THOSE BASTARDS

So I went to this site and plugged in my blog address to see what my rating is, and this is what I got:

The explanation was:

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

bastards (1x)

Comments

[crossgirl]

bastards?!! that's the best they can come up with? obviously they don't read the comments attached to your blog.

[Siouxie]

sheesh...and here I thought mary was picky!!

*BASTARDS* *BASTARDS* *BASTARDS*

heh!

[DeskDiva]

Oh, please. It ain't the words, it's how you say them!

*spoken as she strips off her T-shirt to the bikini underneath*

[Laurie]

"bastards (1x)"

I am suprised by the count. Those squirrel bastards are constantly making the blog.

[DeskDiva]

DANGIT! My myspace is rated G! I'm gonna have to work on that. I have a reputation to uphold!

[Annie Where-but-here]

at least we rated a creepy green color.

[DeskDiva]

Kinda what I think of as "poison" green, Annie. I LIKE it!

[Siouxie]

MySpace is also rated G for THIS reason:

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

* steal (1x)

I guess I'll have to UP the cuss words.

[Wender J. Crinklebank]

What a Very Odd Coincidence!

Just this morning I found that same site and ran The Crinkle Bank through its rate-hole only to discover that, sadly, we've earned the dreaded NC-17. I suspect a preponderance of "retards" is to blame (25x), though dead (7x), hell (4x), orifice (3x) and sex (1x) were also ranked (but to be fair, all of those appeared in the same sentence). If there were any other word to describe Big and Small Retard Dogs I would doff my cap to the good folks at Mingle and vie for that coveted PG-13 rating, the Gold Standard for the sort of comedy I try to deliver in the half hour or so a day I'm not completely bombed out of my skull. But sadly, no other adjective will do and so I must live with my NC-17, the favorite rating of films having something to do with donkeys and people with astoundingly relaxed gag reflexes.

*sigh*

[DeskDiva]

Ah, Wender. Good morning to you, too!

[Jazzzz]

WJC.....Sh!t!! That Was F@ckin' funny!!

[DeskDiva]

*waves wildly*

HI there, Jazzzzy!!!!

[Siouxie]

Wender, can I borrow a couple of your retards and an orifice? That'll shirley surely spice up my Myspace.

[Wender J. Crinklebank]

Jazzzz's comments have been rated "R" for extremely foul language curiously redacted via use of Clever Punctuation That Would Surely Fool Young People or Stray Nuns That Might Otherwise Be Offended by Profanity.

This comment is rated "PG" because of the following: "Crapweasel."

[Meditrina]

Crapweasel - I dated him. Well, we dated for one night. *EG*

[Siouxie]

Musta been one heck of a good weasel, Med ;-P

[pogo]

Wasn't NC-17 the ship number of the Enterprise (the Star Ship Enterprise, that is)

[Jazzzz]

Hey Diva ;-)............... Gouardammit, yer killin' me WJC...I am sleep deprived (depraved?), though

[Meanie the Blue]

What a bunch of [euphemism]s!! Can't these [eptithet]s tell an adult-oriented blog from a [primitivism]ing regular blog!!! [Major religious figure]!!!!

[Siouxie]

*SNORK* and a [opposite of heaven] YEAH! Meanie!!!

[padraig]

Let's see what my "met cute" story does to the site's rating.

When I first met mrs. padraig, we were using an antiquated mail system based on Wang computers.

*sound of geezer bus in distance*

I was the support staff called upon to assist the future mrs. p. when her mail system failed. So it is said that when we met I straightened out her Wang and she's been returning the favor ever since.

[padraig]

heh -- I said "support staff"

[ShadowKatmandu]

They've now added dead (1x) to the list of reasons. I am trying to figure out that reasoning. Dead can't be G? Man, the zombies of the world are not gonna be happy about that. Those dead bastards!

[Siouxie]

lol pad!

hopefully no more hardware failures??

[sthnbelle]

I prefer bustards

[padraig]

Hardware's fine on my end, Siouxie. My discs are hard as ever. Not to brag, but mrs. p's firmware is pretty darn impressive, too.

[wiredog]

Oh for fuck's sake! My blog was rated G!

"This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

* xxx (1x)"

[Eleanor]

Uh-oh!

wiredog said a bad word.

uh-oh.

[Bethie]

Well, I swear like a sailor on mine, and yet they gave me a G rating! WTF?

[Bethie]

Even in my blog titles I swear, and yet your children are welcome to come get a look see!

[padraig]

Bethie, you should hear the rap records that have been "edited for radio." I listened to a couple and had to ask, "What exactly did they take OUT?"

*geezer bus zooms off into distance at a blazing 45 rpm*

[Edgar Greenberg]

Ha Dave, I also have "bastards (1x)", and yet my blog is only rated G. I'm going to send it to every six-year old I know, and they can't come to your blog. Neener Neener,

[Bethie]

Yeah, exactly padraig, I hear ya. If I hear one more "Hey ho, get yo booty ova here!" I'll vomit. I want to get paid to think up Hip Hop video ideas though. "Hmmm...how 'bout some scantily clad ho's dancing suggestively around guys wearing a lot of bling? Great! Send me the check!"

[The blog reader formerly known as Matt]

pogo, NC-17 is the rating given to the Captain Kirk and green alien women special edition. Bet you've never seen a phaser used like that before.

[Tori Lennox]

Wow. I got a worse rating than here?! That'll teach me to talk about bombs, guns, and dead people.

[Edgar Greenberg]

Bethie, you should hear the rap records that have been "edited for radio." I listened to a couple and had to ask, "What exactly did they take OUT?"

According to my brother, "You don't want to know. You don't want to know."

[Mad Scientist Weasel]

I married the best weasel in existance.

[Owen Tew]

I'm rated PG for the following words: hell (2x) and dangerous (1x). "Dangerous"? What the hell?

[AB]

Hey Dave,

It's a cheap program that rates words. Throw some porn up there and you'll still get the same ratings so long as you don't say anything about it...
No seriously, throw some free porn up there.

[chad]

so the blong got a PG rating, BFD. I know longs twice as sweary with only half the ratings as two of these web things combined.

[Alfred]

When checking my blog, I discovered that "gun" is a bad word.

I got an R rating. Weird stuff.

[Lairbo]

My site gets an "R", in part for featuring the word "poop" (1x) which, besides being something I don't remember ever using and can't actually find anywhere on the site, hardly seems unfit for those under 17. God only knows what they'd think of "booger."

[DavCat]

If Dave's site is going to be rated PG for a "b" word, I would have expected it to be BOOGER!

[Annie Where-but-here]

I wonder what the Mel Gibson version of "Jew Narc, Jew Narc" on my blog would rate.

[OtheU(manity)]

... um ... not wantin' to be a contributory postin' person to increased Bad Ratings, I'll refrain from the first 20 or 30 thots I had about them ...

I'll merely say, HI, Mad "Quite Angry" ... good to see you around here ...

[Spiny Norman]

If you paste in the URL for this particular thread, it gets an "NC-17":

bastards (11x) dead (5x) hell (3x) porn (2x) poop (1x)

Naughty, naughty.

[catman]

I have 3 files in my toolbox. One is a crosscut file and the other two are bastards.

Bastards!