24
This summary might be even less accurate than usual. I missed most of 24 last week, which was a shrewd move because apparently it was Night of the Living Audrey. Remember when this season was about nuclear bombs going off in U.S. cities? How did we get from that to Audrey? When this season finally ends, Congress had better hold hearings.
Anyway, Jack is all mopey because the evil Chinese subplots turned Audrey into a zombie, on top of which her father, Secretary of Defense William Devane, last seen drowning, reappeared to order Jack to keep away from his daughter. But before that happened, Audrey said "Bloomfield," which turned out to be... a clue! To quote from the Official 24 Site "Plot" Summary:
There is a Bloomfield Copper Company that used to have a facility in Los Angeles. Forensics found copper particles on her clothes, so this may be where Cheng was hiding her. LAPD is locking down the building but Doyle is heading there now.
Sounds like a showdown at the old Bloomfield Copper place! (It's one of the many abandoned copper operations in the Los Angeles area.) CTU needs to capture the wily mastermind "Three Hummers" Cheng before he can give his government the Top Secret Russian Circuit Board of Doom (thanks to Fred for the link) which could create... an international crisis. Already Russian troops are moving into Central Asia, and you know what that means. I don't know what it means, either, but it sounds bad, especially if you are a Russian troop.
Meanwhile back in Washngton, Acting President Dark Powers has discovered that Lisa, the White House vixen who has been on his staff, has also been on the staff of a Russian agent. This is very significant, because... OK, it just is. I'll be honest: whenever they show the Washington scenes, I go to the bathroom, even if I don't have to.
Edgar is still dead (although he got right on the horn to his agent when he saw William Devane reappear).
Morris has broken up with Chloe for good.
Christopher shot Tim Daly. (This happened last night on the Sopranos, but I'm including it here because, whoa.)
Meanwhile, according to this column (thanks to Michelle Jameson) the producers of 24, apparently recognizing that this season totally bites is not quite up to snuff, are going to give it a "complete remodeling." Good idea! Maybe they could hire some writers!
Nah, that's crazy talk.
Anyway, we've given this season thousands of hours of our time, so we're not going to quit until it's over. We will be watching closely tonight, and of course waiting for clarification from the Amazing Steve.
UPDATE: A restraining order! THAT will certainly deter a legal stickler like Jack.
UPDATE: Dammit, Nadia!
UPDATE: Jack is a coiled spring, waiting to uncoil like... like a spring that is uncoiling.
UPDATE: A FIVE-BLOCK PERIMETER!
UPDATE: Real-time tactical feeds will be uplinked to their PDAs! They must have Cingular.
UPDATE: The Venus Breeze looks like a fine ladies' razor.
UPDATE: Can we just get to the shooting?
UPDATE: CTU's motto should be "D'oh!"
UPDATE: So basically, in a locked-down city, with CTU looking for him, Cheng can move a small army on CTU... undetected!
UPDATE: Dropped data fields in Sector 8, I HATE that.
UPDATE: Can we all agree that Chloe's new hair color is a major mistake?
UPDATE: Lisa needs to create an opportunity for Bishop to access her PDA. If you know what I mean.
UPDATE: This season is all about stalling for time, isn't it? Reminds me of baseball, when the manager goes to the mound and scratches his butt while the relief pitcher warms up. Only not as exciting.
UPDATE: What, exactly, do women mean when they say they're going to "freshen up?" Never mind, I don't want to know.
UPDATE: If I were the hospital that employs House, I'd fire him, because wherever he goes the patients are messed up.
UPDATE: "We're in." Wow! Even the Chinese say that! They must have watched a lot of movies.
UPDATE: Milo is hurt because there might be something between Nadia and Doyle. Seriously, do you believe the amount of this stuff that goes on at CTU?
UPDATE: Honestly, CTU is the single most clueless government agency in the history of government agencies. THEY CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT THAT THEY'RE UNDER FREAKING ATTACK.
UPDATE: NOW we are talking.
UPDATE: I'll be honest: I was never attached to Milo. But seriously: Should we not be a little bit troubled by the fact that CTU -- the agency responsible for protecting the nation from terrorists -- could not protect its own building from terrorists?
UPDATE: So it's Jack against, what, 25 killers? This thing is over.
UPDATE: The air duct! That is so... unexpected.
UPDATE: The costume designer said, "OK, the attackers will wear matching tank tops. And we will glisten their bodies with sweat."
