24

Here is where we stand:

Last week we found out that the creepy bald scotch-drinking Bluetooth-wearing puppetmaster guy from last season is JACK'S BROTHER (!), whose name is Graham, which is spelled Graem. Graem has a hot wife who has Not Gotten Over Jack. They have a son who does not look like Graem, if you catch my drift. Jack went over to Graem's house and, after a few pleasantries, punched him out and began torturing him with a plastic bag, which was pretty much the action highlight last week, unless you count a helicopter falling off a roof, which we do not.

Jack needs to torture Graem because their father -- that's right, JACK'S FATHER (!!) -- has something to do with these pesky nuclear bombs that these pesky terrorists are setting off.  And we know from last week's previews that the father is Farmer Arthur Hoggett, the guy who rescued Babe the pig.

Meanwhile U.S. President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat is turning out to be the least-effective president the nation has ever had on 24 since the last one. His staff apparently consists of two advisors. No matter what happens, the two of them immediately start arguing in Wooden DialogueSpeak, and instead of telling them to put a sock in it so the plot can get going again in the form of Jack committing acts of violence anti-terrorism, President Payton just sits there, with the expression of a man who is either undecided or severely constipated, until the commercial break.

I'm hoping for things to pick up this week, but I'm also hoping that they don't pick up too quickly, because Mrs. Blog, a sportswriter, is off interviewing Indianapolis Colts tonight, which means I have to put Sophie to bed, which means when the torture resumes I may still be reading (speaking of torture)  Fox in Socks. But I will get here as soon as I can. In the meantime, I will be counting on you folks to remain vigilant.

UPDATE: Not the arguing advisors! Sheesh.

UPDATE: Are they going to kill Karen? I'm OK with that.

UPDATE: OK, I have no idea what is going on. Who's McCarthy?

UPDATE: Dad is looking for McCarthy! Whoever that is.

UPDATE: I bet that, when they were kids, Jack was always giving Graeme noogies.

UPDATE: I think a perimeter could be coming...

UPDATE: Morris said "perimeter." Then BILL said "perimeter."

UPDATE: WHO IS MCCARTHY? AND WHAT IS BXJ? Maybe I need more beer. 

UPDATE Oh, wait. Is the Brit guy with the bimbo McCarthy?

UPDATE: I know I have asked this before, but: Doesn't it seem odd that there is so little panic in the streets of Los Angeles following a nuclear freaking explosion?

UPDATE: Nadia has been flagged! And she's a REGISTERED REPUBLICAN.

UPDATE: Sandra is lucky she's Gary Payton's sister, because she is really annoying.

UPDATE: So the Ally McBeal guy is running the country.

UPDATE: Yes! Get in the ring with her!

UPDATE: Man. How long has it been since there was any real violence counterterrorim on this show? I'm starting to miss the cannisters.

UPDATE: So wait... they think she might be a security risk, so they gave her a slower processor?

UPDATE: Sure, just barge right in on President Payton!

UPDATE: OK, please wake me up when there is some sense of urgency about THE NUCLEAR FREAKING ATTACK.

UPDATE: I love it when they say "niner"

UPDATE: You would think the guys in the lockup would start a game of dodgeball or something.

UPDATE: Do we think Walid is dead meat?

UPDATE: Well, that was violent, but not in a good way.

UPDATE: OK, our last hope for excitement tonight is whatever happens with Jack and Graem and Farmer Hoggett.

UPDATE: Jack laughs at your little "security system."

UPDATE: "Hi dad!"

UPDATE: I just wish one of them would look at the camera for, like, 30 seconds, and clearly explain who McCarthy is.

UPDATE: He aint heavyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

UPDATE: He doublecrossed Farmer Hoggett! That little poop!

UPDATE: Wow. That was... unsatisfying. Good look, Amazing Steve.

Comments

[photo_tim]

First time in!

[slyeyes]

*opens up the 24 Blog Bar*

Drinks are on Dave Jack Darren (we'll send him the bill!

Fox in Sox? How appropriate for tonight.

[Jazzzz]

wheeeeeee!!!!

[jt]

This week, Jack Bauer brings the full power of his sour glower to full flower when he'll tower over his brother and make him cower within the hour.

[CJrun]

Reporting for Vigilance!

[Suzy Q]

Holy hell, get ready!

24 countdown checklist:

Wine: Check!

Dinner: Check! A vey nice poached salmon with lemon-dill sauce, accompanied by harocots vert.

