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January 29, 2007


This is our best behavior. Really.


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Did they PhotoShot Dave's head onto a body wearing pads?

We don't know what to do with ourselves with all this fresh Dave material. And I'm sure glad I'm not Rep. Tancredo. Great article..


Chris -I'm sure those are Dave's real shoulders. He would never resort to photoshopping...

*snork* @ What if Fidel dies!

Muy excellente, Dave!! and great pads!!

my absolute favorite line is "Like that?" :)

so true.

Is it okay if I pass on the 'goodwill tongue' from Dave? Mrs. fivver might get jealous. Yeah, that's it.

Super Bowl Quiz essay question #4:
Please list ALL situations where the goodwill tongue is appropriate.

that parrot on dave's shoulder looks a little flushed.

Being a Midwesterner, I'd have to say...if your yogurt is the color of my skin, you'd better have a HazMat team remove it from your refrigerator right now!!

could ya'll pls click on davebarry.com and tell me if the page looks okay? sometimes if i change the line of text in the middle (so people will realize the NEWS box is an actual link), it messes up the appearance of the page. so i need to check with different browsers to make sure i didn't screw it up. and no on one the message board seems to be around just yet. :) tia. :)


I'm on IE6 and the page looks fine. But it was a little confusing. I thought the text in the middle was supposed to be the link and was kind of surprised when it wasn't. Hey, it's early and the coffee hasn't kicked in yet.

judi - the site looks fine in Firefox.

yeah that's the problem. that text in the middle is the ONLY thing i can change without screwing up the layers of pictures :). i don't know if i can make it a link or not. i'll try. :)

I read the article, it looked fine. Now, when I try to view it, it is asking me to register. To quote my neighbor: "What up with dat, dawg?"

Famous as in Super Bowl famous? Miami: hot, crowded and overhyped just like the SB - they deserve each other. Have fun, folks!

southernlady, sorry you couldn't get tickets.

pirateboy: i think the herald has it set up so that you can view a page or two without registering, but when you try to come back (or go on to more pages) you have to register. believe me, if there were anything we could do to change that, we would have years ago. sorry. i'll leave it to others to explain your options. please don't post the entire text in this thread though, as sometimes happens with other you-have-to-register articles, k? thanks.

pirateboy, go ahead and register. I had to months ago and they are actually good about not spamming you.

judi - don't read this!!

PB, you don't have to give the registration bot real information. You can make up whatever you want. If you really don't want to register at all, bugmenot.com probably has a working login for this.

Holy Tancredo! Two new articles! Life is good.

Hmm .. to register .. or not to register ...

Hi, Judi - working in IE 7, and the page looks fine. The text line in the middle looks OK and works as a link that brings the existing window to the News page. The News box to the right opens a new window for the News page.

I am, unfortunately, blocked at work from the Message Boards. Lord knows why they still let me access the Blo

judi, I'm on Firefox and I was able to tell that was a link and it worked fine. looks good from here.



there went a real, "quiche eatin' man.

Is Dave going to be the mc for the half time show?

And why not?


Whew, that was close.

Thanks, Siouxieeeeeeeeeeee

I'm on IE and it looks fine. Can we expect DAILY columns from Dave all week???? Woo hoo!

Love the article! Too many funny parts to choose a fav.

judi-I'm on Firefox also and the link looks good.

I won't be writing every day, but I will be writing a lot, considering how little actual information I will impart.

judi: the page looks fine and links fine on a Mac using Safari.

Dave, considering what little actual information we need to keep us entertained, that would work.

Dave, information is not necessary; shiny things will do. Siouxie likes strappy shoes, though.

I am working from a Univac on party line dial-up. What link?

Dave, please, hold the tongue. But only in the kissing part.

Why does the link keep taking me here?

i never got any goodwill tongue in florida, just the salvationarmy tongue...

Meanie! you could have warned us.


psssst...Hammie...I'm not the only one around here that likes strappy shoes!

Insom - I guess Salvationarmytongue is preferable to Disabledamericanveterantongue. :b

psst... Siouxie, If Meanie or CH want strappy shoes, they will have to ask

lol @ Tom the Meanie

Er, 23°F is a bit cold for strappy shoes. Think I'll wait.

I'm all for goodwill to promote our lovely city but can't we just keep our bodily fluids out of it?? A handshake?? kiss on the cheek? a hug?


*Belated wave to Aunt Nancy the Midwesterner, way up ^^ there - nice to see ya again.*

Siouxie, do I need to come to Miami and offer my tongue's services for the welcoming committee? I know a couple midwesterners I wouldn't mind welcoming, IYNWIM.

Meanie, I'll make sure to remind you about wearing strappy shoes in the summer. That's the kind of helpful person that I am.

Dave-Your columns are more informative than you realize. For example, I read the "Costume Epic: A Lizard's Tale" (see link on left) last night and learned conclusively that "high jinx" is NOT hyphenated.

I am making a note of it in my AP Stylebook, since they neglected to include it.

Jeez! you Southern Belles are forward.

but siouxie...they may be cowboys!

The kindness of strangers can be so inspiring. Black socks or white?

casey, you do make an excellent point.

there could be exceptions ;-)

Great article, Dave, yay! And on behalf of other Coloradoans, lemme just say,
I didn't vote for him.

