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November 29, 2006


Zombie Chickens

(Thanks to Jeff Luhrs)

(Yes, we know "Zombie Chickens" WBAGNFARB)


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Awww, that is just so sad! When circus animals are no longer performing, they are sent to retirement farms....can't something like this be done for the hens? Can't you just envision a nice rolling green pasture when the old biddies can gimp freely all day with the warm sun on their beaks? Maybe a couple rockers on the porch of the hen house where they can knit scarfs; a shuffle board court out back....

Why am I envisioning Gary Larson?

zombie chickens is funny. the story however is depresing and sad. the humane farming association frowns on this sort of thing. hrmph.

Solution: Coq au Vin.
Except you wouldn't be using an old, tough rooster.

"It is a fact of life, chickens do their job and go away," Stauffer said. "They don't read the paper and vote."

hmmm..they don't know the chickens here in Florida.

DPS, I've dated a lot of those...

...an anomaly probably caused by inexperience.
Apparently that particular chicken had never been dead before, & didn't know the correct way to go about it.

My son told me that a chicken named Beth was in the stable when Jesus was born. WTFBBQ?
He explained -"You know, like the 'Hark the Herald' song says - 'Christ was born with Beth the hen...'"

"Spent Hen" would also BAGNFARB.

"Spent hen."
Somehow I take that phrase very personally.

HUGE *SNORK* @ jon

You've quit laying eggs, AWbh??? Damn.

check out the story linked on the right side of the page....ringleaders in nut thefts...

Why Annie? Did ya stop layin'?

don't they have pills for dead c*cks now??

Clarification - After stringing lights, putting up a Christmas cookie, baking trees, taking care of presents, buying/wrapping kids...I feel like a zombie chicken/spent hen.

I am thoroughly confused. I thought chocking the chicken resulted in the condition known as spent.

I keep chickens. I like chickens. But I don't get sentimental about 'em.

If I had 40,000 retired hens sitting around eating chicken feed (which runs up to considerably more than chicken scratch!), you can bet your sweet booties I'd be making some chicken stock or some such.

Chocking the chicken just keeps it from rolling away. Choking the chicken, though, gets you a high approval rating from the Surgeon General.

Annie, I hear ya! Me I've been running around like a chicken without a head recently...so I'm spent myself! (and I haven't even started with Christmas)

*swallows several gumballs*

*GULP* *choke*


I think chocking was what that guy was doing with that deer, ya know, to keep it from rolling back down into the ditch.

For the Surgeon General, a Christmas gift.

Hey Clean Hands, whaddya know. I am in the market for a couple of hens. Don't need any eggs (although I love em). We used to have chickens but a new neighbor squacked about them so off to the farm they went. Now our mice population is way up. So the neighbor can just go lay an egg cause I'm getting me a couple of hens to take care of the little varmits.

*throws a ',' up there after Me*

casey, I just thought he misunderstood when they told him to mount the deer.

OMG, AWbh, I'm really tempted to get one of those...

Cheryl, all of my hens are currently productive. I have a rooster that may find himself in a coq au vin relatively soon, though, if he doesn't quit beating up my daughter.

OK, Cheryl, I'll bite. (Not literally) How does keeping chickens cut down on the mice population?

I love chickens. I think they are just the neatest creatures. We used to put duck eggs under our bantam hens when I was little. Seeing those little ducklings following a chicken was just too cute. During those years we had a collie. Being a working dog, he spent all day herding chickens from one end of the yard to the other. When he got tired he would lay down and all the little dibbies would hide under his long hair, like he was a mother hen. It was soooo cute!

I especially love chickens with dumplings.

Chickens are omnivores, casey. :-)

casey--ever see Jurassic Park? The scene with the raptors? Anyone who doubts birds evolved from dinasaurs may have second thoughts after seeing a chicken go after a mouse.

AWbh, you can have your earwig back now. I'm through with it.

*mutters 'goddamn chicken dance @#&*...' *

Unfortunately, my chickens have been all peaceable and stuff, when it comes to vermin in the henhouse. Perhaps I was overfeeding them? In any case, some traps on the runs, and I didn't have any further troubles.

