THIS IS WHY THE CONSTITUTION SPECIFICALLY GUARANTEES THE RIGHT TO KEEP AND BEAR FOOTBALL HELMETS

(Thanks to Valerie)

Comments

[ubetcha]

Wow! I'm impressed! Only in Florida.

[Clean Hands]

Burglar should have been wearing a helmet, himself.

[Edgar Greenberg]

If we outlaw football helmets, only outlaws will have football helmets.

[Mrs. Wheezer]

Now football helmets will be banned at schools as weapons.

[Betsy]

slightly OT:

Woman goes to the basement to do laundry; decides to take off everything she's wearing and throw it in with the other clothes. As she's adding the detergent, she realizes the pipe over her head is leaking, so she picks up her son's football helmet from the floor and puts it on.
She hears the basement door open and close, and turns to see the meter reader staring at her. Before she can think of anything to say, he says, "I'm not familiar with the game, lady, but I hope your team wins."

(I know, I know...it's old; but I couldn't help it.)

[Clean Hands]

See, this is why I keep a softball bat behind my door. One of those aluminum jobbies. Rings real pretty when it bounces off some jerk's skull.

[Siouxie]

I saw this on the news...who needs a gun here in Florida, huh??

[blurk]

Snork @ Betsy

And when did that perky news team hire The Nutty Professor?

[Edgar Greenberg]

Football helmets don't kill people. Guns kill people. No wait.

[Siouxie]

*snork* @ blurk

LOL dayam you are right!!!

[SippiFoxHunter]

I'll give up my football helmet when they pry my cold, dead fingers fro......oh - wrong weapon

[casey]

Hey, I dont have a Bears football helmet, but I have one left over from the Mt. Holly Hawks Pop Warner football team. Is that good enough?

[angene15]

Blurk, you're right! Eerie.

[crossgirl]

the real news is that someone in florida didn't have a gun to begin with!

[Edgar Greenberg]

Well son of a football helmet, I can comment again.

[Siouxie]

I have a machete. ALL Cubans have a machete. May not be a foolsball helmet but it works.

[Edgar Greenberg]

And of course Cubans are mean shots with their Cascos del béisbol.

[Siouxie]

muy bien, Edgar! or el beisbol bat!

[Clean Hands]

Hmm, I have a machete, too, but the "chunk" noise it makes isn't as satisfying as the ring of the bat.

Not to mention it's messier.

[Siouxie]

*thwack* is more like it ;P

messy, ye...but being a woman of the female kind and all soft and dainty, I don't have the upper body strength to make sure it's a done deal, ya know?? a nice clean cut is all that's needed. Ask Lorena.

[The Dread Pirate Scrooge]

I prefer the satisfying sound of a 12-gauge pump being racked.

[Siouxie]

*sends an extra 's' up there*

*not English!!*

"messy ye"

*snork*

[Cheryl Howard]

I'm old school. I prefer my granmothers 9" Wagner cast iron skillet. One smack, game over.

[Clean Hands]

You must keep your machete sharper than I keep mine.

[estrogen centrale]

What zipcode is Palm Bay? I want to be sure that I'm extra careful going through that area.

[Clean Hands]

I busted my grandmother's cast iron skillet.

Did you know that coconuts really should be opened with a hammer?

[Siouxie]

Oh Cheryl, I also have my aunt's cast iron skillet. That works too.

uh..CH, you shoulda used the machete for the coconuts ;P

[Annie Where-but-here]

Is that a photo of the actual police car that responded to this incident? Talk about on the scene reporting!

[estrogen centrale]

I have many talents. After prying the husk bare-handed & draining the milk, I used to open cocunuts on the cement stairs, broke into perfect halves.

[Siouxie]

*goes to Homestead and has one of those illegal alien farm hand dudes chop the top off with the machete*

stick a straw in it and slllllluuuuuuuurrrrrppppp!!

[wickedwitch]

K-bar is the weapon of choice, you can stab, cut or just whack them on the head with the pommel. i knew it would come in handy one day. but just in case, i also keep a Bersa close at hand.

[Siouxie]

*takes her machete and heads off* (ha!)

[Jeff Meyerson]

(I know, I know...it's old; but I couldn't help it.)

Betsy, I heard that story on The Tonight Show a zillion years ago.

Welcome to the geezer bus.

And by the way, what is an "occupied burglary attempt" anyway?

[Mikey]

NOTHING is as effective at driving off criminals as a garden gnome!!

