Dave Barry's Blog: THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SPEAKING

Sure hope the pilot was wearing an in-flight diaper.

Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | March 28, 2007 at 01:15 PM

shhzzcckrr.....this is your captain speaking, uhhh, we cruising at an altit - holy sh!t...we're all going to die!!!

...wait...no...we're ok...

Posted by: Keilwerth LA | March 28, 2007 at 01:16 PM

*ducks* (har!)

Posted by: Just Ducky | March 28, 2007 at 01:16 PM

More like...

"This is your captain crappin' his pants"

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 01:17 PM

"Aukland Center, this is LAN 291, and we're going to need some special help upon arrival. Can I get 286 fresh pairs of underwear delivered to the gate?"

Posted by: Clean Hands | March 28, 2007 at 01:19 PM

The Russian space junk was later identified as Yakov Smirnoff's career.

Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | March 28, 2007 at 01:19 PM

mooooooonraker...

Posted by: Chaz | March 28, 2007 at 01:21 PM

"And that, children, is how I became a member of the piled high club".

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 01:23 PM

"Control, this is LAN 1754 heavy. I have a large object, immediately to starboard, traveling at a high rate of speed and on fire!"

"Roger, LAN 1754, that's just a Russian satellite re-entering and crashing into the sea."

"Thank you, Control. I am now climbing to 35,000 feet and soiling myself."

Posted by: Hammond Rye | March 28, 2007 at 01:23 PM

Judy, finish up...I have to make an annoucement...

Posted by: Chaz | March 28, 2007 at 01:25 PM

*madly presses flight attendant call button to summon quick delivery of a strong cocktail.*

Posted by: Cheryl Howard | March 28, 2007 at 01:25 PM

"At the time, a Russian official said any potentially dangerous substances on Mir's fragments would be burned off during re-entry."

Yeah, jet fuel would do that...

Posted by: jamester | March 28, 2007 at 01:27 PM

Is "space junk" what C3PO has, you know, down there?

Posted by: casey | March 28, 2007 at 01:28 PM

now if it had been contained in a clear one quart plastic baggie....

Posted by: crossgirl | March 28, 2007 at 01:29 PM

[the controllers thinking about the people in the airplane]
Controller #2: They're screwed!
Controller #3: They're dead!
Controller Jacobs: Did I leave the iron on?

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | March 28, 2007 at 01:31 PM

By Mir, missed du plane.

Posted by: Stevie W | March 28, 2007 at 01:35 PM

Captain: "Well, son, this is the cockpit."

Kid: "Cool. Say, what's that?"

Captain: "Looks like a satellite burning up in the atmosphere."

Kid: "Neat"

Captain: "Say, do you like to watch gladiator movies?"

Posted by: Hammond Rye | March 28, 2007 at 01:38 PM

*SNORK! @ the Stevie Sisters*

Posted by: Meanie the Blue | March 28, 2007 at 01:41 PM

LOL Hammie!

you get the extra points today for that classic reference!

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 01:41 PM

Yet another reason not to fly (says the fearful flyer).

Posted by: AmerInParis | March 28, 2007 at 01:42 PM

and leon's getting larger

Posted by: Keilwerth LA | March 28, 2007 at 01:43 PM

Holy hell! I sure hope for the sake of all people flying that the odds of that happening are astronomical.

Posted by: Beppie | March 28, 2007 at 01:44 PM

"Out the left side of the aircraft, you can see Easter Island. Out the right side, you can see...the end of the world."

Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | March 28, 2007 at 01:47 PM

I'm sure it was disconcerting, but 10km is 6.2 miles. To say it "came close" is a bit of a stretch.

Posted by: Mike Antonucci | March 28, 2007 at 01:51 PM

Captian, surely that cant be an asteroid...

Damn straight it is...and dont call me Shirely

Posted by: Chaz | March 28, 2007 at 01:52 PM

How did we miss this item linked on the same page?

sounds like we still have time...

Posted by: russellmc | March 28, 2007 at 01:55 PM

Mike, it's my understanding that pilots over the open ocean don't like other planes within 10km, much less a chunk of equipment in an uncontrolled re-entry.

