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November 14, 2006

THIS SHOULD BE PROMINENTLY POSTED IN EVERY OFFICE AND RESTAURANT IN AMERICA

(Thanks to Suzy)

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That list would have come in handy with a certain ex-girlfriend...

"Don’t get angry with the camel or strike it after you have it under control."

Anger management is a non-issue. When I get off the thing, I'd grab Blurk or Wyo's gun & shoot the thing dead.

"High Speed Camels" WBAGNFARB

*likes ec's idea*

short and sweet!

Thank goodness this has finally been addressed.

so dave's given up air travel?

The reins are attached to a peg inserted in the camel's nose? No wonder they're so ill tempered.

My mom almost got stomped by a camel at a Christmas pageant once. After that, she started buying the seats in the back row.

in addition to being ill tempered they can also spit with great accuracy. so if you are going to beat your camel, stay out of spitting range. why does that sound faintly sexual? sorry, must have been the vibrating soap.

NOW you tell me. I could have really used this info last week.

(blurkie - don't read this)
I'd walk a camel for a mile.

Spooked Camel WBAGNFARB.

Also, something to avoid, apparently.

crossgirl, can you blame him?? The Camel Transportation Authority doesn't require A ONE QUART, CLEAR-PLASTIC BAGGIE WITH ZIP-LOCK TOP in order to travel.

Although clear-plastic masks are distributed prior to boarding the camel..

Wicked...

Thay can bite the beggezuz outta you as well as spit at you. ALso riding them will make you "sea sick."

Nasty smelly animals. The hippies of the animal world.

A Ziploc bag over the camel's head will also eventually stop him.
Unless it's a Bactrian camel - then it's a double-bagger.

At least you don't have to follow the animals around w/a plastic baggie & a scooper. The part of the world where camels are located is pretty much their own litter box...

Lisa, I think they are copying the lastest piercing styles.

As the poet Ogden Nash said:

The camel has a single hump,
The dromedary two.
Or else the other way around,
I'm never sure, are you?

blurk would have the camel stopped in no time. His article woulda been shorter. Just his article, I mean, not that I know anything else about ...Hi, blurk!

"unless there is impending danger ahead (a cliff, for example)."

This sounds like something that would come with Wile E. Coyote's ACME instructions, doesn't it?

· Never push its face down into an ashtray without wearing goggles.

baligurl,
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

danglin' articles???

although, I wouldn't recommend riding a camel with danglin' articles...

I was the victim of a high-accuracy camel sputum when I was about two. In fairness, I started it...

"danglin' articiples". I can work with that. I don't know what the kids are callin' it these days. My teens are girls and they don't let me hear that kinda yappin'. Call me narrow-minded...

grip the camel between your legs

Ummmmm.... OK.
GI Joe Kung Fu Grip™ or just regular grip?
Would it be good if I had vibrating soap in my hand when I grip it?
I've heard the euphemisms with 'chicken' (choke), 'monkey' (spank) and 'dolphin' (flog) before. Never 'camel'.

Dave's right -- this should be posted, as he said, "in every office and restaurant in America". Spooked, spitting animals were a big problem in both the last office and the last restaurant in which I worked.

They didn't look much like camels, though.

I think camels are cute. Look at that face, and those eyelashes!! And I didn't know they could go 40 mph and spit with accuracy!! Wow!! I want one! I'll ride him to work. And he can spit on all the idiot drivers I encounter.

wendy, better just stick with the vibrating soap and the front-end mounted bazooka.

wendy - since they spit, you could probably drive one in the cardrool lane.

I'll be back in a little while - gotta go to the comedy store, since I'm running low on fresh jokes.

I bet I could get to work faster on a spooked camel than my car in LA traffic

Mad - I've ridden in your car. There is no way you could go faster.

Hmmm...maybe if you applied the vibe soap to the camel's...

wendy, what annie said and also make sure you don't hit any speed humps along the way...

I have one of these in my office...I thought everyone did!

Re-read the article, replacing every instance of "camel" with "fat girl".

casey, one of what? spitting camels (or whatever you are calling them now) or vibrating soaps?

Re-read the article, replacing every instance of "camel" with "fat girl".

Stay calm. Tell him the camel bricking story.Before you get on.

I guarantee it, Weasel. Though the CHP would probably pull you over for violating emissions standards or some such.

Where was this information when I needed it? [wipes camel spit from face]

WW, why spitting, out of control camels, of course!

Re: 1:34 post, Lord, being a good girl, I did as you said and all I can say is

SNORK!

um, guys, I just used 'the google' to find some amusing camel links, and discovered what spitting camel really means. EEEWWWW Alert!

um...Annie..that is one totally gross definition..ACCKKK!

yes - especially the part about Al Gore.

uh huh...that WAS a bit much.

thanks annie, not only vibrating soap, now i have spitting camels to think about.

*checks dangling articles...ok, all set*

Ahem...How To Stop a Runaway Camel. by Blurk.