CH--my little frizzles (bantee sized) weren't much help. But a couple of big old Barred Rocks took care of the little mousies in no time. The first time my son saw a little tail hanging out of one of their beaks he almost fainted.

Huh, never thought about it I guess. Of course, I've seen em eat bugs, grain, plant material, shiny things, etc. I always just thought they were cute and interesting. But after the visual from Jurassic Park thanks to Cheryl, I'll never quite look at chickens the same way.....


Opps, sorry--the above was me. Cheryl Howard

*doesn't have any chickens*

*feels out of the loop*

wowsa ladies...hold yer chickens!!

triple "chick" fest!!

Sheesh - at least they could harvest the livers. Yum!

Cheryl - we had Bardrock hens. Good egg birds. Pretty smart, too. I also had a pet rooster, so CH, they CAN be tamed. He would come when you called his name, and he liked to hang out with people.

...my childhood was pretty different....

cool Annie. I have a friend that had a rooster that used to come into the house and sit on the back of the couch and watch The Simpsons with the family. That was the only show the rooster liked and the only time he would come into the house.

"'It is a fact of life, chickens do their job and go away,' Stauffer said. 'They don't read the paper and vote.'"

I am proud to say that, for once, we Arizonans voted in something that wasn't politically embarrassing. This year, we voted to require more room for farm animals. Unfortunately, it won't take effect for some years.

We have 3 chickens who get the run of the backyard during the day, one Buff Orpington and two game fowl hens. In the areas where they are active, there are no spiders, crickets, or other small, moving things that attract the eyes of the fowlasauruses. And yes, they *are* omnivores. I've seen them swallow lizards whole, and eat the tasty rodent leftovers that the cats disdained. The chickens girls have earned the collective name "The Locusts."

"It is a fact of life, chickens do their job and go away," Stauffer said. "They don't read the paper and vote."

hmmm..they don't know the chickens here in Florida.

Posted by: Siouxie | 12:45 PM on November 29, 2006


snork @ horneds "fowlasauruses". So very true.

Chick fest--I love it!

Annie, all our chickens and Roosters had names. My favorite was a featherless frizzle. We named her Opus (From the book "a wish for wings that work"). Our roosters have always been sweet. Our little one packed them around from chicks so they never knew any better. And they did learn their names. Especially Mable. As in Mable-get-OUT-of-my-garden.

Um, what does "WTFBBQ" stand for?

*waves @ judi*

I figured someone from Miami would get that ;-)

(missed you last night - how was the rehearsal??)

wingpup, WTF is WHAT THE F!!K. BBQ is bar-b-que.

Basically, it is a term that is used when something is so outta this world, it makes no sense.

casey - I knew WTF and I knew BBQ, but together they just made no sense so I wondered if it was something different. Thanks for clarifying. :)

casey good to know. Like the thought processes of my teenage/adult son on occassion...

wingpu it's mostly slang for something surprising.

w(hat) t(he) f(u*k) bbq??

same as WTF???

um...what casey said ;-)

Cheryl, our chickens are named things like "stew" and "dinner," just so that there's no confusion for the kids.

Never did understand naming food.

CH, you forgot "Dumplin"

And 'potpie'

Quickly going from fearful of the waking dead to hungry.

i've had geese and ducks but not chickens. i've been afraid that hawks would carry them off, but now that i know they eat anything i may reconsider. finally something to cut down on the tree and cuban tree frog populations!

We had chickens on the farm when I was little. We never ate them though. (not that I know of)

Lisa, that's what they told you...

We had chickens in cuba while I was growing up and I had no problem watching my aunt grab one by the neck, swing in around and put it in a pot of boiling water.

They did, however, lie to me about our poor little rabbit that supposedly passed away. Dinner that night tasted like chicken to me.

Trying to stop SNORKING at "chocking the chicken".

siouxie-That's what I'm afraid of.;-)

You know, we had two hens die. Joe (Mr. Howard) buried them with our other pets. This included Opus. Sir Hamlin the Whizzer (another bad dog of ours) bit her one day. She passed a few days later. The entire family cried. Mr. Howard refused to leave the house cause he didn't want to explain to anyone that his eyes were all puffy over a hen. Something about naming them that makes them seem not so related to what comes home from the market.

