LOOKING FOR TASTEFUL, THOUGHTFUL GIFTS THIS HOLIDAY SEASON?

You will not find any here.

Comments

[casey]

YEAH, the gift guide is here, the gift guide is here!

[Kenn]

first and very grateful. Thanks for the help.

[Kenn]

too slow. Rats. but I will use the guide anyway.

[artchick]

Phooey, it made me register! That's how valuable the gift guide is to me, I actually registered, even though I hate doing that. Why does the Herald need to know what year I was born?

[artchick]

By the way, tell the photographer I love the pictures almost as much as the text!

[casey]

Dave the pic of you on the cooler is simply awsome!

[Punkin Poo]

I did not register, thus (I love saying "thus", I also like "foresooth", but I hardly ever get to say that), so, um, what was the question?

[tropichunt.com guy™]

Hey, I personally recommended EVERY one of those (...to my neighbors...)!

Thanks, Dave! 8)

[Guin]

Is that the lovely Sophie modeling with the headless Marie?

[Siouxie]

Great and useless as always! I'm thinking of the electronic brassiere for me...does it come in pink?

Oh and morning all!

[Siouxie]

I saw a local news story with Dave "splaning" some of these. He looked lovely with the dorky velcro hat.

[Siouxie]

he was also "splaining"

[crossgirl]

morning ya'll. why doesn't this come out in the thursday paper instead of all those useless sale flyers?

[marlodianne]

The LED bra has exactly enough letters to say 'Feel This'. I believe 8 was chosen for this very reason.

A doll with an exploding head is awesome, and look, a history element! But, I was disappointed by the lack of gore, a shameless historical inaccuracy...

Also, I don't believe you can eat the mechanical cone, which not only cheats you of calories, but is the best part of the ice cream. Alas.

[Lairbo]

I've added "Registration to the Miami Herald online" to my Christmas wish list.

[daisymae]

I saw Dave demonstrating the gifts on a local news show. What a treat!...especially Dave riding the beermobile (or whatever it's called)!

[Annie Where-but-here]

Dave - does the Cruzn' Cooler have a vibration mode? From your photo, it certainly looks like bliss on wheels. And when you get where you're 'going' - cold beer! Hallelujah.

P.S. - thanks so much for this guide. It will keep me chuckling as I finish wrapping the LAST of my Christmas presents.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Dave, I want that cooler. It is cooler than cool.

[The Dread Pirate Chris]

What is this "Christmas" of which you speak?
Is that the silly Winter Solstice holiday that everyone thinks I have to like? ♪♬♩"It's the most wonderful time of the year..."♪♬♩ No, it's not. Now bugger off. "Every fool who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart."

Was I ranting again?
Sorry.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Punkin & Lairbo: go to bugmenot.com, type in www.miamiherald.com and it will give you a registration and password.

[crossgirl]

gumball, scrooge, err chris?

[Dave]

Jeff -- I almost never keep the items from the Holiday Gift Guide, because they are, well, they are what they are. But I made an exception for the Cruzin' Cooler, which I bought with my own money. I love my Cruzin' Cooler, and so does everyone who rides it, at least until it tips over.

[baligurl]

Mornin', Siouxie! Coffee and monkey bread?

[Siouxie]

make that a Merry Christmas gumball for Chris, cg *EG*

[Siouxie]

Morning bali! got my coffee...bagel w/butter....

Dave that is wayyyyy cool!!

[Siouxie]

*can picture Sophie riding that to school*

Boy won't the other kids be jealous!!

[Meditrina]

Moniker Change: DPC will be known as the Dread Pirate Scrooge until further notice. That is all.

Bali: I would love a Venti, double, mocha, soy, no whip. Thanks. That is much better.

[Jazzzz]

So Dave, do you get "tipsy"?

[Meditrina]

Dave - I gave up the registry thing after my first marriage. But the Cooler is. Cool, that is.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Great, Dave. My father drives around the condo in Arizona on his golf cart but this is way better.

[Siouxie]

morning, med & jazzzzie!

[will]

For those who don't want to register, hit the (super-secret) link in this post for a way around it.
I think you take my point .

Anyhow, one of my history professors has the Marie Antoinette doll, which is really cool.
Also, when I heard about the cruzin cooler on the Daily Giz Wiz, I figured it was a natural for Dave.

[Siouxie]

oh and Jeff!

