Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.
"*In case there are any doubts about its authenticity, we have an actual signed Kevin Federline poster hanging up in Us Online HQ (as part of our K-Fed altar where we burn Marlboro incense and leave offerings of 'beaters and illegitimate children), and the signatures match up."
Punkin, I'm gonna miss ya here this weekend! I tried to win the Fl lotto last night and promised I'd fly everyone down here for the Pink Party but alas...I did not win.
prose stylist? 'scuse me? was his scribbled note prose styling. must be not enough coffee, 'cause i just see a note written in a juvenile snit. i didn't know that was considered enough to classify the little snot-nosed prick a 'prose stylist'. sorry, my mistake.
Just been casted off, a husband tossed asea, oh
Another lonely day, with no one here but me, oh
More boneheadedness than any wife could bear
Rescue me before I fall into despair, oh
I'll be an s.o.b. to the girl
I'll be an s.o.b. to the girl
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message on the shower, yeah
Message on the shower, yeah
A day has passed since I wrote my note
But I should have known this right from the start
Only blackmail can keep me together
Freeloadin' can mend your life but
I was off the charts
I'll be an s.o.b. to the girl
I'll be an s.o.b. to the girl
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message in the shower, yeah
Message in the shower, yeah
Message in the shower, yeah
Message in the shower, yeah
Walked out this morning, don't believe what I saw
Hundred billion bloglits giving me what's for
Seems I'm number one at being at being a fool
Hundred billion bloglits, want me out of the gene pool
I'll be an s.o.b. to the girl
I'll be an s.o.b. to the girl
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message in the shower, yeah
Message in the shower, yeah
Message in the shower, yeah
Message in the shower, yeah
Casting out at an s.o.b.
Casting out at an s.o.b.
Casting out at an s.o.b.
Casting out at an s.o.b.
Casting out at an s.o.b.
Casting out at an s.o.b.
Casting out at an s.o.b.....
blurk, I hope you noticed that I did not contribute. Will admit to a bit of coaxing them into it, but I was a good girl. Also did way too much laughing about it.
I think the Solomon decision in this case would be to cut Fed-Ex in half & give one portion to each child in it's own laminated memorabilia-style case... .
Just a thought.
Ooo! I like the way you're thinking, jon! Can we do the same with Twitney? I'm thinking that both parents would be more useful to their kids that way than any other.
CH, bikini girl is inoffensive. She just lies there, getting her tan. Whereas, the Villa Magna is an interrupt scroll freak, that also impedes my typing!!!!
God, I love that site -- I discovered it probably eight years ago or more, before Bukk's even started sponsoring it.
Gone now, sadly, is the letters page. My favorite was the letter from an indignant mobile home owner, saying that not all mobile home residents drive transcamaros; he owned a Lexus. The fellow who put the site together wrote back, "Really? Please send pictures - I've never seen a Lexus on blocks before!"
i am sorry to say that the homes on that site are pretty close to, if not the actual homes, that are in my neighborhood. i live in one of those unzoned areas where you can have a million dollar home next to a 1955 single wide. at least till the next hurricane.
Clean, those particular arcitectural designs aren't confined to Mississippi. That is another shining example of why I left West Virginia. Now, before all you Mountaineers get yer panties in a bunch let me say that I dearly love my home state. I go back to visit every chance I get. But if you wanna try to say those pictures couldn't have come from any or all of our 55 wonderful counties you should tell someone who doesn't know any better.
speaking of mobile homes and all, my roof blew off last nite! Not that it is a mobile home roof, just a regular house type roof, but I'm pretty pissed that the mobile homes around me are unscathed after the massively destructive storm last nite and I am sans roof!
I blame global warming, of course.
OK, back to the roof w/hammer and roofing nails....
casey - CH's site says that spare tires (the rubber kind) are handy to keep your roof on. But sorry about the roof. I once watched the second floor of our barn disappear - not fun. ;(
Security: Mr. Federline, management would like you to tear up the room, so we can get some pub. Here's a Sharpie. Maybe you can write down what you've been thinking about lately.
K-Fed: Shower door OK?
Security: Yeah. If you could get a "F--k a wife" in there, it would be dope.
K-Fed: Yeah, great line. Much better than "Why? Because we like you!"
I am so ashamed - I made the assumption that you were a guy because you were fixing your own roof...with a beer. And I've fixed our roof myself...with beer. Shame on me!
