NEVER GO TO THE BATHROOM WITHOUT SOMETHING TO READ

Here's why.

Comments

[GungaDan]

Had to look it up, 40 stone is 560 Lbs.

Good Morning Dave.

[CJrun]

I wouldn't spend a penny for her thoughts....

[Jeff Meyerson]

I'll bet those giant Canadian rats could have got her out of there pronto.

[OtheU(manity)]

Din't hafta look it up, 'Dan ... but that makes your FIRST even better, 'cuz y'all obviously read the story before postin' ...

and ...

O!M!G! ... 560 Lbs! (and that ain't "Stirling" ...)

[GungaDan]

LOL OtheU(manity)
How is the Hawaiian coffee?

[blurk]

Shoot, that ain't much. Ours weigh more than that.

Oh...a person.

Well, that's different.

Mornin' everyone.

[judi]

well i can't find "spend a penny at midnight" anywhere.

[judi]

aha :) http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/spend-a-penny.html

[blurk]

They make products to help ya with that, judi.

hehehe

Mornin'.

[blurk]

Well, whaddaya know. Fantasies do come true An early morning sumul with the blog mistress.

[blurk]

Or "simul" even...

Got so excited my fingers won't even work.

[Meditrina]

Don't trip drool, blurk. ;) Mornin'. Anyone start the coffee?

[judi]

what AM i doing up this early? sigh. oh well it's just as well, 'cause the blogphone called me a few minutes ago. of course the Blog himself was not trying to call me but his phone likes mine alot. my phone, otoh, like's frank's from the help desk. it's an everlasting triangle i'm afraid.

[GungaDan]

Yeppers, but left pot on previous thread.

[blurk]

Mornin', Med.

Happy Sunday.

[Jeff Meyerson]

You call this early? Some of us have been up since six.

Anyway:

judi's link.

[Bethie]

Sounds like she spend a dollar at least. Did she just eat so much that night that she gained just that much more to get her stuck?

[OtheU(manity)]

Six?

I've been up since 0430 (MDT) ... I could tell y'all about some neighbors ... but it'd take too much time/space/bandwidth ...

Gettin' sorta ready (read the funnies, check for new kitties next door - nope, not yet -- scrape off the grime and whiskers ...) to drive off to the bigger town and shop a bit, prior to attendin' a screenin' of Pirates III or whutever it's called ...

Hawaiian is merely fine, 'Dan ... as always ...

[Punkin Poo]

Okay, now don't think I'm a weirdo or anything, but, um, how does a person of that, um, enormous girth, ahh, wipe one's self??

(C'mon - YOU wondered too.)

[WriterDude]

Morning, folks. I have a pot of something orgasmic called Mayan Black Onyx here, and Lester/Mrs WriterDude is working on her world famous biscuits and gravy. All are welcome.

Med, DD got us right on the geography last night, right? ;-)

[daisymae]

It probably begs the question but...how did she get in the loo?

[Eleanor]

Yes, daisy. You'd think she'd have been more bloated going in than coming out, IYKWIM. :)

[blurk]

In other news...British air freshner company stock is skyrocketing...

[GungaDan]

LOL Blurk

[Annie Where-but-here]

... trees had to be cut down and a backhoe brought in to bring Jamison's prize out of the woods.

It was hauled on a truck to the Clay County Farmers Exchange in Lineville, where Jeff Kinder said they used his scale, which was recently calibrated, to weigh the hog.

oops...wrong thread?

[mm]

while I was reading this, at the same time that I was laughing, I was saying "Oh, that poor woman!" After all, she had to have been embarrassed about being so heavy, then the story had this bit:

she was finally winched to the ground in Basingstoke, Hants, using a CRANE and PULLEYS.

Caps AND bold, talk about the coup de grace...
*SNORK*

[Annie Where-but-here]

The saddest part is, she missed breakfast.

[crossgirl]

punkin, bidet.