[Hammond Rye]

I agree with DPS, nothing says "Excuse me..." like a 12 gauge loaded with 00 buckshot.

[Cheryl Howard]

Mikey, how about 135# of Great Dane?

[Mikey]

NOTHING is as effective at driving off criminals as a garden gnome!!

Jeff, an "Occupied, Burglary attempt" is one where you put the sign up while stealing the toilet. Not sure though.

[Mikey]

That would do as well.

I have Yorkies, they don't even scare off the squirrels who sit up in the trees and point and laugh at them.

[Hammond Rye]

A 9-iron with a strong follow-through is also well thought of...

[Mikey]

Hammond,

Pool Cue as well if you want to get the balls in the side pocket...

[Hammond Rye]

Of couse, it goes without saying that you should only defend your home when wearing your Mighty Morphin Power Ranger suit.

[Clark Kent]

I'm glad he caught the robber and it all worked out, but I'm pretty sure there is a 15 yard penalty in there somewhere....

[estrogen centrale]

CK, w/only 7 seconds on the clock, right?

[Annie Where-but-here]

Mikey - if a burglar's balls are in his side pocket, he's got serious problems...unless you're trying to put them there. That I get.

Another way to frighten burglars..

[Val]

An "occupied burglary attempt" as opposed to "unoccupied burglary attempt" or maybe "occupied burglary success". I don't know.

[blurk]

*smacks Annie with a football helmet*

[Annie Where-but-here]

my, what a gentleman you are, blurkie. You must still be off cigarettes.

[blurk]

Yep, almost six weeks.

And you deserved it.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Yes, I did. Sure hope it was a Charger helmet. They're going all the way this year.

[estrogen centrale]

*ducks under desk to avoid violent bloggers*

[ScottMGS]

You're a Chargers fan, Annie? LA has nothing, eh?

[Siouxie]

geez...I take off for a bit and ya'll are smacking each other around.

oh and Annie??

*THUNK*

blurk's helmet missed that side...

[estrogen centrale]

*Okay, that's does it. I'm getting the h3!! outahere.*

[Clark Kent]

<<>>>

Absolutely!

[Clean Hands]

*WHANGGGGGGGGGggggggg*

That's from me, Annie. Ya got me.

[Siouxie]

oh btw, blurk...congrats on the non-smoking thing!!!

[Annie Where-but-here]

And I suppose you'll be thwackin' the Daveness upside the head when he springs that trick upon you?

Oh, and LA has USC, the NUMBER 1 college football team in the world. Ha!

*ducts tape and flying helmets*

[Mahatma Kane Jeeves]

**drops penalty flag onto field**

[blurk]

Thanks, Siouxie.

[Siouxie]

*looks about innocent-like*

*whistles*

*points to blurk*

HE STARTED IT, REF!!

[Clean Hands]

WTG, blurk! We're glad you've decided to stick around for an extra decade or three.

[Siouxie]

whoopsie ;-)

anytime, my dear dear friend...whom I loveeeeeeee and respect...yep!

[Siouxie]

*hiding behind CH now*

psst...is this thing bullet-proof?

[Kathybear]

I think this would do it...

[Clean Hands]

WHAT thing, Siouxie? My gut? No. The bat's too small to be useful in this context.

Figures I'd bring a softball bat to a gunfight.

[Siouxie]

*pinches CH's gut*

hehe...

nope...not bullet-proof!

[Just Ducky]

Siouxie, hide behind Clark Kent--DUH! *eye roll*

[CJrun]

Fweeeeeet [whistle]! Illegal Pans to the Head!

Offsetting penalty, Unnecessary Roughness on Annie, Dishonorable Mention for Kathybear.

[pogo]

How many yards penalty for Intentional Socks with Sandals?

[The Dread Pirate Scrooge]

Intentional Socks with Sandals is a 10-yard penalty.
If the outfit also involves plaid pants / shorts it's 20.

[Siouxie]

Plaid pants, yellow, stoopid looking hat and a golf cart surely guarantees a win for the other team, no??

oh...are we still talking about foolsball??

and YES..I am calling you Shirley.

*takes flag from ref/umpire/caddie and waves it*

[Monsoon]

Was the alleged burglar arrested by the alleged police?

[Stevie W]

Jeff - an "occupied burglary attempt" is an attempt to burlarize a home when people are inside, as opposed to when it's empty. Burglaries during which people are home inside have a much higher potential for injury or danger than those in which nobody's home at the time. So they're usually treated more seriously.

"Oh, and LA has USC, the NUMBER 1 college football team in the world." Until next Saturday, annieway.

