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January 31, 2007


(Thanks to mirah)


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Hey, someone notify the Greek Nuns! They can sell some of their knitting!

In the meantime, the residents have been busy knitting the gnomes scarves.
Alternate headline:


Stevie!!! Holy psychic simul!!!


Oh swell, scarve draped gnomes. Hope this doesn't start a trend like the scarve be-decked yuppie flamingo lawn ornaments...

lol, jd. Ya beat me.

yuppie flamingos? shouldn't they be wearing rolexes, not scarves?

Hi cg,
Not down here. They put scarves on the front yard flamingos, even special scarves for the different holidays.

So, if I show up randomly in their yard overnight will their first reaction be to knit me a scarf?

And STILL gnomeland security does nothing!

lol, casey!

Why shouldn't they gnomes have scarves? It's a shame they have gnomething to wear around their widdle necks. They better be glad they aren't dressed like geese:


Yanks errant "Y".

Been fun. Gotta' dash. Bye folks.

*zips out*

And in Gnomeland, 47 elderly people appeared on the front lawn of Town Hall - Mayor Beardy Von Gnomeskul is quoted as saying "Bjorgn Fjorgenn Floofernooter".

LOL Punkin!

Just goes to show the old bromide is correct:

If life gives you gnomes, knit scarves.

Ah, looks likes the Amelie gnome finally got some action. Now someone just has to tell him he owes child support on 47 offspring. (What are baby gnomes called, anyway? Gnomlings? Gnomettes??)

Stevie, I like your headline better!
*snork* @ casey

My Old Zuidervaart Home

The nuns hide right in the old Zuidervaart home
‘Tis funny, the people are gray,
The gnomes look bright in their gaily colored scarves
While the sisters are knitting all day
The old folks roll down the cracked linoleum floor
Some scary, some happy; some bite
By’n by Greek cops come a-knocking at the door
Then from my old Zuidervaart home, take flight!

Sleep no more, God’s lady
Sleep no more today
You will make haste now, from the old Zuidervaart home
From the old Zuidervaar home, get away!

Click your heels 3 times and say, "Those old folks like gnomes."

Annie, don't you have to be wearing orthopedic slippers when you do that?

They don't click very well. At least that's what meanie told me.

*snork* They can just click their dentures instead.

ooh, jd...Jazz must have told you that works.


um....just trying to unblurk a few regulars. I figured they'd pipe up if they were insulted.

Good plan, but so far, no takers.

JD - remember the tortoises CJ was gonna relocate today? He took the them to a Hooters. (look on the egret thread)

"Good plan, but so far, no takers."

They took their hearing aids out. They can't hear you.

*snork* There's a commercial waiting to happen!

Gnome Gnome on the range where the old people play.

No wonder he moved them. Bromide-hydro-chlorofluorocarbons were really starting to affect them. Look at this poor turdle.

Sorry, Gnome, Gnome on the range where the addled, and old people play

I'm just an addled and old man myself.

Annie, keep flushing. I mean, keep trying to flush out the regulars. I feel so lonely without Clean, CJ, Wyo, Blurk, etc.

Bromide-hydro-chlorofluorocarbons? You mean Hydrobromochlorfluorocarbons. To my knowledge, such compounds aren't used much. Save, to teach stereochemistry with bromochlorofluoromethene. CHBrClF.

Admittedly, I don't know all that much.

Better Living Through Chemistry (?)

Scuse me Edgar while I wipe brain matter off of my keyboard. My head just exploded.

Here ya go. See, nothing too difficult.

EG - of course they're not used much - look what they did to that poor turdle.

Oh, well, gee...of course, I knew that, I was just messin witcha. Yeah.

That turdle looks like a Dr. Suess character.

Yeah, so tragic. No wonder they're outlawed.

Edgar, my momma would have washed my mouth out with soap if'n I'd talked like that to her.

What's the advantage of chemistry if not to allow you to babble incomprehensibly?

I always thought the advantage was that you learned how to blow things up.