[blurk]

The other saddest part is, the firefighters lost breakfast.

[DeskDiva]

Oy. LORD help me if I ever get to that point. blurk, you have your orders to put me outta my misery at point blank range if'n I do.

And yeah - WTF about the BOLD CAPS there? THAT is just RUDE. How 'bout I put a BOLD CAP in yo' a$$?!?

[Bethie]

Daisy mae, perhaps she was actually eating on the loo, and then, well, the rest of the story.

[Annie Where-but-here]

ba-dum! @ blurkie!

[Wes S.]

Sorry, I can't bring myself to make a smartass comment about this poor gal. Damn, and I thought I had a weight problem.

I ought to print that story off and tape it to the door of my refrigerator...

And *snorks* at Diva for the "putting a bold cap in your ass" comment. We ought to do that to that "Banker" guy in the next thread down, who wanted to see young Jamison the Hog-Killer dead...

[Ms. Nomer]

The poor woman evidently needs help of another kind. Maybe she'll get it now. I hope so.

[jon]

My first thought, appropriately enough(?) — "Holy Crap!"

[WriterDude]

Psst, Annie: Back to our surfing OT, if you get Havoc On Demand, they have a 5 min. video on my old mentor, Tommy Curren, up this month. If you have Comcast, I can give you precise directions.

Back on topic, I think I'm with Wes and Ms. Nomer, and I therefore rescind the invitation for biscuits & gravy that none of you people accepted. :-b

[Kristina L.]

Poor lady, and she had her name in the paper, too! How embarrassing!

[Meditrina]

WriterD - I was feeling bloated this AM, which is why I passed on your generous offer. Is there any leftover BBQ? I'm in for some o' that!

[WriterDude]

Sure, Med -- the ribs are in the fridge under the foil. Would you please grab me a beer while you're there?

I actually tried a new technique developed just for baby backs by a friend of mine. He commits several heresies with this -- sauce before they go on the grill, high direct heat to get an initial sear, and other tricks you're "not supposed to do" to ribs.

They were fantastic. Wouldn't try it with any other kind of ribs, though.

[Annie Where-but-here]

ot - psst - WD - Curran had a house at Rincon when I met him years ago. Did you surf with him? He was THE surf dude then.

[WriterDude]

Psst back @ Annie -- I didn't so much "surf with" Tommy quite so much as I watched him, learned from him, and got out of his way. I doubt he'd remember me, but it's possible. We went to some of the same parties in Carpinteria and SB, but I don't recall ever having been to his place. Dunno if he lived on the point then or not. This would have been 1982.

So I can call Tommy an 'acquaintance' but it would be a big stretch to call him a 'friend', and I learned a lot from standing back and watching/admiring what he does while wishing like hell that I could do it as well as he does.

Or in other words, the relationship I now have with Dave. ;-)

[Moon]

Holy CRAP!!!

[Dr. Rickenstien]

well if that wasn't a stomach churning story for the holiday weekend....sheesh almighty and such!

[Dr. Rickenstien]

and if Dave hadn't posted it, I would have said that story sounded like a load of crap.....

[Cat R.]

Basingstoke, Hants. Hmm. My mom has a cousin there. Not this lady, though.

No heart to tease here either. A word of caution to us all, though. Before you chuckle too much, know this: I have it on very good authority from someone in the funeral biz (ain't sayin' who) that many people (more than you would think) meet their maker while on the loo.

It's true. And they're not always large folks, either. Something about the heart not being able to handle too much exertion, if you get my drift.

Our mothers warn us about always wearing clean underwear in case we are in an accident. What they should be telling us is, "Eat your fiber!"

[Dr. Rickenstien]

Cat, I don't think anybody in here would wish ill of the poor woman. She was still alive also, just in a really embarassing situation. Heck, if they find me on the toilet, so be it. I will have died doing something productive for a change...hehe.

[Punkin Poo]

I think that, when people aren't feeling particularly well, they may spend more time in the bathroom, hoping that the massive heart attack is just constipation.

