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November 14, 2006

JUSTICE IN TEXAS

It is swift.

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...and brutal.

Target practice. He wasn't aiming at the chest.

When asked why he did it, Neff replied, "Well it was convenient."

And it wasn't random. This is a serial pee-shooter.

Sooo, inquiringly, did Walter ever get shot for this crime? Is that why he is just a remnant of his old self?

Didn't read too far - was this about Dick Cheney on Election Day?

Interestingly, they end the article noting that a similar thing happened in 1988.

I've lived in Orange - albeit nearly 30 years ago - and I can well believe that a man could get shot there for peeing on someone's store.

Intersting, too - yellow + red = Orange. Coincidence?

Brought to you by The Orange Leader - something for everyone, every day

And I misread the title. At first, I thought it said he was shot for 'peeling'.

damn, there goes my fantasy of peeing on the Alamo

MOTW-Well, technically first he "peeled" and then he "peed."

So, you got it right.

Chaz, why would you want to do that? I thought John Wayne was so heroic!

Ya see, problem was, that the guy with the gun was leaning against the building.

Neff is just lucky a cop didn't catch him. They actually bust people for indecent exposure if they catch 'em urinating in public. Believe it or not, that actually gets them put on the Sexual Offenders lists and can cause no end of trouble! At least he only got shot in the chest!

This would have been much worse had it been #2.

Cheryl, orange you glad it wasn't #2?

They only shoot you for #2 in Brownsville, TX.
*secretly wonders if it's legal to eat oranges in Amarillo*

*SNORK!*@ Lisa's 4:40 post.

Hey, give the guy a break. If he had to go so bad he was turning orange....

Justice of the Piece.

YAY, I got *snorked* by the Meanie!

I'm gonna frame that quote, Lisa. ;-)

Didn't he see the sign?

;-)

Did anyone notice the "More from the News" section to the right of the article?

"West Orange to seek grant for sewer upgrades"

Coincidence? I think not.


jd - I thought they were upgrading their sewing machines. Obviously YOUR mind is in the gutter.

My mind's gutter be somewhere.

jd - I only know that because your mind is right next to my mind....in the gutter.

*mind crawls right next to Ducky & Annie*

welcome to da gutta!

Shudders to think what the penalty is for taking up two parking spaces.

ok, maybe it's just me (it usually is) but peeing in public seems to be the domain of the drinking man. many's the time we had to pull over and avert our eyes while one of the girls tried to pee in the ditch in the days of country roadin' but that was "private" of a sort. now i am just shocked that another man would take exception to a guy um er ah well there's a thousand euphamisms for it, in public. unless of course, the "offender" was not being discreet.

naturally i didn't read the article (wasting precious brain power is a sin)

there is an art, so to speak, to public urination. once, as i was entering the outdoor venue of a Grateful Dead concert my as then unitiated wife screamed "that guy si peeing!" i pointed out that his um er ah "willy" was obscurred by a tree and thus it was "ok"


so, was this guys dong (not in the Vietnamese currency definition) hanging out?

if no, then he should have been left alone.

if yes, then his fate was up to the marksmanship of the objector.

Awbh 5:52 : I always thought that was what that sign meant.

In Orange, a fellow named Jim
Whose bladder was filled to the brim
Responded to nature's call
On a convenience store wall
Now Jim’s chances for livin’ are slim

alternate ending...

Praying Bubba will make Jim a him ;-0

*just realized Jim wasn't the one arrested*

*hangs head down in shame*

nevermind ;-)

*makes mental note to actually READ the article before posting*

soooooo have ya'll heard that Dave has written a new book???? I hear it's still for sale...

He could claim to have scriptural authority:

He slew all the house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall ... according to the word of the LORD.--1 Kings 16:11-12

and
Behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall.--1 Kings 14:10

Apparently Jehovah did not look kindly upon this humble crime.

...my as then unitiated wife screamed "that guy si peeing!"

Rick 8:25 pm -

You marriead a Spaniard? Or a Cuban?

Pop! Pop!
Whiz whiz
Oh what a relief it isn't.

SNORK at "Orange man".


I'm easily amuseed.

amuseed?

as the token Cuban here I'll say that I'd be pointing and laughing at the peeing dude...

Si!

Token?

Token?!?!?!

Nay, Fair Siouxie ... thou be the genuine article, not a mere token ... of NEthing ... merely sayin' ...

(Unless, of course, y'all are speakin' of ridin' the public transit system ... then, I dunno whut to say ...)

And here's what I don't get.


Why does it have to be on a wall? I mean, don't get me wrong. There has been many a time when I envied the ability that guys have to relieve themselves almost anywhere. But how hard could it be to find a little patch of dirt somewhere, out of sight, on the GROUND, in the bushes, etc.?

Maybe I'm missing some great physiological truth, and if so, I claim ignorance. I'm raising daughters, not sons, and my pee-watching experience has been minimal.

But I just don't get why a wall is such a pee magnet.

Which reminds me of something I remember my grandmother telling my mom once. Grandpa was getting on in years and started having prostate trouble. They went to the doctor's office together, and at one point the doc told Grandma she would have to monitor the forcefulness of Grandpa's urine stream, and report if it was less than robust, or even dribbling.


She looked at him in horror.

Which could explain why, at her 40th wedding anniversary party, meek and mild Grandma's words of wisdom to my mother were, "Forty years is too long to be married to the same person."