[Siouxie]

*hangs head*

UM is sucking BIG time

but...hey! we got...

[Annie Where-but-here]

Siouxie - you got next year.

stevie w - you are kidding me. UCLA??

[Stevie W]

"Hail to the hills of Westwood..."

Seven straight years, annie. Undergrad plus grad. Then about a dozen more years of season tix.

You're not a Trojan, are you? You write too well to be an alum of Figueroa Tech.

[Siouxie]

*will leave these two alone*

closest I came is going to Cal State LA

[Annie Where-but-here]

Correct - I'm too smart to pay that kind $ for the USC experience. I'm also emotionally detached enought to know that this week-end, UCLA doesn't have a snowball's chance in Watts.

[Annie Where-but-here]

...but my spellchecker went to USC...

[Cheryl Howard]

I've been to Watts!

Um...well.. anyways. I wouldn't want to be a snow ball there. Or Oakland. Or East LA. All very fun places that I managed to somehow miraculously survive despite myself. In reflection. I apparently have lived dangerously.

I have never, ever been a Trojan however. Bein' a Beav... well you all understand, right?

[Betsy]

*snork* at Annie's spellchecker's academic background.

[Art Vandelay]

I could've sworn Ohio was #1 and did't Texas beat USC last year. Huh? I can't talk I'm a Penn State fan.

[Stevie W]

You're right, Art. Ohio State is number one in all the major polls; USC is a mere number two. But why burst her bubble?

[Stevie W]

I heard on the radio today (true) that Watts is now predominantly Hispanic.

Come gather, Latinos, come see your new home
Don't forget the pan dulce and bring the jamon
Where there once were fried chitlins there's now chicharron
The frijoles are rapidly bakin'
Bar-b-que sauce, an art lost
How meat fell from the bone
Cos the times, they are a changin.'

(Siouxie will claim she doesn't know that Dylan tune either).

[Siouxie]

stevie,

Don't get your calzoncillos all up in a bunch...I know the tune (even if it was a tad before my time) :P

[Siouxie]

pssst...I also knew the other one...just giving you a hard time

don't tell anyone.

[OtheU(manity)]

Watts? I've had lunch (during a work break) in Watts several times ... I'll be werkin there again, some time in the next couple of weeks or so ... Annie ... you want I should bring a load of snowballs from Nodak for usage in Watts?

[crossgirl]

watt's going on here? did i miss anything besides bbq?

[Siouxie]

Good morning all!! (all here meaning OtheU and cg)

crossgirl, I believe stevie and Annie were having a high-wattage snowball fight.

[Punkin Poo]

Mornin'!

*yawn*

*shuffles off to kitchen to start high-octane-life-force maker*

[crossgirl]

turns dylan on and waits for punkin's high-octane-life-force maker to kick out the good stuff.

[Punkin Poo]

*rings cowbell to call all to coffee time*

*immediately regrets loud noise*

[Siouxie]

*off to work now*

Will see you all in a bit!

*takes coffee to go* Thanks, Punkin!!!!

[The Dread Pirate Scrooge]

[How long can I get away with this??]

I've got the doe-nuts!!

[baligurl]

MOrnin' All! Wow, I actually put in a few days of real work, and all kindsa stuff breaks out! I'm trapped at home with the whole fam because of a winter storm (sleet all night, now snow is starting to fall) so, aside from refereeing the daughter fights, I'll be around alll day. YAY!

[casey]

Punkin, you OK? Havent seen you around for a couple days and I was wondering about you, but didnt want to pry...

[Punkin Poo]

casey - Been a bit difficult this week month - for lots of reasons.....just haven't felt very funny. But I am blurking and getting some much needed snorks! Thanks for thinking of me!

[OverlookstheRyman]

GO TITANS! We have VINCE YOUNG, the #1 Quarterback.
In my little office I have framed the January 2006 issue of the Texas Monthly cover. It is a picture of Vince with the Burnt Orange (versus the Orange of Tennessee) football in his hand and the title of the cover is:

THE BEST. EVER.

That is saying a lot for Texas football, particularly if you are a born and bred Dallasite.
Parcells is going to take my Cowboys to the SuperBowl! YIPEE.

GO TITANS!!!! (it is hard to try to change teams, but my heart is in Big D!)

[Siouxie]

((((((((Punkin))))))))) I've been thinking about you too - every time I look at the beautiful flowers you sent me!!! Big & Perky!

[casey]

K, poo. Try to keep your chin up.