Hey Siouxie--we had rabbits too. Flower & Dot. They turned out to be gay. Who knew? NTTAWWT

Someone needs to talk to my in-laws about naming dinner... My husband's cow (not me!) had a little bull calf on my birthday a few years back. In honor of the special timing, my father-in-law named him after me. The not-so-little guy wound up on grocery store shelves. There's something disconcerting about buying a steak and wondering if it's a part of your namesake...

Cheryl, it is a proven fact that a rabbit will hump anything that is not fast enough to get away from them. I had this prissy cat one time...she was calmly walking across the living room floor and all of a sudden CoCo the rabbit ran at her full speed from the kitchen and knocked her down, rolling her at least 4 times before she came to a rest. Before she could even look around to see what hit her, the rabbit was humping Kitty's head. Kitty screamed like she was dying, then jumped onto a counter top where she calmly smoothed her ruffled fur and pretended she meant to do that. I've seen rabbits hump soccer balls, sticks, dogs, slippers, you name it.

And Beppie, I see you over there making fun of my spelling errors......

casey, I've met a few guys like that. (Waaaay back in my single days).

In the Inadvertent Cruelty to Chickens Dept.:
We always grabbed ours (NOT chocking them), hung 'em on the fence by their feet, and cut their throats. Then when they stopped twitching we'd dunk 'em in a kettle of boiling water so the feathers came out quicker.
Imagine my surprise the time the rooster we had guillotined was only motionless, not dead, and came back to life rather quickly as we dunked him into the hot water...He let out a squawk that dogs could hear a mile away and took off through the orchard at full speed. Talk about 'Chicken Run'...

*snork* @ casey's humpin' bunny.
grossout alert - CandyT - we did the same, head chopping (not chocking) but one chicken escaped, headless. They really can run pretty far like that. Vision is an issue, though.

My pet rooster's name was 'Chump.' There will be a pop-quiz on this thread later in the semester. ;)

*memorizes everyones pet's name*

Sorry, Casey, it just made me laugh, so it was much appreciated! By the way, My mom had a rabbit she called Pebbles, but I called her "Pebbles The Slasher Rabbit" along with,"Fecesaer". That was the meanest animal I have ever encountered! And she made the weirdest grunting sound I have ever heard an animal make when she was mad.


Two stoopid mutts...male (what else?) Lucky & Shadow

Chickens kill mice? Are they related to cats? Could explain why cats love eggs....

3 dogs: Edward, Bogart, & Sir Hamlin the Whizzer
2 cats: Vinum & Chest Hair (or Chester if you wish)

Pets' names? A test? Oh, goody!

CH, I love the name Sir Hamlin the Whizzer...

Our pets:

Chickens: Buffy, Marie, and Mina

Cats: Fidel Castrado and Inca (We used to have Raoul, too, so we had a complete set of Castro brothers (g))

Lovebirds: Delilah and Hamster
Parakeets: NoahGirl and Marcy Pretty Boy (after puberty, they applied for gender reassignment)
Scarlet-breasted parrots (small): First Mate and Crimson
Canaries: only Petey, Lemonjello, and Black Feather have names

Pigeons: most have names, but collectively they are The Lucky Eight (Plus) [now up to 22] The wild ones who try to get into the aviary are The Loafers.

Box Turtle: Amelia

And, yes, I have been known occasionally to call the children pets' names.

More Pet Names:

Ex Husband: A-hole

Kids: SmartAss and SmartAss 2

"health officials say they have heard no complaints." Yeah, the chickens can't complain after they're dead. Come to think of it, chickens can't complain period.

We had neighbors who raised a beef cow and steer and eventually at them. We named them "meatloaf" and "hamburger", but it was still disconcerting when they weren't there anymore.

We had pet ducks and chickens. The ducks were cute and friendly, but the chickens weren't so much.

Hey, I live right near Petaluma, and I HARDLY EVER see zombie chickens. I'd sa, twice a night tops, oh four to five on full moons, and let's not even begin about Halloween.


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