBAGNFARB.

Nice! A voice coming out from under my ass. Thats EXACTLY what I need.

And my absolutely biggest nightmare:

I unsuspectingly go to the stall and the voice suddenly goes "HEY!!", freaking me out and causing impromptu yellow graffiti on the walls.

*hangs head in shame at making a scatological joke.

Oh Great! Pop up ADs in a new place! I thought at least the loo would be one place where you could get some peace and quiet, but NOOOOOO, they wanna get you with your undies at your ankles.

*does a quick trans-pacific zip*

If a toilet is smart enough to talk, shouldn't be smart enough to flush itself? Then, if it's so smart, shouldn't it purify the wizz into drinking water, then make a nice frothy latte with a touch of cinnamon and serve it to me in a park in Glasgow? Is this too much to ask for, for $19,000,000?

*back to korea, where it's bed time*

John D. Crapper would be so proud that his invention would have advanced this far.

"The space throne is the crown jewel..."

NOT a sentence you hear every day.

NASA has agreed to buy a Russian space toilet for $19 million US that filters urine into drinkable water.

I hate to sound sacrilige sacrelig about to go to hell...but, isn't this kinda what Jesus did, only with vino?

I don't like the name of that toilet. "Clean Seat Matic". It doesn't have a ring to it. It needs and "O" in there: "Clean Seat O Matic" That has a better sound to it, and Oh holy moly I can't wait to go to space---NOT.

bethie, i prefer my toilets to not have rings.

Would it be some sort of copyright infringement rename them the Talking Heads? Just wondering

Did anybody else just hear Dana Carvey as Perot, saying "You can't pee in a Mr. Coffee and get Taster's Choice"?

Siouxie, that would give a whole new dimension to the part of the story where the wine is given to the master of the feast.
9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside
10 and said, "Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now."

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