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June 27, 2007
SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE
(Thanks to Siouxie)
CRIMINALS UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT
(Thanks to NickyMouse)
GREATER SANDUSKY UPDATE
Those wacky Huron County commissioners are at it again!
Talk of July 4 sparked conversations that cracked the commissioners up.
After digging around in last year's parade supply, Mike Adelman stumbled upon a bucket of remains.
"I found a container of candy from last year," he told the other commissioners, laughing, "It was soft candy, but now it's hard candy."
The commissioners joined in jovial laughter, at some points turning red from the hilarity.
"It'll be petrified candy this year," Gary Bauer chuckled, usually quiet, but at full vocal capacity.
(Thanks to Doc Rick)
This has been your Greater Sandusky Update.
POLITICAL UPDATE
It's Sticky Rice vs. Virtue Soup.
(Thanks to Larry Gainey)
IF YOU CAN'T BE WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE
(Also thanks to Siouxie)
CREEPING FASCISM
Soon we will have no fundamental human rights left.
(Thanks to Siouxie)
TOILET SEAT OF THE WEEK SO FAR
This baby has, quote,three temperature settings, bidet functionality, a warm-air fan for partial drying, a lighted bowl that eliminates the need to turn on a light at night, a deodorizer that minimizes unpleasant odors, a Quiet-Close cover that prevents slamming and a remote control. Just like the seating/driving/heating in a luxury auto, you can have “personal settings” adjustable by a remote control.
YET ANOTHER REASON WE LOVE GUYS
Guys love music.
(Thanks to Chris Lawson)
OK NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
June 26, 2007
THIS JUST IN
(Thanks to Claire K., and Daniel the Only Male Intern)
And just in case, this has it all.
AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY
Dave, a couple of weeks ago we were on our way home from work when we rounded a corner (and that's difficult to do, round a corner) and met a bear running down the middle of the road. In order to avoid hitting him, Tom slammed on the brakes and we managed to come to a dead stop (as opposed to a dead bear). All's well, huh? Yeah, except for the truck that didn't stop as quickly as we did.
The result? $3500 damage to our $6000 Camry. Where was the damage?
See enclosed photo.
Question: Will your insurance cover the damage to the bumper sticker?
Sincerely, rita
Already, this blog is experiencing pain, not to mention suffering..
IF THEY HAD MORE HAZARDS LIKE THIS, WE WOULD WATCH A LOT MORE GOLF
The One-Eyed, Golfer-Snatchin' Gator
(Thanks to Cheryl Howard)
FORGET ABOUT WHATSHERNAME HILTON
There's a big scandal involving the Munger Potato Queen.
(Thanks to Joshua Evans)
IT IS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME
...before this man is lion poop.
(Thanks to Steve Lancaster)
WE WONDER WHAT THE EXECUTIVES AT TOTO WERE SMOKING THINKING WHEN THEY APPROVED THIS AD CONCEPT
(Thanks to SW)
AS SOON AS HE GETS OUT OF JAIL
...this motorist will receive a Florida driver's license.
(Thanks to Justin Barber)
POLK CITY, FLORIDA
(Thanks to Paul Masters)
FYI, we have these things in Miami, too. They are the least-fearful insects this blog has ever seen. You walk right up to them, and they just stand there, their attitude being, "Hey, I am an insect the size of a standard poodle. What are you going to do about CRUNCH SPLAT"
YET ANOTHER REASON TO BAN HURRICANES
They cause teen smoking.
(Thanks to DavCat14)
ATTENTION, INVESTORS
MEN:
Do not, under any circumstances, click here.
JUGGERNAUT UPDATE
Mr. Paul Levine offers an analysis of the Dave Barry for President groundswell in Chattsworth, CA.
IPHONE UPDATE
This blog has obtained an advance review unit of the new Apple "iPhone," which as you can see has an exciting new form factor, making it almost more of a fashion statement than a telephone. You can use it to watch video or TV, play music, surf the Internet, navigate the roads, massage your gums, brew tea and prod cattle. The only thing it can't do is send or receive voice communications, but who has time for that anyway?
June 25, 2007
24
Here is where we stand:
In last week's episode, as imagined by the Amazing Steve, the cast of Cheers showed up. We don't know why, and we don't want to know why. All we really know, in this crazy uncertain world, is that Edgar is still dead.
We give you now, unless he forgot, the Amazing Steve.
SELF-PROTECTION
These folks seem to have covered themselves with several layers of personal-information condoms; the s.b. has been unable to find a way to contact any of the admins about the incredible David Watson, who seems to have an incredibly coincidental bunch of life experiences. We would like to let them know about what a coincidental kind o' guy he is.
(Many thanks to Wender J. Crinklebank and Annie Where-but-here for letting us know, and a valuable prize to anyone who contacts the admins and gets them to remove this genius' posts. So... coincidental.)
THE HERALD HUNT
Mark your calendars: October 21st
If you've never experienced the madness, check out Andy the tropichunt.com guy's site.
PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN JUGGERNAUT UPDATE
Ted Habte-Gabr, Field Coordinator of the Dave Barry for President Inevitable Surging Bandwagon of Destiny (my positions on the issues may be found here) has been out coordinating the field like crazy, most recently at the Erotica LA Expo in Los Angeles, where he was able to identify a key voter demographic, namely, women willing to pose with him.
Ted definitely felt a groundswell going on out there.
WHOA
(Thanks to W von Papineäu)
WHATEVER THIS MEANS, THIS BLOG IS FOR IT
(Thanks to Just Ducky)
HAR
Over at Fark, they're taking suggestions for Florida's new state song.
(Thanks to CJrun)
WHERE DID YOU PUT IT LAST?
(Thanks to Peter Metrinko)
THANKS, BUT WE'LL STICK WITH NARCOTICS
(Thanks to DavCat14)
CRIME IN TENNESSEE
Some folks are unclear on the concept.
(Thanks to Judy C.)
IMPORTANT TECHNOLOGY BREAKTHROUGH
GLOBAL WARMING EXPLAINED
It's the worms.
June 24, 2007
FASCISM CREEPS INTO SCOTLAND
Now they want to require licenses for sporrans.
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
WE SHALL OVERCOME
June 23, 2007
SURPRISINGLY, ALCOHOL WAS INVOLVED
(Thanks to Annette Gaudreau)
WOOF
(Thanks to many people)
"YOU CAN HAVE MY FIREARM WHEN YOU PRY IT OUT OF MY..."
"...what, you don't want it?"
(Thanks to Sue J)
WHY GUYS ARE IMPORTANT TO HUMANITY IN GENERAL
Because without guys, nobody ever would have thought of transporting an entire pub full of beer from New Zealand to London. As far as this blog can tell, this is actually happening.
(Thanks to Bill Moore)
PHILLY PHANS
Mr. Clark DeLeon explains them here.
URGENT
Click here to see Christopher Walken flying through space.
IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME
(Thanks to Cheryl Howard)
June 22, 2007
GOOD TIMES, GOOD TIMES
This morning I spoke at the annual meeting of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, which is meeting in Philadelphia (motto: "The City That Booed The Easter Bunny (Really)." Last night everybody gathered to do what newspaper columnists do when they get together: Drink Network. And lo and behold, I ran into my old buddy Clark DeLeon, who was a columnist (!!) for the Philadelphia Inquirer when I was a reporter for the West Chester, Pa., Daily Local News. Clark now has a website, and he posted an account of our reunion, along with possibly the least-flattering picture ever taken.
THERE IS NOTHING LOWER
(Thanks to Sue Jenkins)
WASN'T THIS A COUNTRY-MUSIC HIT?
(Thanks to Cheryl Howard)