1. Stop pointing and laughing at the idiot who was dumb enough to get on a camel.

2. Grab hunting rifle out of truck.

3. Realize camel and idiot are too far away for a shot.

4. Get on horse. Ask horse to also stop pointing and laughing at camel and idiot.

5. Ride flat out until caught up with camel and idiot.

6. Take aim. (careful to aim at camel and not the idiot)

7. Shoot that sonuvabi...

8. Watch idiot go tumbling as camel falls due to speeding bullet.

9. Quickly make sure idiot's not dead.

10. Realize idiot's alive, point and laugh, tell idiot it's a long walk back to the truck.

11. Ride back to truck, open beer and await idiot's return.

12. Watch horse laugh and tell other horses the story of the camel and the idiot.

The end

It wasn't my fault - blame 'the Google'...and global warming.

And your just naturally curious nature.

Didn't Algore invent global worming?

:P

simple plan, blurk...but effective nonetheless...

good to know your danglin' articles are AOK!

Annie - I blame Gore...he did in fact invent google right?

I knew I could count on you, blurk!

....feels really old not knowing all the "urban slang" out in the world now; ahem...glad to be a Geezerette, because there are some things I just really don't need to know...Annie... it was not the grossest thing even put on this blog...don't worry, there is global warming in this office as I type...coal-fired heat!

It was just shocking to be innocently traipsing about the Google and find out what that term meant. I mean, like, yuk, totally! Next they'll be making fun of camel toes or something.

Oh Annie, that needed a warning...I can't catch my breath I'm laughing so hard.

oh. my. gawd.

it is said that every day that you learn something new is a good day. thanks annie, you've made this a good day for me. NOT!

Note the link under the article: How to make water in the desert. Who knew it was different there?

LBFF....I can honestly say i've never heard "my mom almost got stomped by a camel at a Christmas pagent once" .....I need to get out more..

Stopping in for a drive-by posting - spitting camel - accckk!

Blurk's rememdy - sounds like a plan to me

vibrating soap?!!! - I have GOT to find the time to read more of the posts!! Must have vibrating soap - only 'cause I work really hard and need to shower every 15 minutes or so.

Ciao Boogers - miss y'all!

Annie, I'm only 50 y/o. I'm not sure I'm old enough to read that stuff. *glow emminating from Ark. is Jazzzz blushing* I'm gonna need therapy.

m....i to a .. now I caint speil edder

Annie's link must be sealed in a ONE QUART CLEAR PLASTIC ZIP-LOC BAG!

WAVES @ Gypsy!!!!!!!!! miss ya girl!!!!

*prairie-dogs up into the blog*

Hey, I didn't send this in! Who is this other Suzy of whom Dave speaks?

wasn't me....

I thought it was YOU, Suzy.

blurkie,
You might want to change items #10 & #11:

Realizes idiot is ec. Stop pointing & laughing. Hands her h20 & hat for shade. Get on horse. Race back to get truck to pick her up. Oh yes... consider groveling.

Oh great - that's what I thought it meant haha ;>

Mikey (way up there)-I was trying to google funny links on piercings, but I didn't find anything good.

Jazzzz-Yeah, it was the kind of up-close-and-personal experience she never expected to have either.

Camels are bad, mmmkay?

(Marlboros are worse, or so I'm told...)

Annie. OMG. I think I'd better go bleach my brain with some soap (preferably vibrating).

Also, I think no self respecting man who wanted to take another breathe would ever dare to engage in specified activity because women have much more accomplished sense of hand-eye coordination. Especially with a high powered rifle.


Ees a Blog Mystery, Siouxie! Maybe we have a stalker.

Wow, we either have a rather innocent group here today or you were too much in shock to notice my mention at 3:07 of camel toes.

Annie, I've gotten way too educated at this blog to be shocked anymore.

Plus, work filters the Urban Diction@ry for my protection.

We are jaded Annie.

Annie, I heard some teenagers talking about that camel item and looked it up a few months ago. Like I said, I am glad I do not have to know the slang...it is so tacky and often seems to be a put-down, unlike my generation's "Far Out", etc. Oh well, live and learn...and laugh, particularly on this Blog.

:( It's ok. I am here. I will make you laugh. Spew, perhaps painfully sometimes, but you will laugh.

Someone in my family asked me once if I had a camel toe, and I took off my shoes to check. I didn't find out for several months what the phrase meant.

As long as we're replacing words, how about this instead of "camel"?

(Lord IA, you didn't think everyone would let that fat girl comment pass, didja?)

Thank you, Cat. I should have made bacon out of him myself. Shame on me for letting him get away with that.

Yikes Annie! I have learned yet again!!! camel toe..eeek!

*will make an effort to check pant tightness from now on*

I figured to let the fg thing die a natural death.

Dang, Annie! I heard the 'Camel Toe Song", but the Veggie? Not so much.

Dang, Annie! I heard the 'Camel Toe Song", but the Veggie? Not so much.

annie, i caught the ref but was politely letting it slide in honor of the kinder gentler blog that punkin proposed.

Sorry for the stutter.

crossgirl, I admire your restraint! I have often taped my fingers down with duck-tape (not to be used for warts) to keep the blog PG rated! Mary should be proud!!!

Anyone need sharpies???

From past experience, I can say those instructions are highly useful. If any of you have the need to utilize them, have the big(huge) print version on hand, as it is difficult to read very much of anything while on the back of a run away, panicky, spiteful camel.
As an aside; I prefer the type you smoke.

LTTG, but what the hay.

Al Gore invented spitting camels?

Al is such a card, or else he's dyslexic. He scored big points with his future wife when, at the frat party he asked her, "So...are you a Tipper or a Swallower?"

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