[GungaDan]

Warning Cat, a friend of mine passed like that and you got me wondering, so I looked it up. I hadn't realized there was a correlation.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Don't know about you, but I'm off to the store for some wheat bran. See you tomorrow....maybe....!

[GungaDan]

LOL Annie. I find beer works wonders in larger then recommended quantities.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Oh, I get it - hops.

[Cat R.]

GungaDan, eek! Well, now I know the medical info that goes with the anecdotal evidence.

Off topic, but in case anyone was wondering how cicada-ville is going here in Chicago, they're a-singin' here today! Literally thousands have emerged on our street alone, and there was one every few feet on the sidewalk on the walk to church today.

Inevitably, the "dare-ya-to-eat-one" bets come out right about now. Supposedly, when roasted, they taste like almonds. Nobody in this house wants to see for sure, though.

My daughter likes to pick up the small ones (males) and squeeze them gently. Their buzz sounds more like a drawn-out quack -- and LOUD!

It's really quite amazing, seeing all of these creatures emerge at the same time after seventeen years -- it gives me hope that we haven't quite totally destroyed the planet yet.

Of course, haven't they always said that when mankind is gone, all that will be left will be the cockroaches? Maybe we can add cicadas to that.

[Cat R.]

See? Cockroaches!

(And I get the bot -- go figure!)

[Dr. Rickenstien]

Hey there Spammer moron! Thought you would be taking the holiday weekend off. Too bad for us that your SO dedicated to being a twit. Your name would'nt happen to be Banker as well would it?

[Dr. Rickenstien]

My last comment was not directed at you Cat, just is case of confusion.

[Wes S.]

Did Dave or judi suddenly decide to outsource the blog's security to the CTU Redshirts?

[Cat R.]

LOL! I know, Doc.

[Cat R.]

Here's what I noticed. I posted the cicada post without a bot. Then Cockroach up there got in, and my next post got the bot.

Methinks there's a sensor of some kind that got tripped by this scum. Thanks, slimeball!

** Oh, and just to clarify -- not you guys, Doc or Wes ;-) **

[Wes S.]

Cool! My first simul!

[Cat R.]

A double (fanning self)!

[Dr. Rickenstien]

don't know who hired the CTU guys, but they would have done better by hiring the kid who shot the super-hog. Or even better yet, Hogzilla himself. No spammer worth his own miserable hide would dare take on the Hog of Doom!

[Cat R.]

Your first, Wes? And second? I'm honored.

BTW, I joined the blogits back in August of 2006. Back then my name was "Wessonality!".

Here's Wessonality! at Dave and Ridley's Illinois booksigning.

I wasn't posting every day, and frequently other blogits referred to me as Wes, and therefore other blogits assumed I was, as Dave might say, "a man of the male gender".

So, I changed my name to Cat R., which is closer to my real name, and I have been dainty and feminine ever since.

Unless I'm posting about dying on a toilet or eating cicadas (burp). Which is only occasionally.

Anyway, the name Wes will always be near and dear to me. Hell, it WAS me!

Welcome to the blog!

[DeskDiva]

OY!!! I just slept my entire friggin' day away! What's going on out here! I'll be back when I've caught up on my reading down the thread....

[Cat R.]

Doc, my brother-in-law hunts wild boar in Michigan's Upper Peninsula. I saw him yesterday at a wedding we attended, and asked him what he thought about the Monster Hog bagged by the eleven-year-old.

He knew about Hogzilla, but not about the newest capture, reported right here on the blog.

Thanks to Dave, I was up on my current events in a timely and satisfying fashion yesterday! I was knowledgeable about the length and weight of wild boar, and I just fascinated those around me with my Dave-inspired factoids and wit!

Until I slipped up and ordered a Blogarita and they cut me off. I knew that would happen.

[DeskDiva]

...Aaaaaaaand - a refresh.....and nobody's here now. THE STORY OF MY LIFE!!!

