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May 16, 2007


Don't shake hands.

(Thanks to RussellMc)


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Damn! It's half over and nobody told me.

... teaches people about positive sex.

Hum ...


... na ... can't come up with any examples of the opposite ...

So when exactly is this???

ejaculation distance spewing contest.

Don't shake hands, and don't even get close.

I can almost hear The Village People singing...San Francisco!!

A friend who was recently at a conference in San Fran found out about this and asked if I'd sponsor him. :-D Naturally, I said I would.

She thought group activities would be more fun that spanking the monkey at him in private.

I guess the author was typing one-handed. I think that should read "than spanking the monkey at home in private."

But I could be wrong.

They should had out bags of Cheetos to everyone in town.

*SNORK!* Steve!!!! That is an AWESOME idea!!!

Team captain: "All together, now. Stroke... Stroke..."

Elderly tourist: "Look, honey. I think they're having boat races over there!"

LOL Steve!

And they're OFF!!!!

Oh, man! They have rules about that sort of thing at work. I guess I'll have to wait until I get home.

Okay, class, let's have a show of han...er, hairy palms.

All I have to say is that I just came back from a week in San Francisco.


Proceeds will go to the American Stroke Association, Charities for the Blind, and various cliteracy programs.

Sounds like a perfect celebration...for people who can't get a friggin' date!!!!

I clicked the link that said "Enlarge", but nothing happened... .

AA, no wonder you look so relaxed!

and a strokesnork @ Ford!

****SNORKSNORK!!!!**** @ HandsyHammie and Ford

so, uh, blurk, see you there?

why is the handwriting on the sign-up sheet so shaky?

gives a new meaning to the olympic motto : "Faster, Higher, Stronger"

t.v ratings were very high in the first half-hour or so, then the audience lost interest...

and your point is, blurk???

*can SO get a friggin date!!* geez!!!

call it what you will
you still look pretty foolish
f--king the wind

Can I just be a cheerleader? "Go, team!Beat ...um... never mind."

uh...crossgirl?? whatcha doing this sat??

where they say of the winners
'don't that just beat all?'

"A woman in London holds the world record for the most orgasms at 49 big O's."

She was faking it.

Wooo hooo!! my birthday is on masturbation month!! Everyone, blog party next week! come one come all and BYOT (bring your own towel) ;-)

spank the monkey
shake the snake
frisk the frank
drain the lizard
shake hands with the president
schwing and a miss
makin' shaky puddin'
burn the mayonaise
squeeze the squid
mash the spud

49 O's? I think most teenage boys could beat that in an afternoon.

Of course, I never . . . .

polishing the porpoise
wax the dolphin
bleed the weasel
choke the chicken
jerkin' the gherkin (please see previous thread if this applies to you)
floggin' the log
clickin' my mouse
and my personal favorite - manual override

whacking the gopher?

If you're coming in San Francisco
Be sure to bring some lotion if you care
If you're coming in San Francisco
You're gonna meet some gentle people there

For those who come in San Francisco
Summertime will be a love-in there
In the streets of San Francisco
Gentle people with personal gifts to share

All across the nation such a strange vibration
People in motion
There's a whole generation with a new explanation
People with lotion people in motion

For those who come in San Francisco
Be sure to wear some lotion if you care
If you come in San Francisco
Summertime will be a love-in there

If you come in San Francisco
Summertime will be a love-in there

*snork* Hammie!!

I had that song in my head but the words wouldn't cum out!! ;-P

Another standing O for Hammy!
Let's all give him a big hand! See? that wasn't so...ooo..OH God! Oh God!


Hammie, that was a stroke of genious!

Squeezin' the squirrel
Pullin' the pud
Bo Diddling
and I'm spent.

Thank you, thank y...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

See the tree, how big it's grown,
But friend, it hasn't been too long
It wasn't big...


"manning the torpedoe"

"Flogging the pony"


twirling the licorice
flying the joy stick

And just do atheists say as they can't say "Oh my GOD!" when they have the big O.

Also for the distance competition, from where do they start to measure the distance? Is it like the long jump and they measure from the take off board, or is it from point of lift off?

AA, that would only work if the uh..hmm point of lift off is at the same angle, no? What about the er..curvature?

Yes Siouxie it's an interesting problem in math. We better conduct some experiments to determine the best method of measurement. Care to assist?

"polishing the porpoise
wax the dolphin
bleed the weasel
choke the chicken
jerkin' the gherkin (please see previous thread if this applies to you)
floggin' the log
clickin' my mouse
and my personal favorite - manual override"

med? med!?

(takes cover as his house-of-cards mental image of meditrina comes crashing down around him)

how could such a refined lady as yourself know these things? surely you have brothers!

oh, and

yank the yam
pound the pommegranate
shuck the corn
empty the eclair
crank the kielbasa
playing pocket pool
pine-tar the bat
waxing the cue
rosin the bow
pulling taffy
getting in touch with my inner wanker
strangle the stork
milk the snake

Sure AA!! Hang on...let me put on my labcoat and get my gloves.



Watch out! They're on the march to San Francisco!


We're gonna need a bigger lab.

manipulate the manatee
fondle the frenchman
shine the schnauzer
boff the buffalo
toast the marshmallow
trim the tree
mow the grass
exascerbate the situation

Mud... I think we can now add
"visiting 'Frisco" to the lexicon....

maybe "Crisco the Frisco."

I've always been more than happy to masturbate for Charity. Of course, I haven't been able to do so since she stopped working nights at the Lusty Belgian Strip Club and Waffle House out on Rte 133. Oh, Charity...you were the best one-legged stripper/waffle-slinger in ten counties. You are missed, angel.

Now I'm forced to entertain myself for Charity's much less attractive friends Faith, Hope, Patience, Joy and Glory. (Joy is the best of them, at least she still has all her teeth. I hear she's moving to Portland, though, to teach 10th grade chemistry.)

Think Crink!

random, that's exactly what I was thinking - you know she did - sheesh. ;)

My favorite euphemism is British in origin:
"bashing the bishop"

What organization is the keeper of the world records? Do people call in to see if they've broken one? (a record that is)

just wondering


Good God, mud!!!!

I am falling on my @SS laughing over all y'all here....

It's that time of year again and we're celebrating all month long at Wankerparty, culminating in the world-wide Wank for PEACE! Love it.

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