Dave Barry's Blog

BULLETIN BULLETIN TRAGIC YEAR-END BULLETIN

TERRORISM UPDATE

Now they're using toilets.

2006

It's almost over. And that is a good thing.

FOR A HAPPY, HEALTHY NEW YEAR'S CELEBRATION, WITH THE ADDED EXCITEMENT OF POSSIBLY INGESTING GLASS

Champagne sabering.

(Thanks to my son)

WHAT MOM REALLY WANTS¹

Shoes that do housework.

¹...Dad to wear.

(Thanks to DavCat)

LIKE, HAVE A HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS, DUDE

(Thanks to Annie Where-but-here)

TRAVEL UPDATE

Here at the Secret Undisclosed Location they have some pretty scary wildlife.

TODAY'S "SCIENTIFIC" RESEARCH REPORT

Conceived of, conducted by, reported on, and sent in exclusively by men.

BEES

...and guys. Need we say more? Oh, yeah: that this happened in Florida. Of course.

(Thanks to Straw)

TIS THE SEASON

...to buy a new calendar.¹

¹...while The Blog's away.

WHILE WE WAIT FOR CORNCAM SEASON

Let's watch cheese!

(Thanks to annette gaudreau)

WE BLAME LOW-FLOW TOILETS

(Thanks first to DavCat)

POST-CHRISTMAS LETDOWN

It hits when you realize you didn't find what you really wanted under the tree.

(Thanks to Douglas Seeley)

DUH

(Thanks to Casey J.)

UPDATE from Jeannette Hughes

UPDATE from many alert readers

STEPFATHER OF THE YEAR SO FAR

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

WE'RE CALLING OUR TRAVEL AGENT

AT LAST

...a practical use for snakes.

CRIMINAL MASTERMIND OF THE DAY SO FAR

(Thanks to DavCat)

GOOD NEWS FOR THE BLOG

They may have found your luggage.

(Thanks to Foghorn Leghorn)

GOOD NEWS FOR CLASSMATES OF TEN-YEAR-OLD BOYS

You can charge them with assault.

(Thanks to Mike Pontillo)

WE NEED TO TAKE UP A COLLECTION

First Leslie Sloane Zelnick splits, and now Sonia Muckle.

WHILE YOU HAVE BEEN ENJOYING THE HOLIDAYS

...the Massachusetts legislature has been hard at work.

IF THEY HELD A CONTEST FOR THE BEST OFFICE PARTIES IN THE WORLD

South Korea would win.

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

HAPPY BOXING DAY

Let's be careful out there.

(Thanks to DavCat)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE

HAVE JOY

I'm taking off to spend Christmas week at a Secret Undisclosed Location that might not have the Internet, which as you know requires a series of tubes. Judi is also out o' town, so for a while there may be sporadic posting here, or even no posting. But before I go, I want to wish you all happy holidays, on behalf of our entire staff.

YUM

UPDATE ON SNOWPERSON, SANTA ATTACKS

Things are getting very ugly.

THEY'RE AT IT AGAIN

Snake rustlers.

JAPAN

Land of Mystery

(Via Gizmodo)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

HEALTH QUESTION OF THE DAY SO FAR

AWWW

IGNORE THIS

As is so often is the case, I am testing  a new way to post to the blog.  I don't think it's gonna work.

UPDATE: Whoa, it did. This is very exciting. Everybody take the rest of the week off.

WHY THE HELL NOT?

(Via Gizmodo)

CRIME UPDATE FROM WISCONSIN

Moo.

UPDATE: It's crazy up there.

THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR

Be thankful you're not flying out of Heathrow.

WHERE ELSE?

A tree-stump Virgin Mary is found in New Jersey.

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE NEED THE UNITED NATIONS

ASSAULTS ON SNOWPERSONS

The crime wave is spreading.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

TYPICAL MIAMI STORY

"Anyone seen grandma?"

WHEN MINCE PIES ARE OUTLAWED

...Santa will feel safer.

(Thanks to Cheryl Howard)

GET THE MANGER READY

Flora the virgin Komodo dragon is going to give birth.

(Thanks to many people, sthnbelle first)

WE-DID-NOT-NEED-TO-KNOW-THIS HEADLINE OF THE DAY

(Thanks to Russell Mc)

CAN'T-FAIL PICKUP LINE

"I'm a Mexican sewage diver."

(Thanks to DavCat14)

LAME

If this were authentic, Santa would shoot the little girl in the thigh.

(Thanks to Steve the 24 Guy)

AND MILLIONS OF GUYS GO, "WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?"

(Thanks to Justin Barber)

URGENT BREAKING TASTEFUL CHRISTMAS GIFT ITEM

We just received this breaktaking snake tie from Linda and Marilyn Stout.

THIS JUST IN FROM HOLLAND

(Thanks to Drew Harchick)