*cicadas chirping in background*

[Cat R.]

Di-vaaaaa!

I was fanning myself, above, and it reminded me of you.

You know, cause you fan yourself...a lot...around here...and...

(blushes)

THERE! Again! Reminds me of you! Ha!

(Oh, I've been married too long. Fanning and blushing are mere memories, mostly! LOL)

[Cat R.]

Chirping? No delicate chirping here. It's like living next to a power plant here these days.

Cool, though. Mother Nature at work.

[Wes S.]

Cat, I've been posting for a couple of years now on The Blog - mostly in the "24" threads until recently - and I've had a couple of folks ask me if I was "Wessonality." Glad to have finally met the original.

"Wes" is my actual name, and along with my last initial is what I usually use when posting around the blogosphere. (Except over at Emperor Misha's Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler, where I post under the title of "Imperial Mohel;" I tend to get "snippy" with trolls.)

[Wes S.]

Diva, how's your Memorial Day been?

[Cat R.]

Well, then YOU are the original, dear sir! I humbly apologize for absconding with your name temporarily last summer. Unknowingly, to be sure.

Well, that explains why some people seemed to know me. Be assured I took good care of your name and I didn't post anything too embarrassing as "you". (I think.)

I rarely blogged the "24" threads, so that's why I never met you until now!

[Wes S.]

Cat,with all the embarassing stuff I've posted, I likely couldn't tell the difference...

;)

[DeskDiva]

Hey! Good to know it aint dead 'round here tonight!

Why, Cat - I don't care how old or married I ever am...I intend to let my husband make me as flushed and flustered on our last night as our first. ;-)

Have a RRRRRRRRAGING headache right now. Don't know how I'm gonna get rid of it. Is making me feel really sick, which is unusual.

I might be off and on.

Memorial Day is slooooooow, Wes. How's about yours?

[Cat R.]

I hate headaches. Never had migraines until after I had kids. (ba-dump-bump.)

My daughter went through about nine months of migraines when she was nine. Talk about scary. Apparently it's not that uncommon.

I'd suggest you get some sleep, but you just woke up. Hydrate? And just a tad of caffeine? That's what's in Excedrin. But I've had mixed results with rebound headaches after using too much caffeine.

[Wes S.]

Diva, I've been catching up today on all the sleep I missed during the workweek.

Amazingly, the ca$ino didn't schedule me for any overtime this weekend, so I don't go back 'til Wednesday. (And if they try to call and offer me some, I might just pretend I'm not home.)

Wow...that was a near-run thing. Casey Mears just won the NASCAR Coca-Cola 600...and five seconds after crossing the finish line he ran out of gas. No post-race burnout for Casey; he was barely able to coast to the pits...

[DeskDiva]

Now that you mention, Cat - it could be a caffeine-related issue. I stay away from it pretty religiously because it screws with my heart. I've had quite a bit this week and this could partially be some body rebound from the withdrawal.

Wow, Wes - THAT is an unbelievable near miss!!! Cool!!

[Cat R.]

My husband can wake up at 2am, drink two cups of regular coffee, and fall back asleep like a baby right afterwards.

Me, if I have anything caffeinated (even pop) after 4pm, falling asleep at night is a bear.

I know that when I was trying to self-medicate my migraines a few years ago, the Excedrin helped at the moment, but then I'd sometimes end up with a worse headache after it wore off.

But something about the blood vessels constricting and relaxing is what the caffeine affects. It constricts, I think.

[DeskDiva]

Yes. I have taken several Advil. And when I drank caffeine regularly, it had no effect on me, either.

[Wes S.]

Ouch. This just aired on Fox News' "Half Hour Comedy Hour:"

"Earlier this month, the price of a first-class stamp increased two cents to forty-one cents. Next month the price of Paris Hilton is expected to drop to two packs of smokes."

ROTFLMFAO!

