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February 01, 2007

NEWS MAKING THE NEWS

This blog has been busy drinking providing in-depth coverage of the Super Bowl, and thus has fallen behind on some of the major news events that many people with way too much spare time alert correspondents have been sending in links for, such as:

-- The terrorist eagle that cut off the electricity with a deer head;

-- The detouring moose, which would be a good name for a rock band; and of course

-- The Porn and Pancakes Church Breakfast.

But the big news is that a mathematician, using mathematics, has calculated -- women of the female gender, take note -- that is it mathematically inefficient to always be leaving the toilet seat down.

Comments

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Four stories in one is too logistically challenging for this hour, Dave.

But I'll start with Porn and Pancakes for $200.

Somehow I think "porn and pancakes" will get the biggest blog response...

Stevie, a psychic simul? At this unholy hour? I thought I had to be awake to pull that one off. *confused*

porn and pancakes. of course! i knew we left something off the blog buffet.

Will they be making bacon with those?

"Porn and Pancakes Church Breakfast" WBAGNFARB too.

They should advertise that breakfast with this short video, one of my faves for which, tho PG-13, employer discretion may be advised.

(What I like about it is the music).

"half-ton ungulates" WBAconfusingNFARB.

NT, don't say "pull that one off" while we're talking about, um, breakfast.

Nervous, Stevie?

the moose problem could be easily solved if they'd just outfit them with snowshoes. duh!!

Close.

*Declines to "enlarge this image" in the toilet seat math article*

mental note to not date mathematicians. magicians however, are always welcome.

Noting that the "mathematical" proof about toilet seats comes from Canada, meaning data is obviously tainted by socialistic views in some way;

also noting that my church is WAY too conservative; we only usually do pancakes with sausage....

porn and pancakes, no thanks but make it porn and beer...

btw Stevie, love the video.
*grabs bottle of maple syrup*

Key quote in toilet article:
Mr. Harter's calculations discount the possibility of the woman agreeing to raise the seat when she is done, noting "no instance of this behaviour has ever been observed in recorded history."

*wonders if we should add moose steak to blog breakfast bar*

How is it inefficient for guys to just leave the toilet seat down where it belongs? Sitting down to pee has many advantages: you get to rest, you don't have to switch positions if doody calls, you have the opportunity to tend to other business, maybe a phone call, have a snack, and you never get the nag factor.

Separating one's passions is important. Set aside time for Pancakes, Porn, and half-ton ungulates.

Um, will they be serving short stacks or what?

can't we have pancakes, porn, AND the beer? ooooooh, with syrup and whipped cream, oh my!

I like the way you think, crossgirl.

*smirks*

Sausage, anyone?

"...a bald eagle lugging a deer head ..."

I think he should spring for a better toupee.

*snork* at stevie! would love to see an eagle flying off with trumps head.

Those profs need to be teaching a few more classes, because they obviously have way too much time on their hands. They know they are going to be putting the seat down, so just deal!

Too early for beer, but I'll have some pancakes! I have to go make more coffee--

too early for beer? perish the thought.

wonders when she can become a member of The XXX Church.

folks, i'm starting to worry about Siouxie. we know that she is not snowed in. if Porn and Pancakes didn't bring her out, i fear that nuns may have been knitting her a straight jacket.

I went to a porn and pancakes breakfast once and left with sticky hands....from the SYRUP, folks, the SYRUP.

And, as a male of the guy persuasion I have to say that I disagree with the Toilet Mathematicians (GNFARB?). Suppose Dick and Jane use the facilities twice a day. Jane sits for both functions, necessitating said seat to be in the horizontal position for all encounters. Dick needs it horizontal once and vertical once. According to my mathematical calculations (which are NOT metric Canadian) this will require the seat to be down for 75% of all events. In conclusion, it only makes sense to leave the seat down at all times.

*now that I've obeyed Mrs. Layzee's instructions to make sure I side with the shemale POV, she promised to make my coffee*'

Great Vid Stevie W

Flapjacks, Flapjacks, Flapjacks, Flapjacks, Flapjacks, Flapjacks, Flapjacks, Flapjacks, Flapjacks, Flapjacks, Flapjacks,..........

And be sure to attend our follow-up breakfast sermons:

- French Toast and Ticklers
- T!ts 'n' Grits

And our special series on gambling:

- Roulette & Omelet
- Craps 'n' Crepes

oh, oh, *snorks* for meanie!!

You're a good guy Laze - sorry, sticking with the french roast.

I'll be skipping Donuts and DiId0s.

What about the latkes and lingerie seminar?

Cheerios and Skanky Ho's??

Mornin' people! I'm late for breakfast...what's on the menu this fine am???

(kinda hoping for some pancakes...and..oh...I dunno...corn? no..that's not it...oh I'll think of it.)

The only mathamatical equation we need to solve is whether nagging requires more energy than adjusting the d@mn seat if it is in the wrong position? We should ALL then choose the path of least energy expense, what with the price of oil going up again. Maybe we could all just have overly ambitious eagles as seat attendants.

I prefer toast.

tarts n' tarts

Muffs 'n' muffins.

Siouxie made an appearance! We can call back the search parties. Eventually. After we run out of dollar bills... Or not.

In any case, it's the property owner's responsibility to remove the body.

I'm going to need the Oregon Highway Division and some explosives.

awww thanks for worrying! I got to sleep in a bit this morning. but I did wake up on THIS side of the grass!!

all is well!!

Raunch and rolls.

"I would like to thank everyone for coming together today to discuss the Porn problem. It's a hard problem and one we really need to get our hands on. Here to lay it all open for us is... Okay why is everyone laughing?"