I agree..this is so much better. Only thing is can't really drive that to the beach...ya know with all the sand stuff in the middle!

[will]

For those who don't want to register, hit the (super-secret) link in this post for a way around it.
I think you take my point .

Anyhow, one of my history professors has the Marie Antoinette doll, which is really cool.
Also, when I heard about the cruzin cooler on the Daily Giz Wiz, I figured it was a natural for Dave.

[Meditrina]

Morning, Sioux. Happy belated anniversary, Jazzie and Mrs. Jazzz too!

[Eleanor]

artchick, when you register you don't have to whispering here, tell the truth about your age. Make up a year you'd like to have been born in and go with that!

I feel we all have an obligation to Dave and judi to register at the Herald, even if we don't register anywhere else! :)
/end kissing up

I'm registered, Dave, and have been for a long time now. Is there a prize?
*hopeful look*

[will]

Oops. Stupid double posting.

Oops. Stupid double posting.

[Siouxie]

*waves to El*

I've been registered for years...course it's also my local newspaper.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Hey, maybe the Camo Cough Silencer can be used by people who talk really loud on their cell phone!

Oh, and don't anyone buy me the Snow Thrower. The Snow Thrower makes me claustrophobic. ("Lemme out, lemme out!")

*how about a rum ball for DPC?*

[Kafaleni]

*snort, choke, gurgle*
*collapses on floor*

Thanks, Dave!

[Lairbo]

Jeff: Thanks for the registration info. Now I'm supposed to get you something for Christmas, right?

ps: Attention Miami Herald poster protection security administration; I am not now, nor have I ever been, an automated robot. Beep.

[Annie Where-but-here]

I'd think of a snippy comeback for DP Scrooge, but I have to finish putting up Christmas lights, cut down a live pine tree, bake 8 dozen Christmas cookies, and photoshop our family portrait for our Christmas card....this morning.

First sounds of Christmas in our neighborhood - the loud hum & beeping of scissorlifts as they move down the streets. People rent them to help them decorate their 2nd floors and roofs. ISIANMTU.

[Annie Where-but-here]

Next year - the Cruzn' Cooler is replaced by the golf cart kegger. You heard it here first.

[crossgirl]

pssst, lisa, if dps(c) doesn't want his rum ball, i'll take it.

[Annie Where-but-here]

pssst, Lairbo - Jeff likes virtual fridge magnets, preferably blue for Chanukah/Hannukah/Hahanewcough.

[Siouxie]

Annie, I hate you!! I haven't even started Christmas shopping let alone decorating!!! I am going to get my tree today though...even if I just have an empty tree in my living room darnit!

cookies??? yummmmm

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Annie-Or a bike with keg wheels.

crossgirl-Let's get ready to rum ball!!!!

(I'm over the flu, can you tell? I love antibiotics!)

[Siouxie]

why not a U-Haul-It-Keg ...more beer!

we are geniousessesess!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Siouxie-It's good. Sort of like a cement mixer concept, but without the mixing.

[Annie Where-but-here]

*snork* at Lisa's 'rum ball'!
Siouxie - don't hate me for that. There are so many other good reasons. btw - in my neighborhood, you can't not put up lights. People will knock on your door demanding to know if everything's ok. One of my neighbors puts up a electric, lit Menorah that's about 20 feet wide.

In other news, I think I just figured out why old people like those electric carts. They probably have a fridge inside. They're not old and crotchety - they're tanked! (Dave, in no way in that picture do you look like an old tanked retiree. Enjoy your Cruzer - can't wait for it to be featured on "Pimp My Ride.")

[Annie Where-but-here]

"Margarita Mixer" - 'Margarita' is driving a 'concrete' truck, with an automatic salt-rimmer on the back.

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Annie-Margarita Mixer? Alright!!

[Siouxie *Cruzin*]

OMG Annie! I'm one of the few around my 'hood' that does a decent job decorating. Although my next door neighbor overdoes it with about a gazillion lights...just lights!

lol @ Pimp my Ride (hydralic lifts and neon bar signs perhaps??)

[Siouxie *Cruzin*]

LOL Lisa!

[CJrun]

Afternoon all!

I tried a couple of the bugmenot IDs, but they dasn't werk. Guess I will have to register.

Meanwhile, Lisa, you must LOVE placebos, 'cause antibiotics don't work against the influenza virus. You were pwned, but it worked!

*off to shop; Go Jags!*

[Addicted to 24]

Love the bra!!!!

