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November 09, 2006

DAILY STRUMPET

Here's the link to the NPR interview I did about strange Christmas presents and (speaking of strange Christmas presents) my new book, which you will be surprised to learn is still for sale.

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So you're saying your book would make a strange Christmas present? That's a first.

*rushes out to buy a book*

Now I get it - you're selling this book to pay Mrs. Elkins back for her broken vase.

warning - reprint from a prior thread, but I wanted to celebrate this blog, and I think a bunch of youse missed it the first time, and I wanted youse to know how much fun I have here (not there) with youse guys, and to also know that too much caffeine is not always a good thing-

Muskrats and wombats and terrorist squirrels,
New books and dumb crooks and boys that are girls.
Interesting toystores and misguided deer,
These are the reasons that I snorked my beer.


Stupendous catcalls when Twitney dumped Kevin,
Vigorous strumpeting 24/7.
Boogers and snorkers with differing views,
These are the reasons that Mel hates the...news.

Canucks run amok and some Britons need glasses,
Big ugly snails and they're hiring @sses,
Studly hot pronghorn and nasty hot fat,
These are the reasons I am where I'm at.

When your job bites,
When your butt stings,
When you're feelin' bad
You simply remember these snorkable things
And then you won't feel so sad!

Suddenly I have an urge to leave the convent and make clothing out of my curtains. I don't know why.

By the way, if you read the whole article and follow links you'll find this stunning Testimonial:

"I installed the Attack Spider the day it arrived, and the Woodpecker has been scared away within a couple seconds of landing on the siding. No more pecking holes in our house. I'm sure he's now off telling all the other woodpeckers of the "GIANT" spider that nearly got him the other day. This thing is FANTASTIC. It reacts quickly to any disturbance and would probably scare any animal or bird away...."

You know what would be a great idea? What if Dave wrote a Christmas book? Too bad such a thing doesn't exist. I'd buy one for sure.

I have had your book on (pre) order for sooooo long. I look longingly at the mail truck every day. Oh, when, when, when will it come?

KC - think it would scare away Jehovah's Twitnesses?

Dave, I promise I'll buy it as soon as I find out if I got an A on my German test.

Being a poor college student, I've resolved to only to buy things I don't technically need to reward myself when I do something exceptional. I used to buy a new DVD every time I got an A on a test, but that got too expensive (not that I'm bragging) so this year I made it more difficult: whenever I get an A on each of the most recent tests in every class, I get to spend $25 and buy a couple of things from my Amazon wish list.

So, if I get an A on my most recent German test, that will be the last A needed, and I can buy Dave's X-mas story and a DVD still to be decided upon.

Not that any of this is of particular interest to anybody, but I do plan to buy the book; that's all I'm trying to say. I'm sure I could've been more succinct in getting that point across, but...

*sits in time-out for ten minutes of silence*

Annie,

They say it will work on lots of things besides woodpeckers. Based on previous comments I strongly suspect it would work on most bloglits, so as long as you can the the JW's to make woodpecker noises I think you're covered.

Hey, the interviewer said he was one of the three kings, but the program he posted says he was a shepherd. Did he switch that in the book, or did the guy not read carefully?

Oops. So much for sitting in silence.

*zips lips*

Of course, this book will be on the 2006 Gift Guide!

I'll definitely check it out!

BTW, regarding Armonk, NY - did you ever visit the Incredibly Big Machines headquarters? Being in Information Technology, Armonk, along with Redwood Shores and Cupertino, California, are hallowed ground to many of us computer geeks; when I lived Back East, I used to bow as I passed the exit for Armonk...

*reads excerpt*

Never mind.

*shuts up for real this time*

poop!

Dave, I don't appreciate all this pressure.

*thinks of joining Jehova's Witnesses, at least THEY give you space! What? Oh, gotta go, they say they're gonna wash my train now...oh...what? ..oh, my bad, they said wash my brain*

Very good, AnnieWBH!

Dave - if I correctly connect the dots, will that make the reminders stop? The phrase that pays is:
still for sale

Please tell me I'm right, Dave.

Punkin, you made me think of this Larson jewel:
"Ha, ha, Biff. I'm being taken to the vet's to get tutored!"

Strumpet all you will. I'm not going to buy.

YAY! Annie! I love it! *singing along*

(Except I want to clarify an important point I have made here before...when I *snork* nothing comes out of my nose.) ;-)

I for one CANNOT wait for the gift guide!

Holas!

I have to start on my Christmas list...any suggestions?? a good book perhaps??

Annie, that was even better the second time around...

ForMeToKnow - don't worry. I'm gonna buy the book and post the whole thing on my blog so you can read it for free....
*thunk*
Agh! judi! No, not the hair, agh!
*thunk...thud!*

Annie~ Awesome blog sum song, btw. :-)

I'm bored. If only I had something to read.

Oh Dave, listening to NPR guy do schtick is painful. Painful. Painful. You were more than gracious to stick with the interview and promote your book.

Only problem with the whole "Spend $25 bucks to get free shipping at Amazon" is that they don't ship QUICKLY. My order still says "Shipping Soon", and I ordered it YESTERDAY, for goodness' sake.

Guess I'll just have to wait until next week to read about Walter.

Did the interviewer really say that "Bronx, Yonkers, and My Fat Ass" WBAGNFARB? Oh god, this is painful. Any chance you could go on Howard Stern and strumpet?

Hah hah hah! Television remote that turns TVs off in public places. Seat belts for bumper hitch toilet seats. A freaking seat belt for a bumper hitch toilet seat. It doesn't even have a seat belt. AARP up there with France. You go Dave.

Very funny fruitcake tradition! Not violent enough though, for those rancid little blocks of awfulness.

Lookie! Asian spam!

Look twice! I thought you wrote "Asian sperm!"

Dave, relax about selling your book. I was selling a refrigerator once and it took WEEKS. Most people probably already have a book.

Hey, Dave! Is your book for sale yet?

LZ-

Was your refrigerator running?

Happy Friday, all!!

(Celebrating because it's Friday and I am leaving early today, and I just got the "Your order has shipped" e-mail from Amazon!)

Strumpeting...strumpeting...
I read your book, Dave.
I had tears in my eyes.
Don't know if I was laughing or crying...
I think I'll call Dr. Weingarten.

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