Bloglit friends: Oh, they will be here.

*waves to slyeyes, waits for THC.gom guy to make my heart flutter*

Bring it ON!

[agro]

THAT'LL DO PIG.

[Wes S.]

Given the revelations about Jack's family last week, I believe that before tonight's episode starts I'm going to add a few more steel cables to help hold my disbelief in suspension.

Just in case.

And we're supposed to believe that Jack was willing to pick the likes of Teri and Awwwdrey over Graem's wife?! I don't THINK so...

[Cookie]

I'm just czeching in before it starts, because I'm on the Left Coast and have to
1. wait three hours to watch it
2. wait til tomorrow to read the comments
3. no three
4. be sad about this.

Have fun, everyone!!

[Suzy Q]

*gives the Wooden Diaglogue Generator a big kick*

[CJrun]

agro, you saved that up all week.

[ChuckE]

Jack's kindergarten teacher is a member of the Khmer Rouge: tonight on 24!

[PleasedtoMeetMe]

Episode 5: The Return of Audrey

[Mike Antonucci]

Whatever fate Jack has in store for Grimm Grumman Gremlin Graem, it won't match what the Robocop group had in mind.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
KING BISCUIT FLOWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by:
JackSack™: "DAMMIT!"
and
ChloeSack™: "ChloeSack™ is easily the most comfortable thing I've ever worn under my clothes while legislating in Congress! I even bought one in XXL for my close, personal friend Darren!" - U.S. Rep. Tom Tancredo (Colorado)

LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!

This special intro to "24" is dedicated to blogit "Suzy Q" for her unwavering support, mostly due to her ongoing wearing of ChloeSack™, which doesn't let 'the girls' waver much!

NOTE: I will be in the Netherlands next week, trying to avoid the Super Bowl Insanity down here in South Florida, so I will not be live blogging next week to "24". Please cope. I'll be here in spirit.

[Suzy Q]

Viewer Discretion!!

[Garibaldi]

Will the Tower of Power be making an appearance on the Jack Bauer Power Hour?

[Matt]

I glad you've learned how to multitask, Dave. I don't know why some call you illinformed.

[Suzy Q]

*lights cigarette*

Thanks, THC.com guy. I needed that!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Oops! Sorry!

[slyeyes]

Oh. By the way, Dave, today I forwarded your article to a co-worker who is from Denver. Later I walked by her office and saw her howling with laughter and banging her hand on the desk.

She hates Tancredo. Loves you.

[PleasedtoMeetMe]

Wait, I remember all of this...

[Crash]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Not the Emergency Broadcast!
Crap!

[Jazzzz]

We will miss you Cookie. I will send the plot telepathically in real time.

[Mike Antonucci]

Tonight: Jack gets i-tacked by italics!

[Hammond Rye]

Hurt him. Hurt him.

[Suzy Q]

What's up with that Graem cracker guy's name spelling?

[Cheesewiz]

Grave and dire, grave and dire.

[Ann]

It's comin' up on lunchtime, and Jack hasn't had a meal in 2 years. But I bet they still don't let him stop off at a Subway...

[Jazzzz]

Why aren't there any bald women?

[PleasedtoMeetMe]

Rise above a mushroom cloud? Good luck with that. (literally, not figuratively.

[Crash]

Heh, the brother shows up in the episode that includes a helicopter crash, How did I miss that last week?

[Ridley]

We are Vigilant! Is vigilant related to Viagra?

[Suzy Q]

Karen needs to get laid. But then again, so do I.

[Jeannie]

I just can't take the Ali McBeal guy seriously...

[tropichunt.com guy™]

I bet she falls down a tall stairwell, a la Ensign Ro in season 2..or 3...or whenever.

[Ann]

Nice catch Crash. We all missed that one, I think.

[BillB]

ooooh, hand held camera. I'm getting so tense!

[PleasedtoMeetMe]

Welcome to Weasel Time!!!

[Crash]

Oh good.
It stopped!

Unfortunately weeny math dude is lecturing about his evilness.

[Glow]

Made a promise he can\'t keep--the American people are USED to that!

[Cheesewiz]

What's a little constitution between friends?

[James. T.]

That rom is plush.

[Suzy Q]

Ally McBoy has PMS, methinks!

[Jeannie]

Oh! A dispensable ensign!

[ChuckE]

People in suits arguing is not what this show is all about.

