24

Here are the schematics of the plot perimeter:

The highlight of last week's episode was the heartwarming moment between Jack and his dad, Farmer Hoggett, when FH made Jack kneel down at gunpoint, but decided -- The old softy! --not to shoot Jack in the back of his head. That's how you show true affection Bauer-family style: by not killing a fellow Bauer. I'm assuming Jack and his dad will meet again before this season is up, and that their father-son reunion will make The Texas Chainsaw Massacre look like Teletubbies.

Anyway, at the very end of last week, Farmer Hoggett left a phone for Jack, with instructions to call a certain number, and when Jack did, the person at the other end, in a totally unexpected plot twisteroo, was...

Anna Nicole Smith.

No, sorry, she is still deceased, and so is Edgar. The shocking twisteroo person at the other end was Disgraced Former President Complete Handbag, whom we used to hate but who now looks pretty good compared with our current leader, President Gary Payton of Your World Champion For Now Miami Heat, whose strategy for dealing with nuclear terrorists is apparently to put the entire nation into a drooling stupor by talking in measured tones.

In subplot action, the Ally McBeal Weenie, who looked like he was going to join the plot -- which this blog wholeheartedly supports -- to whack President Payton and replace him with Vice President Powers Boothe, decided instead to rat out the plotters, so he was clubbed with a flashlight in the bunker by Colonel Mustard, who... no, wait, sorry, he was clubbed by his treacherous aide Reed, but, tragically, does not appear to have been killed.

In the Morris-and-Chloe subplot, Morris is still down on himself for programming the suitnukes after being used as a human do-it-yourself project by the evil terrorist submastermind Fayed. Chloe still loves Morris because he did not metabolize his alcohol. (Chloe can tell, just by looking at you, what you have metabolized.)

The Walid-and-Sandra subplot has completely disappeared, which is fine with me. If the writers try to bring it back, I think the other characters should say to them, "Get out of here! You never had anything to do with the plot anyway!"

Anyway, the big question tonight is: What will ex-president Handbag tell Jack about Gredenko, the evil terrorist mastermind for now? Can Jack find the remaining bombs before they go off? Most important of all, will there be any sightings of ex-president Handbag's First Lady?

We will just have to wait and see. And while we are waiting, let us not forget to metabolize.

UPDATE: It is SO hard to get good terrorist submastermind help these days.

UPDATE: The bunker has Ominous Muzak.

UPDATE: PERIMETER!

UPDATE: "He reminds me of you... neither one of you can act."

UPDATE: "Hi! We're here to kill the president!" "OK, then!"

UPDATE: Duct tape!

UPDATE: "We're not cold-blooded murderers." Who WRITES this stuff?

UPDATE: Victoria's Secret has reinvented the bra... again.

UPDATE: Morris specificed the wrong slot assignment for the SIP adapter! If I had a nickel for every time I did that...

UPDATE: If somebody had drilled two inches into my shoulder with a 3/8" bit, I would not swing my arms the way Morris does when he walks.

UPDATE: Too much talking.

UPDATE: Snore.

UPDATE: A drone!

UPDATE: So, do we think the terrorists will put a suitnuke on the drone, and it will drone away for several tense episodes? Or what?

UPDATE: It takes THIRTY MINUTES to get a bomb ready?

UPDATE: There can be no question that the highlights of tonight's episode are being provided by Victoria's Secret.

UPDATE: "Don't be sarcastic! Your data merge is incomplete!"

UPDATE: The Morris subplot is getting so repetitive that they have to be setting us up for a shockeroo, right? Like he's a mole? Or he's the one who reinvented the bra?

UPDATE: They're clearing a ground corridor. That's like a perimeter, right?

UPDATE: YES! Chloe is NOT afraid to yank a man off the toilet.

UPDATE: Morris didn't wipe.

UPDATE: The old cough ruse.

UPDATE: Seriously, you put a three-inch piece of duct tape on my mouth, and I will have it off in seconds without using my hands.

UPDATE: OK, it just now occurred to the weenie to do that?

UPDATE: Summary: Not enough Jack. Way too much talking. One boom -- one lousy boom -- at the end. The clear action highlight was Chloe yanking Morris out of the toilet.  And of course the reinvented bra, which seems to work well. We now await the amazing Steve, who should be writing the show, if you want this blog's opinion.

Comments

[Tigerfaninnc]

First!?!?!?!?

[Bryan]

FIRST!

[Tigerfaninnc]

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bauerbabe]

If First Cleavage is sighted, can Aaron be far behind?

[Beppie]

Aye, aye. Metabolizing,sir!

[Steve (The 24 guy)]

I fear we have not seen the last of Audrey.

[jt]

You can TRUST President Handbag now, because he has a beard--just like Honest "Abe" Lincoln!

