24

Here is the situation on the ground:

There is barf on the ground. Jack Bauer emitted it last week after shooting Curtis, which Jack had to do because Curtis was about to shoot the evil terrorist Assad, or possibly Fayed. I, personally, am not 100 percent convinced that Curtis is dead -- at least not as dead as Edgar -- but Jack was so sick about the shooting that, despite his three-year contract, he was going to quit being a counter-terrorism agent right then and there, which would have meant the end of this hugely popular award-winning dramatic series. Fortunately, at just that moment terrorists working for Fayed (or possibly Assad) detonated a nuclear bomb in Valencia.This was just the "pick-me-up" that Jack needed. So tonight he's back, trying to track down the other four suitcase nukes, which we assume are located somewhere around Los Angeles, because otherwise there will have to be several episodes consisting entirely of of Jack flying to, say, Chicago ("Dammit, I'm a federal agent, and I want a second package of peanuts NOW!").

In other developments:

-- The official 24 website is conducting a poll that asks: "What other terrorist body part do you think Jack could easily bite off?"

-- Kumar is dead. He was not a very effective terrorist anyway, having been severely wounded by a coffee table.

-- According to the previews of this week's show, the creepy bald scotch-drinking puppet-master guy will return. We don't know whether he is puppet-mastering President Gary Payton of your World Champion Miami Heat, but we do know that President Payton is proving to be the least-effective president this nation has ever had since the last one.

-- There is still no sign of Audrey, knock on wood used to generate dialogue.

So that is where we stand. Everybody get ready.

UPDATE: Whoa. Some guy just shot himself on Prison Break. I'm sure I would be amazed if I had any idea what was going on.

UPDATE: They're saying Saw III is the best Saw so far.

UPDATE: The bunker!

UPDATE: The bunker looks like a steak house.

UPDATE: Does everybody inauthority seem just a little, I dunno, low-key, considering that A NUCLEAR FREAKING BOMB WENT OFF??

UPDATE: OK, who is this guy with the accent?

UPDATE: Jack knows exactly what to do with a roof helicopter.

UPDATE: The nuclear shock wave is causing extras and special effects to occur all over Los Angeles.

UPDATE: The president uses an Apple!

UPDATE: "The only language they understand is force." Thanks, dialogue generator!

UPDATE: Bill doesn't know where Assad's hand has been.

UPDATE: Blah blah. Where's Jack?

UPDATE: OK, just for the record, so far nothing has happened except a helicopter fell off a roof.

UPDATE: MIlo is falling in love with Morris.

UPDATE: Jack's FATHER???

UPDATE: Wouldn't it be cool if Jack's father turned out to be William Devane?

UPDATE: They're gonna wire Walid!

UPDATE: They're gonna give Walid a swirly!

UPDATE: I'm not sure how to spell swirly.

UPDATE: Jack's father lives with Sam. Not that there's anything wrong with that!

UPDATE: THE BALD GUY IS JACK'S BROTHER??????

UPDATE: What if Jack has a sister, and it's Princess Leia?

UPDATE: I wonder if Sam knows that Jack's dad has girlfriends.

UPDATE: The Los Angeles freeways are jammed! Wait, that's normal.

UPDATE: That's Graham's wife? Whoa.

UPDATE: She's not over Jack? And HE WAS HOT FOR AUDREY??

UPDATE: Blah blah blah, Mr. President.

UPDATE: It must take them many takes to record those presidential-advisor scenes without falling asleep.

UPDATE: OK, does anybody have a clue who this couple is?

UPDATE: At the 45-minute mark, the helicopter is still the highwater mark, violencewise. This is not acceptable.

UPDATE: The Walid subplot is slooooooooooooooooow.

UPDATE: Maybe Jack will shoot Graham in the thigh. Is that too much to ask for?

UPDATE: Do we think Jack could be... Josh's father?

UPDATE: I suppose Jack could give Graham a swirly (sp?), but there's not much to swirl.

UPDATE: Hitting! Good.

UPDATE: "Trust me... I'm not." Excellent.

UPDATE: I hate to say this, but President Payton is a bigger handbag than President Handbag was.

UPDATE: It specifically states on those plastic bags that you are not supposed to use them that way.