UPDATE: Modern buildings have PA systems in the air ducts, for exactly this reason.
UPDATE: Farmer Hoggett! That old so-and-so.
UPDATE: This was the best episode for a while. Utterly preposterous, but less White House and more Jack. Which is why we watch. Coming up: The Amazing Steve.
UPDATE: An excellent analysis from commenter Wes S.:
OK, wait a minute...Farmer Hoggett, the superpatriot, is going to defect to China on the spur of the moment because he thinks his country is ungrateful.
And the Russians are getting ready to go to war with the United States because the Chinese got their hands on one of their nuclear weapons components...from a Russian nuke that was smuggled into the USA, by a Russian general, to be used to take out an American city. And the Russians are allegedly doing this because they're afraid of a war with CHINA!
Is this show making even less sense than usual?
FIRST!
Posted by: Siouxie | May 07, 2007 at 08:31 PM
NOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I lost!
Posted by: Edgar Greenberg | May 07, 2007 at 08:31 PM
Ready to go! Summary after the show (hopefully more quickly this time).
Let's hope that Jack starts shooting thighs soon. He's way behind on his thigh quota.
Posted by: Steve (The 24 Guy) | May 07, 2007 at 08:32 PM
Awwwww Edgar...I'll share with ya ;-P
Posted by: Siouxie | May 07, 2007 at 08:36 PM
I'm sick of being dead.
Posted by: Edgar Greenberg | May 07, 2007 at 08:36 PM
They changed the formula THIS season... it's the "New Coke" version of "24". We need the "Classic Coke" version of "24" back. More perimeters, more explosions, more Jack!
Posted by: Steve (The 24 Guy) | May 07, 2007 at 08:36 PM
Ahhh..I see how the eye injury occured.
Posted by: Bethie | May 07, 2007 at 08:39 PM
based on the previews it looks like CTU will have it's perimeter compromised. Now if only Agent Doyle can comprimise Nadia's perimeters we'll have a show.
Posted by: Dr. Rickenstein | May 07, 2007 at 08:40 PM
So, they're finally admitting that getting the writers those lobotomies wasn't such a great idea, huh?
Posted by: Val | May 07, 2007 at 08:41 PM
Hee, Dave, at this point I'm just mumbling "Whatever" under my breath as I watch 24. I was recently watching the end of the fourth season where we meet President Handbag for the first time and Marwan is running around. Damn, now THAT was a season. And so was 5. I just hope 7 is better.
Bring on the beer!
Posted by: Dr Alice | May 07, 2007 at 08:41 PM
Over/Under on the number of New York Hand Puppet ads during tonight's episode: 1.5.
(Note: I've given up on Boyfriend Trouser ads because, no doubt a surprise to all of us, America has given up on the actual Boyfriend Trouser.)
Posted by: tw | May 07, 2007 at 08:41 PM
Dinner's on the stove, Gretchen!
Posted by: Suzy Q | May 07, 2007 at 08:41 PM
Left Coast czech in.
I just saw the previews and they said this was going to be THE MOST EXCITING EPISODE
EVERso far!!And yes Dave, it was a shocker that Christopher shot Tim Daly. He should have had a drink instead. :)
Posted by: Eleanor | May 07, 2007 at 08:42 PM
no blogging from me tonight, not that anyone cares. All 4 munchkins still up; 4-H meeting just ended. Sis in town from Hawaii, and we are planning to watch Angel re-runs on DVD. Sorry Keifer, Angel could kick CTU's collective behind, and David B. could take Keifer too, IMHO.
Posted by: Jessica R. | May 07, 2007 at 08:43 PM
To quote from the column that Dave links to..
"...but let's face it, the idea that all global political terrorist crises last exactly 24 hours tests the bounds of reason."
Right.
Because other than that it's perfectly believable.
Posted by: Chuck | May 07, 2007 at 08:43 PM
I feel all slanty! Not that that's a bad thing.
Posted by: Suzy Q | May 07, 2007 at 08:43 PM
oops, sorry...
Posted by: Eleanor | May 07, 2007 at 08:43 PM
*sweep*
Posted by: Siouxie | May 07, 2007 at 08:43 PM
Come one, Edgar!! back to back simuls!! can't be all bad!!
Good one too, El ;-)
Posted by: Siouxie | May 07, 2007 at 08:45 PM
Thanks Siouxie! If you feel a need to borrow my *zip* tonight, be my guest. :)
*zips out*
Posted by: Eleanor | May 07, 2007 at 08:45 PM
thx Siouxie, I was gonna put down my wine glass. Now I don't have to!
