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May 19, 2007

THERE ARE MANY REASONS WHY THIS BLOG COULD NOT BE A DOCTOR

Here is one.

(Thanks to Jennifer)

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FIRST to say those look like severed pig heads.

Doc to patient: I'm Dr. Blurk, at yer cervix!

OH NO! he escaped judi's ban!!

oooooooo I'm telling on Mr. Shoe Spammer Dude!

(after I look at his selection of new summer sandals)

Scatological humor is inevitable.

I'll bet. Darned near killed 'em!

Just popping in for a second to say goodnight.

I can't pull up the severed pig head picture, but after nights like last night, I often reconsider my career choice. Is it too late to be a princess?

Mornin/night ddd!! awwwwwww rough one, huh??

*hands ddd a blankie and a strong drink* sweet dreams!!

*smooch*

Well, ddd, this thread does deal with royal pains of a sort. You might have a chance at getting in via the back door, as it were.

(G'night!)

DDD, I'll throw in a gift certificate for a butt facial as well ;-)

Thanks Siouxie!
*snuggles in with blankie and mysterious butt facial certificate (briefly wonders if she is calling me 'buttface', but too tired to care). Tosses back stiff drink*

Yeah, I got creamed, and not in good way. At least I got to see the doclings and Mr. ddd for a minute this morning.

nigh...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

“I didn’t have the level of access to the human body that I wanted.”

It's not just you honey...

If the doc is embarrassed about a body part that he/she may see often, think of the woman who has to undergo this "experience" once a year,where the doc roots around in "there" for God knows what (truffles?) all the time saying "relax."

At least my doc is a woman of the female gender so it makes it a little more comfortable.

“These guys have to be able to do it and act professional, so that adds a lot of pressure.”

Of all the things I could say about this little gem of an article I'll say that sentence just bothers me. How does one "act professional"? Professionally, yes. Woman's a doctor for goodness sake. Take an english class.
end grammar rant

And I don't got no more to say about that.

Mikey, my doc is a woman as well. Very sweet and gentle. I've had men docs too but I prefer the ladydoc. LOL there is NO way to relax during that little digging expedition.

Well...good mornin' Dr. blurk ;-P

*snaps rubber glove*
Mornin', Sioux. Now what can I do for ya?

btw, I left you a message on last night's thread about not being the one that would be boozin' it up before "quittin' time". (well at least not the ONLY one) so there! pffffft!

BTW off topic alert

Not working the ranch today as planned. You may have seen the story on the news but a Canadian Air Force Snowbird crashed yesterday and the pilot was killed. Yep, that happened right here at Malmstrom AFB. So I'm on call until further notice. My guys are working the crash site. We have the 6pm to 6am shift. I don't have to actually go out and stand guard but my troops do. It's good to be the boss.

*crosses legs*

um...nothin' doc! I prefer my pelvic exams after a few drinks and dinner at least.

*watches out for mary*

Yes, I saw that Siouxie. Kinda rearranged the name to get top billing though, didn't ya? I can live with that...just leave me some booze.

wowsa, blurk! and you say nothing exciting ever happens around your parts! Um..I mean where you live, of course.

and yeah...tough job, Sgt. LOL

What can I say? After 17 years I've done my fair share of standin' guard it's the youngins' turn.

Besides, my feet hurt. I'm delicate and stuff.

Throw a comma or semi-colon or whatever up there where you think it's appropriate.
Some grammarian I am.

Jeez.

yeah yeah...next thing you'll want is a butt facial.

Seriously, is it me or are there more of these types of accidents happening recently?? I've read of a few just in the last couple of weeks or so. I was tempted to go last week to one of those "air shows"...but didn't.

still and all, it's never nice when a fellow soldier dies, so... (((blurk)))

Let it be known...there will never be a butt facial involved in my world.

That is all.

Siouxie,

I agree. there is an unspoken understanding about this type of uh procedure.

Having had kids makes it no easier. They are still pokin' around in your privates and there had been no dinner, drinks or soft music.

geez, blurk...you don't hafta be so anal about it.

mm, yeah I know...that's why I asked earlier...this has been happening more and more lately.

Thanks, mm. It's a pretty somber mood around here today. Prior to these air shows we have exercises and drills to prepare for something like this but never actually think it's gonna happen.

And we haven't even discussed mammograms. The great pinch machine.

Hey, I didn't know where else to ask this but does anyone remember what year the presidential juggernaut sold yo yo's to finance the campaign? I just found mine and it got me to thinking. Here's the image:

http://www.divshare.com/download/682610-f7c

Thanks.

