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November 12, 2006

SOON TO BE A MADE-FOR-CBS MOVIE

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It's still a better movie idea than "Phone Booth".

Good reviews:
"You'll be flush with excitement!" "It's a Gas!"

Bad reviews:
"It stinks!" "You do NOT want to go in there!"

Her co-workers might not be up for leavin the door open on Burrito Thursdays.

I think I'll wrap myself in loo-roll and take a nice nap.

Quick! Send that poor woman the self-help book and DVD for loo-phobia!

If you fart in an empty office building and there's no one there to her it does it still make a sound?

"CHARITY worker Jennifer Fox popped into the office loo..."

*flushes excess 'pee' from fifth word and deposits 'o' in its place for more vivid description.*

Stevie -

Furthermore, if it's a stink bomb, but there is no one there to smell it, does it still stink?

She DISMANTLED the toilet and banged on the wall with the cistern lid, UNSCREWED the door handle using the metal zip on her trousers, WRAPPED herself in loo-roll to keep warm and PERCHEDon the top of the cistern and yelled for help through an extractor fan.

There's nothing like British tabloid writing, is there?

I mean, talk about a CRAP story.

Key Quote:
"I think I'll be keeping the door open when I need to go next time."

"WRAPPED herself in loo-roll to keep warm"

She did have clothes, didn't she? That's got to be warmer than toilet paper. It's not like she was outside in sub-zero weather or a freezer or something!

Wow! that is one office worker who watched too many re-runs of MacGyver.

Except I don't remember the 'shriek violently until you are rescued' resolution in any of the episodes.

She really needs to go to work for a more effluent company.

It is obvious that her talents there are going to waste.

I hope her boss doesn't dump on her Monday.

Why are the Brits having all the fun?

Aww, ron. I'll be happy to lock you in a loo!

SNORK at all your loo-d comments.

"Mission Impoosible"

Survivorman Special: Living in the Loo

I just went and checked the office loo.

a. The door is cheap, hollow wood. I could break it if I had too without much effort.
b. The walls are drywall, which I could burrow through in no time.

I can breathe normally again now.

The movie already has a theme song, although I'm dont think she qualifies as "old" as I'm only a year younger.


Oh, dear! What can the matter be?
Seven old ladies locked in the lavatory!
They were in there from Sunday to Saturday
Nobody knew they were there.


The first old lady was Elizabeth Porter.
She was the deacon of Dorchester's daughter.
She went to relieve a slight pressure of water
And nobody knew she was there.
Chorus

The second old lady was Abigail Splatter
She went there `cause something was surely the matter
But when she got there, it was only her bladder.
And nobody knew she was there.
Chorus

The third old lady was old Mrs. Bickle.
Her urge was sincere, her reaction was fickle.
She hurdled the door; she'd forgotten her nickel
And nobody knew she was there.
Chorus

The fourth old lady was Hildegard Folye.
She hadn't been living according to Hoyle.
Was relieved when the swelling was only a boil
And nobody knew she was there.
Chorus

The fifth old lady was Emily Clancy.
She went there `cause something tickled her fancy.
But when she got there it was ants in her pantsy
And nobody knew she was there.
Chorus

The sixth old lady was extremely fertile.
Her name was O'Connor, the boys called her Myrtle.
She went there to repair a slight hole in her girdle
And nobody knew she was there.
Chorus

The seventh old lady was Elizabeth Bender.
She went there to repair a broken suspender.
It snapped up and ruined her feminine gender
And nobody knew she was there.
Chorus

This actually happened to me once. Except for the part about wrapping oneself in loo-paper. And the part about everyone else being gone. I did resort to shreiking and pounding on the door. Fortunately, after about 15 minutes, someone else had to use the bathroom and authorities were notified.

There's something comforting about writing the last entry for the last article displayed as of tonight. I mean like, nobody, but NOBODY is going to read this. Least of all Edgar Greenberg, to whom it's directed. Its also directed to my 5th Grade English Teacher Mr. Nash, who would give me an A+ for that last sentence.

Anyway, to the meat of my comment: Yes Edgar, she did indeed get more warmth than her clothes could provide by wrapping herself in Lou Rawls. Oh you though it said "loo rolls?" Silly you!

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