He is such a tender loving person. I hoped he didn't mash something (you know likd a finger or something) in the shower stall door.
Posted by: billinbossier | November 16, 2006 at 09:31 AM
Ah, the romance.
Posted by: angene15 | November 16, 2006 at 09:32 AM
You stay classy, K-Fed...
Posted by: Scott | November 16, 2006 at 09:36 AM
i thought HOB cancelled all his shows. how disappointing.
Posted by: crossgirl | November 16, 2006 at 09:38 AM
Where's Hannibal Lecter when you need him?
Posted by: Meanie the Blue | November 16, 2006 at 09:40 AM
"*In case there are any doubts about its authenticity, we have an actual signed Kevin Federline poster hanging up in Us Online HQ (as part of our K-Fed altar where we burn Marlboro incense and leave offerings of 'beaters and illegitimate children), and the signatures match up."
Now thats just great writing.
Posted by: Art Vandelay | November 16, 2006 at 09:40 AM
He's a total class act! Ladies beware!
He's right up there with OJ and his new "pretend (even though I killed my wife) book"!!!
*prays Fed-X does't move to Miami* We already have one unwanted scumbag here...
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 09:46 AM
So, he's available, huh?
*despite built-in giant inflatable devices, Punkin sinks to new low*
Posted by: Punkin Poo | November 16, 2006 at 09:47 AM
ok..technically we may have more than ONE unwanted scumbag in Miami..we just don't need MORE.
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 09:50 AM
They're inflatable?! O.o
Posted by: DavetheRed | November 16, 2006 at 09:52 AM
Available for what, though? Methinks he would look well in a beanie, cranking an organ.
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 09:52 AM
Punkin, I'm gonna miss ya here this weekend! I tried to win the Fl lotto last night and promised I'd fly everyone down here for the Pink Party but alas...I did not win.
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 09:52 AM
oOp - I just realized how wrong that sounded. Actually, I guess it fits either way you read it.
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 09:53 AM
Yay! Someone told the robot to sit, stay!
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 09:55 AM
Sioux, I didn't win either. Rats! Yeah, I agree w/you about the Juice. Everytime I drive by his house, must admit it creeps me out a little.
Meanie, you ARE mean. Imagine how sick poor Hannibal would get!
Posted by: estrogen centrale | November 16, 2006 at 09:58 AM
Siouxie - I, too, have been
totally wasting my money on Powerball ticketsdoing financial planning to no avail.Please think of me....*sob*
Oh and DTR, I meant "flotation devices"....was so overcome by FedEx, I mistyped.
Posted by: Punkin Poo | November 16, 2006 at 10:00 AM
*throws a hyphen to Punkin*
Posted by: estrogen centrale | November 16, 2006 at 10:04 AM
LOL CH - I must be in need of coffee...I didn't get the 'crank the organ' reference till you just mentioned it...
*would LOVE for Fed-X to marry Lorena (Bobbitt) next*
buh bye organ
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 10:04 AM
Sioux, even Lorena wouldn't go near where that's been...
Posted by: estrogen centrale | November 16, 2006 at 10:07 AM
It says "LADLES look out"...what do you think that means? Soup kitchen?
Posted by: Drew | November 16, 2006 at 10:12 AM
no soup for him!!!
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 10:15 AM
no soup for him!!!
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 10:15 AM
uh...please ignore the duplicate posting...
thank you
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 10:16 AM
I think he's already in the soup...
Posted by: estrogen centrale | November 16, 2006 at 10:16 AM
*Snork at punkin, just giving ya a hard time. ^.^
Posted by: DavetheRed | November 16, 2006 at 10:17 AM
How'd you like to be the judge who has to decide who is going to be a better parent?
Posted by: Brian | November 16, 2006 at 10:18 AM
What's the point of leaving letters out in the copy (b-tch) when you run the picture with the handwritten word right next to it? Just askin'.
Posted by: artchick | November 16, 2006 at 10:20 AM
I think that a Solomon decision might be the most humane.
Otherwise, twenty years from now we're going to be listening to these two kids trying to rap.
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 10:22 AM
prose stylist? 'scuse me? was his scribbled note prose styling. must be not enough coffee, 'cause i just see a note written in a juvenile snit. i didn't know that was considered enough to classify the little snot-nosed prick a 'prose stylist'. sorry, my mistake.