Chris

I'm ALL about mammograms.

No pinching.

Promise.

OUCHIE, Mikey!! my wee ramparts take a beatin' when they get squeeeeeeeeeezed like pancakes. I'm sure a man is responsible. If guys had to do that to their "danglies", they wouldn't have invented that torture apparatus.

blurk, I'm all for gentle manual exams too...but NO...we HAVE to have the squeeze. It's painful, I tell ya!

How come you never hear Hugh Heffner saying, "I have seen so many vaginas, it's just like work for me"?

Penograms!!!! Yes! Here put your Johnson right here on this plate. Now, we are gonna take this plate and press really hard on your Johnson, but stand still and hold your breath. Don't move!

You need a bikini wax. First we put some hot wax on your crotch,then we take a piece of cloth and press down on the wax then we RIP the hair out. Hey come back here!

Refrains, at great personal discomfort, from commenting on Bethie's comment.

*SNORK*

Bethie, that's funny.

LOL Mikey, I think blurk just fainted.

Why do you wimmen always have to pull out the wax?!

Always with the wax.

or maybe not...heyyyyyyyyyy!

Dave, could you PLEASE put a ban on the wax thing?

I'd ask judi but I know THAT ain't happenin'.

LOL Bethie, he's so old he don't know what to do with 'em anymore.

dang, blurk...got me again!

interesting anecdote from "a friend" who has "interesting" anatomy- When she was in the teaching hospital and the doctor did a pelvic exam, he had to bring all 12 of the OB/GYN residents through to examine her, so they could see/feel her anatomy, too. What fun!

Greyat torture devise.

Terrorist,"No! I will not tell you where the weapons are hidden. You can water board me,you can put panties on my head, You can make me listen to Manilou tapes! I will not betray my brothers!"

Interrogator, "Bring in the penogram and the bikini waxer."

Terrorist, "They are at 1234 Elm Street."

mm, Hermaphrodite?

Wasn't that the Greek God(dess?) of indecision.

Mikey, works every time!

mm, yikes...that musta been fun. *crosses legs again* 12 exams???

*shudders*

oh and blurk?? quite whinin' or I'll have to wax something.

not quite, retroversion, it refers to the position of the uterus with respect to the vagina

Siouxie,

Next time a guy tries to get pushy, I won't have to warn him that I have a gun at home, I can just say that I have a wax machine and know how to use it.

mm, AH, OK.

sounds painful, mm.

"...exams on the body’s most private and sensitive areas — genitalia, breasts and rectums."

Oral or written?

ok ok blurk! I'll put the wax away...promise ;-)

really. it's safe now. see?? *shows hands* no wax!

Siouxie,

I think S(tevie)W may need a sample?

I'll bring the hot wax machine.

"At the prostate station, for example, several models of the male posterior are arranged on a table in various positions....On another table, several examples of the penis, circumcised and not, limp and erect, await another round of students..."
---------------------------------------------------

One gay med student to another: "Ooh look - a buffet!!"

lol Stevie...I'd tell ya which one *I'd* prefer, but I won't.

lmao! smorgasbord!

*Follow on to Stevie*

.... and a salad bar at the next station!

those sterile plastic models just aren't going to prepare them for real people, with various amounts of fat...and hair...and piercings...body art. Just sayin'

mm-

Piercing, you just had to make me visualize that didn't you?

*shudders*

When I was a resident assistant, another RA and I were doing "health and safety inspections" (mostly a hunt for illicit candles and halogen lamps). We walked into the room of one of my most mild-mannered residents and glanced around a bit. The other RA and I saw it at the same time: a "mannequin" just like the ones in the picture, sitting on his desk with a BIG bottle of hand lotion next to it. Well, now we know why he was so mild-mannered.

*snork* @ Mikey's "truffles" comment.

It was very difficult not to laugh out loud at my last appointment with the breast doctor. She asked me if I would mind allowing her (male) med student to conduct a manual exam, and when he did, his silent, internal self-talk ("thisisnotANYTHINGliketouchingawomaninaprivatemoment, thisisNOTawoman'sbreast, nope") was written all over his face and had me all but busting a gut on the table. Watching him look off into the distance and disassociate and act all professional was highly entertaining. Poor guy.

WOWsa, Glix! he couldn't get a date, huh??

KDF, LOL!!!!

It is funny when the 12 year old student docs try to act so detached.

Ya, wanna say, "Uh, son it's OK."