UPDATE: Next week: Jack's dead wife!  AND THE DAD IS THE OLD GUY FROM "BABE" THE TRAINED PIG MOVIE!

In summary: Some shockeroos, but  no shooting, no nukes, and way too much talking. We have to do better, people. Take it, Amazing Steve.

Comments

[WoosterGirl]

First!

[KDF]

Phew! A 24 post. I was starting to feel uneasy.

[jt]

Okay, dammit, where's the Amazing Steve's recap for tonight's episode?

[jt]

I heard a rumor that the terrorists might get hold of a Patriot missle which will fizzle out in Indianapolis. Or there could just be some confusion between tonight's 24 episode and yesterday's football game.

[CJrun]

*SNORK* @ the Awdrey picture!

[Jim M]

Over/Under on Jack's personal kill count tonight: 2.5
I'll take the over. I think he is going at least three. Could really be in the mood to shoot some people after Curtis and the Nuke.

[bookworm]

I know it's unlikely, but Jack COULD bite off a pinky toe if necessary!

[Wes S.]

Previously on "24"...

"HOLY $#!t!!"

[Wes S.]

...The official 24 website is conducting a poll that asks: "What other terrorist body part do you think Jack could easily bite off?"

No, I just absolutely REFUSE to go there...

[Marilyn Case]

Check out the Jack Bauer "Damn it" video on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxzovLECtGc

[pebrent]

I thought more people would be outraged about Curtis - killed by Jack HIMSELF, no less - than about Edgar's demise.

But Nnnnoooooooo! Well now we now where guys who keep themselves in shape stand in the sympathy department with the 24 - just "4" for the Bauerheads - crowd.

[WoosterGirl]

Stoopid football game. Not that I'm bitter.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Almost time!

[Crash]

... impatience sets in ...

[WoosterGirl]

Ew. Lots of blood on Prison Break.

This glass of burgundy doesn't look so good anymore.

[KDF]

...margarita sets in...

[WoosterGirl]

*&#! Robot!!

[Suzy Q]

24 countdown checklist for January 23:

Wine: Check!

Dinner: Check. A lovely chicken Caesar salad.

Loins: Girded!

TV on Fox: Check!

Bloglits gathering: Check.

Bring it ON!

Yes, I mean YOU, THC.com guy! Well, not in that way, but you know what I mean.

[CJrun]

There, there, Wooster. Bask in the warm glory of the Heat. And the Gators. And the Gators.

[Suzy Q]

Viewer Discretion Advised! Oh, yes!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Best? Smartest?

[GLow]

BauerBarfBag (TM) Ready!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BLEEP! BLOOP! BLEEP! BLOOP!

JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
JACK BAUER POWER HOUR!
J A C K B A U E R P O W E R H O U R !

Brought to you by JackSack™ and ChloeSack™!

LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!

And a special shout out to Suzy Q!

[Eponder]

"All hail the power of Bauer"

[Hammond Rye]

And we're off...

[Suzy Q]

Dave, I saw Saw II and Saw I was better.

[Crash]

recap...

still stressful.

[Brad]

please please no Audrey but bring back the cougar!

[Jazzzz]

A boomb!

[Suzy Q]

THC.com guy: *sigh* Thanks, I needed that!

[WoosterGirl]

Oh CJ, you are SUCH a comfort.

Go, Gators!

[Jack's Dentist]

I want to compliment my Chinese counterpart. Jack's teeth are looking very nice. I think he needs to floss though.

[Hammond Rye]

Siouxie, put down the tax forms!

[Suzy Q]

Oh, noooooooo! They killed Kenny!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Four More!

[tropichunt.com guy™]

BTW, new posters available at my site! Some from tonight's episode already! :)

[New England fan]

The Colts cheat

[Paulie]

The LA bomb detonated much more quickly than the terrorist on a train bomb.

[KDF]

Man, they are milking the heck out of that mushroom cloud shot.

[ChuckE]

How "unthinkable" can it be? It's the second nuke to go off in southern California in the last 4 years.

[Paulie]

And I'm not talking about the Pats game.

[Jazzzz]

hunker in da bunker

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

I bet the bunker is in an undisclosed location.

[Jim M]

Oh no! The secret bunker!

[Suzy Q]

Return home, everyone. Especially if you live in Valencia. Everything's cool!