[Tigerfaninnc]

I think Audrey coomes back in hour 10...argh!

[pjaykc]

I thought he looked more like Saddam!

[Beppie]

It looks like Farmer Hoggett wants to do evil things to pigs in that picture.

[Sam G.]

Yes! Almost time for 24!
*Throws World History textbook out the window*

[Dave]

All we need to know about world history is right here on 24.

[ArcticAl]

Almost time for my heroin fix - 60 minutes of JACK!

*waves at other blogits*

[Hammond (Vote for Dave!) Rye]

Ramparts!
*drinks*

[CJrun]

Gets comfy....

[Beppie]

All we need to know about how to torture evil doers is on 24 as well. I have learned so much!

[Eleanor]

Left Coast pre-show czech in. Since Studio 60 is gone *sobs*, this is my entire Monday night entertainment, so I can only hope that the show is as good as the blogging!

Have joy!

*zips out*

[bauerbabe]

"Throws World History textbook out the window"

I'm a teacher. I've got stacks of papers to grade and parents to call. But right now, I'm unplugging the phone, muting my cell phone and will sit back and enjoy my hour with Jack.

[vomax]

has anyone mentioned that morris is apparently truly a double agent - he works on a show called "Little Mosque on the Prairie" on CBC!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carlo_Rota

[Wes S.]

Ready and waiting with bated breath. Just got my personal audience disbelief suspension system thoroughly overhauled.

"...I'm assuming Jack and his dad will meet again before this season is up, and that their father-son reunion will make The Texas Chainsaw Massacre look like Teletubbies..."

Now there's an idea for a movie: "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Teletubby Apocalypse."

Now let's see if I can sneak this post past the Perimeter Spambot of Doom...

[Just Ducky]

*waves at everybody*

Re 24: Ours is not to reason why, ours is to...metabolize!

Cheers, y'all! See you later!

*flaps away*

[ArcticAl]

So Prison break ends with a guy hanging himself...Maybe a suggestion for Jack?

[WoosterGirl]

Metabolizing, sir!

*hic*

[ArcticAl]

So are metabolizing when Jack says Damn it or when we see Ramparts tonight? (or both?)

Perimeters are a given of course.

[MaryContrary]

Not only terrorist evil doers. We've also learned how to torture treacherous Cabinet officers, Presidential aides, etc.

[Jemmy]

I haven't missed it! Oh, holy cow, turning on the TV!

*sings and dances*

I haven't missed it! I haven't missed it!

[dantes]

Viewer Discretion Is Advised . . .

[Sam G.]

Since I'm talking about school AND 24...

This was the opening sequence of our school's news program last year, where they introduced each newscaster. I think it's a pretty funny tribute.

(Hope the link worked)

[tw]

Note to self: Make sure I don't watch one single second of "The Winner"

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by: JackSack™ ("BRING ON THE SQUIRRELS NEXT SEASON!") and ChloeSack™ ("He drank but he didn't inhale!")

LET'S GET READY TO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOMBLE!

This, if this were NBC, "extra-special-can't-be-missed" intro to "24" is dedicated (why?) to blogit "Suzy Q", for still no real good reason whatsoever...I need to start askin' for payment...

NOTE: In an attempt to circumvent the Spambot tonight, I may guess at plot-points before they occur and pre-post my comments on these. We'll see if it works. :)

[Aaronak]

How many characters will be "returning" in tonight's episode, do you think?

[WoosterGirl]

Arctic, I think we should add "nukular."

[danceswithvowels]

Have I missed anything yet? Who got Best Documentary Not Involving Monkeys Riding Squirrels? Oh, wait. Wrong night.

[Sam G.]

Alrighty, it didn't.

[slyeyes]

woooooooohoooooooooooo!!

Ready!

[WayneHere]

Wholly crap---they advised viewer discression

[WoosterGirl]

And Suzy Q is...where?

[lakedog]

where the hell is aaron?

[Beppie]

God, he's such a FHogget!

[diverdowndoc]

I'm DVR-ing tonight's episode and will read the comments and snork cheerios through my nose another day- gotta early day tomorrow and must sacrifice. Have fun!!

[Jessica R.]

Woohoo! I am here;hubby is not. I have the REAL TV not the one in the bedroom. Kids are all in bed. (I have four so that is a significant feat.)

That guy talking to Jack looked like Riker from Star Trek:TNG.)

[James T.]

Jack is teaming up with Tom Hanks in Cast Away.

[WoosterGirl]

"Rrun dee-augh-nosteecks."

I love bad Russian accents.

[Beppie]

Thank god they are behind schedule.That will give Jack just enough time!