[JediRacer8]

Someone's going to roll that guy yet this season.

[James. T.]

*room.

[Jessica R.]

These guys succeeded in turning off the wooden dialog generator for like two whole minutes!

[photo_tim]

Hop a shuttle!

[Soulchef]

I liked "Tom" better when he was "the Biscuit"

[Ann]

Not a redundancy layer in the logins!!

[PleasedtoMeetMe]

Sideline Karen Hayes? That's like cutting the Wicked Witch out of Oz.

[Wes S.]

"The Constitution is obsolete?" How did we get from single-shot blackpowder muskets to nukes? Guess Evil Presidential Advisor Tom must be a gun-control advocate...or else the scriptwrites decided he sounded too much like a liberal neo-con parody...

Either way, the Wooden Dialogue Generator seems up to date...

[Steven Jens]

Anyone know what a redudancy layer is?

[BillB]

this is so exciting, I'm getting chills!

Oh, wait, the window's open. I AM getting chills.

[Suzy Q]

Grade 4 security clearance, as opposed to Grade 3? Who CARES? Shoot something!

[CJrun]

I always put a redundancy on my log in.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Graem is mad 'cos Mom loved Jack best. Sibling rivalry is a beyotch.

[slyeyes]

For some reason, I'm feeling a need for my Albuterol.

[James. T.]

That bag smelled really bad.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Bill, standing up for red-tape bureaucrats everywhere!

Wow, that was a long time for that bag to be on...

[glow]

Oh big brother is sooooo mean to me!

[Jeannie]

Forced famiy fun!

[Hammond Rye]

Waah.

[Crash]

Use an Ice Pick, Jack!
No! Use an arc-welder!

...on his TOES!

[Soulchef]

This is more like it!

[Suzy Q]

Graem Cracker is still alive! Woot!

[JediRacer8]

The Biscuit needs to groove to some Barry White music again. That will mellow him out.

[baligurl]

PUT THE BAG BACK ON HIS HEAD!!

[Cheesewiz]

deeply unresolved issues

[Momanon]

Stab him in the knee!

[Matt]

You know, we here in California don't know what you're talking about, and it's only 6:07. We would appreciate if you could be a little clearer.

[Jessica R.]

Go Jack!

Boo Hoo! Sissy torture time. Come on, Jack, go for the thigh!

[slyeyes]

DARREN!!!!

I knew it!

[ASK, the CD]

is it that the brother is a bad liar or the actor is a bad actor?

[KDF]

Ridley, they're second cousins, never removed. :)

[James. T.]

They are so related.

[photo_tim]

What a crying simp that Grahaemme is!

[Ann]

Yeah, my head was into other things...like conspiring with President Handbag.

[Suzy Q]

Oh, he is cryin' like a baby! The THIGH, Jack, the THIGH!!

[Varjak]

One of these two is adopted, and once we meet dad, we'll know for sure which one.

[BillB]

he said "anal"

hehehehehehe

[James. T.]

BUT HE HAD GOOD REFERENCES!

[Hammond Rye]

Shoot him in the Tancredo and move on.

[glow]

ooooh, infodump in a nutshell! It\'s all dad\'s fault!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Graem says: "I had PMS. I didn't know what I was doing.

Now untie me, so I can ship you back to China."

[tropichunt.com guy™]

"Good references"?

What type of references?
"Works well with others."
"2005 Best With Loose Dealing With Terrorists"

????

[James. T.]

Here's a little something I learned from Fayed......

[baligurl]

Plus, Jack is gonna nail your wife. Again.

[Gretchen]

Ha - Jack can't pronounce his brother's name. Gray-hm? I don't THINK so!!

And my father just called me. During 24!! What's up with that?

[Crash]

Jack has the advantage of more hair.

[Cheesewiz]

don't we think the family can hear all this yelling and choking?

[Wes S.]

OK, according to Graem the US Government would subcontract the demolition of Russian nukes to private companies...?

Excuse me while I go add some further reinforcement the suspension of my disbelief...

[Suzy Q]

Dr. Romano used to have big balls. Jack must've cut 'em off. Too bad we didn't get to watch.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

No, she says. I want to go with Jack.

[Ridley]

He played with Lenin, Dave.

[slyeyes]

THERE'S NO FREAKING TIME FOR MEANINGFUL LOOKS!!!!

[ASK, the CD]

the domestic terrorism business must pay well