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April 23, 2007


Nothing really happened last week, unless you count President Gary Payton of Your World Champion For At Least Another Few Hours Miami Heat lapsing into roughly his 14th coma. Other than that it was pretty much blah blah blah until the very end, when Jack pulled a gun on former child Ricky Schroder and went off on -- Surprise! -- a Rogue Operation. He's going to see Cheng, the evil Chinese subplot who's holding Audrey hostage somewhere in -- Surprise! -- the Los Angeles area, where pretty much every other building contains at least one terrorist mastermind.

Jack's Rogue Operation plan is to save Audrey by giving Cheng the Top Secret circuit board that he got from the suitcase nuclear bombs that at one time we hoped -- How young and stupid we were! -- would develop into some kind of plot, but which turned out to be mainly a circuit-board delivery device. Jack's plan is to blow himself and the circuit board and Cheng up once he has freed Audrey, but color us doubtful. Jack's plan is of course opposed by acting president Darth Boothe, whose entire domestic and foreign policy consists of opposing Jack's plans.

Edgar is still dead. Let's face it: This season is, too, ever since the writers made the clinically insane decision to replace the threat of nuclear devastation with the threat of something bad happening to Audrey. At this point the only thing that keeps us watching is the hope that the good people at Victoria's Secret will continue their commendable campaign to keep the public informed regarding the new Extreme Plunge Push-Up Brassiere. So we will be hanging in tonight as best we can, awaiting clarification from the Amazing Steve.

UPDATE: Here's my badge, extra!

UPDATE: All available resources, against Jack? Hahahaha.

UPDATE: I know I have said this before, but: CTU could not track an elephant through a closet.

UPDATE: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: "Policy-wise, we are in alignment." This is also how Tom picks up chicks.

UPDATE: Wow. Even the Chinese dialog sounds wooden.

UPDATE: Darth Boothe, you HOUND DOG!

UPDATE: "The White House is telling me that if the Chinese get hold of this subcircuit board, we'll have an international incident on our hands." Thanks, Scriptwriters!

UPDATE: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: New subplot time!

UPDATE: Ah! Jack Bauer! So he's still in this series.

UPDATE: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: I'm sorry, but I don't care whether Bill or Karen goes down. Which is not in any way a reference to what is going on in the Oval Office.


UPDATE: They should change the name of this show to "White House Gasbags."


UPDATE: I'm sorry, but that just struck me as funny. I mean, this is a show where no matter WHAT situation Jack is in -- including clinging to the undercarriage of a nuclear terrorist garbage truck -- Jack always can get through immediately to anybody, anywhere, including the president. But THIS time he gets voicemail.

UPDATE: This is an excellent time for Bill to be pondering personnel matters. Nothing else going on!

UPDATE: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

UPDATE: This is the worst episode padding EVER.

UPDATE: "The public will make assumptions that don't exist." Huh?

UPDATE: Of course agent Ricky has no backup whatsoever. That would be crazy!

UPDATE: Don't ask any questions! I'm part of a subplot!

UPDATE: I have wasted the best years of my life watching this season.

UPDATE: So, do we think we're building toward the One Minute of Actual Action, and then the Shocking Plot Twist? Or what?

UPDATE: Wow! They are going to send help for Ricky! Having shrewdly waited until it is way too late.

UPDATE: Wouldn't it be cool if Jack said, "Whoa! Audrey! Have you gained weight?"

UPDATE: Ummm.... Couldn't the 97 Chinese guys just, you know, shoot Jack?

UPDATE: OK, if this guy gets away from CTU, then this is officially the least competent federal bureau EVER.

UPDATE: Wow! THREE CARS!! That is so CLEVER!! No way could the entire United States government successfully track THREE CARS!!!

UPDATE: The only explanation is that the writers, when they developed this "plot," were smoking a very high grade of crack.

UPDATE: Next week, Jack is under arrest. For a change! We now turn you over to the Amazing Steve, the lone ray of hope in this hideous formless mass of a season.


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And I am off and drinking heavil---I mean healthily!

No one really does care about the "plot" anymore do they? So who's filling in for me tonight while I'm in class?

Okay, possible plot spoiler alert!! It has come to my attention that the writers needed to bring Audrey back to get Jack all hot and bothered for her again, so there is much drama, when former lover and Ex-sister in Law lets slip that the dropling is in fact not his dead brothers, and not created with artificial sperm, but Jack's. Just my theory.

MMmmmm, matzoh and beer!


I'll try and write the summary more quickly this week. I've added extra hamsters to the flywheel in my computing machine.

Now, where's my beer?

