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June 28, 2007



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I'll have some rum with the COLA, thank you.

What a great bunch of guys! They'ss only pay themselves 170gs after they vote to pay everyone else 15. I'm starting to tear up.

What a great bunch of guys! They'll only pay themselves 170gs after they vote to pay everyone else 15. I'm starting to tear up.

Whew, only $4400? Imagine what they would want if they were actually effective.

*wonders why they get automatic COLAs while the rest of us have to fight for them*

And here when I saw the headline, I thought they were talking about the show. Silly me. That would be a House that actually deserves a raise. Not that I watch it, but still.

This raise is wholly justified when you take into consideration the following economic indicators most likely to affect the average congressional Cost of Living (courtesy: Government Accounting Office):

* The cost of an average one-hour session with an Asian prostitute has more than doubled since this time last year.

* Beard Expenses continue to rise as the wives and girlfriends of closeted gay Republican congressmen that chair various Family and Moral Values commissions demand more luxury items in exchange for their services. (See: 2006 Tax Filing/Karen Santorum~Form CG1/Line 23:"Beard Diamonds")

* The cost of freezers large enough to store bundles of cash in excess of $90,000 has gone through the roof, people. Have a heart. There also has to be enough room in there for Fudgesicles and the preserved hearts of week-old lambs.

* The cost of the vast network of pulleys and props needed to keep Ted Kennedy upright and conscious during Senate proceedings continues to skyrocket as the war in Iraq puts a strain on the amount of carbon-fiber and other high-tensile materials available to the commercial marketplace.

* Doctors Without Borders reports a 300% increase in the cost of imported Transylvanian wolfsblood, hyena spleen and vampire excrement needed to sustain Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens during his bi-weekly asshole transplant.

So let's give them a break, shall we?

first to SNORK at Wender!

*SNORK* @ the @sshole transplant!

LMAO Wender

In that case....I'll donate a blog buck for Nancy Pelosi's botox treatment.

And don't forget the escalating costs of legal fees required so that one branch of government can mount legal challenges to other branches at our expense.

Wender, love the letter to the retards.

Wender, I think your numbers are on the low side. For one thing, you've forgotten to factor in the ongoing costs of John Edwards' haircuts ($400 a pop), skin treatments and other salon services. And Ted Stevens can't be the only member of Congress requiring an asshole transplant.

In point of fact, I'm thinking all 535 Congressional and Senate seats need an "asshole transplant" in '08.

And I'm sure the premiums for Coulter Attack Insurance are way up this week.

Politics is the same the world over, we've just come to the end of a 3 week public servant's strike where they're demanding an 8% increase, the government's offering 7.25% but have just voted a 51% increase for the President and the Cabinet. BTW, can anybody explain how you can tell if a public servant is on strike?

Keep whining about it, people, and the House will be forced to spend more tax dollars on advertising explaining to us why they needed this raise.

Sigh....I guess that'll be funny someday.

Mott - You can tell the difference because public servants on strike are actually awake, alert, and trying to accomplish something.

Wes, I'm thinking that we should simply admit that "election" has become synonymous with "@sshole transplant" and leave it at that. *sigh*

Mr. Edwards's haircuts no longer come out of the Congressional coffers as he is no longer a member of that august body but has Immense Personal Wealth with which to fund his absurdly expensive personal grooming habits (unconfirmed reports indicate he may have spent upwards of $1700 for a "Brazilian," though it is unclear as to whether this was the genital waxing treatment or if his family actually purchased another actual Brazilian to work on their massive estate. Either way, keep in mind that Edwards is the Poverty Candidate, and is desperately concerned about poor people, many of whom he employs to hand-polish his collection of 60 trillion nickels.)

Mr. Stevens requires constant care and attention, as all 2,321 previously transplanted assholes have rejected him and fallen out at Awkward Moments, usually during one of his whiskey-addled rants about the interweb.

OT - note to casey

(the link to our pics back in the previous thread)


Back to whining

We all need to call our Representatives and tell them what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-@ss, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey sh!t they are!

And I am ready to accept all their resignations.

Clark, tell us how you really feel ;-P

*calling Tancredo now*

*smooches CWG* I love you, Chevy, Clark!

I've always been OK with congressional pay raises on the theory that if their salaries get to a certain level, smart, talented people will finally start running for office. Right now, if you have any ability at all, you stay the heck out of politics and enter the private sector. This is wishful thinking, I know, but we can all dream...

Got it Suz! I'm still rolling about the object of my affection!

Fox and CNN are reporting that the cloture vote on the immigration bill just failed in Congress; fifteen to eighteen Senators who initially supported the measure switched their votes. So the bill won't be going to the Senate floor for a final vote.

It's pay raises like this that encourage people from third world nations to sneak into our fine country.


I think that that is their official title these days. I could have sworn that that was what was printed on Tom DeLay's business card.

Wender, speaking of body parts falling out at awkward moments, this is a true story, ISIANMTU:

I was at the gyno for my anual exam. I was sitting in a small waiting room waiting on lab work. A nurse brings back a shuffling little old lady that was hard of hearing. The nurse leads the lady to the scale. As she is on the scale the nurse loudly asks how the oldster has been feeling. Being hard of hearing, the little old lady shouts back that she has been feeling fine but is a little concerned because last night at dinner at a local restaraunt, she got up to go to the bathroom and her uterus fell out. She said she just sorta stuffed it back in but thought she ought to make a dr. appointment.

Wow. In the end, only forty-six Senators were willing to vote for the amnesty, according to the National Review.

Guess some of our elected officials finally woke up and smelled the tar and feathers.

We probably ought to tar and feather the lot of 'em, anyway. Just on general principles.

ROFL casey...did you ever find out if she was just "confuzzled"???


It was one of those moments where I was trying not to laugh and throw up at the same time. I just kept getting this mental picture of her being in the middle of a crowded restaurant dragging that thing behind her. I laughed and laughed and laughed, then threw up a little in my mouth, then laughed some more.

W T F ? ?

Casey - methinks there was something wrong besides her hearing!!!

I must say the whole experience was one of the funniest and most disturbing things I have ever witnessed. This happened about 16 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but is this yours? I thought you dropped it..."


Sounds heard coming from the geezer:




casey - did she have shoes to match her bag?

Siouxie - more like 'snap, crackle, pop.'

*sigh* Still waiting on DH's 1/2 % raise from his annual review in February...

Ms. Where-but-here: Thank you for my morning In-Mouth Throw-Up. Kudos and Huzzah, Madame!

Casey: Hahahahahaha! Ah, the Old. They are a precious natural resource and it's hysterical when their reproductive systems start to eject themselves through various orifi. Delightful!

I once used this same emergency when trying to combat Immense Abdominal Pain with Organ-Based Humor. As I was being wheeled into surgery to have a vestigial organ excised from my body after its sudden and pointless bursting, I was comforted by an enormous female member of the janitorial staff, who patted me kindly on the shoulder and asked me what I was having done.

"My uterus exploded," I said through teeth clenched in pain.

"Oh, Lawd!" she cried, clutching her copious bosom. "Your whole uterus?"

I gave her a reassuring smile and a weak thumb's-up as she called out to me, "Don't worry, honey! They'll find you another one!"

Not exactly optimal pre-surgical banter.

*ouchie* Wender!

Okay, if they vote on minimum wages, then I think that minimum wagers shoudl vote on their salary. By referendum. I can see it now. How on earth is this allowed?

talk about yer terr'ist bastids!

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