Can I have some kielbasa with my pancakes??

Omelet du fromage a trois?

Skin and Scones.

(*SNORK!*@ Rev. Rye)

Ladies, I came up wit the solution. SPRING LOADED TOILET SEATS. You raise the seat up click it into place, pee, then press the trigger, and it will fly down all by itself. There might be a few small safety concerns, but well...

jeez Siouxie, we were all worried about you. thought that the run away nuns and gnomes were involved in nafarious undertakings. good to see you could make it for breakfast.

Being a woman of the female gender, I believe that there is a 100% chance that if any man who left the seat up, was forced (when sober) to sit a a bucket of cold water, without any notice or preparation, in the middle of the night, that said man of the male gender would think twice about doing this again.

In order of link:

1 YIKES
2 New Show: Mooses on Ice (is it mooses or meese?)
3 Are the knitting nuns involved?
4 They should create a toilet seat that closes automatically after five minutes. just sayin'

Mikey, call me crazy but I've made it a lifelong habit to LOOK before I put my nekkid a$$ on anything. Just sayin'.

Lisa, no, Under no circumstances should they do that. Spring loaded are safer.

Layzee,

And the last time you sat in the cold water in the middle of the night was when??? Hmmmmmm???? :)

Edgar-I bow to your expertise.

Zactly, Mikey, 'cause I LOOK!!!!!!

Thanks witchlesa!

I wouldn't miss our morning smutfest prayer group meeting.

As layzeeboy said, I always look before I sit. That removes the likelihood of the cold, wet butt in the middle of the night. It also removes the likelihood of the wet shins for those men of the male gender that have to contend with people putting the lid down, along with the seat, in the middle of the night.

Case 1:

Lifting seat & lid:   0.00000003 calories
Putting seat & lid down when finished: 0.00000001 calories
---------------------------------------------------
Net expenditure: 0.00000004 calories

Case 2:

Applying bandage to wounded body parts: 0.002 calories
Holding hands over ears: 0.04 calories/hour
-----------------------------------------------
Net expenditure: 0.122 calories (minimum 3 hours)

Conclusion for non-rocket scientist guys: put seat & lid down, or buy more bandages
Conclusion for non-rocket scientist ladies: look in any case

Good morning! So, we're here to have a meaningful dialogue about porn over our hotcakes and toast?

Okay, I'll start the discussion with a question: what's your favorite medium for porn? VHS is so yesterday, print has its own usage issues, and online is difficult if a partner is involved.

CH, I don't watch porn.

sheesh...

*goes off to pray*

CH - video cam aimed at neighbors' windows

*closes blinds*

CH - Unless you pay for online p0rn, it is the most inefficient way to view it.... You have to keep stopping to click and download the next 20 second clip.

On second thought, Siouxie needs to send out a search party for us. I don't feel like leaving. How about you, witchlesa? And cg, have another blog beer. It's not too early. It can't be.

TY, Meanie. I laughed so hard that I peed my pants. So, the lid thing is solved.

*off to do laundry, thanks to Meanie's hilarity*

CH, for reasons I shall not venture into here, most of my porn perusal (great articles) is done in the smallest room in the house. In the past this made print the medium of choice. However, with the advent of laptops and WI-FI print has gone by the wayside.

*If anyone has tips on how to type with your toes with a laptop on the floor please pass them on*

Tammy, I thought you were going to get some rest!

Half-ton Ungulates WABAGNFARB.

I will, Siouxie. (After Franz finishes my back massage.) Are you sure you don't want to send out that search party?

"I'll be skipping Donuts and DiId0s."

But they go so well together.

Ar ar ar ar ar.

OMG ROFL! You people are sick, sick I tell ya! In the funniest, bestest way!

Mikey likes it!!!

How about one-handed typing, Layzee??? I haven't mastered the toe-typing yet ;-)

Tammy, I wanna massage too!! (pssst...can you send Hans over???)

Siouxie, my mojita's in one hand....and my drink is in the other.

Next Layzee's going to be asking for screen & keyboard cleaning tips.

There's always a kb cover, fivver...for spills and such.

And Layzee, you need another hand.

*snor* @ mojita!

Nah, fivver, the cat takes care of that.

whoops...*snork* I meant!

they do have voice activated typing software.

Tried that, cg, the damn thing doesn't understand, "ugh...ugh".

I get the distinct feeling I've crossed some sort of line here.

*sends Mary a case of Sharpies*

Voice commands, Layzee?

Siouxie, you left out the rest of that statement: "I don't watch porn. I live it." ;-)

Wow, who'd've thought that a flippant comment would have started a serious discussion on porn on the DB blog?

1. ^5 cg
2. **SNORK** @ Layzee....

(There is no 3.)

Ahem. I have been told that my massages are most... relaxing.

*rubs hands together*

Who's first?

Regarding the toilet:

I fully believe in compromise. I leave the seat down 100% of the time, however, I do not sit down to when urinating......and I also don't clean the seat off when I'm finished. Inconvenience factor for all involved = 100%

No, I'm not married. Go figure.

UGH UGH??? you caveman, Layzee???

*snork* @ "Clean Hans"

does not want to ever live to see the day when her boys go into the bathroom with a laptop. nononononononononono!!!!!

*pssst* cg: do they have iPods? PSPs? No laptop required. Or so I've heard.

caveman?

See what happens when guys start walking erect?

*snork* @ fivver

ch, arrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!! thanks. thanks a lot.

Always glad to help. EG™

Hi guys! Hi Dave! Glad you're sober enough available to post again!

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