Taken from Dr. Annie's new book, "Tancredo the Turdle"

Dr. Annie to Tancredo: "I know, up on top you are seeing great sights, but down here in third world countries, we, too, should have rights."

Tancredo: Huh?

Dr. Annie: BURP!

I always thought the advantage was that you learned how to blow things up.

Oh, that too.

Why didn't anyone tell me that Tanfreako was in my neck of the woods on Saturday??? I woulda gone down there with a giant Dave head and made farting noises!

Punkin Poo - that wasn't you?

Does the blue sign mean they hold their children's hands while they street pee there?

Even for me, that's a tad out there.

Pssst, don't look now, there's some weird lost dude wandering around looking for a place to pee.

heheheh....casey said "psssssst"

Annie, my computer was so turned off by the turdle that it shut down. Pure coincidence, I am sure.

I just assumed the gnomes would travel.

And pee.

Hey Guys.! Just got in from work. Yeah, that "call" thing again. We are short staffed (well, I'm 5'10) so I'm doing a lot of that lately. Down side....less DB blogging time. Up side....uhhhh..I'll get back to you on that.

pull up a urinal and make yourself...actually, why not just hang ou...


Jazzzzie, darlin', YOU are the up side.

"No-one knows where they came from..."

Papa was a roaming gnome
Wherever they knit him hats was his home
And when he died
All he left us was some loam.

*blushes* T Y sweetie ;-)

Night all. Gone to finish my book.

Cbol, please don't water the flowers.

Smooches Jazzzz

Been busy flirtin'. What did I miss? Better go back and check....

Had to click over and enter the HGTV Dream House contest. You need not bother to enter, as I am the sure winner. You may, however, purchase it from me at a discounted rate immediately after the contest is over.

And g'nite casey. sleep well. you ALWAYS make me smile!!

Steve W... you may be the funniest man on the planet....and I said that on Dave's blog

That's always my first reaction when I find gnomes in my yard. Knit them some scarves.

OK, I will try to never rant about work again. The tortoises are tomorrow, somebody else's choice. And it is turning into a zoo with too many people going to be there. And, gawd, I hope, no bored reporters. I will try to post a photo of a tortoise peeing on me, but can't count on the people around me to snap at the right moment. Brief comment on chlorinated solvents; I sincerely believe another consultant flat-out lied to earn extra money. I chased 'Perc' all day, carbon tetrachloride and the daughter products. BS. I despise, in a humorous way, unethical scientists! *gumball, please?*

*Tosses multiple gumballs to CJ*

CJ....how about a pic of you peeing on a Tancredo tortoise? (is that legal?)

Cjun, I agree. There is nothing worse than a scientist who knowingly lies to deceive those who know less than they do. Well maybe murder, but only maybe.

This is what he is up against by the way.

Edgar - now MY head has exploded.

jz -

You just stop that right now. I bow at the feet of the master. Not worthy of holding a candle to his bunions.

Besides, you keep that up and he'll never autograph the books I've been meaning to send him since September. (I CAN out-procrastinate anybody on the planet, I'm not proud to say.)

Ty, buddy

(btw, why couldn't you be a hot chick?)

No, EG, he's up against signing and sealing perc. Wiki is good, as an introduction, but chlorinated solvents sink and degrade, over time. They are one of the two nastiest [my opinion] substances we can encounter. They move like lighting and old perc degrades to vinyl chloride; teratogenic. The person that signed that report works for the same firm I used to and the same firm my older brother worked for and he's better than I am. No. Never let someone pressure you [I know you're younger], to do something like that, for a buck. There is no possible upside and, of course, it's unethical.

On the humorous side, please consider the law suits and this person being flayed. OK, stop that now. It will never happen. This guy will never be touched, in court, because it is neater not to. Still, scum. What will be fun is, I could be wrong and will have lab results tomorrow. If I am wrong, I will tell you so and bear the withering Annie abuse for weeks to come. So, there's that.

Niters bloglits, I have an adventure tomorrow to plan and the girls at the next table at Hooters to flirt with. Wish me luck!

The gnomes fled from several copies of Goosebumps books left out in the rain. Only way they could survive.

What they really wanted was umbrellas, not scarves.

I know this because they sent me a message via esp...

Jazzz - do you really want that dream home? Isn't it in....Tancredo, Colorado?

I think it's very sweet, that they're knitting scarves for the gnomes. It's cold in Holland in the winter.

I just bought my dog a toy that makes fart noises, so now I get to blame her for everything

OT rant - remember my son who came in 3rd in the spelling bee, only because a judge misheard his spelling and mistakenly eliminated him? We got his award certificate today - it says "....for participanting in the spelling bee..."
I'm sorry, but how freakin' pathetic is that? Good lord!

Annie, how're things in sleeze city?

Love the knitted scarves! Around here, we could use some of those...more snow...I am going back to tropical forecasting and pretending it is warm...

NT - Love the dog toy! My boys need something like that..although I blame them anyway!

Well, Annie, we wouldn't want to hurt the feelings of the little darlings who couldn't spell "fart," and who came in last, now would we? Everybody gets a certificate, and then everybody's equal. That's the whole point of the exercise, right?

Sorry for being scarce, folks - been trying to turn over a new leaf and actually work during the time that I'm being paid to do so. Results are mixed so far, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I still love all of you, and frequently think of something or another that I want to share with you. We'll see if maybe tomorrow I can strike some sort of balance, mmkay?


Gnomes. Why did it have to be gnomes?


Well, I tried to blame to dog for all of them, but wasn't able to get away with it before (Only the SBDs/SBVs, you know). Now with the noise permeating the whole apartment from her enjoyment of the new toy, I suspect my success ratio will improve dramatically.

Anybody up & about on the blog?

Debatable, Mot. I think I'm alive, but the jury's still out. (could be Martian Death Flu)

Well you know *stands with hands on hips and clucks toungue* the things that've been going on on this blog would make a parson blush. Nude romps and towel fights with Hammie. Jazzzzz getting smooched, should I go on?

Oh, do go on, Mot. I could use some entertainment. Just try not to make me snork my hot tea, okay?

*waits for everybody to wake up and accept the challenge*

i'm up, i'm up. it's raining, i overslept, we're out of milk and none of my pants fit today. i'm at work, late, disheveled, disgruntled and wearing old comfy faded and torn jeans. but i'm here eating a stupid pop tart cause that's all i had time to grab as i tore out the door.

I tried so hard but in the end I succumbed and I proposed again, this time to Cookie, I think I totally shocked her into silence, (I have that effect on women sometimes). There was a lot of perving over Harry Potter, there was crapping in the woods. There was a gnome convention at a retirement home. Colorado tried to redeem itself and just opened itself to more ridicule in the process.

Actually, come to think of it, I guess it was just another average day on this blog.

Yup, sounds about normal. In context, anyway. :)

Hi Cg, you've got a gift you know, you even make your current appearance sound sexy.

and yet, still no proposal! results are typical for me.

I'm still busy building up a head of steam.

Guys don't usually mind the rumpled look, cg.
*texts cg some leftover waffles and fresh augmented coffee*

Morning Mot... Hey NT....How ya doin' this mornin'? Cold and windy in Arkansas today.

The "rumpled look" does it for me everytime girls.

i'll have to reasses my wardrobe...

Jazzzz did you manage to get the lipstick off your collar yesterday?

Mornin, Jazzzz. Vegas weather report? Cold and dark right now, soon to be followed by relentlessly sunny and cold.

cg - rumpled makes people think of unmade beds or something like that. Consider that in your reassessment. ;)

If the rumpled look is in, I feel like Miss America this morning. Wait...nope, still feel 'just rolled outta bed'. Time for two scoops of caffeine.

Partly there NT, rumpled suggests playfulness, rumpled also suggests not minding having your hair messed up a bit, kind of the opposite to The Devil Wears Prada.

delayed O/T to AWBH....I don't care if I ever see the dream house. I just want to sell it and use the money to mount a campaign to free the humor endowed Coloradans from the grips of humorless tyranny. That, and but myself a bunch of crap I don't need. Thanks for letting me participant

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