DUCT TAPE
Is there anything it can't do?
(Thanks to tweetywill)
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February 23, 2007
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Your Blogging Staff
Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.
With apologies to Homer Simpson.
Posted by: Dave | February 23, 2007 at 05:34 PM
Well they are already in diapers so why not.
Posted by: Addicted to 24 | February 23, 2007 at 05:34 PM
D'oh
Posted by: Addicted to 24 | February 23, 2007 at 05:34 PM
Is there a written procedure for sending Twitney to space?
Posted by: writer132 | February 23, 2007 at 05:36 PM
What, people think this is somehow different from a normal evening?
Posted by: KCSteve | February 23, 2007 at 05:49 PM
NASA's plan for unstable astronauts: Duct tape, tranquilizers
Around here, we call that the Effective Parenting Kit.
Posted by: Just Ducky | February 23, 2007 at 05:52 PM
For some reason, I now have a hankering for a glass of Tang™.
AFKAT, have I thanked you for that HTML page?
Posted by: Cat R. | February 23, 2007 at 05:57 PM
As usual, I have a better suggestion. Just turn to the unruly asstronut and say:
"You'd better start behaving, or I'll turn this ship around right now and go back to Florida!"
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | February 23, 2007 at 05:58 PM
"Is there anything it can't do?"
Well, duct tape is totally useless for repairing ducts. Apart from that, no.
Posted by: Ian Woollar | February 23, 2007 at 05:59 PM
Space station medical kits contain tranquilizers and anti-depression, anti-anxiety and anti-psychotic medications.
No beer?!
Posted by: fivver | February 23, 2007 at 06:02 PM
Uses for Duct Tape
Most disturbing:
Use for bedroom bondage play. (do not use as "protection".
Posted by: The blog reader formerly known as Matt | February 23, 2007 at 06:04 PM
Uses for Duct Tape
Most disturbing:
Use for bedroom bondage play. (do not use as "protection".
Posted by: The blog reader formerly known as Matt | February 23, 2007 at 06:04 PM
oops. The bot strikes again.
Posted by: The blog reader formerly known as Matt | February 23, 2007 at 06:04 PM
can duct tape fix the bot? Please?
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | February 23, 2007 at 06:08 PM
Thx, FKAMatt. I like the duct tape slip covers. Very creative, and easier to clean the college party puke off than fabric.
Posted by: Meditrina | February 23, 2007 at 06:11 PM
It's also a great way to get that emergency bikini wax.
Posted by: Punkin Poo | February 23, 2007 at 06:14 PM
Not that I have any first hand knowledge of that.
*waddles away slowly, wincing with each step*
Posted by: Punkin Poo | February 23, 2007 at 06:15 PM
Oooo...Punkin, that makes my urethra cringe.
Posted by: writer132 | February 23, 2007 at 06:16 PM
Punkin, ask CH...he knows *EG™*
Posted by: Siouxie | February 23, 2007 at 06:41 PM
Dave, you forgot to say 'FIRST!'
*knowing snork* @ Ian.
Posted by: CJrun | February 23, 2007 at 06:43 PM
"psychotic astronaut in space" WBAGNFARB
Posted by: Olo Baggins of Bywater | February 23, 2007 at 07:28 PM
When we first contact alien life, and they say "Okay, we can pretty much get rid of this planet, they have no appreciable technology", the UN will look straight into the face of the space people and say "Oh yeah? Duct tape, BITCH!"
Within a year Earth will be the capital of the galaxy.
Posted by: JP | February 23, 2007 at 08:28 PM
They learned that from Armageddon. See Steve Buscemi.
Posted by: Eleanor | February 23, 2007 at 10:36 PM
Someone pass me the roll, please...
Posted by: Meanie the Blue | February 23, 2007 at 11:06 PM
132 - OH OW! If your urethra hurts after a duct tape bikini wax, something has gone very very badly wrong. What you *should* is... wait never mind. Family blog. Sorta. No?
Posted by: uretalwoman | February 24, 2007 at 05:18 AM
Do any of you watch The Red Green Show? It is on PBS late night on Sundays in my area. He can make anything out of duct tape.Scotch even has him as their duct tape spokesman on the web.
http://www.3m.com/intl/CA/english/centres/home_leisure/duct_tape/
Posted by: Jessica R. | February 24, 2007 at 08:06 AM
Nice catch, El. My thought was, "Wow, that Steve Buscemi sequence in 'Armageddon' is actually something close to reality, unlike the many others which caused my suspension of disbelief to bust a leaf spring, such as the Russian cosmonaut laughing his way through an eleven-G slingshot around the moon after 18 months of weightlessness."
If they had written that a little closer to what the reality would have been, Bounty paper towels could have scored a major product placement. As a means of disposal for one large Russian grease spot.
Posted by: WriterDude | February 24, 2007 at 05:12 PM
Jessica R.: Keep your stick on the ice! ;-)
Posted by: WriterDude | February 24, 2007 at 05:15 PM
Um... what about Steve Buscemi?
Posted by: JP | February 24, 2007 at 05:30 PM
"Psychotic astronauts in space" was a good movie. That "Pee-Wee Herman" has really made a comeback. Speaking of "Taptus la ductus," (for our non-English speaking readers) using one roll of duct tape and two tea bags was the only way I could watch Sharon Stone in the movie "Basic Instinct 2." She just won 4 "razzies" for that movie. They did NOT use duct tape in the movie "Basic Instinct 2." The used Duck Tape. Not the same thing..!!
Duct tape could save our lives..!!
The UN already has a solution to the pending asteroid that could slam into the earth on April 13, 2037. They are sending an American psychotic astronaut to land on the asteroid and duct tape two "turn signals" on the massive rock.
This will NOT stop the asteroid from slamming into the earth. But just picture that rock flying around the solar system, for 30 years, with it's left blinker flashing.
You gotta love duct tape..!! (well, really, you don't have to.)
Posted by: The Angry Republican | February 25, 2007 at 08:35 AM
*sweep* *sweep*
Posted by: Siouxie | February 25, 2007 at 10:28 AM
How about just sending the astronaut home from the space shuttle? Don't they have ejection pods? Or something?
(I may be thinking about Startrek)
Posted by: daisymae | February 25, 2007 at 11:12 AM