Posted by: Clean Hands | March 28, 2007 at 01:56 PM

considering the plane is traveling at well over 500 mph, and the re-entering satellite is traveling much faster at a vector victor that cannont be determined....6.2 km is pretty close....need more clearance clarence..roger? roger

Posted by: Keilwerth LA | March 28, 2007 at 01:59 PM

SNORK at Stevie.

Posted by: Renee (the First) | March 28, 2007 at 02:00 PM

Thanks, russell!!

If anyone needs me I'll be busy watching cheese.

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 02:02 PM

Clean Hands - I agree - 6 miles is wayyy too close. Plus if it was disintegrating, how many pieces were out there?

Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | March 28, 2007 at 02:02 PM

No, Siouxie! That's just what they'll be expecting you to do!

Posted by: Meanie the Blue | March 28, 2007 at 02:06 PM

Boss! Boss! De plane! .... Wait, nevermind, Boss.....

Posted by: Meanie the Blue | March 28, 2007 at 02:07 PM

I read another article about this and it said the pilots saw junk ahead, to the side, and behind the plane. Anybody a fan of the show Dead Like Me? The heroine is nailed by a reentering Russian toilet.

Posted by: fivver | March 28, 2007 at 02:20 PM

assuming 500 mph, the plane would cover 6 miles in 43.17 seconds

Posted by: Keilwerth LA | March 28, 2007 at 02:22 PM

*eyes glazed*

cheese is sooooooooo pretty.....

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 02:30 PM

fivver - wasn't that also in the movie, Flushed Away?

Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | March 28, 2007 at 02:32 PM

Captain Captain, whats THAT off our starboard bow

Not now, I am watching cheddarvisionTV...

Posted by: Chaz | March 28, 2007 at 02:40 PM

Sergei, you missed them by this much!
Roger that, Yuri, I''ll get the next one.

Posted by: Edgar Greenberg | March 28, 2007 at 02:43 PM

and if the debris were coming in at an angle toward the plane, that would lead even less time to avoid collision.

Posted by: mm | March 28, 2007 at 02:43 PM

They've been watching this chunka cheese for 96 days, 13 hours , 44 mins and counting...

And you can change the channel...see a cow...the guys who milked the cow and a nice place of meatballs.

mesmerizing....

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 02:48 PM

make that a nice plate.

*thinks a few brain cells have been lost while watching the cheese*

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 02:50 PM

That's a gouda site.

Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | March 28, 2007 at 02:51 PM

That's why I always ask for an aisle seat. So I don't see imminent doom approaching out my window.

Posted by: Guin | March 28, 2007 at 02:51 PM

Believe me, I'm not suggesting we act nonchalant about flaming debris falling from the skies, and I'd be the last one to put a damper on the fun we're having here, but I can tell you from experience that all sorts of "uncontrolled" flying things routinely pass less than 10km in front of, behind, above, and to the sides of, aircraft.

Just for illustration, take a look at this series of photos. The aircraft involved exceeded the minimum separation distance at all times.

Posted by: Mike Antonucci | March 28, 2007 at 03:04 PM

Could be worse... You could be stuck in the middle, between Shatner and Rod Serling.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | March 28, 2007 at 03:06 PM

Oh, no, here we go. Annie's created a muenster.

Posted by: Meanie the Blue | March 28, 2007 at 03:10 PM

A most excellent episode too, Chris. I always look out the window when I fly and expect to see some creepy gremlin out there...

*cue in theme from TZ*

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 03:13 PM

I cheddah kept my mouth shut!

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 03:14 PM

Too late now, Siouxie. What will brie, will brie.

Posted by: Meanie the Bleu | March 28, 2007 at 03:20 PM

Yeah, Siouxie. Don't go out on a Limburger.

Posted by: Annie Where-but-javardi | March 28, 2007 at 03:28 PM

Please be Stilton. The cheese is maturing right now.

Posted by: Hammond Rye | March 28, 2007 at 03:29 PM

the Vampire???

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 03:32 PM

WARNING on that last post - seriously - DON'T go to that post (from vita). Sp@mmer alert!

Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | March 28, 2007 at 03:33 PM

*calling the blog bots*

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 03:34 PM

I'm feeling a little bleu beerkaese I haven't been able to whey in on this discussion....