God bless 'em both...may they rest in peace.


Not pees.

OtheU - thou maketh me feeleth so ...uh...goodeth?

Of course I is the real thing...thankee for thy comment! Ye are most graciouseth?

*thankful that she's living in THIS century* LOL

Do we know yet what a Syracuse basketball player was doing packing heat in Texas?

*will taketh my butteth to bed*

Sweet dreams all!

Where's C'bol when you need him?

To pee or not to pee, that is the question —
Whether 'tis nobler in the road to suffer
The pings and sorrows of a straining bladder,
Or to unzip against a sea of troubles,
And by unzipping, end them. To wee, to leak—
No more; and by a pee to spray wee ends
The farting and the thousand natural drops
That flesh is hairy, too — 'tis a hot sensation
Devoutly to be pissed. To wee, to leak—
To leak, perchance a stream. Ay, watch the rug!
For in that leak, oh well, what smells may come,
When we have stumbled past this convenient store,
Must give us pause. There's no respect
That cares to time so long a whiz,
For who would bear the beer and shots of time,
Th'oppressor's schl0ng, the beer man's consumer,
The pangs of Miller Lite, the loo's delay,
The insolence of orifice, and the spurns
That patient merit of th'unwieldy takes,
When he himself might his trouser snake
With a bare bodkin? who would freakin'bear,
To grunt and sweat after a weary day,
But that the dread of something oh so wet,
The inconvenient yearnings from whose bowels
No traveller returns, guzzles the swill,
And makes us rather bear those beers we have
Than drive to saloons that we know not of?
Thus duty does make pee-ers of us all,
And thus the yellowed hue of restitution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast-off stream,
And forsakers of great global warming
With this release the currents run all dry,
Shake loose the pipe of action.

Brava, brava!

I *snorketh* @ "watch the rug"

Sheesh!!!!! He got off easy. You should see what happens to me if I only leave the lid up (worse if I leave the lid down).

*wildly applauds the Bard AWBH*

That reminds me of another of my favorite Shakespeare plays, "A Midsummer Night's Stream."

that is a little extreme to shoot someone in the chest for peeing on a wall...Texas state law clearly suggests a "wingnut" is the way to go in this situation.

*SNORKs@ChannelingAnnie*
*Opens Shakespeare volume to "The Tempissed"*

Annie -

Too long.

Just another prick in the wall.

Siouxie - weeth tryeth toeth pleaseth ... niceth thateth youeth feeleth goodeth ...

stevie w -- Nayeth, varleteth ... Ieth disagreeth witheth thoueth ... theeth powereth ofeth Annieeth's soliliqueth iseth mosteth bettereth wheneth consideredeth ineth itseth entiretyeth ...

British justice: Not like Texas.

Wall we are spraaaaaay-iiiiing
Is give pee a chance..........

*says in a Hollywood/Texas drawl* "Ah once shot a man in Texas, just cuz I didn't like the way he peed."


BTW, The Orange Man Group will be appearing at The Rio in Vegas, next month.

stevie - it's ok - I'm used to handling the long stuff. C'bol's long. Take that as you may.

OtheUeth - thankth.

and snorkeths at just ducky's A Midsummer Night's Stream and Meanie's Tempissst.

Amarillo by mornin'
Up from San Antone.
Everything that I drank
Is just now gittin' gone.

I'm pissin' a wall
Where the rain gets in
And stops my mild incontinence
Now I will go......

I'm filling the gap
That ran through the grout
And watering the marathon
Now I will go......

And it really fills my bladder when I drink a pint
Of Miller, Bud, or Lite
The urge gets strong

Prudish people stand around
They worry me
And wonder why
I'm pulling out my way tumescent schlong...

I'm taking my time
With a number of shplings
That went unnoticed yesterday
And I still go...

No inspirations on urine variations, but followin' that general trend, how about Richard the Turd?

I've a yellow hose in Texas, and I am going to pee,
Nobody else is watching, this wall looks good to me.
He came out with his shotgun, he gave me such a start,
But he didn't see or hear me, thank God I didn't fart.

Inspired by Annie....

Much Doo-Doo About Nothing? Romeo and Toiliet? King Rear? Julius Peesar?

Well, the good ones were taken already....


A stool! A stool! My Kingdom for a stool!

Maybe not...

For gay audiences...

"Two Gentlemen with a Boner"

"Pyramus and Lesbee"

All's Wall That Ends Wall?

My lame contribution...

"The Merchant of Penis"
"Macbladder"
"The Winter's Tinkle"


yeah yeah...all the good ones were taken!

How do I pi$$ on y'all?
I piss on the depth and breadth and height ... Damn! That's sure one big frikken wall, innit?

(I know it's Browning, and not Willie ... the other one ... but that's all I could think of ...)

Willie? Shakes Spear?

*I know, I know, new post, please....*

Shakes Pears?

Jiggles Melons?

Nudges NumNums?

Bumps Bazoomages?

Smashes Punkin's ... um ... nevermind ...

All of ya'll are way too much, but it certainly is fun to get to work and read the blog -- before I actually have to work....It's raining "cats and dogs" here...Great poems, great jokes, have a great day!

I think that this will get you a sample of an earworm that doesn't even need to be spoofed to be completely appropriate.

If that didn't work, the lyrics are always available.

Excellent job - major snorkage to all.

lol at "The Merchant of Penis."

Didn't he say, "If you prick me, do I not pee?"

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