Posted by: casey | May 07, 2007 at 08:45 PM
Let's see....Jack's going to visit Kim for Christmas....and the travel agent is a sooper sekrit mole for the terrorist....and they schedule him to take Jet Blue....and Jack spends 24 hours stuck on the tarmac at LaGuardia.
That would be more exciting.
Posted by: Steve the LLamabutcher | May 07, 2007 at 08:46 PM
I'm pretty sure I should run away and hide, sitting here with gals that have voices deeper than mine, from Philadelphia. I think I may get stabbed in the thigh while you watch this silly program and make safe comments. They are scary! And they have been making eyes at me! I think they are hungry!
Posted by: CJrun | May 07, 2007 at 08:52 PM
What will appear tonight:
Cougar
Kim
Edgar
A Plot
Posted by: Brad | May 07, 2007 at 08:52 PM
Heeeey, CJ! *bats eyes*
Posted by: Suzy Q | May 07, 2007 at 08:53 PM
C'mon, tonight HAS to be a good episode. The Chinese are going to storm CTU headquarters.....maybe we'll get to see Chloe armed and dangerous again!
Or, the way this season is going, we'll actually see Bill return and stave off the Chinese with a really, really big pile of MSG.
Posted by: tw | May 07, 2007 at 08:54 PM
Drat. The rum is gone already. Now what?
Posted by: Razumihin | May 07, 2007 at 08:54 PM
Brad, are you smokin' dope? A PLOT? That's...that's tantamount to treason on 24!
Posted by: Suzy Q | May 07, 2007 at 08:55 PM
Hey House - can I borrow some of those pills? We might need them for the next show . . .
Posted by: Razumihin | May 07, 2007 at 08:56 PM
No beer tonight. Tony Blair and I turned 18 yet again yesterday, so it's a huge banana split for me.
Posted by: danceswithvowels | May 07, 2007 at 08:57 PM
Me, I love the fact that Christopher interrupted Tim Daly's character while he was writing an episode of "Law & Order". Absolutely brilliant. Because, obviously, he couldn't have been working on an episode of "24", or that would do two things:
1) Imply that "24" has actual human writers, and
2) Give Christopher instant justification for shooting Tim Daly, thus taking away the surprise.
Have fun tonight, east coasters! See you later tonight or in the morning.
Posted by: WriterDude | May 07, 2007 at 08:59 PM
Oh, THC guy! Where are youuuuuuu?
Viewer Disretion Advised!!!
Posted by: Suzy Q | May 07, 2007 at 08:59 PM
Finally, the episode we've been waiting for all season!
Posted by: danceswithvowels | May 07, 2007 at 08:59 PM
BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW: WHAT'S GOING ON WITH JACK?!?I MEAN, IS HE WITH THE OTHERS OR NOT?HOW WILL THEY GET OFF THE ISLA...OOPS, WRONG JACK! SORRY!JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !
Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("The manufacturers of Jacksack™ want to apologize to the viewing audience for Awwwdrey's return. Please do not let that hamper your ability to purchase and enjoy a good Jacksack™!") and ChloeSack™ ("Yeah...uh...what Jacksack™ said!")
LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!
This "24" intro was brought to you the producers of Stargate SG1...well, the people who produced it, anyway, as they're kinda out of a job, now that SG1 wrapped, so they prodded the 24 folks to include SOMEONE from their show...oh, wait, technically Daniel Jackson wasn't the first one on 24 this season who was from SG1...but maybe they can get Jack to match wits with MacGyver...heck, who knows...all these shows don't make a lot of sense. That's why we watch Lost.
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | May 07, 2007 at 09:00 PM
Suzyq - would smokin' dope help?
Posted by: Brad | May 07, 2007 at 09:00 PM
Viewer Repression is Ill-Advised!!!!!
Posted by: Desk Diva | May 07, 2007 at 09:00 PM
We've been waiting for reruns?!
Posted by: danceswithvowels | May 07, 2007 at 09:00 PM
Previously on 24:
Talking . . . . . blank space . . . bunker . . . talking . . . beeping . . .
And now back to 24.
Posted by: Razumihin | May 07, 2007 at 09:01 PM
Brad: Couldn't hurt!
Posted by: Suzy Q | May 07, 2007 at 09:01 PM
Did they have to show ManKim?
BRING BACK RAMBO CHLOE!