Does anyone know about Curtis' arrangements? We should probably send flowers...or at least a card.

One wonders how many rating points this blog contributes to this show's success. It would be impossible to watch through the seeming lack of story, character and theme without the interpretation and drinking herewith.

I don't much care for the VS commercials. I am longing for a Taco Bell Carrrrrrne Asada commercial, though.

At this point the only thing that keeps us watching is the hope that the good people at Victoria's Secret will continue their commendable campaign to keep the public informed regarding the new Extreme Plunge Push-Up Brassiere.

Well...that and the possibility that something bad will ACTUALLY happen to Audrey.

Creativity...the poster that won't die. :)

Great job, Steve! :)

Even though I am generally too spastic (I know, PC foul) to keep up with the blogging, I will be thinking EXTREMELY funny, witty thoughts that would be hilarious even by "posted by's" standard, who as we know, is the ultimate source of comedy. So I feel secure that I can *pat myself on the back* already. Thank you....thank you so much.

Speaking of rating points, the blogs are all over the place when it comes to proving the ratings are up or down. I think the DVD sales at the end of the season will tell the tale. I can tell you I won't being buying them. I own seasons 1-5 and watch them over and over.

THG... You're the mastermind behind that poster, so credit where credit is due! I just supplied the picture and the goofy look! :-)

Why do they always kill off the black people first??

Was I the only guy that was disappointed when the raft fell away and she had a bathing suit on? Didn't think so....

Goofy look? What goofy look?

Other posters are here.

Don't ask me why/how this came into my mind, but thank God Edgar doesn't model VS's bras.

*searches yellow pages for cut-rate lobotomy doers*

Wyo, not a nice thing to do on a Monday. Ewwwwww...

7:50 - It looks like Jack is going to be on a cruise ship during a musical!

Oops...that's a commercial.

Wyo, was that really necessary?

*adds brain bleach to IV drip*

and just in case 24 becomes unbearable, you can always watch a show that should never have been cut!

At least you all have the commercials to look forward to. If you're watching in Canada, the cable company cuts away to Canadian ads and they are not only painful to watch, but the same things are recycled over and over agian.

Wait, it's sort like a 24 episode!

Over/Under on the number of Boyfriend Trousers ads tonight: 0.5

Methinks the company has pulled the campaign because they can't compete against the revolutionary bras of Victoria's Secret. And if you've gone to Dave's link and seen the picture of the Hipkini at the bottom of the page.....well.....a similar TV ad for that product would be simply amazing.

That show "Drive" sure reminds me of driving in South Florida.

I'm back from the grimy little hands of the Boy Toy! Yay!

24 countdown checklist:

Wine: No check. I know; calm down, people. But I went to happy hour (I know, am I living on the freaking EDGE, or what?) and had two bigantic lemon drop martinis, so I'm good. Certainly nowhere near sober, if my falling asleep on the couch once already counts.

Dinner: Um, check? Goldfish crackers with a scattering of honey-roasted peanuts. That's healthy, right?

Blogpeeps: We're gathering...we're drinking...we're gathering...

Disbelief: Permanently suspended. After all, what is the big freakin' deal with one tiny little nucular bomb, right? It's not like it's no big thang!

Bring it on, TCH guy!


J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("The producers would like to apologize for the long delay in the appearance of JackSack™ and do not want any corrective action to be taken against them...please...for the love of God, no...") and ChloeSack™ ("Supportin' Jack's international indiscretions since...well...we're not sure exactly when!")


This ultra-sooooooper-special-ignore-that-other-loser-waste-of-time-show-Heroes introduction is dedicated to...*whispering: yes, keep spinning the drum around...get them all mixed up...that's good, you can stop now*...and the winner is...Oooh! This is so awkward...it's ME! Why thank you everyone, I NEVER saw this comin*whispering: hey, don't look at any of the other entries...no, don't open that up! GET BACK HERE! NO, THAT'S NOT MY NAME ON THAT ONE, TOO! IT'S TROPICANT.COM GUY™! REALLY!*

Wow, I got here before the intro...

Here's praying we NEED that VDA!!!

Tillamook Extra Sharp White Cheddar
Bartlett Pears
White Merlot
Viewer Discretion

I'm here and ready for the action sequencezzzzzzzzzzzz.

Viewer Discreeeetion!

Thanks, THC guy! I needed that!

Lets Get Ready To Bauer

This is a long recap!

"You can't go against the White House!" HAH!!!

Wait a minute.....how can Daniels be "Acting President" when he obviously can't act????

Oh, go play in traffic, Ricky!

Jack's bionic ear must have heard what Bill was saying.

Stop! I'm Ricky Shroder, dammit!

