« Previous | Main | Next »

May 07, 2007

24

This summary might be even less accurate than usual. I missed most of 24 last week, which was a shrewd move because apparently it was Night of the Living  Audrey. Remember when this season was about nuclear bombs going off in U.S. cities? How did we get from that to Audrey? When this season finally ends, Congress had better hold hearings.

Anyway, Jack is all mopey because the evil Chinese subplots turned Audrey into a zombie, on top of which her father, Secretary of Defense William Devane, last seen drowning, reappeared to order Jack to keep away from his daughter. But before  that happened, Audrey said "Bloomfield," which turned out to be... a clue! To quote from the Official 24 Site "Plot" Summary:

There is a Bloomfield Copper Company that used to have a facility in Los Angeles. Forensics found copper particles on her clothes, so this may be where Cheng was hiding her. LAPD is locking down the building but Doyle is heading there now.

Sounds like a showdown at the old Bloomfield Copper place! (It's one of the many abandoned copper operations in the Los Angeles area.) CTU needs to capture the wily mastermind "Three Hummers" Cheng before he can give his government the Top Secret Russian Circuit Board of Doom (thanks to Fred for the link) which could create... an international crisis. Already Russian troops are moving into Central Asia, and you know what that means. I don't know what it means, either, but it sounds bad, especially if you are a Russian troop.

Meanwhile back in Washngton, Acting President Dark Powers has discovered that Lisa, the White House vixen who has been on his staff, has also been on the staff of a Russian agent. This is very significant, because... OK, it just is. I'll be honest: whenever they show the Washington scenes, I go to the bathroom, even if I don't have to.

Edgar is still dead (although he got right on the horn to his agent when he saw William Devane reappear).

Morris has broken up with Chloe for good.

Christopher shot Tim Daly. (This happened last night on the Sopranos, but I'm including it here because,  whoa.)

Meanwhile, according to this column (thanks to Michelle Jameson) the producers of 24, apparently recognizing that this season totally bites is not quite up to snuff, are going to give it a "complete remodeling." Good idea! Maybe they could hire some writers!

Nah, that's crazy talk.

Anyway, we've given this season thousands of hours of our time, so we're not going to quit until it's over. We will be watching closely tonight, and of course waiting for clarification from the Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: A restraining order! THAT will certainly deter a legal stickler like Jack.

UPDATE: Dammit, Nadia!

UPDATE: Jack is a coiled spring, waiting to uncoil like... like a spring that is uncoiling.

UPDATE: A FIVE-BLOCK PERIMETER!

UPDATE: Real-time tactical feeds will be uplinked to their PDAs! They must have Cingular.

UPDATE: The Venus Breeze looks like a fine ladies' razor.

UPDATE: Can we just get to the shooting?

UPDATE: CTU's motto should be "D'oh!"

UPDATE: So basically, in a locked-down city, with CTU looking for him, Cheng can move a small army on CTU... undetected!

UPDATE: Dropped data fields in Sector 8, I HATE that.

UPDATE: Can we all agree that Chloe's new hair color is a major mistake?

UPDATE: Lisa needs to create an opportunity for Bishop to access her PDA. If you know what I mean.

UPDATE: This season is all about stalling for time, isn't it? Reminds me of baseball, when the manager goes to the mound and scratches his butt while the relief pitcher warms up. Only not as exciting.

UPDATE: What, exactly, do women mean when they say they're going to "freshen up?" Never mind, I don't want to know.

UPDATE: If I were the hospital that employs House, I'd fire him, because wherever he goes the patients are messed up.

UPDATE: "We're in." Wow! Even the Chinese say that! They must have watched a lot of movies.

UPDATE: Milo is hurt because there might be something between Nadia and Doyle. Seriously, do you believe the amount of this stuff that goes on at CTU?

UPDATE: Honestly, CTU is the single most clueless government agency in the history of government agencies. THEY CAN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT THAT THEY'RE UNDER FREAKING ATTACK.

UPDATE: NOW we are talking.

UPDATE: I'll be honest: I was never attached to Milo. But seriously: Should we not be a little bit troubled by the fact that CTU -- the agency responsible for protecting the nation from terrorists -- could not protect its own building from terrorists?

UPDATE: So it's Jack against, what, 25 killers? This thing is over.

UPDATE: The air duct! That is so... unexpected.

UPDATE: The costume designer said, "OK, the attackers will wear matching tank tops. And we will glisten their bodies with sweat."

UPDATE: Modern buildings have PA systems in the air ducts, for exactly this reason.

UPDATE: Farmer Hoggett! That old so-and-so.

UPDATE: This was the best episode for a while. Utterly preposterous, but less White House and more Jack. Which is why we watch. Coming up: The Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: An excellent analysis from commenter Wes S.:

OK, wait a minute...Farmer Hoggett, the superpatriot, is going to defect to China on the spur of the moment because he thinks his country is ungrateful.

And the Russians are getting ready to go to war with the United States because the Chinese got their hands on one of their nuclear weapons components...from a Russian nuke that was smuggled into the USA, by a Russian general, to be used to take out an American city. And the Russians are allegedly doing this because they're afraid of a war with CHINA!

