THIS IS EXACTLY WHY WE ALL NEED TO LEARN CPR
(Thanks to Claire Martin)
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(Thanks to Claire Martin)
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EMS responds to EMU alert...
Film at 11
Posted by: Heinrich the Rat | October 18, 2006 at 01:33 PM
It's not very nice to speak of the dead like that.... who really knows if that emu was loose, anyway? Isn't that a rather old-fashioned, moralistic label, anyway?
Posted by: Clean Hands | October 18, 2006 at 01:34 PM
EMS to do CPR on EMU ASAP.
I say, we use the paddles....worst that can happen is emu bbq for everyone!
Posted by: Punkin Poo | October 18, 2006 at 01:35 PM
*stumbles into this thread*
whewwwwwww...thank GAWD!!!
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 01:36 PM
damn... I was getting an error for the longest time....
Posted by: Chaz | October 18, 2006 at 01:36 PM
BBQ! my kinda thinking Punkin...
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 01:37 PM
Where was Pamela Anderson when she was needed? She could run in slow motion for a while and everything would have been OK....
Posted by: Clark Kent | October 18, 2006 at 01:38 PM
Is that road 1-1/4? or I-1/4. I have never seen a road number like that.
Posted by: pogo | October 18, 2006 at 01:38 PM
Yaaaaay, I can comment now...this reminds me of the time my hamster had a heart attack. Of course, he was in my dog's mouth at the time
Posted by: chesbn | October 18, 2006 at 01:38 PM
From the next paragraph down:
"More than $500 in damages was reported to a vehicle in the 2600 block of U.S. Highway 6 & 50. More than $500 property was reported stolen from the vehicle..
A bicycle valued at more than $500 was reported stolen from the 2400 block of Highway 6 and 50..
More than $500 in damage was reported damaged at a property in the 2700 block of G Road.."
Do people in Grand Junction only have $500 bills, and no one can make change? So everything has to cost $500?
Posted by: muffles | October 18, 2006 at 01:38 PM
I noticed that too, muffles, lol
Posted by: chesbn | October 18, 2006 at 01:39 PM
From a little further down:
Wayne Fenimore allegedly violated a protection order by making harassing phone calls from the Mesa County Detention Center.
That kinda stupid just speaks for itself.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 01:41 PM
pogo, that's just like "Platform 9 3/4" on the Harry Potter books...
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 01:42 PM
blurk - even stupider - he was using the guards' cell ph.
Posted by: Punkin Poo | October 18, 2006 at 01:43 PM
and Darwin Lombardi, the 50-year old street racer, has an award named after his first name!
Posted by: insomniac | October 18, 2006 at 01:44 PM
Also, muffles, there's an awful lot of "more than $500" in those reports.
I mean, $27,843 is more than $500.
Sloppy police work.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 01:44 PM
I didn't notice that, insom.
Just imagine...having the Super Bowl trophy named after you.
What an honor.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 01:47 PM
Also notice there's one of those "Wayne" criminals.
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | October 18, 2006 at 01:48 PM
"Two vehicles were egged in the 400 block of Scenic Drive."
did they use emu eggs?? specifics please!
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 01:49 PM
Doh! I didn't see the "first" name in your post, insom.
Now I feel as smart as Darwin.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 01:50 PM
i asked him he knew
what killed the emu
he of course replied
"heart attack implied,
it croaked, now pass the thighs."
gotta run!
Posted by: insomniac | October 18, 2006 at 01:55 PM
Getting back to Punkin's BBQ. anyone wanna split an Emu leg. it can feed forty.
Posted by: Juggler of Geese | October 18, 2006 at 01:56 PM
lol. Ah insom, you're my favorite
(I won't say WHAT you're my favorite of)
Posted by: muffles | October 18, 2006 at 01:57 PM
JofG, I prefer white meat...I'll go for the breastesses.
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 02:00 PM
"Police Blotter....Albert Wayne Emu was arrested thursday after being identified as the vandal who
egged homes and cars on Scenic Ave, causing said Ave to become less than scenic. Damage was estimated at over $500. After being placed in wing-cuffs, Mr Emu suffered an apparent heart attack. Sherrif Knutz had EMS respond PDQ to give CPR. All efforts to revive Emu were unsuccessful.
In other news, the Police Benevolent Society will be holding it's first annual "Tastes Just Like Chicken" BBQ Fundraiser this Saturday, at Emu Memorial Park."
