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January 22, 2007


(Thanks to Greg)


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Not a bad idea. It could distract people from the other noises that I make from back there.

One ringy dingy. Is this the bum to whom I am speaking?

"The station doctor extracted the phone and we sprayed it with disinfectant before handing it back to its owner."

Has anyone seen the US Cellular commercial where Joan Cuzak smells the phone and says "It doesn't smell any different." Bet that one hadn't been up anyone's bum.

Ewwwwwww......just ewwww.

I bet the owner was thrilled to have it back.

She's just test-driving the new 007 AssPhone.

I take it she attended the Richard Gere school where she learnt which items one could safely insert into your butt

"I'll have to call you back; we got crappy reception here."

"The station doctor extracted the phone and we sprayed it with disinfectant before handing it back to its owner."

I'm afraid that's NOT going to do it.

Must be awful tricky dialing that way.

so that's what they mean by 'talking outta your ass'.

Re Lab's comment:

Hey, pull my phone.

Wait, that doesn't quite work in this instance.

I don't think there's enough disinfectant in the world, thank you.

Maxwell Smart should put a shoe up her a$$.

Long distance constipation, get me Memphis Tenessee
Try to find the thief who went and stole a phone from me
She knows we'll dial the number, listen for my cool ringtone
So her bunghole got the message and and engulfed my poor cellphone.

She just wanted to talk dirty.

Suggested ring tones:

Out Go The Lights - Little Walter
Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
In The End - Linkin Park
Walk This Way - Aerosmith
U Can't Touch This - MC Hammer

('n snork @ Stevie dubya)

Speaking of Cell Phones and Cr@ppers. Since when is it acceptable to use a bathroom as a place to hold a conference call. I walked in to the bathroom at work and there was a guy sitting in one of the other stalls. As I closed the stall door, I heard a guy say, do you mind being quiet, I am on a phone here. Of course I took it upon myself to flush three times while in the stall and flush both urinals as I walked out.

JoG - no way. Just... no way.

What I'm trying to say here is .... no way.


I agree Meanie, but with god as my witness, It really did happen.

Meanie-LOL @ "Walk this Way!"

*Does a perimeter shot for Juggler*
No, wait, that's tonight...

Bet she had one he11uva sphinctone.

And probably caller ID blockage.

The potty you are trying to reach does not ingest calls from blocked numbnuts.

May not work here...the women in some of the offices here talk and pee at the same time. I overheard somebody the other day bragging about being caught: "I told her, 'I'm multitasking!'"

and if it's on vibrate the user will see God.

Sounds like the loo next to my wife's office Glix.

SNORK @ Cheesewiz!

you people are sick...funny as hell...but sick!

btw, Meanie?? Jack Bauer would have NO problem dialing that buttphone, let alone getting a clear reception.

You are right, Cheesewhiz. If she had put the phone on vibrate, her @ss wouldn't have rung and she may have gotten away with the theft.

ok, back up. people on the bus saw her steal the phone but didn't see her insert said object?! how does one do that discreetly?!!?

It was the old Hey, look, something shiny ====> routine, Cross. Romanians aren't onto that one yet.


Lysol, anyone?

*applause* for BM. Er...Blue Meanie.

Big, belated *SNORK* @ Cheesewiz!

There must be some way out of here
Said the cellphone to the thief
I can't get no reception
All I hear is beep beep
Telemarketers, they clog my line
Tryin' to get my dough
None of them ever takin' the time
To learn the meaning of the word "no"

No reason to get excited
The thief, she finally howled
You'll get yer goddamn cellphone back
Next time I move my bowels

Crap flung on the cell tower
Not a pretty view
When that old woman came and went
Out came my cellphone, dipped in poo

--apologies to Bobby Z.

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