Is this show making even less sense than usual?

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

FIRST!

NOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I lost!

Ready to go! Summary after the show (hopefully more quickly this time).

Let's hope that Jack starts shooting thighs soon. He's way behind on his thigh quota.

Awwwww Edgar...I'll share with ya ;-P

I'm sick of being dead.

They changed the formula THIS season... it's the "New Coke" version of "24". We need the "Classic Coke" version of "24" back. More perimeters, more explosions, more Jack!

Ahhh..I see how the eye injury occured.

based on the previews it looks like CTU will have it's perimeter compromised. Now if only Agent Doyle can comprimise Nadia's perimeters we'll have a show.

So, they're finally admitting that getting the writers those lobotomies wasn't such a great idea, huh?

Hee, Dave, at this point I'm just mumbling "Whatever" under my breath as I watch 24. I was recently watching the end of the fourth season where we meet President Handbag for the first time and Marwan is running around. Damn, now THAT was a season. And so was 5. I just hope 7 is better.

Bring on the beer!

Over/Under on the number of New York Hand Puppet ads during tonight's episode: 1.5.

(Note: I've given up on Boyfriend Trouser ads because, no doubt a surprise to all of us, America has given up on the actual Boyfriend Trouser.)

Dinner's on the stove, Gretchen!

Left Coast czech in.

I just saw the previews and they said this was going to be THE MOST EXCITING EPISODE EVER so far!!

And yes Dave, it was a shocker that Christopher shot Tim Daly. He should have had a drink instead. :)

no blogging from me tonight, not that anyone cares. All 4 munchkins still up; 4-H meeting just ended. Sis in town from Hawaii, and we are planning to watch Angel re-runs on DVD. Sorry Keifer, Angel could kick CTU's collective behind, and David B. could take Keifer too, IMHO.

To quote from the column that Dave links to..

"...but let's face it, the idea that all global political terrorist crises last exactly 24 hours tests the bounds of reason."

Right.

Because other than that it's perfectly believable.

I feel all slanty! Not that that's a bad thing.

oops, sorry...

*sweep*

Come one, Edgar!! back to back simuls!! can't be all bad!!

Good one too, El ;-)

Thanks Siouxie! If you feel a need to borrow my *zip* tonight, be my guest. :)

*zips out*

thx Siouxie, I was gonna put down my wine glass. Now I don't have to!

Let's see....Jack's going to visit Kim for Christmas....and the travel agent is a sooper sekrit mole for the terrorist....and they schedule him to take Jet Blue....and Jack spends 24 hours stuck on the tarmac at LaGuardia.

That would be more exciting.

I'm pretty sure I should run away and hide, sitting here with gals that have voices deeper than mine, from Philadelphia. I think I may get stabbed in the thigh while you watch this silly program and make safe comments. They are scary! And they have been making eyes at me! I think they are hungry!

What will appear tonight:
Cougar
Kim
Edgar
A Plot

Heeeey, CJ! *bats eyes*

C'mon, tonight HAS to be a good episode. The Chinese are going to storm CTU headquarters.....maybe we'll get to see Chloe armed and dangerous again!

Or, the way this season is going, we'll actually see Bill return and stave off the Chinese with a really, really big pile of MSG.

Drat. The rum is gone already. Now what?

Brad, are you smokin' dope? A PLOT? That's...that's tantamount to treason on 24!

Hey House - can I borrow some of those pills? We might need them for the next show . . .

No beer tonight. Tony Blair and I turned 18 yet again yesterday, so it's a huge banana split for me.

Me, I love the fact that Christopher interrupted Tim Daly's character while he was writing an episode of "Law & Order". Absolutely brilliant. Because, obviously, he couldn't have been working on an episode of "24", or that would do two things:

1) Imply that "24" has actual human writers, and

2) Give Christopher instant justification for shooting Tim Daly, thus taking away the surprise.

Have fun tonight, east coasters! See you later tonight or in the morning.

Oh, THC guy! Where are youuuuuuu?


Viewer Disretion Advised!!!

Finally, the episode we've been waiting for all season!

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW: WHAT'S GOING ON WITH JACK?!?
I MEAN, IS HE WITH THE OTHERS OR NOT?
HOW WILL THEY GET OFF THE ISLA...OOPS, WRONG JACK! SORRY!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("The manufacturers of Jacksack™ want to apologize to the viewing audience for Awwwdrey's return. Please do not let that hamper your ability to purchase and enjoy a good Jacksack™!") and ChloeSack™ ("Yeah...uh...what Jacksack™ said!")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This "24" intro was brought to you the producers of Stargate SG1...well, the people who produced it, anyway, as they're kinda out of a job, now that SG1 wrapped, so they prodded the 24 folks to include SOMEONE from their show...oh, wait, technically Daniel Jackson wasn't the first one on 24 this season who was from SG1...but maybe they can get Jack to match wits with MacGyver...heck, who knows...all these shows don't make a lot of sense. That's why we watch Lost.

Suzyq - would smokin' dope help?

Viewer Repression is Ill-Advised!!!!!