[Varjak]

The President responds to disaster by making a speech. Just like real life!

[Ann]

Everybody return home and hide under your desks. Everything will be JUST FINE if you just find a desk now!!

[Sarah]

That's one spiffy bunker.

[Wes S.]

Milo: "All of our ground teams were too close to ground zero..."

I told them last week that they'd better make that Valencia perimeter a big one...

[WoosterGirl]

Oh, BostonPaul.

*Sob*

[WriterDude]

Y'all have fun -- I have to wait one more hour. Once again, don't tell the LA newspaper guy you people lobotomized sucked me in...

[jobob]

*snork* at Varjak.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Amazing cell reception in the bunker...I can't get a T-Mobile call in my own house!

[Crash]

They've killed 12,004 in the first 4 hours.

If they keep this up... 30,020 more could find their throats at Bauer's teeth.

[crossgirl]

archie bunker?

[mister9a]

aren't they such a sweet couple?

[Unrealious]

I missed last week and now I can't follow any of this.... How did they get a new president?

PS could we please have one too?

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Prez: "Site R? But I don't like the pillows on the couch there."

[Momanon]

Her cell phone works in an underground bunker?

[Gretchen]

Is it me, or has Chloe's hair somehow depoofed? She should taser her hairstylist.

[GLow]

But what\'s for breakfast, honey?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Why do people Chloe knows keep dying? 'cos they hang around Jack...ever notice that trend, Chloe?

[Suzy Q]

Oh yes, be careful, Bill. Wouldn't want you to not be able to "serve your country" later.

[Sooska]

Massive packet loss? Is there no end to the carnage?

[Hammond Rye]

Chloe lost a packet?

[WoosterGirl]

Because, Chloe, it's YOU. That's why they keep dying. No one can keep up with your coolness.

[Sarah]

"I just have really bad gas"

Oh, wait, that's not what she said. That's just what she looks like.

[Jazzzz]

Chloe....suck it up

[Cheesewiz]

Chloe makes a little chipmonk face when she's really bummed out

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Understatement Alert! "I just feel really bad about everything."

[Unrealious]

ooooh packet loss

[Paulie]

Chloe doesn't have furrowed brows. Hmmm

[Yelwrose]

Rut roh! Chloe has a bad feeling...

[Varjak]

Why do people you know keep dying? Because you're on 24, that's why.

[jobob]

Choloe, people you know might just keep dying because you work for CTU and you're best buds with Jack Bauer. Those two things might have something to do with it. I'm just sayin'.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Terrorists care about kids running in the road...that's reassuring...

[Suzy Q]

That's what Morris wants her to do too, Jazzzz.

[Ann]

Oooh...hoist by his own illegally-sold petard!

[Crash]

She makes noises like a chipmunk when she's really excited...

[GLow]

Not in my city, you fool! Another city a few miles down! I\'m going to Vegas, bitch!

[Jeannie]

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas

[Jim M]

Sounds like Las Vegas is getting a terrorist population boost.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

This guy is going to trust him again???

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Well, so much for the live traffic reports from the Channel 5 Copter team...

[Unrealious]

The terrorist is in

[Varjak]

Don't you think nuclear radiation might cause just a little bit of cell phone interference? Just maybe?

[Sarah]

Don't you just hate it when there's a helicopter jutting out of the side of your house?

[WoosterGirl]

I sense a Jack helicopter rescue on the roof.

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Jack Bauer, Roof Inspector!

[Ann]

*snork* @ th.c guy

[Wes S.]

Amazing...Jack just found the one guy in LA who didn't know they'd been nuked...

[Eponder]

That's right, Jack just climbed onto the roof of that house. Nananananananana JACK MAN!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

I saw that helicopter once at Universal.

[KDF]

WoosterGirl - excellent sensing!

[JBismyhomeboy]

Jack should fire Tobey Maguire

[Jim M]

DUDE! How could you miss the big mushroom cloud?!?!

[mister9a]

"what are you talking about?"? wow - this guy has no short term memory. or he doesn't watch too many war movies...

[Suzy Q]

Fassayed is where now?

[TandCinKC]

Are you in?!?! So the good guys are on Sprint. Does that mean the terrorists are on Verizon?

[Hammond Rye]

Wouldn't EMP kill the phones and cars?