Posted by: Punkin Poo | October 18, 2006 at 02:00 PM
I love a good Harry Potter reference!
Posted by: Chaz | October 18, 2006 at 02:02 PM
Emu breasts: The Punkin of the poultry world.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 02:03 PM
*doesn't know if she should be happy or insulted - chooses happy*
Posted by: Punkin Poo | October 18, 2006 at 02:05 PM
Happy...definately happy.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 02:07 PM
I note that we have yet another case of an individual who mysteriously expires of a heart attack upon being taken into police custody.
How many times did they taze the emu?
Did it help to tenderize the meat?
Posted by: Clean Hands | October 18, 2006 at 02:18 PM
If you gnu emu
Like I gnu emu
Posted by: Layzeeboy | October 18, 2006 at 02:24 PM
Geezer Q:
Who was that Aussie comedian who had the emu act?
Posted by: MOTW | October 18, 2006 at 02:30 PM
blurk - Ostriches are bigger (and have bigger boobs) than emus. They are also quite tasty.
I don't think I want to liken Punkin to an ostrich, though.
Well, on second thought, big bazooms and tasty...
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | October 18, 2006 at 02:31 PM
What kind of wine goes with emu?
Thunderbird?
**If any bloglit gets that reference you're probably an MD 20/20 fan also. Aaaaaah...the teenage years.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 02:32 PM
Bleeeearrrrgh, blurk.
Oh, wait, that's just the Thunderbird talking again
Posted by: Clean Hands | October 18, 2006 at 02:37 PM
What's the word? Thunderbird!
How's it sold? Good and cold.
What's the jive? Bird's alive!
What's the price? Thirty twice.
Gotta love a jingle like that.
Thunderbird Wine
Posted by: Baron VonKlyff | October 18, 2006 at 02:37 PM
(Just because I've seen that crap on the shelf doesn't mean that I've ever tasted it, by the way...)
Posted by: Clean Hands | October 18, 2006 at 02:38 PM
CH, it's your story. Tell it as big as you want.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 02:39 PM
No, really. If I'm out to get plastered, I'll stick with Mr. Jack Daniels, or else a cheap vodka. But not Thunderbird.
Posted by: Clean Hands | October 18, 2006 at 02:42 PM
CH - for cleaning paint brushes, nuthin' beats Thunderbird. There are at least 100 household uses for it, but drinking isn't one of them.
Posted by: wickedwitch | October 18, 2006 at 02:45 PM
I never tried Thunderbird. I always splurged for the Morgan David or the Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill.
Posted by: Baron VonKlyff | October 18, 2006 at 02:46 PM
When I was MUCH younger the quality of hooch purchased was in direct proportion to the amount of change we could find in car ashtrays, under couches, in coat pockets, etc.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 02:46 PM
blurk, you forgot to mention the cheapest of the cheap bum wine - Bali Hi. A little harder to find than Boones Farm or T.J. Swan, but only half the price. Tasted like a mixture of fruit juice and turpentine, an acquired taste no doubt.
Posted by: wickedwitch | October 18, 2006 at 02:49 PM
For those that are curious... or just need the comparison, here is a site that compares and contrasts the merits/drawbacks of a variety of cheap wines...
BumWines
Posted by: Baron VonKlyff | October 18, 2006 at 02:51 PM
I wasn't into the cheap stuff...MD20/20 or Cold Duck for me and my HS chums...
quality stuffs!
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 02:52 PM
Speaking of being much younger; this is a little long but worth it.
IF you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!
When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with
walking twenty-five miles to school every morning .. uphill both ways ...
through year 'round blizzards ... carrying their younger siblings on their
backs .. to their one-room schoolhouse, where they maintained a Straight-A
average despite their full-time, after-school job at the local textile mill
where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from
starving to death!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in
hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap! like that on kids .... about how hard
I had it and how easy they've got it!
But...
Now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, ! I can't help but look
around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean,
compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it
but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet ...we wanted to
know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves!
There was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter .... with
a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the
mailbox! and it would take like a week to get there!
There were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go
to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around
all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the
beginning and f@#* it all up!
You want to hear about hardship? You couldn't just download porn! You
had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the! 7-11!
Those were your options!
We didn't have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone
and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy
Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It
could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you
didn't know!!! You just had to pick it u! p and take your chances, mister!
We didn't have any fancy Sony Play station videogames with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space
Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little
square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels
or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the
game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! ... Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium
seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy sat i! n front of
you and you couldn't see you were just screwed!
Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20
channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had t o
use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were
screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and
walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network!
You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning... .D'ya hear what I'm
saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little bastards!
We didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up .. we had
to use the stove ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn ... we had to use
that stupid jiffy pop and shake it over the stove like an idiot forever.
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too
easy. You're spoiled, you guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in
1980!
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 02:53 PM
then we could only put 50 cents worth of gas...but hey...who cared huh??
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 02:54 PM
Siouxie - you drank Mad Dog and lived to type about it? You are truly a tough one. Just the smell is enough to make me swear off alcohol.
Posted by: wickedwitch | October 18, 2006 at 02:54 PM
A: Rod Hall
Posted by: Your Friendly Neighborhood Reference Wench | October 18, 2006 at 02:55 PM
I think you sent this to me once, blurk...but it's funny as hell! and OOOOH so true!
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 02:56 PM
*loves blurk a quiet padded room and a Xanax*
Posted by: MOTW | October 18, 2006 at 02:57 PM
yep, ww...I've always had a high tolerance for alkyhol...during my college years I switched to Southern Comfort (on the rocks)!
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 02:57 PM
NOW I remember MOTW!! the emu puppet! lol
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 02:59 PM
There were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around
all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and f@#* it all up!
We didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up .. we had to use the stove ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn ... we had to use that stupid jiffy pop and shake it over the stove like an idiot forever.
Blurk...those two had me laughing so hard at work. I wish they MADE that kind of popcorn still.....
Posted by: Chaz | October 18, 2006 at 03:00 PM
Thanks, Siouxie ... I was beginning to feel v.e.r.y old indeed. I always thought it took a lot of practice for his routine, too, to make it that funny.
Posted by: MOTW | October 18, 2006 at 03:04 PM
blurk, you forgot about having to haul your own water and heating it on a coal stove just to take a bath. Or maybe, nobody is as old as I am.
Posted by: wickedwitch | October 18, 2006 at 03:05 PM
Oh, and text messaging was "For a good time call Jenny" spray painted on an overpass.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 03:06 PM
MOTW, I'm older than dirt...uh..if dirt were 45 ;)
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 03:06 PM
Chaz - they do make and sell it.
One time when I was buying regular popcorn in a regular bag, the check-out clerk asked me how it was supposed to get popped. "Doesn't that plastic bag melt in the microwave or something?" *sigh*
My mother maintained that my sister and I had it SO easy since we had microwave ovens and disposable diapers. Yeah. It's been a running gag between my sis and I. Any time we've hit one of life's rockier paths, we perk the other one up with, "Oh, but you know it's so much better because you have a microwave!"
Posted by: MOTW | October 18, 2006 at 03:07 PM
Stealing music... Trying to jam an LP into your pants. Saw it done; never tried it myself.
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | October 18, 2006 at 03:07 PM
or in the boys bathroom, blurk...not that MY name was ever written on there with black magic markerso that the nuns couldn't wipe it clean...
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 03:08 PM
How many of us have ever had our little darlings ask us what a "record" is.
We won't even talk about 8-tracks.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 03:11 PM
Oh, and Siouxie, I SWEAR I didn't know that was permanent marker.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 03:12 PM
MD20-20, and jiffy pop, Good times, or at least it was in 1973. :)
Posted by: kittypaws | October 18, 2006 at 03:13 PM
My kids don't need to ask. I still have and listen to my record collection.
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | October 18, 2006 at 03:13 PM
sure blurk, that's what they ALL said...
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 03:13 PM
sigh. i miss jiffy pop.
blurk, that was hysterical!
Posted by: crossgirl | October 18, 2006 at 03:14 PM
I have a great record collection too LP's and 45's...but I need to get me a turntable.
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 03:15 PM
ok...this friday...lets all get some jiffy pop and watch animal house
Posted by: Chaz | October 18, 2006 at 03:17 PM
toga...toga...toga
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 03:18 PM
The only good thing about (c)rap is that they have forced manufacturers to make turntables again.
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | October 18, 2006 at 03:18 PM
this isnt over until WE say it over...
Posted by: Chaz | October 18, 2006 at 03:19 PM
Chris,
"Audio-Technica Hi-Fi 3-Speed Fully Manual Direct-Drive Stereo Turntable with S-Shaped Tone Arm"
I think mine just said "Sears and Roebuck" or sumpthin.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 03:21 PM
Chaz, you know that Classic Rock station here BIG 105.9?? they're sponsoring a toga party at the Hardrock THIS friday and they're featuring Otis Day and the Knights!