Posted by: wickedwitch | November 16, 2006 at 10:23 AM
Brian, I still insist that adopting out to Brangelina or Madonna aould even be better...
Posted by: estrogen centrale | November 16, 2006 at 10:27 AM
I would like to put in my request right now for the chance to spend 5 minutes in a locked room with this...um...guy to dispense some parenting advice.
Posted by: blurk | November 16, 2006 at 10:31 AM
On what: how to buy a bra???? Hmmmmm...
Posted by: estrogen centrale | November 16, 2006 at 10:32 AM
Mornin' blurk *smiling innocent-like*
gonna tell him what type of bra to get his female spawn-child??
*ducks flying buckshot*
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 10:33 AM
^5 ec!!
great minds and all!!
pssst...careful..he's armed!!
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 10:33 AM
In a locked room, blurk? I'd think you could probably dispense all needed advice at as far as 100 yards or more, depending on the windage.
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 10:34 AM
Well, somebody's gonna have to help that child when its bra-buying time, because I don't think Britney has any experience in that area.
Posted by: artchick | November 16, 2006 at 10:35 AM
For the bloglits who would like to read about
the beginning of my slow and painful deathmy shopping experience, skip over to the travel agent thread.Posted by: blurk | November 16, 2006 at 10:36 AM
Wow, CH, you can neuter someone from 100 yards away?
Posted by: artchick | November 16, 2006 at 10:36 AM
artchick - the kids with Twitney are of the male gender-type (they'll most likely be purchasing wife-beaters)
He's got an little girl I believe with his former baby momma.
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 10:37 AM
Wait a minute. They have 2 boys, don't they. Okay, so this is not an issue for them...
Posted by: estrogen centrale | November 16, 2006 at 10:37 AM
ec - we are on a mind-meld roll here...
scary huh??
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 10:39 AM
blurk, I
am still laughing my ass offfeel for you my friend ;-)Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 10:41 AM
Geez, with all the press Mr Leaky Sperm Doner has gotten lately, you'd think I'd know which were the illegitimate ones.
Posted by: artchick | November 16, 2006 at 10:41 AM
I'm pretty sure that blurk could. I hear he's been practicing... and he's got his scope dialed in.
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 10:44 AM
Just been casted off, a husband tossed asea, oh
Another lonely day, with no one here but me, oh
More boneheadedness than any wife could bear
Rescue me before I fall into despair, oh
I'll be an s.o.b. to the girl
I'll be an s.o.b. to the girl
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message on the shower, yeah
Message on the shower, yeah
A day has passed since I wrote my note
But I should have known this right from the start
Only blackmail can keep me together
Freeloadin' can mend your life but
I was off the charts
I'll be an s.o.b. to the girl
I'll be an s.o.b. to the girl
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message in the shower, yeah
Message in the shower, yeah
Message in the shower, yeah
Message in the shower, yeah
Walked out this morning, don't believe what I saw
Hundred billion bloglits giving me what's for
Seems I'm number one at being at being a fool
Hundred billion bloglits, want me out of the gene pool
I'll be an s.o.b. to the girl
I'll be an s.o.b. to the girl
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
I hope that someone gets my
Message in the shower, yeah
Message in the shower, yeah
Message in the shower, yeah
Message in the shower, yeah
Casting out at an s.o.b.
Casting out at an s.o.b.
Casting out at an s.o.b.
Casting out at an s.o.b.
Casting out at an s.o.b.
Casting out at an s.o.b.
Casting out at an s.o.b.....
Posted by: Meanie the Blue | November 16, 2006 at 10:48 AM
Sioux, bizarro!
blurk, I hope you noticed that I did not contribute. Will admit to a bit of coaxing them into it, but I was a good girl. Also did way too much laughing about it.
Posted by: estrogen centrale | November 16, 2006 at 10:48 AM
Excellent Meanie!!
*SNORK*
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 10:50 AM
off topic
Does anyone else hate this Vill Magna ad as much as I do? Darned thing gets past my pop-up deletion :-[
Posted by: estrogen centrale | November 16, 2006 at 10:55 AM
ec, I just keep refreshing the page until the Miami Bikini Girl shows up again. Ahhhh.... :-)
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 10:56 AM
acck...I hate it too ec!