[diverdowndoc]

Ok- LOL at "FHogget"

[danceswithvowels]

Too long for diagnostics?! Dark ages!

[Waffles]

I disgress my viewrage.

Viewer Discgretion Adivsed: Annoying pointless sublots my not be suitable for young children.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Dark ages? You call hanging around in a plane graveyard a step up from what...the steam era?

[slyeyes]

Naptime already?

[Aaronak]

Wait, is it going to take three more episodes before we get another special effect?

[WoosterGirl]

OMG, it's President Snoozeball.

Naptime already?

[Beppie]

Way to go Jessica! That is a feat in and of itself with four kiddos!

[Unrealious]

too many bad accents

[ArcticAl]

How come the guards are in full camo inside a bunker? There aren't many trees down there.

[danceswithvowels]

It's unpleasant for all of us here in this room.

[Hammond (Vote for Dave!) Rye]

This is all Manny Coto's fault.

[slyeyes]

*^5's woostergirl*

[WayneHere]

Indeed Jessica

[mellio]

WOOOO! Let's hear it for laptops and mobile modems! Now I can blog along in front of the telly :)

Wayne is a wuss. Bring on the thigh-shooting, preferably his...

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Please, Mr. President, tell everyone about your speech before you go on TV publicly...go ask each voter...but do it BEFORE YOU GO ON TV...

[James T.]

Let's see if this works, Sam

Our School's Tribute to 24

Did it work?
If it doesn't, just copy and paste it
http://youtube.com/watch?v=howjBVCBoBU

[abilicious]

Pres Treestump sounds like he has laryngitis.

[Jessica R.]

I know plus I fed them all and bathed them all and put away all the laundry without assistance. No guilt tonight; I may even have a drink! If I can tear myself away from this gripping dialog.

[Beppie]

I am glad Dave is not President yet. Too bad he is not Vice President today!

[WoosterGirl]

Same wavelength, slyeyes!

[tw]

Perimeter!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

PERIMETER! DRINK!

[danceswithvowels]

Hogfather Perimeter!

[mellio]

Bill! I heard from President Manilow, and I need a perimeter NOW....

[slyeyes]

"It's complicated"

*drink*

[Wes S.]

Morris is waving his arms around pretty well for someone who took a drill bit to the shoulder two hours ago, isn't he?

[Jemmy]

"That sounds like an ultimatum, Mr. President."
"It's not an ultimatum, Mr Ambassador."
"Yes, it is."
"No, it isn't."
"Uh-huh!"
"Nuh-uh"

[WayneHere]

blah blah blah---earn the parental advisory already

[WoosterGirl]

PERIMETER!!!!!!

*Metabolizes*

[Jessica R.]

Perimeter!

[Beppie]

Okay, KUDOS Jessica! You definitely deserve more than a drink for that!

[Sam G.]

*snork* at Arctic Al.

The link works, James. I'm just bad with computers. That's so weird; I've read Dave Barry in Cyberspace - you'd think I'd be an expert.

[Jessica R.]

Farmer Hogget escaped these guys are great special agents!

[WayneHere]

"I don't have time to explain" & "a perimiter"...glad I re-supplied at the brew-bub tonight

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Wait, if Dave gets elected President, will he star on 24?

[WoosterGirl]

Tender moment.

*BARF*

[mellio]

HAAA! I see something else in that kid's eyes....JACK! HAR!

[MJ]

Logan under House Arrest?!

Who thinks Mrs. Logan ran off with Aaron Pierce?!

[abilicious]

Somehow, even when he's at his most romantic, Jack looks like he's ready to gouge someone's eyes out.

[danceswithvowels]

Jack, talk us through what happened, too! Not that Marilyn and ManKim are likely to survive going to CTU.

[Beppie]

I hope they have a good talk and a DNA test in the Bahamas.

[Waffles]

That counts double (two cans of beer gone, four more to go)

[MJ]

Meanwhile....ManKim is still alive. *sigh*

[James T.]

He is...uh...consultant.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

He has no 1 quart plastic baggie! STOP HIM!

[jodi-o]

I too wonder if they make it to ctu, usually thats the kiss of death with Jack around.

[Chad4359]

Good to see everything works

[ArcticAl]

Uh oh here comes the contractor!

[Jessica R.]

Do those two have a suitnuke?

[Varjak]

Why do tape recorders ALWAYS squeal when they're rewound on TV?

[Hammond (Vote for Dave!) Rye]

Oooh! NASA restraints!

[mellio]

oh, boy, Ally-McBealweenie is so screwed...

[tw]

I've got a funny feeling that the guy with the briefcase isn't really from The Stanton Institute.....

[danceswithvowels]

Duct tape. Is there any cabinet secretary it can't do?

[WayneHere]

duct tape solves---just trust me on this one, kids