Three Cheers for the best gift guide yet

Hip Hip Booger

Hip Hip Booger

Hip Hip Booger

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

CJ-Yeah, I know. My theory though is that other stuff can accompany a virus. So I think antibiotics help the secondary stuff, which allows your body to overcome the virus. Just a theory, but as long as I feel better...

Have fun shopping!

[Siouxie]

don't shop too much CJ!!!

[CJrun]

PS, I'm not going anywhere, I meant off to register for the gift guide, to shop for ME!

I'm not in Annie's league [yeah, yeah, I know], but my shopping is done except for Mom, as it's also her birthday, and her anniversary!

I am sitting right here to watch the Jag's game, plus I have an entire cardboard box full of the BIG lights to play with. *snoopy music*

[southerngirl]

"snoopy music"?

*SNORK*

[southerngirl]

*leaves a little somethin' for DPC*

*hides behind Siouxie*

[Siouxie]

LOL love the Snoop Dog! don't ya sg?

CJ, since you're done shopping?? come help me out huh?? I promise I'll do the driving/yelling.

Happy bday/anniversary to Mrs. CJ Mom!

[Annie Where-but-here]

Lisa BFF - that's true about antibiotics - they work against the secondary stuff and help your immune system.

I should clarify that all my shopping is done EXCEPT for my 2 boys. The 8-year-old's list has 37 items...ALL legos. Yesterday he said, "Mom, I would not want Santa's job."

[Siouxie]

LOL sg...chicken!!!

Annie...legos???? I went through the lego phase with my oldest and I hated stepping on those things as much as the bizillion Barbie shoes I stepped on.

[insomniac]

for d.p. chris, "arrrrrrr, humbug!"

[southerngirl]

*grins at Siouxie*

i am not a chicken! ok, maybe a little, but DPScrooge was kinda scary!

*wonders if CJ would shop for her, too*

[The Dread Pirate Scrooge]

Thanks for the rumball!!

My wishes for everyone this festive season. I think that's the card I'll go with. There are others I might consider also.

I told my son I was going to wait up, and then call the police and have Santa arrested for breaking and entering. Is that wrong?

[Just Ducky]

DPS, only if your health insurance has no mental health provision. The bills from your son's therapist are gonna be pretty steep.

[Just Ducky]

*thinks bloglits should go caroling at DPS's house*

[Siouxie]

but but but Chris...what of the children??

*sends whole box of gumrumballs*

[Siouxie]

Splendid idea, Ducky! I'll take my guitar and we can do bazookas too.

Oh oh...and the blog gals can wear the electronic message brassiere with flashing "Merry Xmas* boobs!!!

THAT should brighten Mr. Scrooge's day!!!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Annie-I'm in awe. I haven't even started shopping!

DPC-I understand the point about the commercialism of the day. But Santa behind bars? Noooooo!
Just enjoy the box of rum balls Siouxie's sending.

*joins Just Ducky carolling at DPS's*

(*snork* @ Southerngirl's card for DPS)

[southerngirl]

i can't carry a tune in a bucket. can i sing for DPS, too?

[Siouxie]

*ahem*

Grandma got run over by a reindeer...

(one of my fav classics)

[southerngirl]

Sioux, if ya keep sneakin up on me like that, you're gonna end up catchin me.

NTTAWWT.

[The Dread Pirate Scrooge]

Come on over!! I'll throw some more reindeer steaks on the barbi for ya! We can sing (WARNING, and I hope this works) this or this. And you can all wipe on my Paris Hilton TP (not for use in the TPeaShooter).

[SallyRogers]

The Gift Guide exhibits a fantastic product to scare away nuisance woodpeckers. But when, when is someone going to come up with a product at the price point of $19.95 that will save us from squirrels?

[Hyacinth Bucket]

*SNORK* @ DPScrooge...I Love Bob Rivers (only a genious could come up with "I...am...SANTA CLAUSE" to the tune of Iron Man!).

Also, ISIANMTU, one of my kids got In-School-Suspension for singing the Chipmunk song because of the violent content. Howzzat for holiday spirit?

[southerngirl]

HB, i had to google the lyrics, cuz i didn't remember any "violent" content.

still don't see it.

*considers telling her kids to sing the chipmunk song at school, just to see what happens*

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Sorry, sg, I should have specified I meant the Bob Rivers parody version. Lyrics are at http://search.able2know.com/About/4379.html

[Jazzzz]

Hi Siouxie and the rest....SG shouldn't you be watching the Saints?