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 03:22 PM
I still buy and use Jiffy Pop when I'm camping... drives my neighbors NUTS. :-D
I was listening to a song a while back that had a sound effect of a rotary-dial phone being used in it. My daughter looked at me quizzically, and asked, "Dad, what's that sound?"
I let her live.
Posted by: Clean Hands | October 18, 2006 at 03:25 PM
Bluto: Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
sorry, I quoted wrng before
Posted by: Chaz | October 18, 2006 at 03:25 PM
ROAD TRIP!!
Posted by: crossgirl | October 18, 2006 at 03:25 PM
haha blurk- over 30? I'm only 23 and feel old compared to some of the youngsters these days. Sure, I had a microwave and remote control (with VCR!), but internet was a long time coming, and I often spent freetime OUTSIDE! Oh, and I totally had a plastic Fisher Price record player for a while
Posted by: chesbn | October 18, 2006 at 03:26 PM
...and we wanted to learn monty python word for word we could only watch it once a week, not watch a DVD for 32 hours straight!
Posted by: insomniac | October 18, 2006 at 03:26 PM
I can't even remember what brand/kind I had to begin with, but even Sears doesn't sell no-frills turntables any more.
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | October 18, 2006 at 03:27 PM
Brief On-thread Jack:
Cardio Poultry Resuscitation?
Back Off Topic:
And another thing, our skateboards had metal wheels and we had to kinda jump up and down to even get them to roll down a steep hill.
Posted by: CJrun | October 18, 2006 at 03:28 PM
CH, how fun was it to get to the last digit in a phone number and screw it up.
AAARRRGGGHHH!
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 03:28 PM
Am I the only one here who had local FOUR-digit dialing? Made dealing with the rotary dial a little easier...
Posted by: Clean Hands | October 18, 2006 at 03:31 PM
How about the tall 16 oz. glass pop bottles that came in an 8 pack carton.
You got a 10 cent refund for them suckers.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 03:31 PM
My first fast food job, the cash register had NUMBERS on it, not pictures of the food. And we had to count out the customer's change, too.
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | October 18, 2006 at 03:32 PM
CH, you are NOT the only one who had four digit dialing.
And let's don't forget party lines.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 03:32 PM
Chris, I'm thinking of getting something similar to those "nostalgic turntables".
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 03:32 PM
arrrrrrgh I hated having to count out the change and those adding machine type registers.
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 03:34 PM
For those of you along on this journey of the Wayback Machine who are real audiophiles, tube components can still be found.
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | October 18, 2006 at 03:35 PM
Didn't have a party line at my house, though I suppose some folks in town had one.
I recall as a kid collecting bottles on the roadside and buying candy bars with the proceeds, but I think that this was before any bottle bills. Texas, 1970s?
Posted by: Clean Hands | October 18, 2006 at 03:35 PM
blurk, thank you! I was afraid to mention party lines, figuring I'd have to 'splain the concept.
Posted by: wickedwitch | October 18, 2006 at 03:36 PM
West Virginia, 1970s.
And one we are all forgetting: phones with CORDS on them. Our phone was on the wall by the kitchen table. Try to sweet talk your puppy love with mom standing there making dinner sometime.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 03:38 PM
*had a pink princess phone*
remember those???
Posted by: Siouxie | October 18, 2006 at 03:39 PM
For the benefit of those who are unfamiliar with said party lines. Imagine blurking except with a telephone. Learn all kinds of interesting things about your neighbors.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 03:39 PM
Heh. Phones you couldn't buy, but LEASED from the phone company.
Posted by: Clean Hands | October 18, 2006 at 03:40 PM
hmm, perhaps many of these are still before my time, but I also grew up with the rotary-style phone complete with cord, and also grew up in WV, blurk
Posted by: chesbn | October 18, 2006 at 03:41 PM
Gotta go pick up my little darling from school. They get out early today.
Back soon.
Posted by: blurk | October 18, 2006 at 03:43 PM
When I was a kid, we NEVER got out early from school.
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | October 18, 2006 at 03:44 PM
We were either in school for the day, or we had the day off completely. And we sure as hell didn't have to dodge bullets while we were there.
Posted by: The Dread Pirate Chris | October 18, 2006 at 03:45 PM
*sigh* I miss early release days, and snow days, and threat of snow days...
Posted by: chesbn | October 18, 2006 at 03:47 PM