We've been waiting for reruns?!

Previously on 24:

Talking . . . . . blank space . . . bunker . . . talking . . . beeping . . .

And now back to 24.

Brad: Couldn't hurt!

Did they have to show ManKim?

BRING BACK RAMBO CHLOE!

Thanks El!!!

casey, I've got my glass ready!!

Damn! Audrey got out of CTU before the attack!

if I had a quarter for all the time fathers said to me I'd be a rich man

She left! She's gone! AWAY FROM JACK!

YES, PRESIDENT TO BE DOS CAJONES LARGOS IS LOOKING OUT FOR US ALL!

Farmer Hoggett returns!

Jack ponders a career in Blue Man Group . . .

Yes, Raz, but where has all the rum gone?

You're still under arrest, Jack! HAR!! silly woman.

Why the split screen? Aren't they both in the same room? Like 2 inches from each other?

Crap! Boy Toy is back! Mine, not 24's.

Suddenly Jack looks all healthy after - what? 20 hours out of a Chinese prison?

psssst, Andy?? it's "COJONES" ;-P

Think about it, Jack. Think about it! Jack, two guards and one girl...simple odds.

A ranking section chief? That sounds bad.

If only I knew, Jack S . . .

That can't be Cheng's hummer. That was green; Cheng's was black.

PERIMETER! DRINK!

PERIMETER!!! drink up!

Yay, SUZY!!!! Get some fer me, will ya? *sigh*

^5, Andy!!! psychic simul!

Another Perimeter!!!

a 5 block perimeter?

and DRINK!!!!

We have good reason to believe that Chang is using this copper facility to forge counterfeit pennies . . .

Siouxie, but I meant 'boxes'. ;)

5-block perimeter? These guys couldn't put a perimeter around a game of jacks.

I hate it when Russia blames us for the Chinese stealing their defense codes....just hate it when that happens!!

Jack will be outta there in 10 minutes - tops

sureeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Andy...BIG boxes ;-P

What is this love triangle BS?

Wait??!? He's talking to the guy in Chinese NOW?!? He talked to him in English over the cell...what's the deal?!

Hi all. Sorry I'm late...not only am I fighting the frickin' bot, but my dial-up service keeps sponetaneously disconnecting me for some reason or another.

In the middle of the weekly "24" liveblog, no less.

Damnit, where's Chloe when you need her?

They should just send a missile to Bloomfield Copper. Like The Doctor did to 10 Downing.

So...we establish we're speaking Chinese, then slip into that blasted English because we have to make sure to use our less accurate language for the most important business.

Five blocks? Nobody ever perimitered five blocks. There's a rumor some operatives on the next show perimtered four blocks and a piece of wood. But never five blocks.

Wes, she's got other problems to handle right now, like Morris and his petulant alcoholism. Take a number and she'll get with you as soon as she's available.

...And I'm just waiting for this season's exciting climax:

"Thanks for saving the day and shooting all the bad guys, Jack. Now I'm afraid we'll have to arrest you for possessing a firearm while under a restraining order. Sorry. You have the right to remain silent..."

I can't wait for the Chinese criminal mastermind to say..."Mistah Bawah"...it just soooooo sexy!!

Venus needs a breeze when she shaves?

We don't actually speak Chinese, but we bought this sweet subtitle program that we've just got to try out.

can I hope to see Chloe and Jack side-by-side blasting attacking Chinese!

Mrs. tropichunt.com guy™ is here with me, live chatting with her Stargate people, begging for more naked Daniel Jackson.

MANKIM!

That matte painting's still there?

Meanwhile, Marilyn enters from stage right

ManKim, it's not that simple. Not all of them are dead. And some may be in limbo, and ...

*snork* @ Aaronak

NOOOOOO!!!! ManKim!!!!

We have ManKim, the ManPurse, now we need RAMBO OR TASER CHLOE PLEASE.

Marilyn and Josh are still at CTU? Has it taken her 12 hours to give a statement???

NAKED DANIEL JACKSON!

MANKIM! You WUSS!!!!

For an extra helping of "24" be sure to watch "The Simpsons" on May 20th. As part of the season finale they'll have Jack & Chloe on in "24 Minutes" as the school's Counter Truancy Unit tries to thwart disruption of the school bake sale with a stink bomb

OK, TH - I sooooooooo hope you were quoting the wife.....

NTTAWWT, of course....

"allow him time to access your PDA"...sounds kinky

Allie McWeenie...who knew he was so good at covert operations...his mad investigative skillz will pwn you!

THANK YOU FREDERIC! I knew that was coming up - The Simpsons 300th episode is a 24 spoof. Fanfriggintastic!

Thanks for the heads up, Frederic!

Lennox will watch them from the van. Ooooh.

So the moral of the story is, even the bad guys need good lovin'? o_O

"It should all go smoothly..." Not if you're there, Tom.

Menage a TROIS!

Holee sh*t, DD. Do I let him back into my good graces, or not?

1 2 3 4 5 »

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Working...
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

Working...

Post a comment

Your Information

(Name and email address are required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)

-
 
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise