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January 25, 2007
WHEN ASTHMA INHALERS ARE OUTLAWED
...outlaws will use lip balm.
(Thanks to Elon Weintraub)
UH-OH
Key Quote: Don't eat too much squirrel from the woods near Ford's toxic waste dumps in Upper Ringwood.
GOOD NAME FOR A ROCK BAND
Give it up for: Handbrake Snake
THIS BLOG WOULD NEVER EVER WISH ANYTHING FATAL TO HAPPEN TO A FICTIONAL CHARACTER
I naturally thought of the blog when I read this item today in TV Guide's Ask Ausiello column:
Question: I'm lovin' 24 so far this season. What's the latest on Kim Raver
returning?- Barry
Ausiello: It's looking iffy at best. My CTU mole tells me there's a tragic twist involving Audrey coming up around the midday point that would appear to make a Raver reprisal highly unlikely.We can only speculate, but I sense another impending death. Even Audrey getting married, or flown to some other part of the country, wouldn't mean she and ol' Jack wouldn't run into each other again. And with Jack's brother's wife's apparent lingering interest and the son who looks more like Jack than the brother, I wonder if they're shifting the spotlight to a new love interest?
Melissa
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS
January 24, 2007
SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM
Okay. We do not understand why this spam-blocking thing is still a problem for posters, but apparently it is.
If you find yourself blocked from commenting, the technical support staff suggests:
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YIKES
(Thanks to Geoff)
CHINESE COURT ISSUES RULING IN CHICKEN DEATHS
We've been on airplanes with children like this.
(Thanks to RussellMc)
RIGHT ON, DUDES
(Thanks to Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa)
GET READY
(Thanks to DavCat14, who also sent this link to a photo of a rabbit that appears to be wearing a gorilla suit)
MEN ALWAYS MAKE FUN OF WOMEN FOR BUYING SO MANY PAIRS OF SHOES
But we're the ones who are laughing.
(Thanks to MOTW)
UPDATE ON THE FLORA THE MIRACLE VIRGIN KOMODO DRAGON
(Thanks to bookbabie)
IMPORTANT SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH BEING CONDUCTED (WHERE ELSE?) AT THE UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA¹
The effect on rats³ of jello shots.
(Thanks to Grant Green)
¹Go Gators!²
²Don't tell the blog
³The kind with four legs
ATTENTION, MEN
Key Quote: Remember your partner is NOT a porn star so open crotch knickers are out for Valentines Day.
IGUANA ERECTION OF THE WEEK SO FAR
January 23, 2007
MAKES SENSE TO THIS BLOG!
When you're talking about appropriate ways to celebrate your city's heritage, you're talking about burying a 1957 Plymouth.
(Thanks to Margaret Mumaw)
SOON TO BE A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE STARRING TOM CRUISE
WHY SO FEW DOGS HAVE WON NOBEL PRIZES FOR PHYSICS
Here (thanks to Monika Sundbaum) is a video of a dog courageously defending its bone from its own personal left leg:
GUYS: EXPLORING THE FRONTIERS OF STUPIDITY ROCKET PROPULSION
The real action starts around the 2:40 mark.
WHY WE LOVE CRICKET
January 22, 2007
24
Here is the situation on the ground:
There is barf on the ground. Jack Bauer emitted it last week after shooting Curtis, which Jack had to do because Curtis was about to shoot the evil terrorist Assad, or possibly Fayed. I, personally, am not 100 percent convinced that Curtis is dead -- at least not as dead as Edgar -- but Jack was so sick about the shooting that, despite his three-year contract, he was going to quit being a counter-terrorism agent right then and there, which would have meant the end of this hugely popular award-winning dramatic series. Fortunately, at just that moment terrorists working for Fayed (or possibly Assad) detonated a nuclear bomb in Valencia.This was just the "pick-me-up" that Jack needed. So tonight he's back, trying to track down the other four suitcase nukes, which we assume are located somewhere around Los Angeles, because otherwise there will have to be several episodes consisting entirely of of Jack flying to, say, Chicago ("Dammit, I'm a federal agent, and I want a second package of peanuts NOW!").
In other developments:
-- The official 24 website is conducting a poll that asks: "What other terrorist body part do you think Jack could easily bite off?"
-- Kumar is dead. He was not a very effective terrorist anyway, having been severely wounded by a coffee table.
-- According to the previews of this week's show, the creepy bald scotch-drinking puppet-master guy will return. We don't know whether he is puppet-mastering President Gary Payton of your World Champion Miami Heat, but we do know that President Payton is proving to be the least-effective president this nation has ever had since the last one.
-- There is still no sign of Audrey, knock on wood used to generate dialogue.
So that is where we stand. Everybody get ready.
UPDATE: Whoa. Some guy just shot himself on Prison Break. I'm sure I would be amazed if I had any idea what was going on.
UPDATE: They're saying Saw III is the best Saw so far.
UPDATE: The bunker!