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 11:03 AM
what villa magna ad? what bikini girl?
Posted by: crossgirl | November 16, 2006 at 11:04 AM
Bikini girl.
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 11:08 AM
cg - the stupidly annoying ad that appears randomly on this pages. you get within a foot of the ad and this pop-up scrolls down.
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 11:11 AM
I think the Solomon decision in this case would be to cut Fed-Ex in half & give one portion to each child in it's own laminated memorabilia-style case... .
Just a thought.
Posted by: jon | November 16, 2006 at 11:12 AM
Ooo! I like the way you're thinking, jon! Can we do the same with Twitney? I'm thinking that both parents would be more useful to their kids that way than any other.
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 11:15 AM
CH, bikini girl is inoffensive. She just lies there, getting her tan. Whereas, the Villa Magna is an interrupt scroll freak, that also impedes my typing!!!!
Posted by: estrogen centrale | November 16, 2006 at 11:16 AM
Off to do some work testing. Bye for now.
Posted by: estrogen centrale | November 16, 2006 at 11:20 AM
*So, he's available, huh?*
Punkin, that's the funniest thing I've read all day! Wish I'd thought of it! (worships at your feet...ooooh, an oreo!)
Posted by: baligurl | November 16, 2006 at 11:20 AM
Bikini girl is far better than inoffensive, ec. :-)
Villa Magna, meh. Move the mouse off of the ad, and it dissolves into dust. :-D
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 11:22 AM
bali - I'll fight you for him! Loser gets him.
Posted by: Punkin Poo | November 16, 2006 at 11:30 AM
Girls, girls, no need to fight over him.
*sneeeee*
*swish*
Problem solved.
Posted by: Solomon | November 16, 2006 at 11:32 AM
Would K-Fed be good juror for this case?
Posted by: xmnr | November 16, 2006 at 11:34 AM
I dunno, Punkin, I'll have to buy a trailer house on blocks and learn to smoke...can you take the first shift?
Posted by: baligurl | November 16, 2006 at 11:38 AM
Busted link, xmnr... :-(
I'm going to guess "no," though, since most judges frown on the use of crayon to doodle during testimony.
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 11:39 AM
Sure - I've got nuthin' to lose....MY sex video is already on the web!
*blackens front tooth and buys new wardrobe from Goodwill so she'll fit in*
Posted by: Punkin Poo | November 16, 2006 at 11:40 AM
Here are some pointers. Note that the car must be on blocks; the mobile home may rest on other materials, as available.
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 11:41 AM
Punkin, don't forget those lovely bra-straps. They need to be conspicously showing - draped over your 'Jesus holding a beer can' tattoo!
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 11:46 AM
God, I love that site -- I discovered it probably eight years ago or more, before Bukk's even started sponsoring it.
Gone now, sadly, is the letters page. My favorite was the letter from an indignant mobile home owner, saying that not all mobile home residents drive transcamaros; he owned a Lexus. The fellow who put the site together wrote back, "Really? Please send pictures - I've never seen a Lexus on blocks before!"
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 11:59 AM
CH,
I'm having me one of them mobile ,wood burning,forced hot air heating systems.
Posted by: ron | November 16, 2006 at 11:59 AM
*SNORK* CH!! that site is too funny!
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 12:03 PM
Woo-hoo! The Wayback machine to the rescue! The letters are better than the site itself!! :-D
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 12:12 PM
i am sorry to say that the homes on that site are pretty close to, if not the actual homes, that are in my neighborhood. i live in one of those unzoned areas where you can have a million dollar home next to a 1955 single wide. at least till the next hurricane.
Posted by: crossgirl | November 16, 2006 at 12:26 PM
Clean, those particular arcitectural designs aren't confined to Mississippi. That is another shining example of why I left West Virginia. Now, before all you Mountaineers get yer panties in a bunch let me say that I dearly love my home state. I go back to visit every chance I get. But if you wanna try to say those pictures couldn't have come from any or all of our 55 wonderful counties you should tell someone who doesn't know any better.
Posted by: blurk | November 16, 2006 at 12:31 PM
*snork* @ the "Slow Children" sign LOL
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 12:40 PM
xmnr - YIKES! “you really go down a slippery slope with absurd results”
Pretty much says it all.