Of course, some Coloradoans must have voted for him, but I bet they're really embarrassed right now.

those would be it, cg!!

*gazes at her Studs & Spurs calendar's Cowboy January*


'Black socks or white?' Meanie are you asking about what to wear with your sandals on the beach?

Exactly, Fivver. I'm leaning toward yogurt.

Meanie, it would depend. White socks for day wear and black socks for evening wear.

Artchick, my daughter in Colorado reckons he's one big a$$hole. He's vehemently opposed to immigration, ironic as he doesn't exactly have a WASP name. I guess it's a case of once you're through the door you want to shut it quickly to prevent others from entering.

Y'know it takes quite a while to get just the right shade of pale beige in a good yogurty skin tone...

Siouxie, we may have to take one for the team. For the, um, you know, "worthy" Midwesterners.

*licks lips*

Siouxie, we may have to take one for the team here. For the, um, you know, "worthy" Midesterners.

*licks lips*

*growls at the bot*

*Growls back*

*Growls back*

F%$&^*in' 'bot!!

Oh, er.....

*licks lips*

Whew - I need a nap. Just caught up with the weekend blog and nearly choked on my toast (yes, I eat toast at work here in my corner of corporate America). OMG, *snorks* to everyone and thank you Dave for the overload, with special thanks to Ridley.

judi - i've got whatever version of IE we're allowed here and it all looks and works great. Also, that was my favorite line too because that was me less than a month ago and I'm so glad I was in St. Pete and not SB.

Meanie- are you being treated for this Multiple Personality Disorder? (I hope not.)

My $0.02: Blowhole Tancredo represents suburban Denver the way alligators represent Miami -- an unfortunate, unavoidable local nuisance. Also in that category are D.I.A., I-225 and the Colorado Rockies.

(Well, okay, the Rockies are avoidable, as evidenced by their annually dwindling season ticket sales.)

Suzy, we can set up a kissing booth at Dolphin Stadium to greet the cute guys tourists.

mm, just remember with MPD you're never alone.

Has anyone heard from CJ? It's a worry with that chlorinated solvent, etc....

Yes No We'll get back to ya.

mm, either he saved the turtles or the turtles are having CJ soup now.

*applies special glossy, lip-plumping, moisturizing, slightly tingly, slightly fruity tasting lip goo*

OK lips:


*Waggles tongue*

OK gals and select mid-westerners...I'M READY!

*does Spongebob I'M READY happy dance*

*snork* @ Mot & Meanie (& the bot & Fidel & TT) & Siouxie & LBFF (Have I left anyone out?)

Oh crap, I didn't mean I was gonna kiss the gals! I mean, you know, NTTAWWT, but it's just not me, ya know. I meant to tell the Miami gals I was ready to help out at the kissin booth! Honest. That's my story and I'm stickin to it!!!!

...& casey...

*swaps superbowl ticket for kissing booth ticket and large amount of cash*

casey, I was wondering about that. We can sub-contract AmerinParis for the female kissing. We're ready!

fivver, don't forget your cowboy hat.

willing to volunteer my services in the booth as a good florida citizen if needed. well, even if not needed.

mm, cj was busy invading the bay saturday, recovering sunday and off to save the world today. i think the gopher's are slated for eviction on thursday.

Good idea Siouxie. Per "Boys on the Side" I am not a lesbian, but at times I certainly understand the inclination.

I am a lesbian.

I heard Tancredo was also giving a free ride for everyone to the Superbowl as well.

Hello1, hey over here! *jumps up and down, waving furiously* I'm volunteering for the girl kissing duties. I can be in Miami in 24 hours.

Problems with the shift key up there.

Wow Dave! Two columns in two days- *swoons*

Casey- I suggest you use safe-kissing techniques. Wear one of these

Additionally, thanks to all who helped with the b-day suprise for mom- see my blog for pix!

Awwww...see all the goodwill we're willing to dish out?? We've got goodwill coming up the wazoo!!!

*chokes up*

*spits out piece of bagel*

ddd, those are great!!! glat to hear your mom had a good one!

oh and thanks for the tip (ha!)

ddd - very nice, I was lurking, wishing I were(was?, is ?) clever, but that came out very well. Just one warning: Your Mom's smiling, but she's got that look in her eye that says "just wait till I get you alone." No just kidding....

Hey, Mot...
You're never alone with a schizophrenic, either. ;-)

*reports for Kissing Booth duty, puckers up*

Ok, I'm ready!

JG, that's just paranoid

*snork* @ Mot and jg (& the Blues)

Midwesterners came to Miami
The SuperBowl, and the sights, to see
Great wads of cash they spread
As their yogurt bodies turned red
Pleasing Miami’s Host Committee.

DDD, thanks for the protection....that is gum, right?

Great, great pix. Your mom is beautiful. I hope she had fun!

Nice photos, DDD. Happy Birthday to Pam! (I see you have your own personal guard.bot on your site, too.)

see the cranky dictator Fidel
on death's doorstep? it's too close to tell.
will the fate of his soul
let him see Super Bowl?
Do they get CBS down in Hell?

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