Bauer? You don't even know 'er . . . .

Suzy Q. I like your word "bigantic." gotta use dat one!

Wow, Jack's playing Super Mario!

ANDDDDDDYYYYYY!!!! I love your intros. My show is incomplete without them. :)

When is Jack Bauer *not* rogue?!

If Doyle tried to get a car like that in Miami, he would have been road kill.

Ha! Holy Plot Recycling! CTU after Jack!

I don't know, can he trust her?

She'll find Jack; she'll help him escape.

Wait a minute.....how can Daniels be "Acting President" when he obviously can't act????

Hey, Wayne Allstate was the actual president, and he couldn't act either...

And homey - I'll play you again this week. Suppose I can do be play your girlfriend, too.

I am soooo sleepy, late night with my lesson plans; there better be some action soon, or I'll be snoozin' on my keyboard.

Go right ahead, Wyo. You can even take credit.

Are these people still in LA? What's with all the grass?

Oh, Morris. Have you recovered from your earlier a$$-stompin'?

Chloe: You can't fool me. You ALWAYS know where your Jack-bunny is!

How will they know when the president is out of the coma?

oh oh, the biscuits gonna get it!

I listen to the TV ordinarily at about an 11 or 12. I have to listen to this stupid show at a 42!!!!

. . . and the Fat Lady begins to warm up in the wings whilst the Prez is en route to Bethesda Naval Hospital . . .

Does Darth Boothe have a gun nearby? I want to talk to you alone...YIKES!

Sir, I'm not your biggest fan, but you cross me, and SNAP you will be sooooo in trouble...

The whole country's changed? You think? How can you tell?

It's not like ANYONE has noticed the big mushroom cloud!!!

Tom's going to have an accident.

Tom the supporter, if you're gonna play poker, you'll need a pair at least.

(Joining in a little late)

Dave, for heaven's sake, please warn us next time before you link to Mr. Clinically Insane!! That was CREEPY.

The President has TOM's support. Oh, I'm sure THAT's reassuring, having that sycophantic weasel firmly on your team...

Is this Chloe's Jack Rabbit?


Daniels being modest what a surprise for a VP that staged a failed coup.

"Audrey Raines' life means nothing to me"
- my new favorite quote of Season 6!

IF we ever get out of alignment . . . I will realign your front AND rear end with the full power of the Presidency!

Don't attempt anything foolish...JEEZ! How many cues does Jack need that what he's doing is foolish??!

But can we get what we want? Less talk, less Audrey (WAHH!WAHH!), more action!!!!

Oh my God!! The terrorists spoke their own language to one another!!! What's up with that?

...er, Jack-bunny...

does this remind anyone else of an old Charlie Chan movie?

So, we've gone from Whoknowsistani terrorists as the Offical 24 Terrorists of Season 5 back the the Chinese?? WTF?

Oh, my, DeskDiva...what a kinky girl you are...

Please, please let Audrey die. Please!

Absolutely, Wes. ;)

CJ! No fair tattling!

I think the clock would be more exciting this season

Dave, the Chinese dialog isn't wooden...it's bamboo.

Uh, oh. Can Jack resist the Ancillary Agencies? (yes)

Tom's getting the AA on the trail. Will they find Morris?

is there anything else you need from me?


Eeeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!! Grossss!

Hi all!

Is there anything else I need from you? *wink, wink, nudge, nudge, vomit, vomit*

DD, you need to send Darth Boothe that link.

"Is there anything more you need from me?"

OH, that is very loaded ... gun.

"Mister Acting President".....is the formal title required while he's in the Oval Office???

That is the most awkward kiss since Gene Hackman in Hoosiers...

Is this a throwback to the Clinton/Lewinsky thing?

Well...FINALLY some excitement this episode!

IS there anything else I need from you *DROOL*!


And that's how acting Prez Pit Face picks up chicks!!!

"I'm going to go get a change of clothes."

"Please, not the BLUE dress..."

Hey, Gretchen! You have missed absolutely nothing...in the way of the plot, that is.

Oh, Wes. And you were soooo in my good graces....

Har! Lisa's going to be on the Acting Presidential staff!!

. . . would you like to touch my presidential monkey?

CTU is so ineffective that terrorists have nuked LA, suitnuke components are on their eay to other terrorists using a CTU agent as a courier, and now we are sending in backup for CTU.

Meanwhile Darth Boothe is looking for some Oval Office nooky just after LA GOT NUKED!!!

Sorry, working on reality suspension device now...

Ricky Shroder, why don't you put your ear to the ground. Maybe that'll tell you what Jack's thinking.

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