[Eleanor]

*waves hi back to Siouxie*

I like your choice of holiday tunes...;)

And don't forget the ever popular I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus...

[insomniac]

oh, you don't have to shop
or go to the mall
tell the catalogs "stop!"
"I don't need you at all!"
Dave's Gift Guide is finally on-line!

There's bras that show words
And TP you can choose
to wipe away turds
with the face of Tom Cruise
Dave's Gift Guide fills needs, each time!

There's something for each person
from the best down to the least
a cruising cooler sure will make
XMas a moving feast!

So while boring offspring
with nematode books
or the nosehair trimming thing
earns you some weird looks
Thank Dave's Gift Guide for saving your time!

[CJrun]

Lights are UP! What? Outside? That's nuts! I'm inside the house. What am I supposed to do, run around outside at night to look at the lights? Nevermind.

Pssst: DPS- Thbtthbtbtbt! *puts on Winter Solstice carols*

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

Hi El-I was thinking of that one too.

[KDF]

Geeeez, people, you're done with your shopping? I suppose you have also already mailed out your Christmas cards and begun baking cookies?

We have started to haul out the yard decorations, but the two times that we got the tree in the house and decorated during the first week of December, it was toast by Christmas, threatening to spontaneously combust everytime the lights were on.

I'll make the kids wait another week or two, which really makes no sense since I'm sure whatever tree we'll end up with is already cut and propped up in a parking lot somewhere.

*considers commencing festive holiday activities*

*makes lunch and continues folding laundry instead*

[KDF]

*while humming Christmas earworms, of course*

[CJrun]

Pssst: Jazzzz- Jones, tying touchdown. We're looking at overtime, maybe.

[Kristina L.]

Yay! The gift guide! I love the gift guide.

[Jeff Meyerson]

Hyacinth's song:

Chipmunks roasting on an open fire.

[southerngirl]

Jazzzz - I am! Hail Mary...whoo hoo! and those Tigers showed those Razorbacks what's what, huh? ;)

KDF, I have not started, either. and what is this "baking cookies" of which you speak?

HB, I get it now...but that's funny!

[Lisa Bisa Fo Fisa]

KDF-Don't tell the post office, but I haven't even addressed my cards yet.

We broke down and got an artificial (pre-lit YAY) tree last year. I miss the pine fragrance though, so we get real wreaths from the tree store.

[Jazzzz]

*ahem* SG did the Razorbacks and Tigers play?

1)Bad Refs
2)The wind was blowing
3)Too cold
4)LSU quarterback obviously a pro player, so should be disqualified
5) Houston Nutt's hair was out of place
6) Sun was in our eyes

I got more.......

[southerngirl]

you just keep tellin yourself that, jazzzz, and maybe you'll even convince yourself.

altho i gotta tell ya, that #5 was an original. ;)

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Thanks, Jeff! I know it's been covered many times on the blog how to do the link-thingie, but I couldn't remember where.

SG, I tried to explain to the school principal that it was a humorous song...She acted like I was raising a houseful of rodent-torturing thugs. Since my kids are in a public high school, I'm sure the stuff their friends are listening on the radio are at least as bad, but not one bit funny! Alas, she didn't share my opinion.

[crossgirl]

so i guess my feeling all self satisfied for not only remembering to buy cards this year but to buy them way early is wasted on you folk. i'm proud to be the only one on my street to not have lights up yet, damnit, and i will insist on waiting a few more weeks just to break the continuity of festive lights. joins dps in the rumballlllllll.

wonder if any of you would like to do my shopping for me? and/or decorating? and the whole tree thing... i'll give you satisfying alcoholic beverages and promise not to sing.

[Beppie]

Hark! The Herald sign in page is annoying! I so lied on it. Why do they need to know where I live anyway? If I don't like their cartoons are they gonna send an armed gunman to my house??

[Beppie]

Also, for some reason I felt very smug that I gave them a Texas address and an Alabama zip code and their autobot so did not call me on it! Haha!

[Herald Autobot Police]

*sends non-armed autobot gunmen...wait, would they still then be gunmen?...to Beppie's house*

you are soooo in trouble now.

[southerngirl]

crossgirl, i'll take some of those satisfying alcoholic beverages, but i'm not shopping for you. or decorating. or singing.

and pass me a rum gumball, will ya?