Well, I always seem to go in for my gynecological exam at the same time the doctor's office has an intern in for , um, er.... Watching. Inevitably, it's some big guy who went to school on a sports scholarship or something and I blush and opt out of being a specimen... OT - BTW, blurk, can you come to NJ and keep the Air Force from setting fire to the Pinelands again? Thanks in advance...

Too funny, KDF! I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face either with Dr. Doogie Howser.

You prudes. My urologists's assistant was a cute (female) brunette with nice legs and a tight, short skirt. Did I complain?

Kathybear, I'll see what I can do...but you know them silly airmen...always settin' fire to sumpthin'.

almne - yup, that's my job

glix and KDF, LOL funny stuff!

and waaaaaay up there mikey, loved the "truffles," too.

Stevie, I'm sure no matter how "cute" this girl was, your butt puckered up when you hear the *SNAP*!

uh...and when you hearD it too! ;-P

The *SNAP*? You must know something I don't. Or don't remember.

um...I think you blocked out the sound of the glove, Stevie...just sayin'

They were supposed to use gloves?

ohhhhhhh Stevie, not if you don't want them to...

damn, stevie, another major *snork*

But they are close enough to the real thing to let students know whether their touch is too rough, too soft or if they’ve missed a key spot entirely.

I'd have no problem as the "subject." Higher, harder, a little to the left -- I'm used to it.

Looks like the bot could use the high hard one.

KDF, that woulda cracked me up too! I guess you should be flattered. Maybe they should start those interns off with the grandmotherly patients first. That should cure them.

ubetcha, copying/ pasting text from a link is always a Botfock....

AND it (the bot) doesn't even wine you and dine you before the botfock.

SO CJ! no visiting Miami?? I'll be in St. Augustine for a day next weekend.

Any of you gents wanna work out the logistics of a manual mammogram, I'm here for the asking!

I have read this ENTIRE thread out loud to my friend. I have tears of laughter running down my face.


Well, except for the loss of an Airman. (((((((blurk))))))) I'm so very sorry.

Sio, I'm still trying to herd cats... getting multiple people to meet-up on back-to-back days. Grrr!

Well, if you're here next thursday, you can buy me a birthday beer!

The REST of you have been given ample time to get my presents. No need for the butt facial - I'm getting that one for myself. (I'll need it after all the spankage, I'm sure.)

*makes note of Siouxie's birthday*

I'd like to know how
SHE gets a mammogram.

pssssst, blurk?? ( * )( * )

the dr.'s name is Pugh?

gingerly sticking our hands up their rectums
(don't forget gloves, don't wanna infect 'um)
making the pain-sensor monitor sing
these are a few of our favorite things!

get a good grip on a male-bot fake prostate
make sure to note, if it's gained or it's lost weight
call it a "peni$" don't call it a "thing"
these are the joys that urology brings!

when the bots squeal
from wounds that won't heal
when your technique's bad
think of the cash that your patients
will bring
and then they won't feel
so bad!

Psst, Siou - mine are perkier! (^)(^)

tee hee.

LOL insom...good one!

Diva, those weren't mine...I'm not that uh...gifted. Just calling blurk with the National Rampart Signal (NRS). Guess he's not around.

*SNORK!* @ insom...as always.

And that should have been ( ^ )( ^ )

Maybe if we flashed together on a simul?

Sioux - your link makes me think: Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down.

wonders to self what all that gel looks like in the Mammogram

BTW - didn't she have them UNenhanced a few years ago? Are these REenhanced?

LOL Med! I wonder that myself. I'd be afraid they'd POP!

Diva, I wouldn't dream of trying to outflash you with my pectorials lol. Now if we were to moon, my Cuban butt may have a better chance.

Unfunny note: My friend's wife had one yesterday. They found something....

*prays*

//end unfunny

Yep, she missed her "girls" and re-attached them.

Girl - I just KNOW you got some serious Cuban back goin' on there! Latinas will ALWAYS beat the crap outta us white chicks with that.

*bows to the Moon Goddess Siouxie*

You usually can beat us in the bazoomage department, too, but I KNOW I got that goin' on. DD doesn't just stand for DeskDiva 'round here.... ;-)

nah..most Latin women are basically known for the buttage, not bazoomage. (unless they're "enhanced")

Even when I was rail thin, I had butt. Now it's just grown in proportion to rest of me. ;-)

lol insom!

OH
MY
GOD

I'm watching this movie that I remember seeing at the theatre a lont time ago about some Dragons...butt..it's got MAJOR HUNKAGE!!

Christian *Batman* Bale, Gerard *Spartan* Butler and Matthew McHunkyhey ALL in one movie.

*drools and perks at the same time*

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