Posted by: ubetcha | November 16, 2006 at 12:50 PM
speaking of mobile homes and all, my roof blew off last nite! Not that it is a mobile home roof, just a regular house type roof, but I'm pretty pissed that the mobile homes around me are unscathed after the massively destructive storm last nite and I am sans roof!
I blame global warming, of course.
OK, back to the roof w/hammer and roofing nails....
Posted by: casey | November 16, 2006 at 12:54 PM
xmnr, the link works now. I'm pretty sure that's not a good thing.
This guy seems like someone I'd NOT want for a neighbor - did you read the last paragraph???
Yechhh. Guy probably drives a transcamaro.
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 12:57 PM
casey - CH's site says that spare tires (the rubber kind) are handy to keep your roof on. But sorry about the roof. I once watched the second floor of our barn disappear - not fun. ;(
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | November 16, 2006 at 01:03 PM
Sorry to hear that, casey. You sound like you need a beer... :-)
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 01:04 PM
maybe if you parked a transcamaro on the roof...
sorry about it though ;(
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 01:06 PM
If you've got a transcamaro on the roof, chances are that somebody downrange is looking for a new roof.
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 01:09 PM
If you give casey a beer, chances are then he'll want you to bring him a sandwich.
Posted by: Cheryl Howard | November 16, 2006 at 01:17 PM
Security: Mr. Federline, management would like you to tear up the room, so we can get some pub. Here's a Sharpie. Maybe you can write down what you've been thinking about lately.
K-Fed: Shower door OK?
Security: Yeah. If you could get a "F--k a wife" in there, it would be dope.
K-Fed: Yeah, great line. Much better than "Why? Because we like you!"
Posted by: Brad | November 16, 2006 at 01:19 PM
Momma must be proud
Posted by: Jazzzz | November 16, 2006 at 01:23 PM
...and if you bring casey a sandwich, he'll probably ask you to help him with his roof.
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | November 16, 2006 at 01:25 PM
HA! thanks for the giggles all! BTW, I'm a chick....but I could still use a sammich and some help! Couple of those beers sounds good too!
Posted by: casey | November 16, 2006 at 01:35 PM
I am so ashamed - I made the assumption that you were a guy because you were fixing your own roof...with a beer. And I've fixed our roof myself...with beer. Shame on me!
*starts rebuilding roof on dawghouse*
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | November 16, 2006 at 01:38 PM
*joins Annie rebuilding dawghouse roof*
*And is v. v. red faced*
Has also reroofed house, with a beer in hand (No one tell OSHA)
I should point out that I am also a chick, just in case there are ever any doubts.
Posted by: Cheryl Howard | November 16, 2006 at 01:55 PM
AWBH, if it makes you feel better, I do have a man helping. Well, I guess you could say I am helping him. You know, fetchin this, fetchin that, etc.
Posted by: casey | November 16, 2006 at 01:56 PM
*I* was never confuzzled as to your gender, though I'm happy to hear that you're fetching, as well. ;-)
Posted by: Clean Hands | November 16, 2006 at 02:02 PM
**hunKY** NOT hunGy although they technically could have been.
Posted by: Siouxie *blushin* | November 16, 2006 at 02:03 PM
whoaaa...how did my first post fall behind my second one???
ok...read that backwards then! sheesh..stoopid typepad bot!!!
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 02:04 PM
rut roh! here we go again...
Security! this blog is broke!
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 02:06 PM
i LOVE roofer boots! i've never had to reroof my house with or without beer but i've found it helps when hanging the christmas lights. cheers!
Posted by: crossgirl | November 16, 2006 at 02:09 PM
*amazed watching Siouxie correct her typos before they happen*
Posted by: Annie Where-but-here | November 16, 2006 at 02:11 PM
Just to avoid any confusion, now or in the future...I am not a chick.
Posted by: blurk | November 16, 2006 at 02:14 PM
Siouxie will be a chick at 3:01 PM.
Posted by: blurk | November 16, 2006 at 02:17 PM
testing...
Posted by: Cheryl Howard | November 16, 2006 at 02:22 PM
Annie, I'm just call me Claire A. Voyeur.
blurk - I sure hope so..just to make sure...I'll be sure to check.
Posted by: Siouxie | November 16, 2006 at 02:23 PM
Cheryl, did ya pass?
Posted by: blurk | November 16, 2006 at 02:23 PM