[DeskDiva]

Yeah - and last night Lindsay Lohan crashed her car. Taken in on suspicion of DUI. What a bunch of freaks.

And not in the good, sexual kinda sense. ;-)

[Cat R.]

{{sending calming silent vibes to Diva's head}}

Well, relax, maybe a cup of herbal tea, nothing too straining on your eyes.

Maybe dim the lights and play some cool jazz.

Hmm... where IS that husband of mine?

(blushes)

Ha! I still got it!

Take care, blogits -- good luck, Diva. Nice ta meetcha, Wes! Nitey nite!

[DeskDiva]

Sure, Cat! KICK me when I'm down!!!!

[Cat R.]

Sorry. Here you go -- . the antidote

Hey, I'm married -- I ain't dead.

[DeskDiva]

MUCH better, thank you!! :-)

[Ms. Nomer]

Thanks, Cat. I needed that, too. Yum.

[KentuckyFilly]

Wes--you're Imperial Mohel? I lurk that blog...never actually posted. Hey, y'all...my Memorial Day weekend is goin pretty slow too...I think there was supposed to be a ceremony somewhere here on base, but it got canxed due to the weather. Stupid rain.

[OtheU(manity)]

OK ... went to Pirates III ... perty much a good story ... fun to watch ... some of the SFX were mostly outrageous ... and the little dap @ the end ... after the credits (ALL OF 'EM) roll, is perty neat-o ...

[Wes S.]

Yep, guilty as charged, Filly. Alas, my snark is no match for Misha's even on my best day.

You ought to post over there; I'm sure that my fellow Rotties would love to hear from you, and there's a lot of current and former service members included in the ranks of the Empire's Loyal Citizens.

[diverdowndoc]

KYF- send some of that rain to the ATL- we couldn't breathe today because we are getting wildfire smoke from south Ga and NoFla.

For those interested in a blogfest- anybody thought about doing it in conjunction with the Herald Hunt (October)? We could be 'Team Booger'. Or, we could be a clue. Or we could get a clue. Or something.

Just a thought.

[Elaine Sue]

I am a stickler for using words correctly. Sorta like Mr. Language Man. The REAL definition for a factoid is something that is wrong and it gets repeated often enough that folks think it's true.

I don't want to make anybody mad at me, but I want to clear this up. I know, I have heard newspeople say factoid on TV.

Even when I double-checked on the web, the usage is incorrect, even for site titles.

I was surprised when I found out, too.

Hey, dd, my best buddy, Faye, wants to go meet you bloggers, too. She will be driving me, probably. Road trip!

[diverdowndoc]

power leveling sounds like Rain Man on Speed.

[GungaDan]

Good morning all.

Diva, bummer, headache getting better yet?

[diverdowndoc]

Elaine Sue, DD, somebody tell me I'm not alone with power leveling guy. I may have to sic the bot on him.

Somebody set up a perimeter!!

Hey PERIMETER!!! DRINK!!

[diverdowndoc]

Morning GungaDan- wanna shoot powerleveling in the thigh with me?

[GungaDan]

LOL DDD, locked and loaded.

[diverdowndoc]

Maybe the perimeter worked!

Are you arising or going to bed soon?

[Elaine Sue]

This blog doesn't usually ask me to type the wierd sequence any more. Maybe that's how the spammers are getting in.

[GungaDan]

Just waking here DDD, your self? *puts on coffee*

[diverdowndoc]

I'm resetting my clock- gotta work until 2am tomorrow, so can't wake too early. I was thinking about hitting the hay, but the spammers needed shootin', and all.

Also, I'm impressed with the 3:07 am simul.

Where in the world are you two?

(Atlanta for me)

[Elaine Sue]

Judi, also the blog doesn't add my posts to the quantity on the blog page. For instance, I posted to a site that had only 5 responses. I posted, but the main part of the blog still says 5 and there are 6 posts.

[Elaine Sue]

Doc, are we ever really alone?