Posted by: MJ | May 07, 2007 at 09:01 PM
Thanks El!!!
casey, I've got my glass ready!!
Posted by: Siouxie | May 07, 2007 at 09:02 PM
Damn! Audrey got out of CTU before the attack!
Posted by: Aaronak | May 07, 2007 at 09:03 PM
if I had a quarter for all the time fathers said to me I'd be a rich man
Posted by: Brad | May 07, 2007 at 09:03 PM
She left! She's gone! AWAY FROM JACK!
YES, PRESIDENT TO BE DOS CAJONES LARGOS IS LOOKING OUT FOR US ALL!
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | May 07, 2007 at 09:03 PM
Farmer Hoggett returns!
Posted by: tw | May 07, 2007 at 09:03 PM
Jack ponders a career in Blue Man Group . . .
Posted by: Razumihin | May 07, 2007 at 09:03 PM
Yes, Raz, but where has all the rum gone?
Posted by: Jack Sparrow | May 07, 2007 at 09:04 PM
You're still under arrest, Jack! HAR!! silly woman.
Posted by: Siouxie | May 07, 2007 at 09:04 PM
Why the split screen? Aren't they both in the same room? Like 2 inches from each other?
Posted by: Razumihin | May 07, 2007 at 09:04 PM
Crap! Boy Toy is back! Mine, not 24's.
Posted by: Suzy Q | May 07, 2007 at 09:05 PM
Suddenly Jack looks all healthy after - what? 20 hours out of a Chinese prison?
Posted by: Jack Sparrow | May 07, 2007 at 09:05 PM
psssst, Andy?? it's "COJONES" ;-P
Posted by: Siouxie | May 07, 2007 at 09:05 PM
Think about it, Jack. Think about it! Jack, two guards and one girl...simple odds.
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | May 07, 2007 at 09:05 PM
A ranking section chief? That sounds bad.
Posted by: Jeannie | May 07, 2007 at 09:06 PM
If only I knew, Jack S . . .
Posted by: Razumihin | May 07, 2007 at 09:06 PM
That can't be Cheng's hummer. That was green; Cheng's was black.
Posted by: Aaronak | May 07, 2007 at 09:06 PM
PERIMETER! DRINK!
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | May 07, 2007 at 09:06 PM
PERIMETER!!! drink up!
Posted by: Siouxie | May 07, 2007 at 09:06 PM
Yay, SUZY!!!! Get some fer me, will ya? *sigh*
Posted by: Desk Diva | May 07, 2007 at 09:06 PM
^5, Andy!!! psychic simul!
Another Perimeter!!!
Posted by: Siouxie | May 07, 2007 at 09:07 PM
a 5 block perimeter?
Posted by: Aaronak | May 07, 2007 at 09:07 PM
and DRINK!!!!
Posted by: Desk Diva | May 07, 2007 at 09:07 PM
We have good reason to believe that Chang is using this copper facility to forge counterfeit pennies . . .
Posted by: Razumihin | May 07, 2007 at 09:07 PM
Siouxie, but I meant 'boxes'. ;)
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | May 07, 2007 at 09:07 PM
5-block perimeter? These guys couldn't put a perimeter around a game of jacks.
Posted by: ChuckE | May 07, 2007 at 09:07 PM
I hate it when Russia blames us for the Chinese stealing their defense codes....just hate it when that happens!!
Posted by: tw | May 07, 2007 at 09:07 PM
Jack will be outta there in 10 minutes - tops
Posted by: MJ | May 07, 2007 at 09:08 PM
sureeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Andy...BIG boxes ;-P
Posted by: Siouxie | May 07, 2007 at 09:08 PM
What is this love triangle BS?
Posted by: MJ | May 07, 2007 at 09:08 PM
Wait??!? He's talking to the guy in Chinese NOW?!? He talked to him in English over the cell...what's the deal?!
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | May 07, 2007 at 09:09 PM
Hi all. Sorry I'm late...not only am I fighting the frickin' bot, but my dial-up service keeps sponetaneously disconnecting me for some reason or another.
In the middle of the weekly "24" liveblog, no less.
Damnit, where's Chloe when you need her?
Posted by: Wes S. | May 07, 2007 at 09:09 PM
They should just send a missile to Bloomfield Copper. Like The Doctor did to 10 Downing.
Posted by: danceswithvowels | May 07, 2007 at 09:09 PM
So...we establish we're speaking Chinese, then slip into that blasted English because we have to make sure to use our less accurate language for the most important business.