UPDATE: The bunker looks like a steak house.
UPDATE: Does everybody inauthority seem just a little, I dunno, low-key, considering that A NUCLEAR FREAKING BOMB WENT OFF??
UPDATE: OK, who is this guy with the accent?
UPDATE: Jack knows exactly what to do with a roof helicopter.
UPDATE: The nuclear shock wave is causing extras and special effects to occur all over Los Angeles.
UPDATE: The president uses an Apple!
UPDATE: "The only language they understand is force." Thanks, dialogue generator!
UPDATE: Bill doesn't know where Assad's hand has been.
UPDATE: Blah blah. Where's Jack?
UPDATE: OK, just for the record, so far nothing has happened except a helicopter fell off a roof.
UPDATE: MIlo is falling in love with Morris.
UPDATE: Jack's FATHER???
UPDATE: Wouldn't it be cool if Jack's father turned out to be William Devane?
UPDATE: They're gonna wire Walid!
UPDATE: They're gonna give Walid a swirly!
UPDATE: I'm not sure how to spell swirly.
UPDATE: Jack's father lives with Sam. Not that there's anything wrong with that!
UPDATE: THE BALD GUY IS JACK'S BROTHER??????
UPDATE: What if Jack has a sister, and it's Princess Leia?
UPDATE: I wonder if Sam knows that Jack's dad has girlfriends.
UPDATE: The Los Angeles freeways are jammed! Wait, that's normal.
UPDATE: That's Graham's wife? Whoa.
UPDATE: She's not over Jack? And HE WAS HOT FOR AUDREY??
UPDATE: Blah blah blah, Mr. President.
UPDATE: It must take them many takes to record those presidential-advisor scenes without falling asleep.
UPDATE: OK, does anybody have a clue who this couple is?
UPDATE: At the 45-minute mark, the helicopter is still the highwater mark, violencewise. This is not acceptable.
UPDATE: The Walid subplot is slooooooooooooooooow.
UPDATE: Maybe Jack will shoot Graham in the thigh. Is that too much to ask for?
UPDATE: Do we think Jack could be... Josh's father?
UPDATE: I suppose Jack could give Graham a swirly (sp?), but there's not much to swirl.
UPDATE: Hitting! Good.
UPDATE: "Trust me... I'm not." Excellent.
UPDATE: I hate to say this, but President Payton is a bigger handbag than President Handbag was.
UPDATE: It specifically states on those plastic bags that you are not supposed to use them that way.
UPDATE: Next week: Jack's dead wife! AND THE DAD IS THE OLD GUY FROM "BABE" THE TRAINED PIG MOVIE!
In summary: Some shockeroos, but no shooting, no nukes, and way too much talking. We have to do better, people. Take it, Amazing Steve.
GUY DOGS
They are courageous.
DANG
(Thanks to marva mauthe)
FASHION TIP FOR THE BLOG
(Thanks to several concerned men, but david stotts first)
TODAY'S HEALTH TIP
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
ATTENTION ALL UNITS
Be on the lookout for pretty much anybody from Fago.
(Thanks to DavCat14)
AUSTRALIAN TAX DOLLARS AT WORK
(Thanks to Cheryl Howard)
EXCELLENT ROLE MODEL
Now here is a woman with priorities.
(Thanks to Addicted to 24)
MUTANT PIG OF THE DAY SO FAR
(Thanks to Tom Downer)
UH-OH
(Thanks to Siouxie)
JUST WHAT WE NEED!
(Thanks to Brian Heffernan)
UPDATE: In other beer news, we have (thanks to Tom Downer) this exciting educational advance from Moscow, Idaho.
Key Quote: The first discussion, set for Jan. 9, will have a faint sports connection when Idaho professor Dirk Vanderwall gives a presentation about how the university produced the world's first cloned mule in 2003.
YEARS FROM NOW, WE WILL ALL REMEMBER WHERE WE WERE WHEN WE GOT THE NEWS
(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr)
DEPARTMENT OF PEOPLE WITH SPARE TIME AND A VIDEO CAMERA
(Via Gizmodo, which also links to this weird innovative dog-poop-catching device)
WISCONSIN SPORTS UPDATE
CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
(Thanks to Greg)
January 21, 2007
WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG II
We are continuing to receive emails complaining about being unable to post. We assure you we have asked that they be cautious about banning IP addresses (at least without verifying that they are actually the IP addresses of spammers). Unfortunately, the only thing we can do about this problem is remind you that this is the contact information for the folks who can reinstate your IP address and make it possible for you to post again. We hope they resolve this problem soon.
AND THE SO-CALLED "ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION AGENCY" DOES NOTHING
(Thanks to DavCat14)
IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME
(Thanks to Siouxie)
January 20, 2007
YUM
NEWS OF THE WEIRD BONKERS
Key quote: My escort boats will all the time carry buckets of fresh blood to pour in the water in case the piranhas or other fish attack me," Strel said.
(Thanks to many people)