Posted by: DeskDiva | March 28, 2007 at 03:34 PM

Get a rope! (and some orange spray paint)

Posted by: Hammond Rye | March 28, 2007 at 03:35 PM

vita vita vita...this is a family (har!) blog! keep your smut outta here!!!

we need the blog maid...STAT!!!

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 03:35 PM

Bleu? That sounds un-American.

Posted by: Hammond Rye | March 28, 2007 at 03:38 PM

*getting kick@ss boots ready*

AAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAA!!

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 03:38 PM

Hammie, we need to swiss positions! Next time...I call tops!

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 03:39 PM

Whoops!. Sorry, Siouxie, I meant to tell you about that snake in your boots.

Posted by: Hammond Rye | March 28, 2007 at 03:41 PM

Bauer: Has the next drone target been identified yet?
Chloe: Yes. Looks like it's Monterey, Jack.
Bauer: What!? You said you thought it would be somewhere in Utah.
Chloe: Sorry, Jack. There's more than one. It seems they don't want to hit Provo alone.

[Hey, beats the WDG ....]
[OK, not by much, but....]

Posted by: Meanie the Blue | March 28, 2007 at 03:41 PM

okay i deleted it but i was afraid to click on it...

Posted by: judi | March 28, 2007 at 03:42 PM

***SNORK*** @ meanie. That was an EXCELLENT use of Steve's brain....

Posted by: DeskDiva | March 28, 2007 at 03:43 PM

I camembert what we were talking about...

Posted by: Just Ducky | March 28, 2007 at 03:45 PM

thank you judi!!!!! smooooooooch!!

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 03:45 PM

And *SNORKFULLACHEESE* @ Meanie!

BRIELLIANT!!!!

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 03:47 PM

In queso emergeny, please notify Judi and exit through the side doors.

Posted by: Hammond Rye | March 28, 2007 at 03:49 PM

Judi proves her indispensibility once again.... ;) Thank you, Ma'am.

Posted by: DeskDiva | March 28, 2007 at 03:49 PM

*Heads for showers*

Posted by: Meanie the Blue | March 28, 2007 at 03:50 PM

hehe...I was #69

Posted by: Siouxie | March 28, 2007 at 03:50 PM

Meanie just brieched my perimeter.

Posted by: Annie Where-but-javardi | March 28, 2007 at 03:50 PM

Hmmmm.

http://www.artisanalcheese.com/

Who is Arti, and why do we want cheese from....oh, nevermind.

Posted by: DeskDiva | March 28, 2007 at 03:52 PM

Let's not forget the exceptionally rare Venezuelan Beaver Cheese.

Posted by: Hammond Rye | March 28, 2007 at 03:54 PM

*Ripe SNORK @ Diva*

Posted by: Meanie the Blue | March 28, 2007 at 03:55 PM

*Havarti snork* at Meanie & DDiva!

Posted by: Just Ducky | March 28, 2007 at 03:57 PM

Thanks. *bows*

Just dill with it, Ducky. ;)

Posted by: DeskDiva | March 28, 2007 at 03:58 PM

Voulez-vouz fromage avec moi?

Posted by: Mr. Completely | March 28, 2007 at 04:00 PM

I once had a food punfest with a buddy of mine that lasted for days via email. It all started with a news article I sent her right after September 11 and all the crackdowns on traffic around the Pentagon. The Oscar Meyer Weinermobile somehow turned onto a restricted road and was pulled over and ... well here. Read the headline yourselves...

Posted by: DeskDiva | March 28, 2007 at 04:04 PM

For your viewing pleasure, the Monty Python Cheese Shop Sketch

Posted by: Hammond Rye | March 28, 2007 at 04:04 PM

Gotta love all these cheese puns. They are both sharp and Krafty.

Posted by: Layzeeboy | March 28, 2007 at 04:04 PM

Meanie, I'm snorking chocolate pudding (mid afternoon snack, and it's fat free!) here. WELL done on the 24 conversation!

Posted by: sthnbelle | March 28, 2007 at 04:06 PM

You're right, Lazee. We have grate minds at work here!

Posted by: Just Ducky | March 28, 2007 at 04:07 PM

J'aime ton accent, M. Complètement.

Posted by: DeskDiva | March 28, 2007 at 04:08 PM

I feta leave before I get stuck in traffic.