Posted by: Desk Diva | May 07, 2007 at 09:10 PM
Five blocks? Nobody ever perimitered five blocks. There's a rumor some operatives on the next show perimtered four blocks and a piece of wood. But never five blocks.
Posted by: KJP | May 07, 2007 at 09:11 PM
Wes, she's got other problems to handle right now, like Morris and his petulant alcoholism. Take a number and she'll get with you as soon as she's available.
Posted by: Desk Diva | May 07, 2007 at 09:11 PM
...And I'm just waiting for this season's exciting climax:
"Thanks for saving the day and shooting all the bad guys, Jack. Now I'm afraid we'll have to arrest you for possessing a firearm while under a restraining order. Sorry. You have the right to remain silent..."
Posted by: Wes S. | May 07, 2007 at 09:11 PM
I can't wait for the Chinese criminal mastermind to say..."Mistah Bawah"...it just soooooo sexy!!
Posted by: Siouxie | May 07, 2007 at 09:11 PM
Venus needs a breeze when she shaves?
Posted by: danceswithvowels | May 07, 2007 at 09:12 PM
We don't actually speak Chinese, but we bought this sweet subtitle program that we've just got to try out.
Posted by: Aaronak | May 07, 2007 at 09:12 PM
can I hope to see Chloe and Jack side-by-side blasting attacking Chinese!
Posted by: Brad | May 07, 2007 at 09:13 PM
Mrs. tropichunt.com guy™ is here with me, live chatting with her Stargate people, begging for more naked Daniel Jackson.
MANKIM!
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | May 07, 2007 at 09:13 PM
That matte painting's still there?
Posted by: Zach Bauer | May 07, 2007 at 09:13 PM
Meanwhile, Marilyn enters from stage right
Posted by: MJ | May 07, 2007 at 09:13 PM
ManKim, it's not that simple. Not all of them are dead. And some may be in limbo, and ...
Posted by: danceswithvowels | May 07, 2007 at 09:14 PM
*snork* @ Aaronak
NOOOOOO!!!! ManKim!!!!
Posted by: Desk Diva | May 07, 2007 at 09:14 PM
We have ManKim, the ManPurse, now we need RAMBO OR TASER CHLOE PLEASE.
Posted by: MJ | May 07, 2007 at 09:15 PM
Marilyn and Josh are still at CTU? Has it taken her 12 hours to give a statement???
Posted by: tw | May 07, 2007 at 09:15 PM
NAKED DANIEL JACKSON!
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | May 07, 2007 at 09:15 PM
MANKIM! You WUSS!!!!
Posted by: Alejandro Reis | May 07, 2007 at 09:15 PM
For an extra helping of "24" be sure to watch "The Simpsons" on May 20th. As part of the season finale they'll have Jack & Chloe on in "24 Minutes" as the school's Counter Truancy Unit tries to thwart disruption of the school bake sale with a stink bomb
Posted by: Frederic | May 07, 2007 at 09:16 PM
OK, TH - I sooooooooo hope you were quoting the wife.....
NTTAWWT, of course....
Posted by: Desk Diva | May 07, 2007 at 09:16 PM
"allow him time to access your PDA"...sounds kinky
Posted by: Siouxie | May 07, 2007 at 09:17 PM
Allie McWeenie...who knew he was so good at covert operations...his mad investigative skillz will pwn you!
Posted by: tropichunt.com guy™ | May 07, 2007 at 09:17 PM
THANK YOU FREDERIC! I knew that was coming up - The Simpsons 300th episode is a 24 spoof. Fanfriggintastic!
Posted by: MJ | May 07, 2007 at 09:17 PM
Thanks for the heads up, Frederic!
Posted by: Desk Diva | May 07, 2007 at 09:17 PM
Lennox will watch them from the van. Ooooh.
Posted by: danceswithvowels | May 07, 2007 at 09:18 PM
So the moral of the story is, even the bad guys need good lovin'? o_O
Posted by: Razumihin | May 07, 2007 at 09:18 PM
"It should all go smoothly..." Not if you're there, Tom.
Posted by: Aaronak | May 07, 2007 at 09:18 PM
Menage a TROIS!
Posted by: Alejandro Reis | May 07, 2007 at 09:18 PM
Holee sh*t, DD. Do I let him back into my good graces, or not?
Posted by: Suzy Q | May 07, 2007 at 09:18 PM