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November 24, 2006


Slimy Sculpins


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....speaking of mother-in-laws....

We can fix that, send them aa few Snakehead

Don't tell that girl in Louisiana - she'll want a 20-pounder cooked for her birthday.

WHere else would it be, except the Eel River. Talk about A Gimme. Hey awbh, thanks for the tip about the ettiqette book for the MIL. I'm thinkin' more about chewing the pages and making spitwads. You know, more effective that way.

if not agnfarb, a good name for an appetizer.

Makes a fine shield, too, Bali!

And doesn't that fish look like Muddy-the-mudskipper?

bali - what a nice way to personalize a gift!

How come there are so many books about how WE should deal with 'toxic' parents, in-laws, etc. when what we really need is a book or at least a Hallmark card that says, "Hey, YOU have a problem, NOT me. Deal with it!"

There's one book out there called MILDEW (Mothers-in-law Do Everything Wrong) that tries to help in a 'humorous' way. It got nasty reviews from people that didn't think their situation was that entertaining. I gotta agree.

bali--at the very least, if worse came to worse, you could use the book to smack her with.

Also sounds like something a pirate might yell:

"Come back 'ere an fight, ya slimey sculpins! Arrrrrrrr!"

What are you doing watching "Ren and Stimpy"?

Oh - and just finished writing the "What you did was crazy, you old bat!" letter....should I send it?????? I need the bloglits' professional advice...

also a gnf ex husbands ;-)

Well, y'all, I've decided to put this holiday comment in the pile of "Things to pull out in an argument in 5 years or so, when I finally explode". My husband came home and told me "She didn't mean it like it sounded", ahhh. Okay. When I get around to it, I'll be sure and tell her I meant it EXACTLY like it sounded. Til then, I'm gonna play with my friends and drink beer. (Now that I have people on my side, I can afford to be mature. Nya nya nya.)

How about, The rest home that gets you was the lowest bidder ?

Punkin - why not put together a "Punkin House Rules of Etiquette" to give her? You could have rules like:
1. No pushing on the stairs
2. No bad-mouthing the cook
3. Smiles at all times or you sleep outside
4. Did we mention no pushing on the stairs?
5. No shoving on the stairs
6. No touching the rum without permission
7. Anyone over the age of 70 must be accompanied at all times, including the bathroom

In lieu of a real Christmas gift, we have made a donation in your name to the Battered Women's Society. Cheers!

Punkin, I don't think it'll matter. THEY are always right, we just take everything too personally. (Like it wasn't your personal a$$ she was trying to shove down the stairs.) But if it'll make you feel better, send it. (pssssst, can we read a copy?)

Hmmm, sometimes the Mr.s can be a little slow. Not too many ways to misunderstand such a comment if ya ask me. This is why us girls need our girlfriends. We can plot. ;-)

CH - "Lemony Snicket's House for Wayward MIL's"
-If they're old, we're cold.

Well, like my little Cajun friend always says, when I complain about the MIL: "Well, I got a gun and the pigs are runnin'."

Welcome to the First Annual "Dick Cheney Turkey Shoot."

"Mettie Whipple" and "slimy sculpin" in the same story.

Coupla snorkin' good names there.

*Studiously avoids multi-threaded MIL carryover discussion*

*SNORK*!! @ AWbh! Fabo!

*zips out to pick up young'uns at gym* Can we only shoot lawyers, Annie, or is it Wild Card?

As for advice, punkin, I've often found that it's most therapeutic (damn, but that's a difficult word to spell!) to write such letters and then not send them.

However, if delivering the messagehas any chance of doing any good, then by all means send it. ("Doing any good" may certainly include persuading her that your home is no longer a safe place for her to be present.)

Depends, bali. Is your MIL a lawyer?

Can't let ya read it (anything I say may be used against me in a court of law, ya know?), but I doubt I'll send it. She twists everything around.

Amazing how some people can turn "I love your son" into "I can't wait til you die so I can steal your silver"!


Thanks for putting up w/ my pouting today.


"The discovery is one more reason to protect the pristine watershed threatened by Plymouth’s rapid development and the town’s wastewater treatment plant, Eel River Watershed President Mettie Whipple said."

In other words, "Don't squeeze the sculpin."

"...she'll want a 20-pounder cooked for her birthday."

Lol, Annie. Good one.

"In lieu of a real Christmas gift, we have made a donation in your name to the Battered Women's Society."

I had to sign up for anger management classes at the Battered Vegetable Society. I have a bad tempura.

*snork* @ stevie w

Bali & Punkin This site brings me back to sanity when I had to spend to much time around my husbands MIL (okay--my mom) enjoy

1. My first thought: "gimme one of them sculpins on a cracker".

2. More hugs for punkin. If we had a bottle and time I could tell you .... suffice it to say I empathize.

3. Clean Hands did a Foster Brooks, to wit: "However, if delivering the messagehas any chance of doing any good..."

4. I thought Dennis Moore stole all the sculpins.


adds another entry into her "reasons to be thankful i'm single journal".

CH, if my MIL was a lawyer, somebody else woulda shot her by now.

crossgirl, I think the trick is marrying a man whose family you adore. (Hopefully you like the fellow too) If not, its gonna be a lonnnnnng ride.

How about "Salad Fork" for the name of a rock band?

Let's face it - like most old people, MIL's don't change. They're probably cranky about being away from their own own tv and chair, eating Ritz crackers and watching the Price is Right. Somehow some old farts think they don't have to mind their manners anymore.

May I suggest being overly creepy nice to them? Getting them extra tea, complimenting their clothing, watching them with a weird look on your face. It drives them nuts.

How did we go from slimy sculpins to lawyers? I can see the MIL connection, but atty jokes are soooo '90s.

So the trick is to invite Annie to all our family events! Why didn't I think of that?

Annie, wasn't it you who proposed the Dick Cheney hunt? And didn't he shoot a lawyer? That was the leap I made, anyway. Perhaps I fell sideways, an accounta the beer.

Annie - We were at HER house. After the 17th insult, I turned to leave and she grabbed me and shook me while she shouted obscenities, shoved me down the stairs onto the front enclosed porch, then threw her body in front of the door to prevent our leaving. NUTSO!

At least I won't miss her - my aim is getting MUCH better.

gee, i never have any good holiday stories...

Punkin, I think you get this year's Nutso Relative Award. *orders new sight for shotgun*


That's scary!

Please tell me she doesn't have a submachine gun.

Is she off her meds?

Punkin, using Annie's advice: that would be a good time to compliment the lovely sparkle in her eyes when she's yelling naughty words.

Also, I second Bali's nomination. She sure sounds like a loon.

I'd not go back. She wants to behave badly she can darned well do it by herself.

I'm in agreement with Cheryl. I'd never give her the pleasure of your company again.

Tell ya what. Lets all pitch in and send Punkin & Bali's MILs the Lava Lamp song cd and a Barry Manilow calendar.

That might be considered cruel and unusual, Cheryl.

I like it!

Cheryl, you're my kinda gal!

Punkin - wow. You win. I am thankful I was not there.

baligurl - I wasn't thinking 'lawyer' - I was thinking 'fat old man who can't shoot straight.' He might come in handy with MILs around.

Ahhhh, more the shoot-er than the shoot-ee. Gotchya. Happy to enter her as skeet.

Ok I dare not to click here and if you do I dare you to try to get this out of your brain bwahahahaha!!!

Great list!

If you have a headache an emotional manipulator will have a brain tumor!

One of my favorite lines from ER was when Anthony Edwards was still on and his character had a brain tumor. Well, he was dealing with a manipulative elderly lady who had been in the ER a lot. They were really busy, so it took a long time for someone to get to her. When he asked what was wrong, she went into this tirade about how long she'd been waiting and how much she'd been suffering with an ingrown toenail (painful, I know firsthand, but anyway...). He looked at her kind of stiffly and said, "I've got a brain tumor. (Pause) I win."

*snorks to all!*

Yeah, I will never darken her door again. (Well, maybe while everyone else is at the funeral, just to steal the silver and go "Nyah, nyah! Pftthhhttt!")

As my youngest daughter would say "I'll darken her door...with her SOUL!" Love that kid!

bali - wow, great line. I heard another one Wednesday - "My family puts the 'fun' in 'dysfunction.'

*wonders if her MIL has a brain tumor*

Hey, Annie, I thought you were gonna say "We put the fun in "funeral". heheheh.

Nope, although I have said, "I put the 'F-U' in 'fun.'"

Now yer talkin'.

Hey, Annie, I thought you were gonna say "We put the fun in "funeral". heheheh.

Stupid bot.

Wow - baligurl - how did it do that?

Mornin' all! It's a brand new day! Let's all try to get through it without killing anyone or being attacked by family, shall we? (Afterall, we must save our energies for all the Christmas Family massacres Get-togethers!

Morning all...for all of your who knew that my mom was ill...she passed away yesterday. Thank you for those of you who asked and sent good thoughts and prayers.

Don't mean to be a downer today. It is a gorgeous day and God was kind to give her so many good years and blessed her with a very peaceful death.

/end unfunny

Love ya all!


Love you lots.

Siouxie, I'm so soryy. Love and hugs your way.

My sculpin always gets shiny if I, uhhhh, POLISH it too much.

Wow,Sx, what a bummer. I'm so very sorry. Lots of hugs from me to you....take a moment today to close your eyes, feel the breeze on your face, take a deep breath and feel our love and hugs all around you....

Morning Jazzzz you naughty boy. Hope you and Mrs. Jazzzz had a wonderful anniversary!

"Talkin about the slimy sculpin,
It's a sexy, sexy thing
Paradoxical ooze that changed the world
It's a boy; it's a girl..."

Thankee casey. yes we did. Went to have a nice dinner, came home and built a fire and dealt with a computer virus!!. I still don't know why half the time my alias comes up instead of my "real" name . Oh well. Good morning to you. How's the weather out east? FOGGY here. Missed you guys.

Truly sorry to hear that Siouxie, but glad it was a peaceful passing.

RIP, Mrs. Siouxie Sr.

Siouxie, if you get a chance, check your e-mail. Hugs....Jazzzz

Siouxie-I'm sorry to hear about your Mom. I didn't realize she was that ill. I'll be thinking about you. {{{Siouxie}}}

Deepest condolences, Siouxie. My thoughts are with you.

So sorry, Siouxie. Hugs, thoughts, and prayers are with you and your family.

If anyone has Siouxie's mailing address, could you email to me??

Click on her name and look for the "email me" link. Did you just fall off the turnip truck?

SNAIL mail, steve w......

Ya know, the old fashioned way

Holy crap! I go away for a couple of days and all hell breaks loose. Happy the Miami standoff came out OK. Very glad I no longer have any mothers-in-law. Printed Shoo Fly Pie recipe, as if I could eat another thing. Squirrels are out of the question. That would be like eating a rat.

Susy, so sorry to hear about your Mom. Experience taught me that no matter how sick they are and how much you think you're ready, it still hurts like hell. My thoughts are with you. Please come to us when you need to, humor blog or not.

Free advice: Don't go away for two days and sit for 2 hours catching up on the blog. My head hurts, but it was well worth it.

"lessons learned are like bridges burned, you only need to cross them but once." (Dan Fogelberg, son of Lawrence Welk)

Sioux, Love ya, kid. (but then you knew that, didn't you.)

((((((Siouxie)))))) Much love to you.

Gee, Wyo, I didn't realize Dan was related to Walt. ;)

I meant WELK, of course. Sheesh!

Thanks for the address, y'all!

(Anybody else need it?)

hence Dan's song, "The Leader of the Band."

Wait - you can't mean Dan Fogelberg is LW's son. That can't possibly be.

*rushes off to Google . . .*

No ubetcha. *tries to help Wyo pull tongue out of cheek*

From LW's IMDB page: "Welk's son, Lawrence Welk Jr, is owner/operator of the Welk Resort in Branson, Missouri."

Uh uh, Wyo, I ain't buyin' it. Fogelberg's father WAS a bandleader in the 40s and 50s, but not that bandleader from what I could find.

Ya almost had me there.

I don't have proof for the above claim, just something I was told by one who claimed to have grown up near Dan in Dakota. It all made sense, but I think proof for same is a little hard to come by. If anyone can prove/disprove that I'd be interested.

There is this article.

Wyo, Dan Fogelberg\'s website mentions his father as Lawrence Fogelberg. I checked several Lawrence Welk sites, and there's no mention of Dan.

perhaps I was fooled for many years, wouldn't be the first time! Still, it makes a great story.

I'm gonna have to dust off some of that old wax and listen to Souvineers again. (Yes, I have a working turn table. Love that album.

If my name were Welk, I'd change it to Fogelberg too. For business reasons.

I'd always heard that Fogelberg was Darth Vader's son. Hey, it's starting to make sense - Hollywood scuttlebut has it that in the soon-to-be-released Star Wars prequel "Time Polkas", Lawrence Welk is seen to be pulmonarily damaged for life when he battles a runaway bubble machine!

From the trailer,/I>:

"Dan, [mechanical breathing sound], I am .... your father! And, a-one and a-two..."

Luke Skywalker: "Noooooooooo!!!!!!!"

*Battles the evil Italics Empire juggernaut for control.....* Phew!

Nothin' like a good conspiracy theory, is there?

so what of the old story about Charley Pride and Hank Williams Sr.?

Didn't they hsve a son nasmed Arlo?

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